少壮不努力，老大写作文。洛阳亲友如相问，就说我在写作文。

corneliaflower

写论文走神中过来看看花儿的帖子，想帮你改作文来着。没看到东西哈，到时候你传给我吧

-- by 会员 浅吟天 (2013/3/15 15:03:14)

在一楼有一篇~~好久前写的  还没人帮我改过T.T

泥巴猪

鬼子的写作思路其实很简单，总-分-总，第一部分都是背景介绍，提出观点；第二部分正反方面都得说，立论-解释（论据）-论证（例子，鬼子特别看重例子，否则文章言之无味）；第三部分总结再次阐明观点，可以延伸提出新观点（建议或者别角度分析）。

浅吟天

2.6独立 Do youagree or disagree with the following statement?
People who cannot accept the criticism from others will not be successful atworking in a group.

黄 好的 。绿色 建议。 红色 有问题的

Nowadays, team work occupies the most important position in variety manners ofworking. As a result, the ability of time management, communication,self-improvement and etc.(我看到etc.就觉得这句停了，不知道有没有在中间这样用的。讨论) are all crucialelements determine（两个动词了） asuccessful working group member. Besides, an outstanding team member is alwaysa good listener. People need to accept their fellows' advice and even criticismwhen necessary. Those who turna deaf ear to other's criticism and stick to themselves are easily fallinto a wrong road, which would affect job schedule, damage relationship, andimpede personal development.


First of all, refusing criticism prevents the whole team group from carrying onthe work. Assuming that you got some wrong solutions about a case whilediscussing, one of your workmates points out and others are agree, but youinsist your idea and never admit the mistake. It is conceivable that the whole job schedule willbe delayed due to your stupid（个人感觉这个词感情色彩太浓，托福中不是很好）insistence. Consequently, to maintain an original time schedule, greatimportance should be attached to a wise acceptance when facing criticism for asuccessful team member.（这句其实我没读懂。第一，consequently和前面的逻辑不很相关。第二，我觉得不用专门用很难的句式把语序写的不是很好理解。）


Another problem we cannot ignore is that a stubborn people has a negativeimpact on working environment. Everyone in the group enjoys other's noddingassent, but as for criticism, the first sensation（有这个说法吗？告之。我觉得sensation是用在很强烈的感情上的） might not be pleasant. However, as asuccessful group member, modesty is an essential factor to handle conflictsbetween colleagues. Angry as you are, the reason why you are faced others'criticism is the most significant indeed. Therefore, it is necessary to calmdown and communicate with your fellows patiently, and thus to create a harmonyworking atmosphere for a better cooperation.（建议写个啥你表叔表姐的例子更亲切具体。比如他先如此，后来改过了就。。。跟你上面的其实一样，只是加了生活中例子。PS 读了下一段 你原先那样还是挺好的）


What's more, self-improvement will also be affected if one never accept thecriticism from workmates or leaders. A fitting example is about my friend. Lisa, one of my bestfriends（删掉吧，与主旨无关）, used to be a member in the campus broadcasting station, and wascriticized by one of her team members of editing a radio program with aoutdated software for convenience, just because she was good at this software. （花儿的句子都好长。。）It turns out one day the software collapsed,all the hard works end up by this unstable system and Lisa couldn’t regretmore. If she accept the criticism（前面只写了有人批评她，以及批评原因，没写她不接受criticism）, shecould practice a new skill as well as save the group work from unintendeddamage. Since each of us is limited in knowledge and experience, we can improveour skills and attain a comprehensive thinking by opening to the criticism.


From what has been discussed above, we may safely draw a conclusion thatrefusing the criticism will impede people's success in a working team. An highquality work on time, a good working atmosphere, and an ideal self-developmentneed us to be more generous and comfortable to embrace the criticism.

总的来说：
开头可以再直接入题一点。结尾很好！点还是挺好的。就是有的语句可以再流利一点。
（新版用不惯，我word上改好了，粘过来都没了。。 ）

corneliaflower

哦  发一篇作文 4月预测JJ里的  必须是超时产物  写到刚才实在困了写不下去  草草结尾    求狠批！！！

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
For successful development of a country, should government focus its budget more on very young children education rather than on universities?

Education is always represented the power of a country, and government, as the primary investor, plays an extremely role in education. Thousands of years ago, the emperor built Shangshufang for prince and princess to study. Nowadays schools, museums and libraries are all offered by government to propel the process of education. Then one problem emerges when we try to improve our education: which one deserves more to get the budget, very young children education or undergraduates education? From my perspective, the latter may fit better to this dilemma.

