micky帽子希望加入写作小分队。12和26.背水一战啊。希望组织里能加入组织一起战斗哈！求狠批互改！~~

micky帽子

刚看到这个写作小分队很好，之前有少量练习但是都没写机经啊。火烧眉毛了……只能闭着眼睛冲刺了……求狠批。求互改共同进步！

micky帽子

JJ：People can learn more from watching television than by reading books.

With the rapid development of science and technology, our society is on her way to modernization. As a result, the television has become a indispensable part of our daily life. Frankly speaking, to some degree, the time people spending on TV nowadays is far more than spending on reading books. However, does people really can make better knowledge acquisition from the TV? Though this issue is not as cut and dry as people believe, I have to admit that people do learn more from watching television than by reading books.

The first reason concerns the TV can express the latest development in science and technology in a prompt manner. But for the wide spread of the TV using high-edged technique, we have to wait the the editing and publishing for months or even longer. Shenzhou IX is a vivid example. In China, at the day, when it was about to launch, the CCTV make a live broadcast of the whole precess from the initial preparation until the last minute the spacecraft in our sight. Meanwhile, All the people around at that time stopped working and opened the TV and witnessed the breakthrough moment of our motherland. What a exciting thing! We are trying to learn more knowledge of the mistery universe, and we have already sent people to explored the unknown space. Only by reading books, we can’t share the historic moment with our family through the continuously vivid picture and come to what the out space really likes.

Furthermore, from the TV can we have a better understanding of some abstract theories. Compared with books describing things in a series of words and phrases, the television can illustrating by combining the narrative and the visual forms such as pictures, chats, diagrams and videos. When we took our physical class, our teacher always find difficulty in interpreting some atomic models. Next class, he showed us a video through the TV companied with his explanation. Finally, we made clear the obscure conception gradually. It does work during our learning process. Owing to the importance of TV, now every class in China have equipped one cope with the teaching. Books are good raconteur, while the TV tell the conception in an quite appealing way for people to accept.

What makes the TV more distinguished is that we can having class via TV connected to the internet. Using the modern TV, we can select what we want to learn among great deal of excellent resources. Tutored by famous professor, we can have a longer attention span when studying. As my brother who was obsessed with watching television and fed up with books, he used to spending long time watching cartons. My aunt then buy him a series class acted by cartons, he quickly quited and turned to the interesting movie class and learned something useful instead of watching the funny cartons. Not just for people like my brother, every person can having class fit for him. We can save a lot of time and money to obtain the same we desired. For the books, just the same words for every reader.

From what we discussed above, the TV is really plays an pivotal which can express the latest knowledge, illustrate the abstract theories in a clear way and provide ample resource fit for different people.Through the TV has some negative effects and books were worth reading without question, for modern people, they don have enough time sitting and reading, the television is a better choice which can benefit them more.

micky帽子

今天已经占座啦！希望明天有文章修改哦~！这篇有木有好心人帮我看看~谢谢啦~~~!thx very much

micky帽子

With the booming of the economy, there is growing awareness of the happiness. As more attention than ever before has been paid, what factors can be the spring of the happiness has triggered a heated discussion. However, this issue is not as cut and dry as people believe. It’s actually rather controversial. Both jobs and social life are the indispensable parts mainly contribute to our happiness.

Job, which takes eight or even more hours in our daily life, seems to be the core of our life and one root of our happiness. We realize our dream and keep in touch with people of all different races and backgrounds. Meanwhile, it meets our material demand, and supplies our social recognition. Without doubt, when our job is not succeeding, we cannot enjoy our spare time in a good mood. The story of my friend is a vivid example. He is an actor busing with acting different roles. When he made an excellent performance in one series, he may catch the eyes of all the media and received a fat salary. He would enjoy the life, and was glad to join all the activities. Whereas, when he got in tumble, he would be blamed. What was worse, he would be angry or suspicious of his acting ability, and the day wind up frustrating. What a mess in his life! He didn’t desire the evening part, and stay up thinking all night about his job. We all cannot help us bring what we though back to home.

The social life make up the rest of our life also plays a pivotal in happiness. When after a whole day stressing working, what we looking forward is to getting together with missed friends. To do something relax, and pour out something confessing. With a wonderful night, we can be an energetic freshman for another day dealing with the job. Take the consultants for instance. His duty called him to be friendly to every the customer he treated. It is some weird customers he had to stand during the day that he needed a quite night indeed. But his wife always quarreled with him on pieces of trivial things. He not only born the pressure from the job but also should do cautiously in case of the endless quarrel. Can he be happy? Out of question, he will be bothered with the social life, and cannot relax himself, run into a vicious spiral. However, his colleague, he enjoy his family life and every day set the aim to earn more money to afford the family a better life. From the consultant, we can see the social life has an influence on the happiness and even on the jobs.

