Vanessa的作文贴

lillian馨

12.20

Helping others can bring happiness and fulfilment to us. And most people will choose to give a hand to those who are in need. When asked about whether young people today are more likely to help others than young people in the past, different people hold different views. As for me, I would say young people today are less willing to help others for the following reasons.


The first reason concerns the number of children in a single family at different periods. Take a glance of （take a glance atthe scene in） the 1960s and 1970s, it is common for a family to bear 5 to 7 children. With so many children to take care of, parents would teach the kids to care and love each other. So kids would learn to help and think for others at an early age. However, because of the one-child policy, young people nowadays tend to grow up as the only child in a family. Spoiled and pampered, these young people would think more of themselves and less of others. As a result, they are more self-centered and less others-oriented.

（看到这里忍不住夸你，对语言的运用华丽丽的好啊；前后对比着写，逻辑很好）

In addition, we can not ignore the influence of high-edged modern technologies. You can hardly find a young people（a 与people） obsessed with computer games like Crossfire and making-friends web such as Twitter and Facebook. Owning to (拼写错误了：owing to) these modern inventions, they put all their heart to the virtual reality. Ironically, they find themselves more familiar with the e-pals than their neighbourhoods. So young people today are reluctant to go out and meet new friends, let alone helping （跟前面平行：help） others. (要是在用几句提一下以前的那些young people 的情况就更好了)



Some people claim that young people today receive higher education and they are supposed to know the importance of helping others. I concede that some young people, indeed, volunteer to help those who are poor and homeless and commit to build a more harmonious society. But compared with young people in the past, most young people indeed need more compassion and service spirit.





看完了一遍又看了一遍，还是没改出来什么东西，虽然你说是憋了好久写出来的，但我觉得你的词组句型都很丰富了。可能缺少的是那么一点点活生生的例子。你的字数有点少，加上例子的的话，字数也多了，而且不是说人家老外都喜欢例子么~~

vanessa923

12.20

Helping others can bring happiness and fulfilment to us. And most people will choose to give a hand to those who are in need. When asked about whether young people today are more likely to help others than young people in the past, different people hold different views. As for me, I would say young people today are less willing to help others for the following reasons.


The first reason concerns the number of children in a single family at different periods. Take a glance of （take a glance atthe scene in） the 1960s and 1970s, it is common for a family to bear 5 to 7 children. With so many children to take care of, parents would teach the kids to care and love each other. So kids would learn to help and think for others at an early age. However, because of the one-child policy, young people nowadays tend to grow up as the only child in a family. Spoiled and pampered, these young people would think more of themselves and less of others. As a result, they are more self-centered and less others-oriented.

（看到这里忍不住夸你，对语言的运用华丽丽的好啊；前后对比着写，逻辑很好）

In addition, we can not ignore the influence of high-edged modern technologies. You can hardly find a young people（a 与people） obsessed with computer games like Crossfire and making-friends web such as Twitter and Facebook. Owning to (拼写错误了：owing to) these modern inventions, they put all their heart to the virtual reality. Ironically, they find themselves more familiar with the e-pals than their neighbourhoods. So young people today are reluctant to go out and meet new friends, let alone helping （跟前面平行：help） others. (要是在用几句提一下以前的那些young people 的情况就更好了)



Some people claim that young people today receive higher education and they are supposed to know the importance of helping others. I concede that some young people, indeed, volunteer to help those who are poor and homeless and commit to build a more harmonious society. But compared with young people in the past, most young people indeed need more compassion and service spirit.





看完了一遍又看了一遍，还是没改出来什么东西，虽然你说是憋了好久写出来的，但我觉得你的词组句型都很丰富了。可能缺少的是那么一点点活生生的例子。你的字数有点少，加上例子的的话，字数也多了，而且不是说人家老外都喜欢例子么~~

-- by 会员 lillian馨 (2012/12/22 11:49:01)

恩啊。好的。字数是我的硬伤啊。

你说得对，是应该要举例子的。我尽量编哈！

O(∩_∩)O谢谢你的认真修改！！

vanessa923

Environmentalprotection is a global issue which catch the eyes of individuals as well as the government. Some people suggest that  the government should increase economic growth  at the expense of  neglecting  the environmental concerns. As for this statement, I strongly disagree. Here are my reasons.

