zkh1991同学的作文——互改小组第一期

zkh1991

The surest indicator of a great nation isrepresented not by the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists, butby the general welfare of its people.
Write a response in which you discuss theextent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain yourreasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting yourposition, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might nothold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

gaoxing

The surest indicator of a great nation isrepresented not by the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists, butby the general welfare of its people.
Write a response in which you discuss theextent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain yourreasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting yourposition, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might nothold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.



It is true that the general welfare ofpeople is a fundamental criterion when we assess a great nation. However, whenone makes a judgment, only considering the welfare is oversimplifying theassessment.

Admittedly, welfare is one of the[K1] （感觉这里不需要用the）significant indicators of a great country. And that isprobably what each individual cares most. Only if individuals are grantedwelfare[K2] （这里用grant似乎不是很合适，财富不都是被授予的吧。改成possessgreat welfare.）, could the society be stable and makeprogress at a steady pace, thus would become[K3] （可用这样写吗？改成be肯定就没错）regarded as a great nation.
（这一段展开的不够充分，就仅仅说一句是社会稳定发展的基础是不够的。）

Yet,saying welfare is the surest indicator would be unwise. Initially we need to give the “great nation”a clear definition[K4] （给定义，挺好的，学习。。
）. From a social perspective, though, the welfare could be granted moresignificance, and a nation in good welfare condition is more likely to beregarded as a great one. Yet when we assess a nation from an artisticperspective, we would appreciate the artistic works and grandiose edifices,rather than the welfare of its people. For instance, one could hardly laud thewelfare of India due to the existence of caste system, but it is undeniablethat India was a great nation in the history for its flamboyant culture. Thus,the significance of every indicator varies from different perspectives, and noone could assert which is the surest, so abandoning the achievements of rulers,artists or scientists is imprudent.
（从伟大国家的定义出发，不同角度，各个indicator的重要程度不一样，然后从艺术的角度分析艺术上的成就也能称为一个国家）
Moreover, even if from a social perspective[K5] （Evenif 后面应该接一个句子。）, it is reckless to overestimate the welfare. And thatmight lead to a fatal consequence. For example, the welfare of Greece is famous[K6] （Famous?财富很著名？因为那边的人生活的很休闲？）because people there live a leisure way. However, theleisureresults in the verging on bankruptcy of Greece[K7] （不知道这样的表述对不对，但如果改成has made Greece on the verge of bankruptcy就肯定没错了） and imperiling other European countries, for what Greeksspent is beyond what they earned. Thus, only offering welfare could not anation be regarded as a great one, paying attention to other aspects is alsoindispensable.
(再次论证就算从社会角度来看，财富对于衡量一个国家的伟大程度也并不是最重要的。)

To sum up, assessing a nation is acomprehensive process. It is hard to tell which indicator is the surest sinceeach indicator needs to be paid attention to during the assessment, unless onecould clearly define what a great nation is, and which stand he/she takes.

zkh1991

谢谢批改 很详细~  这里的welfare不止指财富 还指人们生活水平和福利之类的       我还是把表达方法弄得更保守点吧~