As both the two parties take the half the root of the happiness. We should strike a delicate balance on the social life and jobs. Only find the balance, can we live an easy and happy life enjoying and challenging the incidents.

结尾有点仓促啊。总说这样的写法写的字多但是一段里会不会太乱呢？

micky帽子

Your job will have more effect on your happiness than the social life does.
构思：两者缺一不可；是happiness 的重要组成部分
     Happiness 的背景，并说明它的形成少不了这两个
     快乐不能缺少工作
     快乐也不能缺少社会活动
     工作的影响，社会活动的影响对工作来说都很重要。两者缺一不可

micky帽子

It’s better to relax by watching movie or reading a book than doing physical exercise.

In order to keep up with the pace of the booming of the economy in the modern society, people spare no effort to struggle for their life, feeling stressful. All of them are seeking for an appropriate activity to relax themselves. For years, they regarded taking physical exercise in gym as the first and best choice. But ideas has been changing and people are taking a fresh look at this problem, some of them prefer watching movie or reading a book. Is it still the best choice other than watching a movie or reading a book? However, different people shows various choices.

To those who like or need having an quite evening, sitting in the sofa, enjoying a paragraph they admire is the best way to relax. Trough the words and phrases, they are released from tighten job. Or going to the cinema, they chose a movie you adore to enjoy, thrust themselves into the climax plot, as if they were the protagonists. Indulged into the movie, they are about to forget all the confessed matters. For instance, the coach working in the gym, to exercise and help the customer to keep fit are his jobs. He was doing exercise all his working time and demonstrating the same gesture several times overwhelming by exciting music. What he need indeed is an quite place to relax himself. It is too tired for him to try any exercise again. For him, reading a book or taking a look at the latest movie is the better access. Likewise, for my friend who likes the novel best and itches to reading will be her job, will give the answer without hesitate staying in the book store reading the fiction. It was her choice.

Meanwhile, to those who feel fed up with reading or in need of the exercise, doing physical exercise does much better. Besides, sitting in the chair for all day long lead to their lacking of exercise. However, the exercise can keep fit in a good condition, without suffering from sickness frequently. Especially to women, what’s more, after a period, they will gain a charming figure gradually. My aunt is an vivid example. She used to go to the hospital in a high frequency owing to the pressure of work. Recently, she take the advise of her colleague to doing some exercise. After an exhausting working day, she tried the yoga, a exercise stretching our bones to relax. A month later, she felt herself to be another active person, full of energy. Thanks to her colleague, she can say goodbye to the doctor and be more slim. Despite reading can bring her some happiness, but it totally cannot help her a healthy body. The same as the movie, which can tell her a touching story but cannot give her more energy, let alone be excited enough to enjoy it. People in the same condition prefer exercise as they are in need. Compared with the health, the work is not that pivotal. They forget all the frustrated matters when they are concentrating on how to imitate the posture the coach is performing.

When we are trying to relax ourselves, the most vital point is to strike a balance to our lives, not simply go after the others. Furthermore, the same pattern suit for everybody in diverse situation. Tough there are many choice and people are always discussing which one is better, to you , the fit one, the better one.

wsxz007

第一次改作文，多多关照 建议 有问题的句子 好句子
It’s better to relax by watching movie or reading a book than doing physical exercise.

In order to keep up with the pace of the booming of the economy in the modern society, people spare no effort to struggle for their life, feeling stressful. All of them are seeking for an appropriate activity to relax themselves. For years, they regarded taking physical exercise in gym as the first and best choice. But ideas has been changing and people are taking a fresh look at this problem, some of them prefer watching movie or reading a book.如果是并列句的话前后句的时态和主语不一致，或者改成状语从句 Is it still the best choice other than watching a movie or reading a book? However, different people shows various choices.

To those who like or need having an quite evening, sitting in the sofa, enjoying a paragraph they admire is the best way to relax. Trough the words and phrases, they are released from tighten job. Or going to the cinema, they chose a movie you adore to enjoy, thrust themselves into the climax plot, as if they were the protagonistsas句子成分有点没看懂，第一个逗号后面的they 和you ，第二个逗号后面也是个句子，逗号不能连接两个句子. Indulged into the movie, they are about to forget all the confessed matters. For instance, the coach working in the gym, to exercise and help the customer to keep fit are his jobs. He was doing exercise all his working time and demonstrating the same gesture several times overwhelming by exciting music. What he need indeed is an quite place to relax himself. It is too tired for him to try any exercise again. For him, reading a book or taking a look at the latest movie is the better access. Likewise, for my friend who likes the novel best and itches to reading will be her job, will give the answer without hesitate staying in the book store reading the fiction. It was her choice.