To begin with, every government is responsible for the environmental protection, especially in this global era.  The environment issue is not a single problem for a single country, but a common problem which calls for the joint effort of every country. Faced with serious issues such as global warming, Antarctic ozone hole, glaciers melting, it is high time we joined together to take action. It is foolish of us to pursue economic growth and neglect environmental concerns. Past experiences have tested the importance of protecting environment while we strive to boost economic development. Take China for an example.With the rapid development of science and technology, China is on her way to modernization. However, China also develops its economy and industry at the price of deforestation and switching lakes to farmland. In 1998, a horrible flood, as the curse of nature, occurred in China and took away millions of lives. Having tasted the bitterfruit of nature, China learn to strike a delicate balance between economic growth and environmental protection. It is this awareness that helps China head to the road of both eco-friendly  and fast development.

In addition, we should realize that economic growth and environmental protection are not opposite, but can be closely connected. Most people think in order to haste the economic development, we have no choice but to sacrifice the environment. However,  the career of  environmental protection is not a curse but a bless for economy since we can combine them together. The Yellowstone Park is a vivid example. Every year it attracts millions of tourists all over the world and greatly boost local economic growth. This clearly illustrates that we can develop on the basis of environmental protection  and in turn,environmental protection  can nurture the economic growth.

Some people may say it is advisable for the government to develop first and protect the environment later. I think it is naive to say so since the environmental protection is a long process. Once destroyed, it takes hundreds of years for nature itself to make adjustment and finally recover from the "human-made" situation. Why do not we take action at an early start in instead of regretting later?



In conclusion, I  think it is more sensible of us to concern environmental protection while we pursue high economic growth.

lizchang1990

Environmental protection is a global issue which catch(加es) the eyes of individuals as well as the government. Some people suggest that the government should increase economic growth at the expense of neglecting the environmental concerns. As for this statement, I strongly disagree. Here are my reasons.(你的开头很霸气哦~一针见血!)

To begin with, every government is responsible for the environmental protection, especially in this global era(这个有此说法? Global era?你肯定的话就OK,我很少见到而已,呵呵). The environment issue is not a single problem for a single country, but a common problem which calls for the joint effort of every country. Faced with serious issues such as global warming, Antarctic ozone hole, glaciers melting, it is high time we joined together to take action. It is foolish of (求讨论,这个of这么用的?)us to pursue economic growth and neglect environmental concerns. Past experiences have tested the importance of protecting environment while we strive to boost economic development. Take China for an example. With the rapid development of science and technology, China is on her way to modernization.(前面这句是个亮点) However, China also develops its economy and industry at the price of deforestation and switching lakes to farmland. In 1998, a horrible flood, as the curse of nature(好词), occurred in China and took away millions of lives. Having tasted the bitterfruit of nature, China learn(换learnt) to strike a delicate balance between economic growth and environmental protection. It is this awareness that helps China head to the road of both eco-friendly and fast development.

In addition, we should realize that economic growth and environmental protection are not opposite, but can be closely connected. Most people think in order to haste(感觉换个accelerate吧) the economic development, we have no choice but to sacrifice the environment. However, the career of environmental protection is not a curse but a bless for economy since we can combine them together. The Yellowstone Park is a vivid example(亮点). Every year it attracts millions of tourists all over the world and greatly boost (你这句话糅杂了,前面加个逗号换boosting表结果也OK)local economic growth. This clearly illustrates that we can develop on the basis of environmental protection and in turn, environmental protection can nurture the economic growth.

Some people may say it is advisable for the government to develop first and protect the environment later(很好表达). I think it is naïve(亮点) to say so since the environmental protection is a long process. Once destroyed, it takes hundreds of years for nature itself to make adjustment and finally recover from the "human-made" situation. Why do not we take action at an early start in instead of regretting later?



In conclusion, I think it is more sensible of us to concern environmental protection while we pursue high economic growth.(结尾可以再加多写,不然过于简单了,给个启示啥的都OK)

点评: 语言不错,没有读完感到很吃力,流畅自然,感觉很地道哦~
O(∩_∩)O~

lizchang1990

我一直就很好奇,为啥我标出来的黄色线条都没有啦~~~~哭....

怎么弄颜色阿~ LZ求帮助

vanessa923

我一直就很好奇,为啥我标出来的黄色线条都没有啦~~~~哭....

怎么弄颜色阿~ LZ求帮助

-- by 会员 lizchang1990 (2012/12/22 23:10:15)

呵呵。我一般就把你的文章复制，然后再在回复的页面里编辑。

你看编辑页面里都有文字颜色啊文字背景选项什么的。所以这样就很方便了。

谢谢MM的仔细修改。我总结一下哈！

vanessa923

Environmental protection is a global issue which catch(加es) the eyes of individuals as well as the government. Some people suggest that the government should increase economic growth at the expense of neglecting the environmental concerns. As for this statement, I strongly disagree. Here are my reasons.(你的开头很霸气哦~一针见血!)

