woshimind的作文贴 跪求狠hen's批!!!!

woshimind

It is not rare to see the scene that some people dedicated all his energy and time on their jobs, while they sacrifice the precious time with their families and friends. Mostly, they prefer to attain the greater happiness from the jobs than the ones from the social life. I, however, have the opposite opinion. I am preferable staying with my family and friend if I can arrange my time schedule freely, because when I stay with my parents and good friend, it is easy for me to relax myself, and I can share my happiness and sad things with them. Hence, I think the happiness in the social life will impact more on me.
To begin with, while you immerse in your accomplished work, you should also prepare to pay more energy and vigor to achieve further success, which will burden your mental pressure. In a sense, the sense of happiness that the job brings to you just adds more sad or difficult stuff in your further work, so you could hardly take it as a truth delight. Moreover it is much more difficult to achieve the happiness in the job than in the social life. When you stay with your family, a trivial thing, such as a good cooked dinner, or a new piece of clothes you parents buy for you, will mood you and bring a sense of cheerful to you. Anyway the threshold of happiness that brought by the social life is lower than by the job.
Also, we can enjoy various kinds of happiness in the social life, which will enrich and improve our living standard, which also has a positive effect on one's work. If one only retrieves happiness from the tedious job, he will never experience the diversity life that the god has prepared for us, because he misses the beautiful thing in the daily life. Moreover, the happiness from the social life will boost one's confidence and ambition in the work. Take my uncle for an example. My uncle, who is a business man, opened a trade company in a town. In the finance crisis, his company nearly went into bankruptcy because of the decrease order from oversea. On the edge of his total defeat, my aunt persuaded him to have a vacation. During the vacation, he spent most of time with his family, and he enjoys the happiness with his family. The most important for his is that he found out that the big fortune that he possesses is his family. After the vacation, in the support of his family, he built up his confidence and sought more opportunities for his company. Finally, his companies revived and defeat the difficulty.
Admittedly, under the pressure of society and the soaring living expense, a man should work hard to make his family have a happy life. However, we could not ignore the importance of happiness that comes from family and friends. If a man only retrieves happiness from the work, I think he is a selfish person.
From what I have discussed above, we can safely conclude that social life will bring us more happiness than the job. The reason is that social life not only can bring us various kinds of happiness, but also can promote more happiness chances in the work.



2 20 综合正式set off

The professor in the lecture explores the issue of working five days a week for workers. However, he thinks that working five days a week outweight working 4 days a week,which contradicts what the reading states. And in the lecture, he uses three specific poingts to support his idea.
First, even though the reading passage suggests that the shortened workweek would increase company profits and lead fewer costly errors in work, thje professor argues in the lecture that more money should be costed on training and medical benefit. This is because it will cut profit of company, which means more computers and working space are needed if more workers are working at the same time.
Moreover, contrary to the statement in the reading that the country as a whole can benefit from providing opportunities to employees, the professor contends that some employees choose a four-day workweek, many more jobs will become available.then he supports this point with the fact that the company would rather choose a worker who can work  5 days a week.
Fially, the professor asserts that working 4 days a week will reduce quality of life and possibility of working, which will hinder carrer future whereas the author of tyhe reading claims that the option of a four-day workweek would be better for individual employees.the professor proves that this claim is indefensible by pointing out that people will lose their jobs during economic downturn and company will promote who can work 5 days a week to management positions to ensure continuous coverage and consistent supervision for the entire workweek.

sunchou

2.20 综合 修改




The professor in the lecture explores the issue of working five days（那个four-day workweek 也说了吧，而且感觉重点讨论的是four-day的弊端吧） a week for workers. However, he thinks that working five days a week outweight（outweighs） working 4 days a week,which contradicts what the reading states. And in the lecture, he uses three specific poingts（points） to support his idea.
First, even though the reading passage suggests that the shortened workweek would increase company profits and lead fewer costly errors in work, thje professor argues in the lecture that more money should（would） be costed（spent） on training and medical benefit. This is because it will cut profit of company, which means（这里怎么means的？） more computers and working space are needed if more workers are working at the same time.
Moreover, contrary to the statement in the reading that the country as a whole can benefit from providing opportunities to employees, the professor contends that some employees choose a four-day workweek, many more jobs will become available.then he supports this point with the fact that the company would rather choose a worker who can work  5 days a week（感觉没有表达清楚那个professor的理由）.
Fially, the professor asserts that working 4 days a week will reduce quality of life and possibility of working, which will hinder carrer future whereas the author of tyhe（？） reading claims that the option of a four-day workweek would be better for individual employees.the professor proves that this claim is indefensible by pointing out that people will lose their jobs during economic downturn and company will promote who can work 5 days a week to management positions to ensure continuous coverage and consistent supervision for the entire workweek.总的说来，文章结构还是很清晰的。但是我觉得第二点理由可能说的不是很充分，还有就是最后一句话~好长呀，感觉可以改一下这句话的结构。