Meanwhile, to those who feel fed up with reading or in need of the exercise, doing physical exercise does much better. Besides, sitting in the chair for all day long lead to their lacking of exercise. However, the exercise can keep fit in a good condition, without suffering from sickness frequently. Especially to women, what’s more, after a period, they will gain a charming figure gradually. My aunt is an vivid example. She used to go to the hospital in a high frequency owing to the pressure of work. Recently, she take the advise of her colleague to doing some exercise. After an exhausting working day, she tried the yoga, an exercise stretching our bones to relax. A month later, she felt herself to be another active person, full of energy. Thanks to her colleague这里感谢运动从逻辑上会更好些, she can say goodbye to the doctor and be more slim. Despite reading can bring her some happiness, but it totally cannot help her a healthy body.despite和although一样后面不接butThe same as the movie, which can tell her a touching story but cannot give her more energy, let alone be excited enough to enjoy it.没太看懂，感觉与主题没啥关系的句子People in the same condition prefer exercise as they are in need.in the same condition和in need 貌似表达是一个意思，prefer的话可以考虑prefer to do ^rather to do ^ Compared with the health, the work is not that pivotal改成so?. They forget all the frustrated matters when they are concentrating on how to imitate the posture the coach is performing.

When（ we are ）多余trying to relax ourselves, 可以用目的状语从句the most vital point is to strike a balance to our lives, not simply go after the others. Furthermore, the same pattern suit for everybody in diverse situation. Tough there are many choice and people are always discussing which one is better, to you , the fit one, the better one.



1、记得一位牛人的分享中提到了，作文中的主语尽量少使用代词做主语，可选择相应的名词

2、长短句将结合，我对自己的长句没啥把握，会多备几个好的句式穿插在作文中，剩下的多用短句，保证不出错

3、考场上时间较短，最好选择支持其中一个论点，然后给出两到三个原因支持，并举例，之后有时间的话可以说一下另一个观点好的地方，避免逻辑上的偏废，然后总结还是更支持自己前面所陈述的那个观点。两个观点都写得话，很容易陈述不清。
4、问过好多牛人，基准就是先保证不出错，逻辑清楚，哪怕都是小学水平的句子。

micky帽子

灰常感谢你的认真修改哈~~~~改的好详细。
对哦。用名词做主语好像读起来会地道一些？~是这个感觉吗？
我也在摸索中……因为这个我两个理由都不太充分，所以我才选择这样写。写的时候也比较困惑，思路不清晰。逻辑是我的硬伤啊~~~~希望多多指教~！！~
我也是第一次改作文。……而且我的语法……够呛，可能从自己的角度出发读别人的文章会不一样一些哈。我尽力~~~

micky帽子

第一次改作文，多多关照 建议 有问题的句子 好句子
It’s better to relax by watching movie or reading a book than doing physical exercise.

In order to keep up with the pace of the booming of the economy in the modern society, people spare no effort to struggle for their life, feeling stressful. All of them are seeking for an appropriate activity to relax themselves. For years, they regarded taking physical exercise in gym as the first and best choice. But ideas has been changing and people are taking a fresh look at this problem, some of them prefer watching movie or reading a book.如果是并列句的话前后句的时态和主语不一致，或者改成状语从句 Is it still the best choice other than watching a movie or reading a book? However, different people shows various choices.

To those who like or need having an quite evening, sitting in the sofa, enjoying a paragraph they admire is the best way to relax. Trough the words and phrases, they are released from tighten job. Or going to the cinema, they chose a movie you adore to enjoy, thrust themselves into the climax plot, as if they were the protagonistsas句子成分有点没看懂，第一个逗号后面的they 和you ，第二个逗号后面也是个句子，逗号不能连接两个句子. Indulged into the movie, they are about to forget all the confessed matters. For instance, the coach working in the gym, to exercise and help the customer to keep fit are his jobs. He was doing exercise all his working time and demonstrating the same gesture several times overwhelming by exciting music. What he need indeed is an quite place to relax himself. It is too tired for him to try any exercise again. For him, reading a book or taking a look at the latest movie is the better access. Likewise, for my friend who likes the novel best and itches to reading will be her job, will give the answer without hesitate staying in the book store reading the fiction. It was her choice.

