第一次加入写作分队 xiaoqing song

lizchang1990

31 December

Independent Writing: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People can learn more from watching television than by reading books.



黄色表好,红色表错误,浅红表更正,蓝色表建议
There is an old saying that(goes,) never too old to learn. More and more people nowadays have concern that learning is increasingly becoming our central theme(这个表达很怪~). Now, here comes a puzzle: whether can we learn much more from the television or not? And what about the books? From my point of view, I deem that watching television could greatly help us to learn more than reading books do in our daily life.

To begin with, it is much more convenient for us to watch TV programs at home when we are free, which means that we could obtain more knowledge from the TV. To be more exactly, I want to take my father as an example. When he gets back home from his company after work every day, he will go to the drawing room first, make a cup of tea, and open the television ultimately(去掉吧,你这是一连串的动作,这个ultimately加上来感觉多余,不那么自然了). During the time of watching TV, he would greatly have a deep thinking for a long time. And more often my father chats with us about the events that have been seen from the TV. After that, all of us could know much more about the ideas upon a certain topic. By contrast, if we want to learn much knowledge from the books, which are not so easy to get due to the certain kind of books we do not have so far, we would have to go to the book store or library to buy one. As a consequence, it will cost so much time to get the book we really want to read that we cannot learn so much from the books.(你前面这句套的句子太复杂了,建议拆掉) For this reason,漏掉I strongly feel that it is more easier for us to watch TV at home that we can get more knowledge from the TV.

What’s more, watching TV at home could definitely save so much money that we are completely willing to choice this kind of learning, then increasing our gains from the TV directly. To be more precise, it is a common belief that our human beings are very pleasure about the cheaper way to learn something value. For example, I went to the book store to buy a textbook, called University, to review my major(你要表达专业知识么?if this is the case,你这个表达不地道,换professional/academic吧) knowledge, it cost me 100 yuan RMB completely. During the first term in my post-graduation, I have spent 1000 yuan RMB to buy the books in the book store near my school. On the contrary, my mother wants to learn the cooking, she just needs to open the TV, being conducting from the guide in the television with free. As we all know, the service fee to the TV is really cheap per year, it just cost 480 yuan RMB per year in our city. Therefore, it is much more cheaper(你这个More,后面er不觉得重复了么?小粗心) to learn something from the TV than from the books, which in turn getting more knowledge from the TV.


Finally, the TV could provide variety of programs for the audiences, leading people to learn a wide range of knowledge, skills and expertise. Even though the books could have a deep thought upon a topic, the television could offer us all kinds of important information as well. Namely, there are so many types of programs in the television, such as news, entertainment, education, etc. All these programs could extremely broad (broaden)our horizon, which is so vital for us to work when we young people start to enter into the society. In addition, through the comprehensive knowledge from the television, we humans could easily pay the way for success in our whole life, which(限制性定于从句能少用就少用,尤其你的先行词隔了很要遥远的话,不建议用,which修饰整句话一般很少出现,虽然可以修饰的哈~GMAT曼哈顿说得很明了哦) in turn encourages us to learn more knowledge from the television. Hence, we modern people could deeply learn much from the television instead of the books.

To sum up, I firmly believe that watching television could receive much more knowledge than reading the books do. For one thing, we could watch TV at home whenever we want and spend less money on TV. For another, we will get diverse kind of information from the TV that is the key to the success.



总点评:明显感觉你进步了,若30分完成的话,可以冲25的作文了,虽然期间夹杂着不那么地道的表达,总体是好的. 不错,继续加油哦!!!







The lecture material and reading material have entirely opposite ideas about whether a group of people to be a team is the best method to get new projects. The speaker argues that the writer’s thought is a little bit of problematic in the real life. After that, the speaker uses three specific points to support his opinions.

To start with, the speaker fights against the first statement in the reading, which states that the members in a team could have a comprehensive range of knowledge, profession and technical ability. Then the speaker demonstrates that some people in the team are nearly(有必要加这个词?) free and they do not even do anything. When the team gets an excellent result, the real giver could not be rewarded by his name due to the benefit for the whole. So the real giver would not be praised by the team.(后面这句话看着感觉不对劲,就是表达问题,giver 这个表达不常见,赠与者?by the team也值得商榷)

What’s more, the speaker casts light on the second point in the reading, which states that the team workers could finish tasks fast and solve problems creatively as a result of vast people and resources input. For one thing, the speaker points out that the team cannot run efficiently since the team would have so many meetings and these team members would hardly have consistent ideas that they only make the project last long. And if the two persons within the team perform over others greatly, they would drop others’ ideas, let alone the further discussion. For another, some people in the team want to warm(warn) the rest members, but they would just be ignored by the rest of the people.

