windstatus（mcs6436288）的作文贴 时间紧迫，没多久就要考了，求指点，求拍砖

mcs6436288

很久没动过作文了，今天写着有点吃力啊，惭愧。

mcs6436288

2012.10.21
 If you need to discuss upsetting or controversial problems with others, you will use e-mail or text messaging, OR use the telephone or voice-messaging.


 With the development of the technology, now we have so many different methods to communicate and discuss with each other. However, it also brings many issues. As the above mentioned issue. Which method should we take to discuss upsetting or controversial problems, e-mail and text messaging or telephone and voice-message? Because of the variable and colorful background and knowledge of people, Different persons always give different answer. For me, I would like to use the e-mail and text messaging rather than telephone and voice-message.
 First of all, when people hold some controversial ideas about a problem, it is hard to persuade each other to accept our views in a short time. This phenomenon brings the e-mail and text messaging a great advantage that is the opposite idea-hold persons can avoid illogical and unreasoning conflicts. As a world-wide survey which made by The United Nations Educational Scientific And Cultural Organization(UNESCO) printed on Washington Daily last year said: more than 78.35 percent of the senior managers in the world Top 500 enterprises prefer to use e-mails to express their controversial ideas or commercial strategies to their leaders, competitors or even their stuffs. What’s more, the percentage is increasing in recent decade. And the most crucial and persuaded reason of this tendency is that this choice can keep the discussible space to all the people and give opposites more time to think about the issue precisely.
 Second, there is another advantage which the telephone and voice-message could not have forever is that the e-mail can be loaded a wide, colorful and variable content. When researchers or managers discuss some crucial and scientific issues or commercial strategies, they would like to torch the logical data, charts, analysis report or even some relevant videos. However, those demands can be satisfied only by the e-mail and text-message, not the telephone and voice-message.
 The last but not the least, if we take the economy and cost of those two methods into account, it is no doubt that a logical and economic person will choose the e-mail rather than telephone to discuss an upsetting problem. I would like to give a personal experience as an example, before I applied for an investing bank summer internship in Goldman Sachs and BOA(Bank Of America) last year, I wanted to ask my uncle to revise my resume. He works in Seattle for a computer-program company but I live in Hong Kong. We always use e-mails to communicate and exchange our ideas, because the international call is very expensive. And we must consider about the jet lag, when I get up every morning, he might be preparing to sleep.
 So according all the convincing and logical reasons discussed above, we can get the responsible conclusion that in most situations the e-mail and the text-message are our better choice to discuss a controversial problem with others.

mcs6436288

求拍砖啊，NNN们，时间紧迫，求指点，求拍砖。

mcs6436288

求拍砖啊，NNN们，时间紧迫，求指点，求拍砖。

deanlone

马上，正在改，不好意思，学校刚刚才有无线网

deanlone

2012.10.21
If you need to discuss upsetting orcontroversial problems with others, you will use e-mail or text messaging, ORuse the telephone or voice-messaging.


With the development of thetechnology, now we have so many different methods to communicate and discusswith each other. However, italso brings many issues. As the above mentioned issue. (这样改行不：However, it also brings many issues, one of whichis mentioned above: Which method should wetake to discuss upsetting or controversial problems, e-mail and text messagingor telephone and voice-message?(建议不要抄题，最好用自己的话说，简洁为主) Because ofthe variable and colorful background and knowledge （修饰混乱，variable background and different knowledge?）of people, Different persons always givedifferent answer. For me, I would like to use the e-mail and text messagingrather than telephone and voice-message.

First of all, when people hold somecontroversial ideas about a problem, it is hard to persuade each other toaccept our（前面用了each other， 这儿反而不好改了，但肯定不是ours） viewsin a short time. This phenomenon brings the e-mail and text messaging a greatadvantage that is the opposite idea-hold persons can avoid illogical andunreasoning conflicts. As a world-wide survey which made by The United NationsEducational Scientific And Cultural Organization(UNESCO) printed on WashingtonDaily last year said: more than 78.35 percent of the senior managers in theworld Top 500 enterprises prefer to use e-mails to express their controversialideas or commercial strategies to their leaders, competitors or even their stuffs（staff?）. What’s more, the percentage is increasing inrecent decade. And the most crucial and persuaded reason of this tendency isthat this choice can keep the discussible space to all the people and giveopposites more time to think about the issue precisely.

Second（in addition? further?）, there is another advantage which the telephone and voice-message could nothave forever(总觉得像chinglish) is that the e-mail can be loaded a wide, colorful andvariable content. When researchers or managers discuss some crucial andscientific issues or commercial strategies, they would like to torch thelogical data, charts, analysis report or even（有递进吗？） some relevant videos. However, those demandscan be satisfied only by the e-mail and text-message, not the telephone andvoice-message.