Meanwhile, to those who feel fed up with reading or in need of the exercise, doing physical exercise does much better. Besides, sitting in the chair for all day long lead to their lacking of exercise. However, the exercise can keep fit in a good condition, without suffering from sickness frequently. Especially to women, what’s more, after a period, they will gain a charming figure gradually. My aunt is an vivid example. She used to go to the hospital in a high frequency owing to the pressure of work. Recently, she take the advise of her colleague to doing some exercise. After an exhausting working day, she tried the yoga, an exercise stretching our bones to relax. A month later, she felt herself to be another active person, full of energy. Thanks to her colleague这里感谢运动从逻辑上会更好些, she can say goodbye to the doctor and be more slim. Despite reading can bring her some happiness, but it totally cannot help her a healthy body.despite和although一样后面不接butThe same as the movie, which can tell her a touching story but cannot give her more energy, let alone be excited enough to enjoy it.没太看懂，感觉与主题没啥关系的句子People in the same condition prefer exercise as they are in need.in the same condition和in need 貌似表达是一个意思，prefer的话可以考虑prefer to do ^rather to do ^ Compared with the health, the work is not that pivotal改成so?. They forget all the frustrated matters when they are concentrating on how to imitate the posture the coach is performing.

When（ we are ）多余trying to relax ourselves, 可以用目的状语从句the most vital point is to strike a balance to our lives, not simply go after the others. Furthermore, the same pattern suit for everybody in diverse situation. Tough there are many choice and people are always discussing which one is better, to you , the fit one, the better one.



1、记得一位牛人的分享中提到了，作文中的主语尽量少使用代词做主语，可选择相应的名词

2、长短句将结合，我对自己的长句没啥把握，会多备几个好的句式穿插在作文中，剩下的多用短句，保证不出错

3、考场上时间较短，最好选择支持其中一个论点，然后给出两到三个原因支持，并举例，之后有时间的话可以说一下另一个观点好的地方，避免逻辑上的偏废，然后总结还是更支持自己前面所陈述的那个观点。两个观点都写得话，很容易陈述不清。
4、问过好多牛人，基准就是先保证不出错，逻辑清楚，哪怕都是小学水平的句子。

-- by 会员 wsxz007 (2013/1/5 11:14:23)

刚点错啦！谢谢你的修改哈~~~！
我想问个问题，它题目里提到的看电影或者阅读在文章里一定要两个都提到吗？

micky帽子

Agree or disagree, in order to succeed, you should be more like the others than be different from everyone else.

With the fierce competition in the job market in recently years, the government and the shools are encouraging the fresh graduates to start their own business with all aspects favored. And thus, a great number of the freshmen take their steps to pursuit the success. This phenomenon force people to reconsider whether we should be more like the others or not. Meanwhile, those who strongly disagree with is cited that it could be a hardship over the course of achieving the goal without different patterns or unique trait.

Have you ever heard similar stories of different notables, including the tough they come across? Of course not, as different backgrounds and races shapes various personality. When on the way of success, the impedance is inevitably. For mediocrity, many common points can be find. Whereas, at this point, each person will perform according his own approach. Though we may reckon that follow others’ trace, can the aim be achieved more easily and less risky. The yearn for the triumph blinds us. Without take all the vital factors into consideration, we simply quit our study as Bill Gates and start a plausible thriving company. Before making the decision to imitate, you get to know his mother is the director of IBM? Also, settled in the modern society, does the same way proved effective after the industry revolution? Without doubt, we should explore the new path to the success in a time of rapid of advance.

Furthermore, in the “eyeball” era, attracting more attention increase the chance being succeed. Only the creative product can catch the eyes of customer full of curiosity. Apple is a vivid example. After the failure in the Mac prior years, the company almost caught into the bankruptcy. It is the launch of the series of mythical iphone that save the whole company. In the next few years, all the product of even became the heated topic. All the apple fans stayed up waiting for the release of the latest product not merely the iphone. The company not only takes the maximum market but also push the cellphone industry forward to an entirely new epoch. The same conclusion can be drawn in different fields. Follow others may be a good choice in other aspects, but in the way of being distinguished you may come across unexpected obstacle. That is the reason why you are eminent.

Last but not least, only imitate cannot work out surprising result. In other words, the success cannot be duplicate from one to the other. Taobao, one of the China’s pioneer B2C online mall, makes a hit in the retail industry. After the success, countless website try to perform the same pattern as they explored. Without adding something others does not have, the result is always disappointing.

The precondition of success contains chance, talent, fund, etc. Hence, the most important one is creatives, what we talked above all need are your inspiration, your courage and your sharp eyes which only belongs to you to picture your goal.