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woshimind

Is there a good reason to be impolite(rude) to another person?

Have you ever been criticized by your teacher?Have you ever been shouted loudly by your boss？Have you ever been pushed down to the ground by someone?If your never experienced these situations,you would never understand the feeling of being treated rudely by other people.. In my opinion, people could be impolite to others if they have been hurt.

First of all, persons could relieve their pressure when they do not show respect to other people such as your competitors. Since persons always work under high pressure today, they should find a method to relax themselves. If persons were friendly to others all the times, their pressure would be accumulated. Perhaps one day persons would create an opinion to destroy the world or other persons' families absent controlling of themselves, like a bomb. Though some persons would argue that people could relieve stress by other ways, they overlooked the human being's trait, that is, aggressive, which means that persons cannot control themselves at any time, especially when they are furious. Thus, being rude to other person is a possible way to relieve themselves instead of hurting other’s lives.

In addition, friendships would probably be strengthened when people swear or attack others. Looking back the human history, men always spoke foul language to others, and fought against their competitors for food, women or status. However, after competition, they would probably be good friend since they have seen similar things between them during the competition. For example, recently, Liu Xiang was dragged by Robert in a competition, which caused him just finishing second. However, after competition, Robert apologized to Liu Xiang and they became good friends. Thereby, without considering contexts, it is impossible to say that being rude to another is unreasonable.

More importantly , people should hold their living places if they have been incurred. For example, we should not keep silence and tolerate others when someone said, ‘hey, guy, you’re so stupid’, with disdain. It is obvious that we should swear them or even fight with them instead to sustain our self-respect. We need to give ourselves opportunities to be human being, but not as logical machines without emotions. Though others think that it would hurt the relationships, damage the cooperation or decrease our income, persons could earn more benefit indirectly, such as happiness, respect or relaxation.

In conclusion, being impolite to others is not a bad thing since it could sometimes do me good unconsciously. With chances to be human, we should not enclose ourselves with the principle that people should be polite to anyone at all conditions, no wonder whether others hurt you or not.

libertine

2月15日  写作修改  

Early education needs more financial help topromote children’s intellectual developmentand more money to guarantee good quality of education and school facilities.The main reason for my tend (tend是动词，不能放在这里) for young children's education is that childrenaged from 6 years old to 12 years old are the most crucial stage ofintelligence development, hence they deserve better education.(这句话有语病，6到12岁的孩子是最重要的阶段，明显不搭配，应该是6到12岁是最重要的阶段)

我觉得首段直接给出观点就好，不需要具体的细节来支持你的观点。一个适当的导入，加上自己的观点就行了。

First and foremost, so many facilities and equipemts(equipments), such as playgrounds, canteens, toys, are provided forthese children in some primary school (复数形式，schools). Besides this, They  have to recruit well-qualified teachers indifferent majors like languages, mathematics and arts. Besides these teachers,those schools also needs drivers, cooks, and guards. In contrast, theuniversity gives expenditure for professors' salary. Another reason can be seenby every one (改成everyone) is that almost every one (改成everyone) has to receive the compulsory education. Butnot every one (改成everyone) want (第三人称单数，wants) to go to the university. Young children'seducation include (第三人称单数，includes) the children's age from 5-18 (children aged from 5 - 18), but the university's students' age is from18-22. The number of young students is several times (+bigger)than university students. Thus, young children's education need (第三人称单数，needs)more money.
首先，给人的第一印象是，句子有些冗余，而且小的语法错误不断。
其次，这一段里面你给了四个理由！每个理由一笔带过，根本没有论述。


Admittedly好！,university education does need money. However, college education mainly rely(第三人称单数，relys) onsocial donation from social organizations, l arge (agree) companies or successful alumni (这句话是什么意思？). So they don't need much government money. But because ofthe compulsory education, kintergartens (kindergartens) andprimary school (schools) have not much operation cost, they really needgovernment's help to back up 好！their facilities and teachers’ salary system.Thus, government has to spend more money on young children's education rather thanon university education.
问题和上一段大同小异，而且这一段中又把上一段提过的理由再提了一遍，还是没有论述。

In conclution (conclusion), although universities needbudgets to improve campus(改善校园是什么意思？), libraries and instruction (建议改成education). But many social organizations will raise thefund for these universities. The government, with limited budgets ,should spend(+them)on the young children's education for they are our next spring.(觉得这句话言不达意)

