txwilliam作文贴 求狠批 打分

lizchang1990

For a long time, there have been widely-held concerns over whether the young people are more likely to help others than(这句话你犯了错误,than后面加个those in the past,不然你不觉得你对比的不对称么?) past. Obviously, the vast majority of people believe that in the past the young people who have more intention to help people. However, this idea is flawed in many aspects. As far as I am concerned, I strongly opposed this idea by opinion(去掉by opinion,貌似我上次说了这个问题,所以看到出现很眼熟) that young people in the present have more opportunity to supple people who need help. Because it is very convenient and more efficient to give help by technology and supplying help (这句话有语病,supplying后面跟着help,句意上有2个动词了)can make a lot of friends and broaden view to get success in the modern competition.

Albeit some argument proteins that young people in the past can be effected more from traditional culture that encourage us to give an assist, the advantage of my idea far outweighs them. The most significant one is that by helping people you can make a lot of friends and widen our horizon 建议后面that换个定于从句由which引导吧()that is necessary for success in the present. As the saying goes, to build up the relationship between you and someone who need help can intensify the sense of sympathetic and widen our horizon. Take my friend for instance, my friend Sam is a good at physic and so generous to tell others that what he knows .They cooperate each others to reach the goal that can make their life colorful and successful. Furthermore, during the helping process, he communicates with each others with different backgrounds that can enrich his personality, mature his thought and widen his horizon. Therefore, in my part, I prefer to say that young people are likely to assist others.

Furthermore, another reason that can strengthen my position involves that doing somebody a favor is more easily than past ,especially for young people who pay an attention to the new things, because the technology can make so transient(这个词很好,查了才认得的. 说下这句问题吧,这个make后面阿,感觉少了东西,把make换成is) that we just do it freely. The technology breaches the limitation of country's frontier and human's imagination. It changes the style of assisting and save a lot of time. According to the recent survey, the article finds that the technology are give(are是系动词,give是个动词,你重复在了一个句子里,两个都去掉,换provides) more choices and methods that are make a revolution that change the old style of assisting. You just send a message by cellphone and internet to alert the conceivable dangers for your careful people. This can further strengthen my position.

Admittedly, opinion over their virtue differ from person to person, I do not deny that there are some of advantages about helping in past, such as our tradition encourage(缺个宾语us吧) to assist more people and in past the young people are so innocent that are not consider some interests. The advantage of past cannot undermines what I have stated above.

As can be seen from all analysis, we safely come to a conclusion that although everyone believes that the young people are likely to help people, the current fact, nevertheless, demonstrates that in the present young people are more convenient to assist others.


点评: 观点不错,能清晰罗列,但文中句子稍微注意下,就进步很大的,因为你词汇都在那了,练习半个月会进步飞速的~   其实这样写可以拿到24了.

txwilliam

tpo
15
The reading and listening explore the topic of whether the three methods can control the population of the toad. The professor does not maintain that is the effective way to bin this spread that is opposed what the professor claims. Then she provides three special points to prove this idea.
First, the reading maintains that building up the fence can prevent the developing of toad, while, the professor considers that is not a effective way for young and egg toads. The reason is that the young and egg toad are live in the river and steam and they are flowed by river to the other side. Even though it can prevent the mature toad, it cannot the effective method for overall the toads.
Moreover, the reading claims that the volunteers can destroy the toad easily just by hand, however, the professor said that untrained volunteers may be capture some naive frog that some are endanger. And the young frog and young toad are too similar to distinguish.
Above all, although the reading suggest that designing the virus that are special for toad can control the developing, the professor said this method is disaster, reptile that are infect the virus is take to the south America by visitor and collector, and the toads will decline. The toad is indispensable factor for South America ecosystems. So if the virus is spread, there is a big mess and problem for environment.

1369179610

The reading materials and listening (lecture)explore the topic of whether the three methods can controlling the population of the toad. The professor in the lecture does not maintain the methods listed in the reading passage that they are the effective ways to bin this spread that is opposed what the professor claims.Then she provides three special points to prove this idea.
First, the reading maintains that building up the fence can prevent the developing population of toad, while, the professor considers that is not a effective way (useful)for young and egg toads. The reason is that the young and egg toad are live in the river and steam and they are flowed by river to the other side. Even though it can prevent the mature toad, it cannot the effective method for overall the toads.(没有新信息，可以去掉)

Moreover, the reading claims that the volunteers can destroy the toad easily just by hand, however, the professor said that untrained volunteers may be capture some naive（native） endangered frogs that some are endanger. And （because）the young frog and young toad are too similar to distinguish.

Above all, Thirdly，although the reading suggest that designing the virus that are special for toad can control the developing, the professor said this method is will cause disasters, reptile that are infected with the virus is taken to the south America by visitors and collectors, and the toads living there will decline. The toad is indispensable factor for South America ecosystems. So if the virus is spread, there is a big mess and problem for environment.