It is undeniable that college students are now in their best ages to have the ability to learn. The budget, which put in the university, can make the most use of it. We can easily foresee that economic and technology will be promote by our students through their efforts, however, some limitations still exist between the eager students and the progressed country. For instance, some of the universities, especially in northwest of China, are lack of the resources of facilities and teachers. Students here cannot receive a matching education, since they have classes in a small classroom, which is full of people, and cannot hear what the professor says clearly. If more budget can use in these schools, bigger classroom could be built, advanced microphone could be used, and maybe prominent teachers could be attracted. Consequently, budgets on universities enable students get better educated and the promote the whole society steps on a developed stage.

What’s more, we cannot ignore the hidden trouble if we focus the budget on young children education. Children are too young to have self-discipline, as their emotional intelligence, self-awareness and self-guidance is still not mature, thus much money invested only can we get half the result. A fitting example is that once my little sister was in her 5 years old, her kindergarten received a fund from the government of my hometown to buy a series of calculating tools to learn more difficult mathematics. Unfortunately, my sister and her classmates were all attracted by the appealing packing, no one liked to listen to what the teacher taught. They also regarded these tools just as playing dolls. No more than 3 days, the abacus is destroyed and the calculator is discharged. It is apparent that pitching budget on young children education may put our best wishes in vain.

We have to admit that primary education is necessary, however, children spent most of their time with parents, there is no reason for us to entrusted with great expectations on government. Parents, who affected children with their ideas, have duties to create a better education environment to pave the basis for a brighter future of both children and our country.

Finally, basing on the evidences supporting the arguments I make, we could safely draw a conclusion that it is better for government to pitch the budget on universities.

corneliaflower

寂静一篇   求批哇~~
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
In the past young people depended on their parents for making decisions. Today, young people are better able to make decisions on their own．

Decisions making is always an important issue in one’s whole life. When we were young, we have to choose which one we could get from numbers of toys that we wanted. Then we need to choose which major is the most suited for us to get a better job. Then one problem emerges when we compare the different situation between the past and nowadays that young people depend on their parents or themselves to make a decision. My opinion will be well discussed in the following paragraphs.

In the feudal society, especially in China, parents play the most essential role in a family. And the whole society put the filial duty in the first place when children and parents hold some discussions. So it is common for parents to make almost every decision for their children. A fitting example is that the marriages in ancient times are all decided by parents. Young people cannot marry who they true love if the two family have much differences in property or those two people are in different class. Just because of the traditional manner, young people always depend on their parents for making decisions.
However, young people today are more open-minded as the development of social society. They want to show their own personalities and don’t like to follow the old fashion. What’s more, the gap between parents and children is more or less become an barrier from their communication. Thus it is obviously to see that young people today are more independent to make their own choice, they choose what they like to wear, to eat and to read. It is hard force them to obey what their parents said because they could get more information about one thing to judge whether it is suitable for themselves.

Admittedly, the suggestion of parents is always valuable for young people when they faced with a big choice. It is necessary to take parent’s advices into account. However, we have to listen to our own voice and follow our own path to make a decision. And being independent to deal with this paradox is a memorable class in our life.

Therefore, it is true that young people depend on their parents more than teenagers today when making a decision due to the social system and culture.
<382>  

corneliaflower

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Your job has greater happiness than your social life does.

Happiness has pervaded every aspect of our life. However, there may be thousands of definitions of happiness according to different opinion of different people. Both of job and social life can bring us the feeling of happiness: job gives us an opportunity to show our talents and make some contributions, social life offers a way to relaxing ourselves both in physical and in mental. When compared which one has greater happiness, after seconds of thoughts, I probably go for the social life.

There is no denying that people can find true happiness when they do what they really want to. Your social life just offers you such spare times to enjoy yourselves. Just imagine how wonderful it could be when you come back home after a whole day’s work, sit down in front of your computer with a box of popcorn in hands. While you are laughing loudly at the funny performance and words, and chatting with your friends about the plots in the movies, all your pressure and anxieties from work or study have all gone. Therefore, in this case, social life do help people feel happiness.

What’s more, there is another kind of happiness along with our whole life – family. It is an enjoyable time when stay with our parents, sisters or brothers, and children. Almost everyone is bathed in the sea of love from our families. Taking myself as an example. When I was walking along the road of city before sunset with family members, I just feel peaceful and don’t afraid of anything. Every words from my parents gives me a courage to deal with problems that I don’t want to face in my study and life. And I can totally confirm that this is a kind of happiness I will never forget as time goes by.

Admittedly, it is a great honor to do some achievements after several days of hard working. And the money and praises in your job create an environment of happiness. However, we should keep in mind that this kind of feeling is just temporary. No one will gain these things forever, the true happiness only exist in the process you have experienced.

Therefore, it is somewhat biased to claim that your job has greater happiness than your social life does. We can easily find happiness through the time in our social life do what we truly loved or stayed with our families. But if you can understand what will really bring you happiness, it is absolutely to say that happiness is everywhere in your colorful life.

corneliaflower

厄。。真的很不好意思，我这篇没按照小分队今天的题目来写，因为今天出门了忘记作文题目，就自己找了一篇JJ写，下周就要考了，麻烦改作文的同学了！

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
It is more important for schools to fund their students' social activities than to improve students' meals.

