[求助]考试时候写的，ＮＮ们看看有没有希望５分

guoliwei

考试的时候写的基本就是这个样子，ＮＮ们看看有没有可能得５分啊？如果不能，那可就惨了！（４３０字）

自己的感觉就是写的还算比较流畅，但没有闪光的句式和词汇，谨遵循了临考前kui kui的教导，宁可写简单句，也不写没有把握的复杂句。

谢谢大家了！

The issue of whether to live in a traditional house or a modern apartment is a controversial one. Facing this question, different people will present different answers due to respective experiences and standpoints. Some claim that they like to live in a traditional house. Others, on the contrary, may choose to live in a modern house. As far as I am concern, of the two opinions, I would rather agree with the latter than the former. The reasons are listed as follows.

To begin with, a modern apartment usually has an excellent environment. In a modern apartment, there are not only elevators, but also tennis courts and swimming pools. Living in a modern house, people can enjoy more pleasure. Nowadays, due to the fierce competition in the society, people have to work very hard in order to attain more achievements. After a whole day’s laborious work, they usually get tired and need to relax themselves. However, a modern apartment just provides people with an ideal place to relax. For example, they can go swimming after dinner, and they also can play a tennis ball game with their friends and family members. Such activities will definitely help people to relax and reduce stress as well as gain physical fitness.（这里是不是有明显的语法错误？不确定as well as 可不可以这么用，有点后悔）

Next, people can make friends if living in a modern apartment. Unlike a tradition house which can only accommodate a few people, a modern apartment is large enough and a lot of people can live in there. By meeting regularly, people will be familiar with each other and associate with some friends to discuss topics, to exchange ideas and to get advice. So one’s circle of friends grows. When people are trapped into some difficulties, they will get help from their friends easily and conveniently.

In addition, people can save more time. Usually, a modern apartment will hire some people to clean the building. Therefore, residents will need not to clean the house by themselves. With the saved time, they can go shopping or reading. No matter what they do, one thing is certain: they can enjoy the life easily and happily.

Of course, it is obvious that there are a couple of advantages of living in a traditional house, such as the quiet environment and the gentle pace of living（这里是着急凑的两个理由，是不是有些牵强，让阅卷的认为我在凑字数？）. But if all these factors are contemplated together, the advantages of living in a modern apartment carry more weight than those of living in a traditional house. So, from what have been discussed above, it is safe for me to draw the conclusion that living in a modern apartment is more preferable.

friend_friend

以下是引用guoliwei在2004-11-17 18:23:00的发言：

考试的时候写的基本就是这个样子，ＮＮ们看看有没有可能得５分啊？如果不能，那可就惨了！（４３０字）

自己的感觉就是写的还算比较流畅，但没有闪光的句式和词汇，谨遵循了临考前kui kui的教导，宁可写简单句，也不写没有把握的复杂句。

谢谢大家了！

The issue of whether to live in a traditional house or a modern apartment is a controversial one. Facing this question, different people will present different answers due to respective experiences and standpoints. Some claim that they like to live in a traditional house. Others, on the contrary, may choose to live in a modern house. As far as I am concern, of the two opinions, I would rather agree with the latter than the former. The reasons are listed as follows.

To begin with, a modern apartment usually has an excellent environment. In a modern apartment, there are not only elevators, but also tennis courts and swimming pools. Living in a modern house, people can enjoy more pleasure. Nowadays, due to the fierce competition in the society, people have to work very hard in order to attain more achievements. After a whole day’s laborious work, they usually get tired and need to relax themselves. However (用得不恰当,句子在这没有转折的意思), a modern apartment just provides people with an ideal place to relax. For example, they can go swimming after dinner, and they also can play a tennis ball game (play tennis就行了)with their friends and family members. Such activities will definitely help people to relax and reduce stress as well as gain physical fitness.（这里是不是有明显的语法错误？不确定as well as 可不可以这么用，有点后悔）关于"as well as"到底算是连词还是副词性的介词词组,在语法界已经争论了几十年.虽然现在没有定论,但在as well as后面直接跟的是名词或名词性词组的现象还是占绝大多数.具体到你的句子,"gain physical fitness"是省略to的不定式结构,在这里也算是名词性的结构,所以你的句子从语法上来讲不算错.从style上讲,在as well as前面在加一个逗号就更好了,因为前面你已经用了一个and连接to relax和to reduce.总之放心,这个不算太大的问题.

Next, people can make friends if living in a modern apartment. Unlike a traditional house which can only accommodate a few people, a modern apartment is large enough and a lot of people can live in there to have a lot of people live in there (adj + enough + to ...的结构). By meeting regularly, people will be familiar with each other and associate with some friends to discuss topics, to exchange ideas and to get advice. So one’s circle of friends grows. When people are trapped into some difficulties, they will get help from their friends easily and conveniently.

In addition, people can save more time (不完整,什么东西让人们save more time). Usually, a modern apartment will hire some people to clean the building. Therefore, residents will need not (won't need) to clean the house by themselves. With the saved time, they can go shopping or reading. No matter what they do, one thing is certain: they can enjoy the life easily and happily.

Of course, it is obvious that there are a couple of advantages of living in a traditional house, such as the quiet environment and the gentle pace of living（这里是着急凑的两个理由，是不是有些牵强，让阅卷的认为我在凑字数？）这个没关系,本来就是做轻微的让步,牵强一点才好呢.表示我即使把你牵强的理由都算上,也推翻不了我下面的结论. But if all these (these在这有点指代不清,不知道是说两种选择的优缺点,还是上面刚刚提到的住HOUSE的优点.所以不如不要) factors are contemplated together, the advantages of living in a modern apartment carry more weight than those of living in a traditional house. So, from what have been discussed above, it is safe for me to draw the conclusion that living in a modern apartment is more preferable.

100%有5分以上, 60%可能5.5, 8%的可能拿6分.祝好运

guoliwei

多谢friend_friend, 希望您的预言一定要实现啊！！！

guandream

guoliwei,

long time not see here. it is a great essay. surely it can satisfy your wish.

guoliwei

guandream，你考完了没有？一定记得去考试的时候别忘了带上护照! 祝好运！

guandream

thanks.

I wrote the exam that day. I asked my friend to break my door, to crack the lockers, and to send it to me, but I felt terribly tired. the result is not good as I should, but it is high enough to satisfies the requirement.

good luck for your result.