还不错哦~三点都有写到，只是有点小错误，加油~~

txwilliam

21独立
For a long time, there have been widely-held concerns over whether the government should neglect the environment problem that is for developing our economy. Obviously, the vast majority of people believe that to increase the economy, we should reduce the investment on the environment construction. However, this idea is flawed in many aspects. As far as I am concerned, I strongly oppose this idea by my opinion that we should take some measure on our environment that also can assist to increase our economy. Because it can improve our life standards to keep our health and the environment's investment can improve our economy.
Albeit some argument proteins that the environment will limit the economy's developing, the advantage of the improving the environment far outweighs them. The most significant one is that it can make our health better and keep our body's circle follows with the nature. The health is the most precious thing in the entire universe, I don't want have billions in the bank and a seaside house full of full-time servant to be happy, as long as I just want to a better environment that can's have negative effect on our health. Take my friend for instance, my friend Sam is always healthy and never encounter some diseases. Because he often keep exercise outside with a better weather that can release the endorphin get exhilarating feeling and with the healthy vegetable and diet to spend up the metabolism quickly. He breathes the plenty air without any dust to refresh the brain with the sunshine and soft breeze. Without doubt, the good environment can make you health and relieve the pressure.
Furthermore, another reason that can strengthen my position involves that it can solve the problem of the economy and spurs our investment. Our economy is slow down and there is no evident indicate that the recovery will come any time soon. The price is raise up and the currency inflation is get serious. According to the recent survey, the article find our trading partner such as USA and Japan in fall into economy plight, we should take some measure to spur our economy by our self. And there are more than 85% professor contends that to invest and solve our environment such as build up the station that to reduce pollution. It can create thousands of dollars to improve our economy. This case can further strengthen to my position.
Admittedly, opinion over their virtue differ from person to person. I do not deny that there are some advantages of focusing on developing our economy, such as we could sacrifice our environment first and then use our fortune to solve our environment problem. While, the advantage cannot undermines what I have stated above.
As can be seen from all the analysis, we safely come to a conclusion that although everyone believes that environment may be prevent the developing of economy, the current fact, nevertheless, demonstrates that environmental problem can not only increase our economy but also keep our health better.

txwilliam

21 综合

The reading and listening explores the topic of whether the archaeology are faced some serious problems. The professor claims that the archaeology are not face the limitation. Then, she takes three special reasons to prove.
First, the professor refutes the reading that construction projects damage the artifacts. The reason is it will make a plan between the company and government, if there are interesting. If the artifacts are value, they can build up near by or excavate to the other side.
Moreover, the professor maintains that the financial support is not decline which is opposed what the reading insisted. The reason is the company is pay all the charge about the earth the artifacts, such as, earth exam the value and other process. It is the new source to provide and now is much more than past.
Above all, the professor argues the point about the reading the career is more difficult. The professor maintains that the archaeology job is more than past, it have more opportunity such as exam, research and writing article. So the more position the society need, the more the number of people work for.

我把托福踩脚下

21独立
For a long time, there have been widely-held concerns over whether the government should neglect the environment problem that is (默认为强调句型，但是太累赘了建议删掉)for developing our economy. Obviously, the vast majority of people believe that to increase the economy, we should reduce the investment on the environment construction. However, this idea is flawed in many aspects. As far as I am concerned, I strongly oppose this idea by my opinion that we should take some measure on our environment that also can assist to increase （删掉）our economy. Because it can improve our life standards to keep our health and the environment's investment can improve our economy.（and不连接2个独立的句子，用;吧）
Albeit some argument proteins（拼写错误+单复数） that the environment will limit the economy's developing, the advantage of the improving the environment far outweighs them. The most significant one is that it can make our health better and keep our body's circle follows with the nature. The health is the most precious thing in the entire universe, I don't want have billions in the bank and a seaside house full of full-time servant to be happy,（？） as long as I just want to a better environment that can's have negative effect on our health. Take my friend for instance, my friend， Sam is always healthy and never encounter some diseases. （很少生病—不是“永远健康从不生病”哦）Because he often keep exercise outside with a better weather ？是要表达environment ，like fresh air吗）that can release the endorphin(哇，深奥的词， good) get exhilarating feeling and with(with只表伴随状态哦，用作插入语)the healthy vegetable and diet to spend up the metabolism quickly. He breathes the plenty air without any dust （空气中不可能没有尘埃的） to refresh the brain with the sunshine and soft breeze. Without doubt, the good environment can make you health (in health)and relieve the pressure.
Furthermore, another reason that can strengthen my position involves that it can solve the problem of the economy and spurs our investment. Our economy is slow down and there is no evident indicate that the recovery will come any time soon. The price is raise up and the currency inflation is get serious.(and的用法) According to the recent survey, the article find（时态） our trading partner such as USA and Japan in fall into economy plight,（2个介词） we should take some measure to spur our economy by our self. And there are more than 85% professor （85%是professor的数量吗？表达应该更清楚哦） contends that to invest and solve our environment such as build （building）up the station（什么样的station）that(不用that) to reduce pollution. It can create thousands of dollars to improve our economy. This case can further strengthen to my position.
Admittedly, opinion over their virtue differ from person to person.？ I do not deny that there are some advantages of focusing on developing our economy, such as we could sacrifice our environment first and then use our fortune to solve our environment problem. While, the advantage cannot undermines what I have stated above.
As can be seen from all the analysis, we safely come to a conclusion that although everyone believes that environment may be prevent the developing of economy, the current fact, nevertheless, demonstrates that environmental problem can not only increase our economy but also keep our health better.