woshimind

In this day and age, whether students should take more courses offered by Colleges or Universities is still open to debate. Some people assert that it may be helpful for the future of students. Personally, I agree with their view, but I would qualify it to some extent.

To begin with, the study of courses outside a student’s own field could benefit the study of his or her major, because different kinds of disciplines are related. For example, if you are major in finance, the good master of mathematics will help you a lot in your research. Moreover, if you work as a financial analyst, mathematics plays a vital role in your investment decision. Another example is the learning of philosophy. Since philosophy is the basic foundation of all disciplines.

Furthermore, as the competition becomes fiercer, many people begin to search for other opportunities of development. For instance, people who are major in engineering may begin to learn the courses of accounting. The phenomenon is more universal than before because when the companies hold the interviews, they favor the person who owns more skills. The reason why these companies value the kind of person is that hiring one person owns two or more skills is more economical than hiring two or more people who have just one specialization.

Granted, I concede that the studying of more courses occupies the time that students learn their own majors. If they cannot distribute their time well, they may have poor performance in their major. What is worse, it may affect them because they may not have qualified skills to find a job in the future. Besides, we can take part in various activities to improve our comprehensive qualities. For example, by joining in the volunteer projects, we can develop our responsibilities for the whole society. If we waste too much time to study more courses, we will lose a good approach to improve our adaption to the society.

In conclusion, I am in favor of the view that Colleges and Universities should offer more courses to students. But the students also need to learn how to set their plans; otherwise, the strategy will have bad effects on them rather than benefit them.

综合晚1小时提交，抱歉抱歉！

woshimind

The reading passage explores the issue of Having a team who can attack a project easily. The professor’s lecture deals with the same issue . However, he thinks that the company took a look at how well the teams performed.,which contradicts what the reading states. And in the lecture, he uses three specific points to support his idea.
Fist, even though the reading passage suggests that A group can work more quickly in response to the task assigned to it,the professor argues in the lecture that On virtually every team, some members got almost a “free ride” . This is because they didn’t contribute much at all, but if their team did a good job, they nevertheless benefited from the recognition the team got. ,which means that the recognition for a job well done went to the group as a whole, no names were named.. Obviously ,the professor’s argument disproves A group can work more quickly in response to the task assigned to it.
Moreover, contrary to the statement in the reading that Sometimes these creative solutions come about, the professor contends that finding was that some projects just didn’t move very quickly..then he supports this point with the fact that it took so long to reach consensus; it took many, many meetings to build the agreement .
Finally, the professor asserts that one or two people managed to become very influential over what their group did whereas the author of the reading passage claims that Taking part in a group process can be very rewarding for members of the team.the professor proves that this claim is indefensible by pointing out that Sometimes when those influencers said “That will never work” about an idea the group was developing, the idea was quickly dropped instead of being further discussed.
In conclusion, the professor clearly identifies the weakness in the reading passage and convincingly shows that the central arguement iin the reading is incorrect, in other words, the best way to approach certain new projects needn’t to assemble a group of people into a team.

chaoyansuan

不好意思昨天没看到。。
It is not rare to see the scene that some people dedicated all his energy and time on their jobs,while they sacrifice the precious time (which is, 有歧义？) with their families and friends. Mostly, they prefer to attain the greater happiness from the jobs than the ones from the social life. I, however, have the opposite opinion. I am preferable staying with my family and friend if I can arrange my time schedule freely, because when I stay with my parents and good friend, it is easy for me to relax myself, and I can share my happiness and sad things （worries） with them. Hence, I think the happiness in the social life will impact more on me.
考试写的时候应该要空行吧 如果开头空四格可以不用空行，否则需要空行？印象是这样

