梦想无法放弃！！！ Cleo归来 托福作文每天坚持 求批改

cleotina

Do you agree or disagree with the followingstatement?
Students can get as many benefits from organization or club activities as theycan get from their academic studies.

   As far as I am concerned, students indeed can gain the same benefit from organizing （应该改成organization） or participating activities; and they can gain benefits of various aspects, with these aspects mutual (+ly)improving.   （开头段可以再充实一点）

   Organization and club activities can improve students’ communicating skills, which is not easy to gain in academic study. In an organization,members gathering together do some activities. This is a good chance to meetmore people with similar habits, thus they can share interesting experiencesand personal opinion (+s). What’s more, they also can practicelistening to partners’ diversity (diverse) viewpoints with open mind and reach (+ing) a final consensus. These are important virtues for their future.(观点论述不够完整，基本上一点带过)

If students gain an opportunity being a leader of the club to polish (感觉这个词用的不恰当) leadership,they tend to be success in their career development. Take Obama for example, he joined in Harvard Law Journal and was nominated to be the president of theclub. On an interview about his colleague (college)life, he recalled that the precious experience offering him (+a) chanceto fulfill his management idea as well as enhance (+the) ability(+of) convincing people. Obviously, takingthese advantages, he successfully wins the president of America twice.例子很好！

   Furthermore, the communicating ability and leadership acquiring (acquired)in organization (+s) also benefit academic courses. As weall know that in some group assignments, students are asked to working (work)in group. Students good (这个词在这里是什么意思？) with people are popular and welcome,and study group consist with (of) this highquality team members always can get A, which means excellent.

   In sum, I strongly support that club activities are as important asacademic study. However, students in China are not aware of the benefits from club activities, they as well as their parents believe that academic study willguarantee them (+a) bright future. Thus all their study andspare time are spending (spent) on homework and tutoring. The serious result is that graduation (改成graduates) lake (改成lacking) of peopleskill (这个是什么意思？)after working. So students should be encouraged to join in various organizations as long as they like. 前面说参加社团活动有三个好处，但是这里说不参加社团活动只有一个缺点，感觉有点矛盾

1.建议笔者多花语言去论述一个已经提出的解释，而不要不断提出新的解释
2.小的语言错误有点多，下次应该注意

-- by 会员 libertine (2013/2/3 18:04:18)

good with people 是善于人际交往的意思，相当于Adj。出自 the pursuit of happiness

people skills 人际交往能力

Thanks for your precious advice.

libertine

cleotina

2.4 综合 TPO 12

Although the picture is concerned as a picture of Jane Austen for a long time, and the reasons offered in the passage are plausible, the speakers hold an opposite idea about it. He presents his idea in three parts as follows.



For the first, based on professor’s analysis, the opinion from Jane's family is dubious. Since the picture was identified by her family in 1882, when Jean had dead for more than seventy years, these family members could not know the teenager Jane, not less offer a convincing suggestion. Clearly, the speaker points out the loophole in the passage.



For the second, the lecturer maintains that to concern whether the picture is about Jane from the evidence of the skeleton depiction is far than enough. Jane has a huge family, with many relatives; it is possible that some girls with similar facial character. For example, Marry Ann, one of Jane's distant nieces also was a suspicious master of the picture. Thus, the second proof in the passage is refuted.



Last but not latest, he argues that if studying the date of the picture but not the style of the picture, It is assure that the painting was finished by William when Jane was 15 years old. What’s more, should William did draw a picture and sold it at the Jane's hometown, she should be a girl of 15 years old, but not a teenager. Finally, the third point in the passage is too weak to support the main idea of the passage.

cleotina

2.4
独立
What a practical issue, which we facing in our daily life. I believed that everyone has his own way to deal with this problem for an ideal performance. Concerning tons of painstaking experiences I gained in the past by using plan B, I should choose plan A which is starting working on the presentation immediately.

For the first, you will never get a really good idea until you embark on the task. People usually think that we can wait and one day a brilliant idea will come out spontaneously, just as Newton found the Relative Law， heating by an falling apple. I believed that Newton had been heated by some stuff before the apple, and why this apple inspired him. Checking some history materials, I found that he had worked on the problem for a long time before the apple accident. So, doing is the best way to deal an issue efficiently, but not waiting.

For the second, to starting working on you presentation will ensure you have enough time to handle it. You will never know how many energy and time you will spend during your preparation; so chasing a good result, we should begin to work on it as soon as possible. Once, I was asked to prepare a class about critical reading of GMAT. And since not taught this kind of class before, I focused on it after received the massage. In order to gain sufficient proof to support my view, I had to check all of my notes and two professional books about logic. Finally, I spend half a month to prepare a 15 minutes presentation, which is a work load out of expectation. If I hadn’t begun to do it, I won’t finish it on time.


Finally, to start working on your presentation soon after being announced will leave you time to refine your performance. It is rear that we can excellently hit an aim while just shoot once. On the contrary, we should adjust angles several times to make a better score. When it comes to a presentation, we should revise the context based on the former version and improve our performance after listening to others advice. Jobs, the Pre-CEO of Apple company, he practiced and adjusted almost 100 times for the speech to launch a new product.

