1.13号前每天都要坚持写作文~ abby 加油加油！！！

阿伦艾弗森

Undeniably, a rising number of people insist on that in this world no issue is as important as patience and that without patience the hope for success run aground on the harsh reality. When I firstly heard some people discuss it （最好具体交代一下，不然有些指代不明）, I felt so confused and unaccepted 2 years ago but after I enter my college and encountered（and 时态前后并列）some obstacles and difficulties， I finally realizedwhat I heard that patience is a good thing and（that）we should take actions after we think twice about it instead of take actions at once. （额…原句让我有点不知道你realize到了what）

Without question, patience is one of the most important characters which contributing to our success（有一个连词的句子中要出现两个谓语）. My high schoolmate Gang Li who had obsession with advanced math, he （双主语了）always stayed at dorm or library patiently when we went out to dating or relaxing.（这句话的逻辑很诡异） Without patience, he won’t able to spend all his spare time in solving math problems. And what really impressed me is（that） he locked himself inside his dorm for 5 days to deal with a math problem. He got an outstanding college student math award which is meaningful in my country even (……)the world and admitted by Harvard University for his excellent math performance. We have to acknowledge that his patience means lot to his success.

Not surprisingly, patience is one critical element we used to get along with others which（这种修饰性的从句最好紧跟你想修饰的内容后）makes others feel comfortable and reliable. If you met problems what you would do next.（有一个连词的句子需有两个谓语） Should you just yield at your workmates or blame for your partners? Or should you just calm down and use your patience try to figure out what’s wrong then find a way to fix it. I guess most people will choose the latter. One real story told by my mom about herself, when she graduates from college and works（注意时态）at a company which is taken charge by a considerably strict boss and her workmates are indifferent to her because they don’t trust her ability. However one day when my mom found that something bad happened to the company’s financial system and it can’s capable of(be capable of)recording inventory and she hadn’t blame people for its dereliction, on the contrary, she communicated with person in charge and point out what’s wrong patiently for 4 hours which led to avoid a loss of ten thousand dollars. From this incident, my mom was accepted by her workmates and boss for her patience. （讲述过去的事情，注意时态！！！）

After ruminating all those reasons above, I, don’t（不用单独把I 分离出来）want to admit, but have to agree with the fact that patience is a good thing and we shouldn’t taken action at once. （这样 的结尾让人感觉你对自己的观点接受的很勉强）

1.注意连词和谓语之间的关系
2.注意时态
3.注意段落的分配最好平均
4.注意例子和主题句的对应



一点拙见，还望共同进步~！

阿伦艾弗森

The passage apparently state（单三）that the hydrogen-based fuel-cell engines will takeplace of internal-combustion engines for 3 reasons: avoid wasting fuelresources, prevent pollution problems and save money.（首段其实没必要交代这么具体） But the professor disputes it. She does not agree what the passage said and she uses 3 specific points to support her （own）idea.

First of all, the passage suppose(单三) that the internal-combustion engine relies onpetroleum which is a finite resource, we will run out of it at the end.（突兀了，说一下，但是教授的观点是，来个转折） Buthydrogen can be derived from natural gas even water, we don't have to worry about exhausting it.（worry about sth. its exhausting）In contrast, professor claims （这句话最好放在转折的开头）that hydrogen is not easy to get which（because it）needs considerably cold temperature to achieve, so that’ means it’s rare.

Second,professor asserts that hydrogen engine create more pollution problems than internal-combustion engine does. During the progress of extracting hydrogenfrom natural gas and water, it (指代不明)would consume plentiful oil which would make the pollution problems worst. In opposition to what passage said that it （同上）contributes to pollution solving, the lecture totally dispute it.

Finally,from the lecture, the professor point out that it's expensive to buy ahydrogen-based engine which is made by one costly material. Conversely, the passage state that it will save money when we choose to use hydrogen engines which it’s（双主语）twice efficient than internal-combustionengine.

Inconclusion, the viewpoints put forwarded in lecture contract with what is presented in reading passage. What’s more, the professor clear indentifies the weakness in the reading passage.