To begin with, while you immerse in your accomplished work, you should also prepare to pay more energy and vigor to achieve further success, which will (impose a great deal of,个人意见) burden (on) your mental pressure（这句话整体有点问题。。burden和pressure用重了。。burden on your mental things or impose a great deal of mental pressure on you）. In a sense, the sense of happiness that the job brings to you just adds more sad or difficult stuff in your further work, so you could hardly take it as a truth delight. Moreover it is much more difficult to achieve the happiness in the job than in the social life. When you stay with your family, a trivial thing, such as a good cooked dinner, or a new piece of clothes you (your，小错误哈) parents buy for you, will mood you and bring a sense of cheerful(要用名词吧，happiness) to you. Anyway the threshold of happiness that brought by the social life is lower than by the job. (过去分词做定语不加that，或者that之后加is)
这一段除了红的那句话有点小问题之外，其他都写得很好，楼主衔接词用的很NB。

Also, we can enjoy various kinds of happiness in the social life, which will enrich and improve our living standard, which also has a positive effect on one's work. If someone only retrieves happiness from the tedious job, he (she,someone什么的未知的一般用she好像是这样) will never experience the diversity(diverse) life that the god has prepared for us, because he misses the beautiful thing in the daily life. Moreover, the happiness from the social life will boost one's confidence and ambition in the work. Take my uncle for an example. My uncle, who is a business man, opened a trade company in a town. In the finance crisis, his company nearly went into bankruptcy because of the decrease order from oversea. On the edge of his total defeat, my aunt persuaded him to have a vacation. During the vacation, he spent most of time with his family, and he enjoys(enjoyed) the happiness with his family. The most important for his(him) is that he found out that the big fortune that he possesses is his family. After the vacation, in the support of his family, he built up his confidence and sought more opportunities for his company. Finally, his companies revived and defeat the difficulty.
这段整体写的很丰富，有explanation还有example，但是第二句与本段中心没有联系，可以考虑去掉

Admittedly, under the pressure of society and the soaring living expense, a man should work hard to make his family have a happy life. However, we could(should) not ignore the importance of happiness that comes from family and friends. If a man only retrieves happiness from the work, I think he is a selfish person.
这一段如果有时间的话最后再详细说明一下支撑观点。

From what I have discussed above, we can safely conclude that social life will bring us more happiness than the job. The reason is that social life not only can bring us various kinds of happiness, but also can promote more happiness chances in the work.

sunchou

我没有看到你2月21日的综合作文呢？不是TPO2的吗？

sunchou

2.21综合修改


The reading passage explores the issue of Having（having） a team who can attack a project easily. The professor’s lecture deals with the same issue . However, he thinks that the company took a look at how well the teams performed.,which contradicts what the reading states. And in the lecture, he uses three specific points to support his idea.
Fist, even though the reading passage suggests that A group can work more quickly in response to the task assigned to it,the professor argues in the lecture that On virtually every team, some members got almost a “free ride” . This is because they didn’t contribute much at all, but if their team did a good job, they nevertheless benefited from the recognition the team got. ,which means that the recognition for a job well done went to the group as a whole, no names were named.. Obviously ,the professor’s argument disproves the point A group can work more quickly in response to the task assigned to it.
Moreover, contrary to the statement in the reading that Sometimes these creative solutions come about, the professor contends that finding was that some projects just didn’t move very quickly..then he supports this point with the fact that it took so long to reach consensus; it took many, many meetings to build the agreement .
Finally, the professor asserts that one or two people managed to become very influential over what their group did whereas the author of the reading passage claims that Taking part in a group process can be very rewarding for members of the team.the professor proves that this claim is indefensible by pointing out that Sometimes when those influencers said “That will never work” about an idea the group was developing, the idea was quickly dropped instead of being further discussed.
In conclusion, the professor clearly identifies the weakness in the reading passage and convincingly shows that the central arguement iin（in） the reading is incorrect, in other words, the best way to approach certain new projects needn’t to assemble a group of people into a team.

整体结构清晰流畅
但是我觉得模版痕迹太重，而且我觉得你过于复制粘贴了吧。。。最好还是自己总结一下reading passage和lecture的内容吧。。。

woshimind

Since I am a student,I am so eager to say a few words about this topic.In order to meet someone who can be my true friends,I strongly believe joining a sports team is the most effective way to make new friends.