The last but not the least, if we take the economy and cost of those two methodsinto account（把两种方法的价格和经济因素考虑进去，感觉像中式英语，if wetake the cost into account）, it is nodoubt that a logical and economic person will choose the e-mail rather thantelephone to discuss an upsetting(可以换个近义词) problem. I would like togive a personal experience as an example: before I applied for an investing bank summerinternship in Goldman Sachs and BOA(Bank Of America) last year, I wanted to askmy uncle to revise my resume. He works in Seattle for a computer-programcompany but I live in Hong Kong. We always use e-mails to communicate andexchange our ideas, because the international call is very expensive. And we mustconsider about the jet lag— when I get up every morning, he might be preparing tosleep. （例子后面一定要有总结语）

So according all the convincing andlogical reasons discussed above, we can get the responsible conclusion that inmost situations the e-mail and the text-message are our better choice todiscuss a controversial problem with others.

作者内容充实，逻辑结构比较好，但是中间三段的字数差异大，语法错误少，另外句式使用有点贫乏（基本是是 句子，and句子或简单句或状语从句结构）。可以适当变换句型，如倒装，动名词提前，非限制定语从句，结果状语伴随等。

deanlone

还有被动可以多用

mcs6436288

哈哈，谢谢。我读了你的文章后，也觉得我句子写的太没劲了。

mcs6436288

10月22日 综合，求拍砖，求指点，各种求。。。。
In this lecture, the professor holds the conclusion that the Chevalier deSeingalt's memoir about hisleft is accurate, logical and persuasive. Of course, the professor’s view counters with the passage’s idea which clearly suspects the truth of Chevalier's memoir. To point out her conclusion clearly, the professor shows her reasons to object to the passage's ideas.

Firstly, the passage mentions that the Chevalier is not as rich ashe said in his memoir. However, the professor claims that Chevalier is very rich, although he borrowed some money from Swiss merchants. Because Chevalier spent much money on parties andgambling, he needed to sellhis welfare. So logically, it will take some days to sell his welfare and get themoney. So borrowing moneycannot prove that Chevalier is not that rich.

Secondly, the professor mentions that it is possible for Chevalierto write the conversations accurately, because every time he conversed with some powerfulpersons. He will write themon notebook and he have anaccustom to keep the notes. So when he wittedhis memoir, he picked the notesout and called up his memory. This view is absolutely different with the idea hold bythe passage.

Last, although thepassage gives the idea that the reason Chevalies could escaped from the prisonin Venice is that he had so many powerful friends and his friends helped him toescape successfully. But the professorsuspected this claim, because some otherpeople whose friends are more powerful could not escape, how could Chevalier escape from the prison successfully? And then the professor put out another persuasiveevidence that some governmental documents pointed out that after Chevalierescaped from the prison, the prison tooksome action to decorate the prison's rooms. And this evidence can prove that the Chevalier escapedfrom the prison indeed.

All of those show that the professor really disagrees onthe ideas which the passages hold. And from her claims, the accuracy ofChevalier’s memoir is exact true.

AnthonySummer

粉红色拼写错误(直接修改了)橘红色语法错误（谓语搭配单复数问题、固定搭配、空格多空了一格、逗号句号用错了）红色其他错误黄色精彩句子蓝色建议修改（个人建议，不对的地方多多指教啊）





In this lecture, the professor holds the conclusion that the Chevalier deSeingalt's memoir about his left（这是什么意思？）is accurate, logical and persuasive. Of course, the professor's view counters with the passage's idea which clearly suspects the truth of Chevalier's memoir. To point out her conclusion clearly, the professor shows her reasons to object to the passage's ideas.（建议找个模板）





Firstly, the passage mentions that the Chevalier is not as rich as he said in his memoir. However, the professor claims that Chevalier is very rich, although he borrowed some money from Swiss merchants. Because Chevalier spent much money on parties and gambling, he needed to sell his welfare. So logically, （另起一句了，it 没有指代清楚）it will take some days to sell his welfare and get the money. So borrowing money cannot prove that Chevalier is not that rich.





Secondly, the professor mentions that it is possible for Chevalierto write the conversations accurately, because every time he conversed with some powerful persons. He will write them on notebook and he have anaccustom (这是什么？habit？)to keep the notes. So when he wittedhis (wrote the） memoir, （加连词and ）he picked the notes out and called up his memory.（没读懂） This view is absolutely different with the idea hold by the passage.





Last, although the passage gives the idea that the reason Chevalies could escaped（情态动词加do啊！）from the prison in Venice is that he had so many powerful friends and his friends helped him to escape successfully. But the professor suspected this claim, because some other people whose friends are more powerful could not escape（逻辑不清，语法问题）, （句号）how could Chevalier escape from the prison successfully? And then the professor put out another persuasiveevidence that some governmental documents pointed out that after Chevalierescaped from the prison, the prison took some action to decorate （是repair吧）the prison's rooms. And this evidence can prove that the Chevalier escaped from the prison indeed.





All of those show that the professor really disagrees on the ideas which the passages hold. And from her claims, the accuracy ofChevalier's memoir is exactly true.

太多语法错误了，招致逻辑混乱。