TWE 184 请求各位DX帮助修改

blackcoffee

184. Some students prefer to study alone. Others prefer to study with a group of students. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

The issue of whether students should study alone or with a group of students is a much meaningful yet contentious one since different people hold different views on it, not only because their respective backgrounds, but also due their alien understandings. From my own opinion, I prefer to study with a group of students and my arguments are listed as follow.

The first reason that can be seen by every people is that you can quickly understand the ken you don’t know and improve our understanding of the knowledge. When we study with a group of students, you can show the question that you don’t understand, and then the group members can discuss the question and give the right answer. Sometime, though you know the question your group is discussing, you can improve the master of the knowledge by the discussion, because in the discussion you need to organize the mind and show them. No doubt, from this, students can attain and review the knowledge.

The second reason why I advocate the statement students should study with a group of students is that studying with a group of students can buildup the teamwork spirit of the students. Nowadays, with the development of society, cooperation is increasingly enhanced and teamwork spirits become more and more important. When students study with a group student, they not only study the knowledge, but also study how to cooperate each other. This will benefit to their future.

Last but not the least, when some students study together, they attain not only the knowledge but also the method other students think the question. Thus they can adjust the way they study and find a better way they get knowledge.

To sum up, given the reasons discussed above, which sometimes intertwine to form an organic whole and thus become more persuasive, we may safely arrive at the conclusion that studying with a group student is better than studying alone. Further more, following this suggestion will be good at the future of the students.

runnerio

184. Some students prefer to study alone. Others prefer to study with a group of students. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

The issue of whether students should study alone or with a group of students is a much(you cannot use “much” here, it can only qualify comparative degree)meaningful yet contentious one since different people hold different views on it, not only because their respective backgrounds, but also due (to) their alien understandings. From my own opinion(in my opinion), I prefer to study with a group of students and my arguments are listed as follow.

The structure of the first sentence has some problems. You may not use “since, because, and due to” in that way which will give others misunderstanding. I think you have taken the GRE, haven’t you? The model of the beginning is quite like that. J

The first reason that can be seen by every people(delete) is that you can quickly understand the ken you don’t know and improve our understanding of the knowledge.(there is a confusion here about person pronoun. try to avoid use “you” in all essays.)  When we study with a group of students, you can show the question that you don’t understand,(same problem) and then the group members can discuss the question and give the right answer. Sometime(s), though you know the question your group is discussing, you can improve the master of the knowledge by the discussion, because in the discussion you need to organize the mind and show them. No doubt, from this, students can attain and review the knowledge.

Your sentences are very scattered and there are quite a few grammar faults. I only change a few of them. Maybe you should pay some attention to your grammar and learn to improve the complex sentence structure.

The second reason why I advocate the statement (that) students should study with a group of students (delete) is that studying with a group of students can buildup the teamwork spirit of the students(how about using them). Nowadays, with the development of society, cooperation is increasingly enhanced and teamwork spirits become more and more important. When students study with a group student, they not only study the knowledge, but also study how to cooperate each other.(Not only do students obtain knowledge form group studying, but also they learn the cooperative skills with others.) This will benefit to their future.

Last but not the least, when some students study together, they attain not only the knowledge but also the method (in which )other students think (about) the question. Thus they can adjust the way they study(grammar fault as above) and find a better way they get knowledge.

To sum up, given the reasons discussed above, which sometimes intertwine to form an organic whole and thus become more persuasive, we may safely arrive at the conclusion that studying with a group student is better than studying alone. Further more, following this suggestion will be good at the future of the students.

Your have a pretty good vocabulary. However, you should pay attention to your grammar and sentence structure. Besides, your model is too obvious, especially the first sentence of the last paragraph which I have seen from many essays. Anyway., good luck.J

pengstone

总的来看还可以,但应注意一些基本搭配和用词.还有人称应该统一. 尽量用第三人称.

以下是引用blackcoffee在2004-11-23 11:32:00的发言：

The issue of whether students should study alone or with a group of students is a much meaningful yet contentious one since different people hold different views on it, not only because (of) their respective backgrounds, but also due (to)their alien understandings. From my own opinion, I prefer to study with a group of students and my arguments are listed as follow.

The first reason that can be seen by every people is that you can quickly understand the ken you don’t know and improve our understanding of the knowledge. When we study with a group of students, you (not consistent with "we" you used in the beginning of this sentence)can show the question that you don’t understand, and then the group members can discuss the question and give the right answer. Sometime, though you know the question your group is discussing, you can improve the master of the knowledge by the discussion, because in the discussion you need to organize the mind and show them. No doubt, from this, students can attain and review the knowledge.

The second reason why I advocate the statement students should study with a group of students is that studying with a group of students can buildup the teamwork spirit of the students. Nowadays, with the development of society, cooperation is increasingly enhanced and teamwork spirits become more and more important. When students study with a group student, they not only study the knowledge, but also study how to cooperate (with)each other. This will benefit to their future.

Last but not the least, when some students study together, they attain not only the knowledge but also the method other students think (about)the question. Thus they can adjust the way they study and find a better way they get knowledge.

To sum up, given the reasons discussed above, which sometimes intertwine to form an organic whole and thus become more persuasive, we may safely arrive at the conclusion that studying with a group student is better than studying alone. Further more, following this suggestion will be good at the future of the students.

blackcoffee

Thank your help. I wll try to do according to your suggestion.