1.      通篇文章都在给出理由，完全没有论述，你完全可以只提出两个理由，然后分别详细论述。文章的质量并不是根据你提出的理由的数量来决定的。
2.      有些基本的拼写错误，你自己完全可以检查出来。
3.      感觉楼主基本功不够扎实，建议先多练习一下初级的知识，再来研究TOEFL写作。


Fighting~

libertine

~~~

libertine

2月16日 写作修改
Have you ever been criticized by your teacher?Have you ever been shouted loudly by your boss？Have you ever been pusheddown to the ground by someone? If your never experienced these situations, youwould never understand the feeling of being treated rudely by other people. In my opinion, people could be impolite to others if they have been hurt. 我觉得这一段直接说成there Isa good reason to be impolite(rude) to another person.就好，你下文再具体论述原因就好了。
较之前来说，第一段有了很大的进步哦~


First of all, persons (直接改成people) could relieve their pressure when they do not showrespect to (show respectfor) other people suchas your competitors. Since persons (直接改成people) always work under high pressure today (nowadays) , they should find a method to relaxthemselves. If persons were friendly to others all the times (all the time) , their pressure would be accumulated. Perhapsone day persons (直接改成people) would create an opinion to destroy the world or other persons' (直接改成others’) families absent (in the absent of) controlling (直接用control) ofthemselves, like a bomb. Though some persons  (直接改成people) would argue that people could relieve stress by other ways, they overlooked(一般现在时，overlook) the human being's trait, that is, aggressive,which means that persons cannot control themselves at any time, especially whenthey are furious. Thus, being rude to other person is a possible way to relievethemselves instead of hurting other’s lives.
较之前来说，同样有了很大进步，如果能有个例子就更好了，有些句子还是比较冗余~

In addition, friendships would probably be strengthened when people swear orattack others. Looking back the human history, men always spoke foul languageto others, and fought against their competitors for food, women or status.However, after competition, they would probably be good friend since they haveseen similar things between them during the competition. For example, recently,Liu Xiang was dragged by Robert in a competition, which caused him just finishingsecond (rankingsecond) . However, aftercompetition, Robert apologized to Liu Xiang and they became good friends.Thereby, without considering contexts, it is impossible to say that being rudeto another is unreasonable.
例子很不错，这一段很赞~ 但是之前说的是swear和attack，而后面是Robert故意绊倒刘翔，有点小跑题。

More importantly, people should hold (感觉hold fast to 坚守，会更好) their living places if they have been incurred (incur有招致的意思，但是没有招惹的意思). For example, we should not keep silence and tolerateothers when someone said (第三人称单数says), ‘hey, guy, you’re so stupid’, with disdain. It is obvious that we should swear them or even fightwith them instead to sustain (+ing) our self-respect. We need to give ourselves opportunities to be humanbeing, but not as (去掉as，这里对应前面opportunities to be) logical machines without emotions. Thoughothers think that it would hurt the relationships, damage the cooperation ordecrease our income, persons (直接改成people) could earn more benefit indirectly, such as happiness, respect orrelaxation.
这一段缺乏详细的论述，而且末句像以前一样，同样给了很多原因，确没有论述。建议详细论述第一个原因，并给出具体的例子。

In conclusion, being impolite to others is not a bad thing since it could sometimes do me good unconsciously. With chances to be human, we should not encloseourselves with the principle that people should be polite to anyone at (under) all conditions, no wonder (no wonder 是难怪的意思，用在这里显然不贴切) whether others hurt you or not.


1.       相对以前来说，这篇文章进步很明显。
2.       但是仍旧有一些小错误，楼主下次多注意就更好了~


Fighting~

woshimind

Travelling is a happy thing. We can enjoy the life freely by travelling the world. Our work pressure will be reduced by travelling. We can do our work more efficiently after our fresh travelling. So we tend to choose a good travel other than saving money for future use.
In the first place, a growing number of people would rather spend all savings enjoying a adventurous travel rather than staying at one place even some people are willing to quit their own job to enjoy the scenery. For me, i also like to quit my work and then travel through a romantic city with my best friend far away from my hometown. Work load has increasingly become big in the modern world. Many people will not feel fresh after they do the boring work for a long time. As a student majoring in english literature, to listen to euophonic sound of sea,to admire great gravity of the famous church, to observe mysterious phenomenon of nature can give us great refreshment physically and mentally.
In addition, travelling can identify ourself effectively and quickly. We can take a famous person who was a business man before he become a enviromental scientist , as an illustration. She is fond of taking a long trip away from her home and she say that she has made some like-minded friends because of touring the most beautiful scenery. Only by travelling  can she exhume and find her own characteristics thoroughly. In the end, she gradually become a famous scholar in the field of enviroment science.