Finally, the speaker opposes the third issue in the passage, which explains that everyone could benefit from the team’s achievement. He makes his point by saying that if the team ends up in failure, everyone will be blamed increasingly(你这个词去掉吧). 其实你上面的后面部分可以丢下来说的~属于支撑这段的话~

To sum up, the speaker carefully discerns the flaws of the reading passage and takes one more step to reveal that the fallacies need a close scrutiny.



综合反正我是觉得没啥能验证人的, 你写的还不错吧~

shanhunian

1月5  先上传综合的哈，TPO5  真心请教改的同学一个问题：关于转述听力部分的内容， 内容的意思是不能有改变的吧，但是我在转述的时候是最好不要用听力原文中说的那个词吗？同义转换？？

The reading passage and the listening passage completely uphold different ideas about whether the famous house called Chaco is used for housing for people, storing food for supplies or using as ceremonies centers. The speaker argues that the author’s thought is just too problematic. After that, he uses three specific ideas to illustrate his opinion.



To begin with, the speaker opposes the first statement in the reading passage, which demonstrates that the Chaco is used for many people to live in. he deems that there are some unconvincing reasons for the Chaco to be used as houses for people. To be more precise, he states that even though the appearance of the Chaco outside is like the apartment of Tao in more recent years, the inner part has some doubts to be regard as houses for people to live in. if the Chaco is used for living, there would have many fireplaces for each family to make a cooking in the daily life. Moreover, one of the largest houses in the Chaco is only for ten persons, but there are enough rooms for hundreds of people to live in.



What’s more, the speaker disputes the second issue in the reading passage, which infers that the Chaco is used for storing food supplies. He makes his point by saying that there is still a compelling evidence to reveal the house is not used as a place for storing food. He points out that the Chaco is not contained a trace for maize or big conditioners. If the house is used for storing, there should have more maize on the floor and more conditioners.



Finally, the speaker casts light on the third point in the reading passage, which demonstrates that the Chaco treat s as ceremonial centers. He thinks that it is impossible to be ceremonial centers even if the mound, near the Pueblo Alto, has many old materials, which reveals deposits included many broken spots for ceremonies. There are still many other building materials, such as sands, stone and construction tools. It could only suggest that mound is trist hit of construction material, stuff is far from away or not used up when the house is being built. In addition, the spot is left over meals for the construction workers.

brace1016

5号是你改我的独立。我写的是机经。因为要考试了。所以没有写小分队的哦。谢谢了

shanhunian

Agree or disagree, in order to succeed, you should be more like others than be different from everyone else.（要疯了，自己都不知道自己写了什么，没什么思路啊。。。求救。。。）



Today, everyone is completely thirsty for the success. As we all know, the success always means that we human beings could obtain so much from this kind of mysteries, such as personal progress, reputation, and even huge material wealth. But here comes a puzzle, whether should we perform differently from others or action similarly like others so that we could get a big success? In my point of view, I am partial to the first one since the personality always plays a vital role on the success that we consistently pursue in our whole life.

To begin with, it is a common belief that different people from different background have different hobbies completely, which means that it is impossible for our human beings to have the sheer same hobby as others’. As a result, our humankinds are definitely expert in different fields in their career. To be more exactly, I want to take my own story as an example. When I was a college student two years ago, I was working hard for a further study in the next year. Since I like studying at school and want to be a teacher in the further. On the contrary, one of my best friends Jack, who was also a college student in our school, conducted on the different field in his daily life. Due to the difference of hobby between us, he took part in our school’s public department at last. Hence, I just studied every day in the classroom and he just went to work in the public department. So when we graduated, he became a leader in the school and I got an opportunity for further study in another college in china. Both of us got a success two years later, but we really performed differently in our life.

What’s more, distinct expertise makes out various approaches to the success, which could absolutely produce different performance. All of us are known that certain kind of careers need certain kind of skill to finish. For example, the teachers are teaching at school every day, they need many kinds of skill to take care of students, such as communicating skills, observing skills, teaching skills, etc. All these skills are included for the career to be a teacher. However, if someone wants to be a merchant in the further, he should obtain these skills. Namely, he must be good at chatting with others, observing other’s mind, etc. Besides, he must have some excellent relationship in the business circle among his colleges. So, you can see, people’s expertise could have greatly effect on the road to success.