To begin with, every government is responsible for the environmental protection, especially in this global era(这个有此说法? Global era?你肯定的话就OK,我很少见到而已,呵呵). The environment issue is not a single problem for a single country, but a common problem which calls for the joint effort of every country. Faced with serious issues such as global warming, Antarctic ozone hole, glaciers melting, it is high time we joined together to take action. It is foolish of (求讨论,这个of这么用的?)us to pursue economic growth and neglect environmental concerns. Past experiences have tested the importance of protecting environment while we strive to boost economic development. Take China for an example. With the rapid development of science and technology, China is on her way to modernization.(前面这句是个亮点) However, China also develops its economy and industry at the price of deforestation and switching lakes to farmland. In 1998, a horrible flood, as the curse of nature(好词), occurred in China and took away millions of lives. Having tasted the bitterfruit of nature, China learn(换learnt) to strike a delicate balance between economic growth and environmental protection. It is this awareness that helps China head to the road of both eco-friendly and fast development.

In addition, we should realize that economic growth and environmental protection are not opposite, but can be closely connected. Most people think in order to haste(感觉换个accelerate吧) the economic development, we have no choice but to sacrifice the environment. However, the career of environmental protection is not a curse but a bless for economy since we can combine them together. The Yellowstone Park is a vivid example(亮点). Every year it attracts millions of tourists all over the world and greatly boost (你这句话糅杂了,前面加个逗号换boosting表结果也OK)local economic growth. This clearly illustrates that we can develop on the basis of environmental protection and in turn, environmental protection can nurture the economic growth.

Some people may say it is advisable for the government to develop first and protect the environment later(很好表达). I think it is naïve(亮点) to say so since the environmental protection is a long process. Once destroyed, it takes hundreds of years for nature itself to make adjustment and finally recover from the "human-made" situation. Why do not we take action at an early start in instead of regretting later?



In conclusion, I think it is more sensible of us to concern environmental protection while we pursue high economic growth.(结尾可以再加多写,不然过于简单了,给个启示啥的都OK)

点评: 语言不错,没有读完感到很吃力,流畅自然,感觉很地道哦~
O(∩_∩)O~

-- by 会员 lizchang1990 (2012/12/22 23:09:09)

谢谢Liz的仔细修改。我总结如下。

1.global era 是可以的。呵呵。
2.of的用法， 用来[表示动作的主体]  eg:It is clever of you to do so.你那样做真聪明。
3，boost建议，改为：Every year it attracts millions of tourists all over the world， greatly boosting local economic growth.
4.结局要完善。对对对你说的很对。可以给启示。
In conclusion, I think it is more sensible of us to concern environmental protection while we pursue high economic growth. Or we will eventually end up reaping what we have sown.   Liz你看看这个结尾怎样？

lizchang1990

哈哈,看 了你的结尾,换得不错,但while用的时候还是用pursuing吧~ 下次你自行修改后记得给我短消息,哈哈,这样就可以讨论了,你很细心哦~

vanessa923

The reading passage talks about the difficulties the science of archaeology are faced with in the twentieth century. However, the listening passage disproves these difficulties by referring to the new guidelines approved by the UK in 1999, proving that the old situation is improved greatly.



To begin with, the reading passage puts forward that many uncovered archaeological  valuable artifacts were destroyed  because of new constructions in Britain cities, towns and villages. However, the new guideline states that before any construction company dig foundations for new buildings, the site should be carefully examined by archaeologists and be determined whether it has archaeological interest. That is to say, the archaeologically precious artifacts will be preserved before any constructions proceed.



In addition, contrary to the saying in the reading passage that the financial support for archaeological research is inadequate, the professor argues that the new guideline announces the work such as the initial examination and preservation plan done by archaeologists was paid by the construction company instead of the government funds and grants. This adequate funds allow further archaeological research.



Last but not least, the reading passage suggests that it is difficult to have a career in archaeology as a result of scarce archaeology jobs. The professor refutes this point by saying that there are more and more increased jobs and high-paid positions for those who devote to archaeology. Now this kind of job has become a professional with the highest salary ever.



In conclusion, the professor uses vivid and convincing reasons to disprove the points in the reading passage.

lizchang1990

我纯属试下阿.看能不能变颜色,O(∩_∩)O~

原谅我在这捣蛋~~~~嘻嘻