3月3二考作文求批改~谢谢各位啦

小贝之殇

机经题目：At universities and colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support.


There exists a heated controversy topic that whether sports and social activities should share equal financial support with classes and libraries. Personally, I would recommend the attitude above. And now this essay will focus on the diversified illustration of that problem, in terms of

The primary element which inspires me is that I believe that nothing is more important than health. Good health is a prerequisite of everyday work and future success. More financial support might give the students more opportunities to achieve to sports, exercise and also social activities. There is no doubt that lack of exercise may finally result to low level of immunity. In this way, it is easier to get diseases. Nowadays, large amount of reports about young or middle-aged professors and researchers died from varies kinds of diseases such as heart attack or diabetes. Many of them even die. That is a great loss not only for the family but also for the whole society. Our government should spare no efforts to support the health construction.

The secondary key which comes into being is that students can shape their characters during sports game and social gathering. Most of the time, they should communicate and cooperate with others. During this process, sports and activities enable students learn to share their own opinions, listen to others thoughts and work as a team. At the same time, that ability of competition is also formed. In short, sports and social activities cultivate the students to a higher level.


My preference also relies on the saving the money from sports and social activities is a short-sighted behavior. In the long run, the government should spend a lot more money on medical expense. That will be a heavy burden on government also on every citizen. And that behavior will not be helpful to living level of public.

These three aspects mentioned above command a consensus below that in universities, sports and social activities are as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support.

sam001386

提了点个人的建议(见附件批注部分~~~)，要是有不对或是不合适的地方也希望楼主或是各位指出，谢谢~~~

woshimind

At universities and colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support.、

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总体评价

There exists a heated controversy topic that whether sports and social activities should share equal financial support as same as classes and libraries. Personally, I would recommend the attitude above. And now this essay will focus on the diversified illustration of that problem, in terms of the primary element which inspires me is that I believe that nothing is more important than health. Good health is a prerequisite of everyday work and future success. More financial support might give the students more opportunities to achieve to sports, exercise and also social activities. There is no doubt that lack of exercise may finally result to（我觉得该用 lead to,没有result to这个词组，只有result in)) low level of (感觉不需要多加of）immunity. In this way, it is easier to get diseases. Nowadays, large amount of reports about young or middle-aged professors and researchers died from varies kinds(varieties) of diseases such as heart attack or diabetes. Many of them even die.(前面说了die,现在有点罗嗦吧？） That is a great loss not only for the family but also for the whole society. Our government should spare no efforts（应该用单数） to support the health construction.（system?）

The secondary key which comes into being is that students can shape their characters(个性不是复数形式吧） during sports game and social gathering. Most of the time, they should communicate and cooperate with others. During this process, sports and activities enable students to learn how to share their own opinions, listen to？ others thoughts（hear from other peoples) and work as a team. At the same time, that ability of competition is also formed(我觉得写成：this can culitivate our  competition awareness). In short, sports and social activities cultivate the students to a higher level.(这样写：？taking sports and social activities can cultivate our positive mental attitude)


My preference also relies on （rely on sb/sth,所以用believes that)) the saving the money from sports and social activities is a short-sighted behavior. In the long run, the government should spend a lot more money on medical expense.(medical 与本essay题目有关吗？On the sports and social activities 比较to the point吧？） That will be a heavy burden on government also(用and) on every citizen(citizens，这个词基本都是复数形式吧）. And that behavior will not be helpful to living level of public.（意思不太懂）

These three aspects mentioned above command a consensus below that in universities, sports and social activities are as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support.
总体来说 ，还是很不错的，2-1模式

SonicConan

刚好我这篇也写了。贴出来一起看看，欢迎拍砖

I disagree with the statement that at universities and colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support.

First, the academic performance of the university is the most critical point to judge whether the university could provide students enough knowledge and have them equipped to be competitive in the working environment. Better classes and libraries could contribute the academic performance by employing better professional, acquiring state-of-art equipments and expanding the total capacity of libraries, and the financial support is an important part because those all cost money. As we can see from many colleges

Sports and social activities, as far as I know, are usually sponsed by organizations or companies, since those events can be titled and the sponsors could have media explosure, which will bring money to them. In this way, universities have no reasons to spend more money on those events, and the negotiation with sponsors can also have students from business school to improve their abilities to make the business happend.

Last but not the least, even the universities and colleges could give  sports and social activities some financial support, there is no need to match the support to classes and libraries. As mentioned, it is more important to know why we have universities and colleges and what are their roles in society. Some investment on sports and social activities could help a little bit but compare with the classes and libraries, financial support should be used more efficiently.

woshimind

I disagree with the statement that at universities and colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support.

First, the academic performance of the university is the most critical point to judge whether the university could provide students enough knowledge and have them equipped to be competitive in the working environment. Better classes and libraries could contribute the academic performance by employing better professional, acquiring state-of-art equipments and expanding the total capacity of libraries, and the financial support is an important part because those all cost money As（as) we can see from many colleges .（缺少论据，可以从科技发展角度论述classes and libraries的重要性）

Sports and social activities, as far as I know, are usually sponsed（sponsored)by organizations or companies, since those events can be titled and the sponsors could have media explosure（exposure) which will bring money to them. In this way, universities have no reasons to spend more money on those events, and the negotiation with sponsors can also have students from business school to improve their abilities to make the business happend.

Last but not the least, even the universities and colleges could give  sports and social activities some financial support, there is no need to match the support to classes and libraries. As mentioned (above), it is more important to know why we have universities and colleges and what are their roles in society. ( it would be better for universities and colleges to make more contribution to the technology development in the world) Some investment on （universities and colleges  compared with ) sports and social activities could (be more helpful to the better world) help a little bit  financial support should be used more efficiently.
缺少具体支撑examples