Finally, to make a big breakthrough in certain area, people must be different from others, and cannot imitate others when they are working. There are so many famous people in our daily life that I cannot name them specific. For instance, one of the best known CEOs in china, Yu minhong, who is the boss in the New Oriental Company, is just like this kind of people who makes a big success in the whole life. When he was doing the pioneering working in the early days, he always perceived the problem happened in the daily life that he found some distinct characters in his career. At last, he got a huge progress in his company and became a famous person in China.

To sum up, I firmly believe that if we want to success, we should be always different from others and have our own personality. For one thing, different people have diverse hobbies and instinct skills to receive an achievement. For another, we must perform different from others so that we can make a big breakthrough in our life. Only in this way could we have a better life as a whole.

shanhunian

1月6日 占座 独立+综合

wsxz007

The reading passage and the listening passage completely uphold different ideas about whether the famous house called Chaco is used for housing for people, storing food for supplies or using as ceremonies centers. The speaker argues that the author’s thought is just too problematic. After that, he uses three specific ideas to illustrate his opinion. 开头第一段一般只是指出两个材料在就同一问题进行阐述，相同或相反，谁反驳了谁，然后写一下听力中分几个POINT阐述问题。阅读材料的内容在通篇尽量少的体现。



To begin with, the speaker opposes the first statement in the reading passage, which demonstrates that the Chaco（讨论的对象是great house）is used for many people to live in. he deems that there are some unconvincing reasons for the Chaco to be used as houses for people. (To be more precise, he states that even though the appearance of the Chaco outside is like the apartment of Tao in more recent years, the inner这个词一般指的是内心的，精神层面的内部part has some doubts to be regard as houses for people to live in. if the Chaco is used for living, there would have many fireplaces for each family to make a cooking in the daily life. Moreover, one of the largest houses in the Chaco is only for ten persons, but there are enough rooms for hundreds of people to live in.
第一点两个细节内部看着像住宅，但反驳的重点在第二个细节100家的屋子只有可供10家饭的灶台，一次反驳great house 是住宅的观点。


What’s more, the speaker disputes the second issue in the reading passage, which infers that the Chaco is used for storing food supplies. He makes his point by saying that there is still a compelling evidence to reveal the house is not used as a place for storing food.这里我的感觉是听力部分通过假设是用作储藏则应该有主食谷物和的容器的痕迹，但事实这里没有，推出不是储藏室。即没有找到证据则阅读观点不成立。 He points out that the Chaco is not contained a trace for maize or big conditioners. If the house is used for storing, there should have more maize on the floor and moreconditioners. Container我听得是这个，红色的部分重复了，可以再简洁点。


Finally, the speaker casts light on the third point in the reading passage, which demonstrates that the Chaco treat s as ceremonial centers. He thinks that it is impossible to be ceremonial centers even if the mound, near the Pueblo Alto, has many old materials, which reveals deposits included many broken spots for ceremonies. There are still many other building materials, such as sands, stone and construction tools. It could only suggest that mound is trist hit of construction material, stuff is far from away or not used up when the house is being built.时间点应该是建筑结束时，没用完的或被丢的垃圾 In addition, the spot is left over meals for the construction workers.

第三点，阅读指出通过遗迹中的pots 说明房子是用来祭祀，听力通过对阅读中举出的物证进行反驳，而驳斥祭祀一说，即遗迹中还发现很多建筑垃圾，从而推测pots和建筑垃圾一样是建筑过后的遗留垃圾，不能作为证据证明房子曾被用作祭祀。





建议可以参看一些模板，我也刚刚开始写作文，实在不知道怎么写就先找模板填空，熟练点就把模板的句子拆开重组变成自己的东西。

至于听力原文重现，之前在群里跟鹤鹤讨论过，他的意见是能够重现更好，但是听力内容考场上貌似背不下吧……不过要是可能，你可以试试，表示支持。

shanhunian

今天没看到你的作文呀，呜呜呜。。。。

brace1016

今天没看到你的作文呀，呜呜呜。。。。

-- by 会员 shanhunian (2013/1/6 23:26:00)

怎么看不到呢。
在这里哦http://forum.chasedream.com/TOEFL_Writing/thread-793707-4-1.html
你改我5号的文章哦。

shanhunian

7 January Independent Writing:

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:

People who move out of their native village or town are more successful and happier than who stay in their native village or town for their whole life.