Admittedly, we adults should save money for our generation. Because it needs much investment to provide our children with a privileged education . however, living a present life is much more important ,we need a good travel to enjoy the balance between the nature and ourself. To sum up, Spending money on traveling is better than saving money for future use.

woshimind

Some people would prefer immerse in one project at a time because they consider that carrying out many cases simultaneously is hard to cope with and will finalize in doing nothing good. However I would like to work on several projects at the same time and the reasons will be stated below.

It is obvious that people get bored and tired after concentrating on single project for a long time. Scientific research shows that sometime it is benefitial for human brain to do something else. That is to say, right like our body, our brain need some fresh air to keep healthy. By switching to other jobs at an approporiate time, one can certainly perform better.Therefore, doing multiple projects all at once will help you work things out more efficiently rather than be a distraction.

In addition, sometimes other projects might act as fount of inspiration for the task at your hand. For instance, last semester I undertook an advertisement design and meanwhile I was in a case stady group working on online marketing. These two tasks incidentally connected to each other and I found that ideas related to any one of them could be a stimulus for ideas about the other. Consequently, I fulfilled both of them perfectly with fascinating ideas welled up to my mind .

Last but not least, focusing on single task might lead to procrastination which is a quite popular mental trouble for modern people. By doing multiple jobs all together, which means by uploading more pressure on your shoulders, you can certainly get a sense of hurry and get your job done more efficiently. That's why I hold that doing several tasks at a time will help people save their time.

In general, one's performance can be bettered by switching to other tasks when they feel tired about projects in process. Moreover, different tasks sometime will provide you different opinions or angles and will impel you to make full use of your time. With all these reasons, I would prefer undertake several projects all at once.

libertine

2月17号 修改
Travelling is a happy thing. We can enjoy the life freelyby travelling the world. Our work pressure will be reduced by travelling. Wecan do our work more efficiently after our fresh(感觉放在这里不太贴切) travelling.So we tend to choose a good travel (直接travel就好) otherthan saving money for future use.
我觉得第一段直接给出自己的观点就好，不需要直接给出原因，再接下来的段落里在详细论述会比较合适。

In the first place, a growing number of people would ratherspend all savings enjoying a (an) adventurous travelrather than staying at one place even some people are willing to quit their own job to enjoy the scenery. For me, I also liketo quit my work and then travel through a romantic city with my best friendfar away from my hometown. Work load hasincreasingly become big (直接写成work load is increasingly big就好了) in themodern world. Many people will not feel fresh (感觉放在这里不太贴切) afterthey do the boring work for a long time. As a student majoring in English  literature, to listen (listening) to euophonic (euphonic) sound of(+the) seato admire (admiring) great gravity of the famous church, to observe (observing) mysterious phenomenon of nature can give us great refreshment(refreshment当作点心的意思偏多，建议换个词) physicallyand mentally。
感觉这段说得很泛泛，几乎没有深入论述你的原因，只是停留在表面上。

In addition, travelling can identify ourself (ourselves) effectively and quickly. We can take a famous person whowas a business man before he become (过去式became) a(an) environmental(environmental) scientist , as an illustration. She is fond oftaking a long trip away from her home and she say (第三人称单数says)that she has made some like-minded 好！ friends because of touringthe most beautiful scenery. Only by travelling can she exhume and find herown characteristics thoroughly. In the end, she gradually become (becomes) a famous scholar in the field of enviroment (environment) science.
这段总体感觉还是蛮不错的。

Admittedly, weadults should save money for our (+next) generation. Because it needs much investment to provide our childrenwith a privileged (感觉这个词表意不太恰当，直接good就好) education.However, living a present life (你这么说很拗口，建议改成living happierat present) is much more important, we need a goodtravel to enjoy the balance between the nature and ourself (ourselves). (感觉这句话很糟糕，不知道要表达什么意思) Tosum up, Spending money ontraveling is better than saving money for future use.