Above all, I firmly prefer the former one than the later one to well prepare a presentation. Although sometimes I am still apt to delay my work to the last minute, which is obviously a bad habit； I am struggling to amend it.

cleotina

存到这儿，不然忘了

4Feb

独立写作
renehan和libertine互改
tsyxyss和perfectends互改
lihaolan改Tanyar
Tanyar改cleotina(占座日期错了，姑且这次把你算上了，下次别了呵呵)
cleotina改lihaolan

综合写作
cleotina改renhan
renhan改Tanyar
Tanyar改cleotina

Tanyar

2.3TPO 10
Integrate
In the lecture, the lecturer soundly refutes （the）points claimed in the passage one by one. Finally, it appears that all the standpoints in the passage are not proper.

At the very beginning, she declares (that people do not read literature)此处是从句主语， does not represents that they read materials useless. Nowadays, there are so many excellent books about science, history and art; they will inspire and ignite readers’ imagination and intelligence. So, this argument helps us know that reading public can gain profits not only (from) iterature but also from these kind of books.

Secondly, the professor points out a logical problem that is the decline of people spending time reading literatures not equals to the decay of culture.(这儿应该去掉is,在not前面加do,整个从句做problem的同位语) On the opposite, nowadays, there are various kinds of entertainment, which are more attractive and straightforward than literature; People also can gain creativity and obtain knowledge through listen to well operation music or watch a master’s movie.（through是介词，后面需要跟动名词）

Last but not latest（least）, as what the professor said（此处的what是重复）, the reason that there are more intelligent writers than before（do）not gaining sufficient support（is）not because readers do not like reading anymore, but because（可省略） their articles are not easy to understand. After presented this, the professor strongly proved that the writing and the reading of literature （being）decline is not resulted by the poor standards of today's readers （but）by(不需要) the writer themselves.



2.4 综合 TPO 12

Although the picture （has been）is concerned as a picture of Jane Austen for a long time, and the reasons offered in the passage are plausible, the speakers hold an opposite idea(opinion更为常见) about it. He presents his idea in three parts as follows.



For the first(at first), based on professor’s analysis, the opinion from Jane's family is dubious. Since the picture was identified by her family in 1882, when Jean had （been）dead for more than seventy years, these family members could not （even）know the teenager Jane, not less offer（offering）a convincing suggestion. Clearly, the speaker points out the loophole in the passage.



For the second, the lecturer maintains that to concern （whether the picture is about Jane from the evidence of the skeleton depiction） is far than（far from远非） enough. Jane has a huge（large）familywith many relatives; it is possible that some girls with（share） similar facial character. For example, Marry Ann, one of Jane's distant nieces also was a suspicious master of the picture. Thus, the second proof in the passage is refuted.



Last but not latest（least）, he argues that if it’s necessary to study) the date of the picture but not the style of the picture. It is assure（assured）that the painting was finished by William when Jane was 15 years old. What’s more, should William did draw a picture and sold it at the Jane's hometown, she should be a girl of 15 years old, but not a teenager. （这个句子太混乱了….需要改动一下，注意时态语态一致）Finally, the third point in the passage is too weak to support the main idea of the passage.





个人总结：两篇文章整体还好，但出现了以下三大类错误，确实需要多加注意。

1.句式。各种从句成分搭配出现问题，不要老是用过长的从句，一个句群中一般不要出现三个以上。语法方面需要加强，句子结构要引起重视。

2.谓语动词。单人三式，非谓语动词，以及唯一谓语等等，加油~~

3.标点符号。分号冒号句号别出现问题。

Tanyar

2.4独立
What a practical issue, which we （are）facing in our daily life. I believed (此处不需要过去式)that everyone has his own way to deal with this problem for an ideal performance. Concerning tons of painstaking experiences I gained in the past by using plan B, I should choose plan A which is starting working on the presentation immediately.



For the first, you will never get a really good idea until you embark on the task. People usually think that we can wait and one day a brilliant idea will come out spontaneously, just as Newton found the Relative Law (law of universal gravitation), heating (hit, hit的过去分词hit) by an falling apple. I believed (wondered) that Newton had been heated (hit) by some stuff before the apple did, and why it is this apple that inspired him. Checking (Reviewing) some history materials, I found that he had worked on the problem for a long time before the apple accident. So, doing (acting) is the best way to deal an issue efficiently, but not (instead of) waiting.



For the second, to starting (start) working on your presentation will ensure you have enough time to handle it. You will never know how many (much) energy and time you will spend during your preparation; so (so as to) chasing a good result, we should begin to work on it as soon as possible. Once, I was asked to prepare a class about critical reading of GMAT. And since not(haven’t) taught this kind of class before, I focused on it after received (receiving) the massage. In order to gain sufficient proof to support my views, I had to check all of my notes and two professional books about logic. Finally, I spend (spent) half a month to prepare a 15 minutes presentation, which is a work load out of expectation. If I hadn’t begun (didn’t begin) to do it (immediately), I won’t finish (wouldn’t have finished; 用到了虚拟语气非常好，但是要注意正确的表达) it on time.



Finally, to start working on your presentation soon after being announced will leave you time to refine your performance. It is rear(rare) that we can excellently (exactly) hit an aim while just shoot once. On the contrary, we should adjust angles several times to make (gain) a better score. When it comes to a presentation, we should revise the context based on the former version and improve our performance after listening to others’ advice. Jobs, the Pre-CEO of Apple company (Apple Inc.), he practiced and adjusted almost 100 times for the speech to launch a new product.



Above all, I firmly prefer to the former one than the later one in order to well prepare a presentation. Although sometimes I am still apt to delay my work to the last minute, which is obviously a bad habit； I am struggling to amend it



有很多例子，内容充实，但是要注意时态

大家都过年去了咧 你这两天也没写啦