Happiness and success are the very precious things for the people who are willing entirely to pursue in their whole life. But here comes a puzzle, whether do we stay in our own town or native village so that we could be more successful and happier in our whole life. In my point of view, I deem that for our human beings, staying in our native village or town will be more successful and happier than going outside of the village since we will feel happy and get more encourage to obtain success if we can live nearby our families and friends.



To begin with, it is a common belief that people nowadays prefer to stay with their family members and friends increasingly rather living far away from our relatives, which could definitely make us more happier so that we could get success easily. For example, my family is such a very traditional family in china that we all like chatting with each other every day. In this case, every member in our family absolutely feels happy and then my family member will have much motivation to work, which could in return get a well done during the working. My father is just like this kind of people. When he was free at home, he always chats with the rest of us and gets a pleasure during the day. Then he in return put more energy into the job that he quickly finishes his work and often gets a reward from his boss. For this reason, I strongly feel that staying in the native village will make us more successful and happier in our daily life.



What’s more, if we work in our native village or town, we could make use of the resources effectively, which can help us a lot when we are doing the pioneering work in society so that we eventually get a big progress for our career. To be more exactly, I want to take my friend Jack as an example. Jack, whose father owns so much wealth in our city among the riches, is raised up in a very democratic family, which could help him so much in his career. When he graduated five years ago, he decided to setup a big education training company called ABC in our city. Since his father was the CEO of the famous education center in our hometown, he could know many excellent teachers in the school, which could completely help Jack to open another company to make a profit. So during the pioneering work, he could easily took this advantage to operate his own company. After that, Jack quickly opened the new market of the education training in our city and finally made a big breakthrough in his career. Thus, I would have to say that it is really more easily for people to get achievement in his hometown and be happy at last.



Finally, we should pay attention to the opposite aspect, that is, it is really so hard for people to success and to obtain the happiness if they move outside of native village or town. Because of the unfamiliar environment, people would really spend lots of time on adapting to the local circumstance, it is just a waste of time for us. To be honest, I would take my uncle as an example. My uncle was a very excellent student when he was still at school. After graduating, he decided to go abroad in America for a further study. He told me that it was really such a painful experience for him to get a fruit. It was ten years that he spent studying in America. What’s more, he did learn a little bit of English when he was a college student because there was even no English teacher to teach him the language at that time. So he was so upset and depressed for a long time that he even could not have a motivation to study, let alone got a success in his job. Therefore, from this kind of bad experience for my uncle, it proves that we should stay in our hometown or village to get succeed and happiness in our whole life.



To sum up, I firmly believe that living in our town or native village will make us more successful and happier if we want to get a success in our career. For one thing, we could take care of our families and stay with our friends every day and make us happy, which could encourage us work harder than before. For another, we all know that moving out of town will waste us so much time to adapt the new environment that we cannot have enough time and energy to make a success in our career.

shanhunian

TPO 7





The listening passage and the reading passage completely uphold different ideas about whether the wood companies in the USA will do new practices to get the ecocertification. The speaker deems that despite what some people say, there are still good reasons for the wood companies in the American to seek this ecocertification for the ecocertified products.



To begin with, the speaker opposes the first statement in the reading passage, which argues that there are so many unvalued advertisements in America that consumers will not believe the ecocertification label. He states that the consumers will not treat these labels the same distinguish the claimed own products by the companies and identified products by the independent organization agencies. The American consumers are confident to the independent agencies. They favor in the products identified by the agency.



What’s more, the speaker casts light on the second issue in the reading passage, which points out that the price of the ecocertified products is so high that consumers will prefer to buy the cheaper unecocertified products. He makes the point by saying that of course most consumers will concern so much on price. But this case would only happen when the price of certain competing product is much higher than another products’. Study shows that when the difference between the two products is small less than five percent, the consumers do consider other factors rather than price. And American became to concern the value of preserving to protect the environment.



Finally, the speaker disputes that third point in the reading passage, which demonstrates that the argument, it is necessary for the American wood companies to catch up with the development of society in the world, is not convincing. He explains that definitely it is necessary to pay attention to the development of the rest of the world not because of consumers but because of foreign competition. He says that it is a good chance for the wood companies to meet the consumers’ interest in the eco-products. If the American companies slow meet the need of consumers, then foreign companies will crow into the American’s market that the local companies do not.