这个反驳的还是很简略，如果想要写好的话，建议还是多花点文字来论述。而且，我觉得应该有单独一段来总结。


1.    总的来说，这篇文章较以前的还是有很大的进步。但是还是有些小问题存在着。
2.    逻辑还是不太清楚，下次务必要注意。



今天有点小意外，不好意思改晚了哈~

sunchou

2月18号独立写作修改，不知道怎么打有颜色的字体，见附录。

woshimind

Interpersonal skills can be improved by participating social activities, and an effective and high quality accomplishment need many energy which nutrient food can supply. so taking a balance between them will support my perspective that college should give its budget on social activities and canteen food.
To begin with, the student can be absorb in their study after taking part in out-of-classroom activities,such as playing word games and doing hiden games and so on. Apart from this, they can get a good relieve from their stressed study by joining some campus cummunity. For instance, we are willing to talk with our classmates and sit for a concert when we fail in final examinations. Because humanbeings are social creatures with an emotional need for friendship and should be connected by positive activities. A growing number of socialists show that physical and mental movement is a crucial aspect of development of students’ overall brain architecture,with the enormous consequence of a lifetime.
In addition, health is over wealth. A robust body is solid foundation of all thing, which canteen food takes big preportion of daily food supply for our students.it cannot deny the fact that good nutrition has a positve effect on students’ ablity to concentrate, study, grow, and socialise with other students.we cannot imagine,cannot see that even a student without energetic body can perform brilliantly in class. For example, if a student was reported skipping the breakfeast, could he focus morning class and fully give a presentation to other classmatea and his tutor? The answer is absolutely no! It can affect a student physically and mentally. Therefore, it is highly recommended that colleges should also pay attention to canteen food in the interests of maintaining good health.
From above we discussed, advantages of considering social gathering and food nutrition is high-lights for their students if colleges are willing to stand in their students’ position.

lihaolan

Interpersonal skills can be improved by participating social activities, and an effective and high quality accomplishment need(needs) many energy which nutrient food can supply. So(大写) taking a balance between them will support my perspective that college should give its budget on social activities and canteen food.（最后这句话在中文翻译过来似乎是语病。谋求平衡支持了我的观点大学要兼顾社会活动和食物。谋求平衡和后面我的观点似乎没support 的关系。你可以说the importance of pursuing balance of。。。supports my perspective）
To begin with, the student can be absorb in their study after taking part in out-of-classroom（extra-curricular） activities, such as playing word games and doing hiden games（hide-and-seek） and so on. Apart from this, they can get a good relieve from（relieve 是动词，只能说relieve from） their stressed study by joining some campus cummunity（communities）. For instance, we are willing to talk with our classmates and sit for a concert when we fail in final examinations. Because human beings are social creatures with an emotional need for friendship and should be connected by positive activities. A growing number of socialists show（show是说实验数据，人表达观点用argue 等） that physical and mental movement is a crucial aspect of development of students’ overall brain architecture, with the enormous consequence of a lifetime.（用从句吧，看着变扭which exerts considerable effect on）
In addition, health is over(superior to) wealth. A robust body is solid foundation of all the thing, which canteen food takes big preportion of daily food supply for our students.(which引导宾语从句，你这里指代什么，建议分为两句。)it cannot deny the fact（no one can deny.我没有见过It cannot deny ..这种句型） that good nutrition has a positve (positive) effect on students’ ablity-ies to concentrate(concentration), study, grow, and socialize ing with other students. We大写 cannot imagine, cannot see that even a student without energetic body can perform brilliantly（excellently） in class. For example, if a student was reported skipping the breakfeast breakfast, could he focus morning class and fully give a presentation to other classmatea classmate and his tutor? The answer is absolutely no! It can affect a student physically and mentally. Therefore, it is highly recommended that colleges should also pay attention to canteen food in the interests of （for the sake of） maintaining good health.
From above we discussed,（fromwhat we have discussed above） advantages of considering social gathering and food nutrition is（are） high-lights（vital） for their students if colleges are willing to stand in their students’ position.（总结不好，可以写advantages of。。。。 are so obvious that school has obligation to。。。。。）

文章在尝试各种句型，可以继续努力，但是拼写务必注意。

至于结构个人还是建议三段论，加头尾。语法需要加强。

在写完之后自己可以尝试的修改一下会更有收获的