1.双主语
2。代词指代
3、单三

perfectends

妹纸，Dec. 15th 的独立呢？

abbyseven

今天头晕晕的就忘了，囧啊，我先去帮你改了，明天你再帮我改吧，真是对不住了~

abbyseven

Independent Writing: 要不要在小组工作中倾听他人建议？
Currently, a growing number of people reckon that there is no need to accept others’ advices when work in a team, because they think the most efficient way to accomplish their team work on time is to divide all the tasks into certain parts and each person is responsible for one part without discussion about their team work. But does everyone hold some attitude toward it? Absolutely not! Actually, I insist that listening to others’ advices when work as team will be a considerable advantage of the success of team work.





First of all, undeniably, listening to other team members’ advices will lower the rate of the mistake I make which it’s higher when I do my job alone and put other team members’ words aside. In fact, I was kind of people who enjoy working alone and refuse accepting others’ suggestions rudely before I enter my college. My college educational method, which always demand several students form a team and make presentation one by one, did change the way I working and I began to try to taking others into consideration. In my fresh year, I set a team with another 3 students to accomplish the marketing class task which required us put forward a commercial plan. During the progress of our discussion, I reject listening to my teammates to change the cover of commercial plan which is childish and leading to I got a C for that subject. If I had taken in their suggestions, there would be no possibility I would get a C.





Secondly, obviously, accepting other teammates’ suggestions and attempt to understand them is contributing to my interpersonal development which is a unique wealth for my career. Last month, I was hired by my dream accounting firm—KPMG. I was totally surprised by this amazing news because all my competitors were outstanding, I couldn’t find an explanation why they hired me? One day, I got the answer from HR manager; he said that the reason why he hired me was that my interpersonal ability really impressed him when I had group interview with other 7 members. What he had received from that interview about me was that I respected and adopted other’s useful suggestions and put my entire mind into our group work. He realized I am the person he was looking for and gave me an offer.





To conclude, from the two reasons I mentioned above, I suppose that it benefits me extraordinarily to listen to other teammates’ advices as we work together which not only is significant to enhance my interpersonal skills, but make the team work better and perfect without various minor flaws.

45573asdasd

Currently, a growing number of people reckon that there is no need to accept others’ advices when work in a team, because they think the most efficient way to accomplish their team work on time is to divide all the tasks into certain parts and each person is responsible for one part without discussion about their team work（多一套主谓）. But does everyone hold some（想说same吗?） attitude toward it? Absolutely not! Actually, I insist that listening to others’ advices when work as team will be a considerable advantage of the success of team work(ofof最好避免，让人摸不清).





First of all, undeniably, listening to other team members’ advices will lower the rate of the mistake I make which it’s higher when I do my job alone and put other team members’ words aside（病句啊这个句子里主谓2套，which it is的it 多余吧）. In fact, I was kind of people who enjoy working alone and refuse accepting others’ suggestions rudely before I entered my college. My college educational method, which always demand several students to form a team and make presentation one by one, did change the way I working and I began to try to taking others into consideration. In my fresh year, I set a team with another 3 students to accomplish the marketing class task which required us put forward a commercial plan（多套主谓）. During the progress of our discussion, I reject listening to my teammates to change the cover of commercial plan which is childish and leading to I got a C for that subject. If I had taken in their suggestions, there would be no possibility I would get a C.





Secondly, obviously, accepting other teammates’ suggestions and attempt（前面都用动名词了） to understand them is contributing to my interpersonal development which is an unique wealth for my career. Last month, I was hired by my dream accounting firm—KPMG. I was totally surprised by this amazing news result because all my competitors were outstanding, I couldn’t find an explanation why they hired me? One day, I got the answer from HR manager; he said that the reason why he hired me was that my interpersonal ability really impressed him when I had group interview with other 7 members. What he had received from that interview about me was that I respected and adopted other’s useful suggestions and put my entire mind into our group work. He realized I am the person he was looking for and gave me an offer.





To conclude, from the two reasons I mentioned above, I suppose that it benefits me extraordinarily to listen to other teammates’ advices as we work together which not only is significant to enhance my interpersonal skills, but make the team work better and perfect without various minor flaws.

美女，可以看出你很想把句字弄得华丽一些，但是过多的长句让人看起来很累，还容易犯错。 感觉火候还欠，表达的有些chinglish。多看看范文吧。看看大牛们怎么把句子写的很地道的。加油

abbyseven

这几天不知道什么情况，就是没有动力写作文，今天回归了，哎，马上去写，淡定淡定！！！ 加油啊~





写了一个小时，真的写不下去，几天没写，思路就变得很呆滞了，要多练啊！！！
Should company usepublic recognition to reward hard working, not to use money

Recently, a risingnumber of people hold the opinion that using public recognition to reward hardworking is a more effective way to express our appreciate and respect insteadof using money which seems like sophisticated. Although using publicrecognition means put hard working people into our eyesight, contributing themto be focus, I still suppose that company should use money to reward hard workingbecause  latter outweigh the former---usingmoney has more merit than using public recognition, such as gain of visibleprofit and satisfy substance request.