School funds is an indispensable part to improve the quality of education. Advanced teaching method, glamorous environment and plentiful student's activities are all needed the help with this budget. Then one problem emerges as we try to find the other useful ways of school funds: which is more important for school to focus its budgets on, students' social activities or meals? From my perspective, the former has more significant meaning.

First and foremost, social activities can offer students opportunities to build up a wilder relationship, which is absolutely useful in their future career. A good job is an appealing stage that attracts every students to show their talents utilizing what they have learned from school. The improving of social activities just lend an impetus to this process. An experience from myself is a telling example to illustrate this point. When I was a freshman in university, I participated in many kings of social activities, one is called "San Xiaxiang" Summer Investigation. In this activity, I met a patient teacher who gave me many inspiring guidance and helped me to won the second prize. She also sent me some tips about my study and life and recommended me to a local company to do some internships even after this activity. Thanks to this social activity, I have more valuable experiences in my resume and an unforgettable memory during my college life.

What's more, social activities enrich students' vision and create a colorful environment. It is obvious that plentiful activities benefit students' development both in physics and mental. A singing club can help students to release their pressure, an art exhibition can stimulate the whole passion of painting, and a speech competition can improve the skills and confidence when facing with a lot of people. Just imagine how boring it could be when you walk out from classroom after a full day of classes, has nothing to do but go back to dormitory quickly. However, while you walking through the schoolyard and find there is just a concert ongoing, your tiredness and pressure may all gone.

Admittedly, it is undeniable that improving student's meals guarantee a good body health. But we can provide some gym clubs for students to exercise. In this kind of activity, you can not only stronger your body but also make new friends, which offer you a memorable life and broad chances to get a better job.

Therefore, from what we have discussed above, it is highly recommended school to fund their student's social activities than to improve student's meals. Just because what the benefits that increasing meals could bring, the social activities could also give to you.

kao154

批改见附件。。。千万注意别跑题

corneliaflower

kao154 发表于 2013-4-12 15:37
批改见附件。。。千万注意别跑题

谢谢你的批改哦，我不知道托福作文有这么分的。不过我觉得这道题它说你是不是同意SA比M更值得学校投资，你如果认同的话肯定要说明SA哪里比M重要吧，我是按照这个思路来写的。不知道算不算跑题呢~~
这道题我还问了两个CDer  他们给我的思路也是这样子的><   我觉得可能也没有分得那么精准吧。

然后就是a telling example就是一个生动的例子的意思，嘻嘻。
最后一句我确实写的比较乱了，因为没时间了，以后要避免这样的长句子，自己都被自己绕晕了。

corneliaflower

我！！！真的对不起改作文的童鞋。我看错题了。。扫了一眼因为看过机经有印象，结果题目写错了T.T   
麻烦批改我作文的亲了。

Contributes on an enjoyable vacation, please select one of three selection. Good food, Good location and with good friends to travel.

An enjoyable vacation is an unforgettable memory in our life, and several factors decide the vacation jointly. An amazing location will provide us some beautiful views and delicious food can bring us good moods. When asked about which one impress me most, however, I would like to choose traveling with my good friends. The reasons why I hold this opinion are listed below.

To start with, friends always share the same interests. It is conceivable that we can find a place we both enjoy easily. And even our destination is inconvenient, we will still have fun just because traveling with friends. Just imagine how wonderful it could be when you are climbing a mountain which has nearly a right angle, afraid to walk any more, but your friends lend you a hand and encourage you to climb on the top. The cooperation between your trip and the excitement of success will enhance the friendship, forget the nervous and dangerous, as well as enjoy the scenery that is hardly seen in the city life.

In addition, friends enable the trip much safer if you are faced with some problems occasionally. They will give you a helping hand in the first time when some trouble happens to you, and that is what other elements cannot give. Take my personal experience as an example. When I headed to Xi an with my best friend, I got a badly cold during the trip in the midnight. My friend bought some medicine for me at once and stayed with me the whole night. I can hardly imagine how difficult it would be to find an open drug store in the night. Thanks to her patient care, I recovered so quickly that I could enjoy the delicious food in Xi an.

There is no denying that a good location and food will also bring us some happiness during vacation, however, good friends could regard as the basic of the other two factors to some extent. Therefore, sharing the fascinating scenery and delicious food with friends could be a better way for us to remember an unforgettable vacation.

From what has been discussed above, we may safely draw a conclusion that traveling with good friends contributes on an enjoyable vacation most. Not only because it will improve the friendships after the experience working out a difficult situation together, but also because it will be very helpful when faced with difficulties that could not fixed alone.