21 综合

The reading and listening explores the topic of whether the archaeology are faced some serious problems. The professor claims that the archaeology are not face（助动词错误） the limitation. Then, she takes three special reasons to prove.
First, the professor refutes the reading that construction projects damage the artifacts. The reason is it （is that it）will make a plan between the company and government, if there are interesting. If the artifacts are value, they can (be )builded up near by or excavate to the other side.
Moreover, the professor maintains that the financial support is not decline(不是adj) which is opposed what the reading insisted. The reason is the company is pay( 动词) all the charge about the earth the artifacts, such as, earth exam the value and other process. It is the new source to provide and now is much more than past. （and用法）
Above all, the professor argues the point about the reading the career is more difficult. The professor maintains that the archaeology job is more than past, it have more opportunity such as exam, research and writing article. So the more position the society need, the more the number of people work for.



综合很多细节都抓住了，不错。

写作语法错误太多了，请注意基础语法（助动词，单复数，从句）；单词的词性是adj还是v，可以自己look up一下。

我是不是太苛刻了， 呵呵。不要介意啊

lizchang1990

For a long time, there have been widely-held （恕我无知,这个是你自己造的么?一般前面好像不会用到副词,感觉直接形容词OK,求解释,说不定我浅薄阿,呵呵）concerns over whether the government should neglect the environment problem that is for developing our economy. Obviously, the vast majority of people believe that to (你这个to加得有点多余,你that后面记得接个句子,要不就不要that)increase the economy, we should reduce the investment on the environment construction. However, this idea is flawed in many aspects. (你这个表达句子是没问题,但感觉好中式的表达哦~)As far as I am concerned, I strongly oppose this idea by my opinion that we should take some measure (复数)on our environment that also can assist to increase our economy. Because it can improve our life standardsto keep our health and the environment's investment can improve our economy.

Albeit some argument proteins that the environment will limit the economy's developing, the advantage of the improving the environment far outweighs them. The most significant one (你这个感觉不那么细心哦,有most,前面advantage要复数哦)is that it can make our health better and keep our body's circle follows with the nature. The health is the most precious thing in the entire universe, I don't want have billions in the bank and a seaside house full of full-time servant to be happy(加这儿累赘了), as long as(换了吧,意思这儿不对,况且后面还有just) I just want to a better environment that can's have negative effect on our health. Take my friend for instance, my friend Sam is always healthy and never encounter some diseases. Because he often keep exercise outside with(in) a better weather that can release the endorphin get exhilarating feeling and with the healthy vegetable and diet to spend up the metabolism quickly. He breathes the plenty air without any dust to refresh the brain with the sunshine and soft breeze. Without doubt, the good environment can make you health(这个不是形容词哦~) and relieve the pressure.
你这个例子举得不能支撑你的首句观点哦~~~换句话就是不搭调

Furthermore, another reason that can strengthen my position involves that it can solve the problem of the economy and spurs our investment. Our economy is slow down and there is no evident indicate that the recovery will come any time soon. The price is raise up and the currency inflation (去掉前面的currency)is get(两个都可以做谓语,择其一) serious. According to the recent survey, the article find our trading partner such as USA and Japan in fall into economy plight, we should take some measure to spur our economy by our self(为啥要分开?). And there are more than 85% professor contends that to invest and solve our environment such as build up the station that to reduce pollution. It can create thousands of dollars to improve our economy. This case can further strengthen to my position.

Admittedly, opinion over their virtue (木有懂为啥插入了their virtue,)differ from person to person. I do not deny that there are some advantages of focusing on developing our economy, such as we could sacrifice our environment first and then use our fortune to solve our environment problem. While, the advantage cannot undermines what I have stated above.

As can be seen from all the analysis, we safely come to a conclusion that although everyone believes that environment may be prevent the developing of economy, the current fact, nevertheless, demonstrates that environmental problem can not only increase our economy but also keep our health better.
结尾很好,看得出你的之前概括的~


其实你功底还是有的,但有些that的句子,你就不要加个TO在后面了哦. 这种语法很好克服的,加油了~其实你有机会进步的,多练习吧~句子有待加强!