To begin with, compareto invisible public recognition, money is a visible thing which these hardworking people are able to use it to purchase whatever they want. Money is thebasic needs for people to survive today. Without money, they will have trouble inpaying off their children’s tuition especially when their children are admittedby famous private university such as Harvard University, Stanford University orIvy College; without money, there are no possibilities that butter and breadare exist; without money, they will put themselves in dilemma that aren’tcapable of offering more comfortable living conditions to their family. Hence,absolutely, people always choose to enter the company which provides profitableincome. If boss uses money for bonus or reward to its employee, it must be anadvantageous method to attract more excellent workers.

Besides, moneyprovides these hard working people a considerably effective way for them tosatisfy their substance request which means they can use those additional money(bonus or reward) to buy luxury things they are dying for. My friend lily holdsthis idea for 3 month that she intends to buy a diamond ring as a birthday giftfor herself. Fortunately, her company gives out $4000 reward to her for herhard working those months. $4000 means a lot to her that she can use it to buya diamond ring which she has thought about for months.

Conversely, if a companyuses public recognition to reward its employee, the merits I mentioned abovesuch as meets they employees’ daily needs and give them a chance to buy thingthey are fond of would disappear. Public recognition won’t brought substantiateprofit to them; what it brought is invisible fame and so-called honor. Gainpublic recognition means anything but benefit to the hard working which underno circumstance could they use it to make their life comfortable and affluent.  

To be concluded, Iargue that company uses money for reward to those hard working employees willpromote their working initiative, innovation and enthusiasm which benefit forcompany’s prosperity and meets employees’ consume needs. It’s a win-winsituation for both.

1369179610

Should company use public recognition to reward hard working, not to use money

Recently, a rising number of people hold the opinion that using public recognition to reward hardworking is a more effective way to express our appreciation and respect instead of using money which seems like sophisticated.（立场容易被误解，不然就不要了吧。） Although using public recognition means put hard-working people into our eyesight, contributing them to be focused, I still suppose that company should use money to reward hard working because the latter outweigh the former---using money has more merit than using public recognition, such as gain of visible profit and satisfy substance request.（meet the material demand）
To begin with, compared to invisible public recognition, money is a visible thing which these hardworking people are able to use it to purchase whatever they want. Money is the basic needs today for people to survive . Without money, they will have trouble in （such as）paying off their children’s tuition especially when their children are admitted by famous private university such as Harvard University, Stanford University orIvy College（这个细节没什么用，不然也去掉吧~）; without money, there are no possibilities that butter and bread are exist（也去掉吧~~）; without money, they will put themselves in dilemma that they aren’t capable of offering more comfortable living conditions to their family. Hence,absolutely, people always choose to enter the company which provides profitable income. If boss uses money for bonus or reward to its employee, it must be anadvantageous method to attract more excellent workers.

Besides, money provides these hard working people a considerably effective way for them to satisfy their substance request （meet material demand）which means they can use those additional money(bonus or reward) to buy luxury things they are dying for. My friend lily holds this idea for 3 months that she intends to buy a diamond ring as a birthday gift for herself. Fortunately, her company gives out $4000 reward to her for herhard working those months. $4000 means a lot to her that she can use it to buya diamond ring which she has thought about for months.

Conversely, if a company uses public recognition to reward its employee, the merits I mentioned above such as meets they employees’ daily needs and give them a chance to buy things they are fond of would disappear. Public recognition won’t brought substantiate real profit to them; what it brought is invisible fame and so-called honor. Gain public recognition means anything but benefit to the hard working which under no circumstance could they use it to make their life comfortable and affluent.  

To be concluded, I argue that company uses money for reward to those hard working employees will promote their working initiative, innovation and enthusiasm which benefit for company’s bright future prosperity（这个词是用于修饰经济的） and meets employees’ consume needs. It’s a win-win situation for both.


abby你用的词语有很多都 很不错哦~~ 积累素材是要花点时间的，总之，继续加油吧。