Primarily,I tend to agree with a perspective that it needs time to make friends,because it is quite different between acknowledging someone and knowing someone.Sometimes students mix up the two situations,when they need help,they turn to the wrong guy.Then both sides get hurt.That's why I stress the time factor.And joining a sports team provides students a method to accompany with their fellas more often.You see,we have to interact with other students when we are playing,training or resting.And those daily experiences could tell us who would become our friends.What I want to emphasize here is frequency,it could actually shorten the process of making friends.On the contrary,most of mates in traveling would probably don't have a second chance to meet again,so as to participate in community activities.Since such community activities tend to be large, it is very common to hear someone say he doesn't even know the founder of the activities.

Secondly,I believe people think more actively when they are exercising.This fact would help us to recognize different characteristics.Every sports team has its own schedule to train its players,and different trainings will show one's different skills and abilities.Since the body is managed by the brain,we can speculate one's skills,likes and dislikes by watching his reactions and his way to deal with difficulties.In fact,we can even know the basic priorities of our future friends such as persistency,fearlessness,punctuality,that sort of thing.As for me,I really think students should choose friends with good personality and habits.That will benefit us a lot.

Moreover,we should notice that joining a sports team means we have the opportunity to compete with other teams' players.Competition is another way to communicate with other people.To some extent,this level of communication helps a great deal to find our friends.It doesn't require much intelligence to ascertain this fact.People may lie to each other for personal purposes in normal times.However,when we fight for our dignity and the whole team's glory,we would show up our real best part.In my opinion,the impact that knowing others' shinning priorities have on my life can never be overemphasized.And admiring someone is generally the beginning of being friends.

I have to admit that everyone has his taste in choosing the way to make his friends.But no matter which way he chooses,the significance of making friends won't be changed.Taking all the factors into consideration,I am determined to say joining a sports team would suits me best.

berylbilee

Since I am a student,I am so eager to say a few words about this topic.(这句useless啊) In order to meet someone who can be my true friends(friend),I strongly believe （that）joining a sports team is the most effective wayto make new friends.（分句有in order to建议删掉I strongly believe强调目的）

Primarily,I tend to agree with a perspective that it needs time to make friends,because it is quite different between acknowledging（不当） someone and knowing someone.（know也有仅仅是认识的意思，建议改为knowing someone and acquainting them）Sometimes students mix up the two situations,when they need help,they turn to the wrong guy.Then both sides get hurt.That's why I stress the time factor.And joining a sports team provides students a method to accompany with their fellas more often.You see,we have to interact with other students when we are playing,training or resting.Andthose daily experiences could tell us who would become our friends.What I want to emphasize here is frequency,it（指代不明）could actually shorten the process of making friends.（建议结合例子说明，这里并没有说frequency到底频繁与否，没有突出join team的优势）On the contrary,most of mates in traveling would probably don't（not） have a second chance to meet again,so as to（以便，以致于的意思 same as）participate（participating） in community activities.Since such community activities tend to be large, it is very common to hear someone say（says that） he doesn't even know the founder of the activities（founder of community/ organizer of activities）.（建议topic sentence就把论点抛出来，这样比较清晰）

Secondly,I believe people think more actively when they are exercising.This fact would help us to recognize different characteristics.Every sports team has its own schedule to train its players,（与论点无关尽量避免）and different trainings will show one's different skills and abilities.Since the body is managed by the brain,we can speculate one's skills,likes and dislikes by watching his reactions and his way to deal with difficulties.In fact,we can even know the basic priorities（和后面的各种品质不一致 characteristics） of our future friends such as persistency,fearlessness,（and）punctuality,that sort of thing.As for me,I really think students should choose friends with good personality and habits.That will benefit（benefits） us a lot.（这个论点有点弱，不做运动的时候不可以清楚地认识到其他人的性格吗 a little bit odd...no offence)

Moreover,we should notice that joining a sports team means we have the opportunity to compete with other teams'players.Competition is another way to communicate with other people.To some extent,this level of communication helps a great deal to find our friends.It doesn't require much intelligence to ascertain this fact.People may lie to eachother for personal purposes in normal times.However,when we fight for our dignity and the whole team's glory,we would show up our real best part.In my opinion,the impact that knowing others' shinning priorities（不当）have on my life can never be overemphasized.And admiring someone is generally the beginning of being friends.

I have to admit that everyone has his taste in choosing the way to make his friends.But no matter which way he chooses,the significance of making friends won't be changed.Taking all the factors into consideration,I am determined to say joining a sports team would suits me best.

字数足够而且也有三段的论述，稍加注意词语搭配和表述方式的变化，长短句交替会更好

woshimind