wsywsy1的作文贴，求改正求拍砖呐~

wsywsy1

2,6 综合
The reading passage says that slavage logging is beneficial to the disease caused by fire. However, the listening passage rebuts this by giving its own reasons.
Firstly, the reading passage talks that removing the trees can provide a space for cultivating new trees because no tree can grow in a cramped space. On the contrary, the listening passage says that removing dead trees cannot give a suitable room for new trees. It is bad for the growth of new trees because moving decayed trees will deprive the nutrient from the soil.
Secondly, the reading passage tells that decaying wood will promote the growth of insects, and these insects will do harm to the new spruce trees. In contrast, the listening passage shows that some birds and insects will help new spruce trees grow, and there is lacking of evidence that insects have damaged the forest.
Finally, the reading passage shows that damaged trees can be used for industry, and logging operation can offer a good job chance to people. On the other hand, the listening passage rebuts this by saying that we will cost more when considering the usage of helicopters, and the job chance is temporary, because this job will be occupied by the outside trained people who are more experienced and skillful than the local residents

renehan

6 Feb / 综合写作 renehan 和 wsywsy1 互改

The reading passage says that slavage // SALVAGE logging is beneficial to thedisease// DAMAGE [疾病一词在这里，使用不恰当, 可换成damage,harm, devastation,等] caused by fire. However, the listening passage rebuts this // THE STATEMENT [写作中this, that, the等指代词最好不要单独出现] by giving its own reasons.

Firstly, the reading passage talks that removing the trees can provide a space // [当空间讲时, 应该是不可数名词吧? 求确认. 还是翻译成一个地方?] for cultivating [用的好] new trees because no tree can //TREES CAN NOT [否定词放在名词前，逻辑不好.是所有的树都不能成活。建议放在can后面] grow in acramped space. Onthe contrary, the listening passage says that removing dead treescannot give a suitable room// CONDITION for newtrees. It is bad for the growth of new trees because moving decayed trees will deprive the nutrient from //SUPPLY/PROVIDE LESSNUTRITIONFOR the soil. [把腐木移走，只是不能更多提供养份，但不会把养分夺去]
Secondly, the reading passage tells that decaying// DECAYED wood will promote the growth of insects// SPRUCE BEETLES [在写作中首次出现的事物，最好清晰指出], and these insects // [之后才好用代词指代] will do harm to the newspruce trees. Incontrast, the listening passage shows that some OTHER birds andinsects will help new spruce trees grow, and there is lacking of evidence thatinsects have damaged the forest.
第二段的支持不够给力. 有点车轱辘的意思. 阅读中特指一种昆虫有害于一种特定树木当论据来帮助论点; 听力部分对应的反驳是, 100年间的alaska 丛森中该特定树木并没有大规模死亡。Besides/furthermore/moreimportant, decayed wood helps to provide resources for many other species suchas birds and diverse insects which play important roles for the long termhealth of the forests. Mm再把第二小段重新整理一下吧。

Finally, the reading passage shows that damaged trees [同义词替换使用的很好] can be used forindustry, and logging operation can offer a good job chance to LOCAL注意切题点 people. On the other hand, the listeningpassage rebuts [重复了, 可以多准备一些替换词的模板] this [同第一段代词的指代. 严格来说，这不算错误。但是这样的用法，会把你文章的整体水平拉低] by saying that we // THE PRACTICEOF LOGGING [不是我们，是伐木这件事] willcost more when considering // BY/ON[我不确定这里的介词应该用哪个合适, 求帮助] the usage of helicopters, and the job chance is temporary, [这句可以和前一句伐木的工作合在一起] my suggestion:by saying that the job /practice of logging is temporary and is costly on theusage of helicopters.
because // MOREOVER, this job will be MORELIKELY occupied [听力给的对比是当地劳力和外来人员]by the outside trained people who are more // WITH experience and skillful than thelocal residents. [trained和后面的词是并列关系，如果前面用了，后面再写，就有点重复了。可以放在一起，同时并列修饰]
my suggestion: by the outside people withrich/abundant experience and proper training skills than the local residents.

优点: 每段之间,起承转合比较好, 使得层次感分明,让人读起来很容易理解. 多注意一些小词的替换运用, 还有具体的语法用法.
一三小段写的都很好。再慢慢雕琢一下句子，就会更完美了。

wsywsy1

tpo15

The reading passage tells about the methods to stop the spread of the cane toads in Australia. However, the listening passage rebuts former by giving reasons.
Firstly, the reading passage says that building a national fence could be a good idea, because we can prevent toads from moving. On the contrary, the listening passage shows that toads and their eggs often exist in the stream, if we build a fence in the river, toads could also move from one side to the other side of the fence.
Secondly, the reading passage holds that volunteers can capture these toads, and cane toads are easy to catch. In contrast, the listening passage says that less trained volunteers may do harm to the native frogs, especially when the frogs are young
Finally, the reading passage shows that disease-causing virus can control the population of cane toad. On the other hand, the listening passage concerns the problems of controlling this virus. If people release this kind of virus, it would destroy the native habitat of cane toads, because toads can return to native habitat by chance, such as transportedby some researchers and pet collectors.

wsywsy1

The main purpose for people who have jobs is for money rather than social status.
 It seems that social status is the motivation of people who have occupations, however, I recently read an article associated with the reasons of taking jobs, and the study showed that more than 50 people ranked money as their top priority, compared to 30 just a few years ago. Why did people become aware of importance of money? The reasons are as follows.
 In today’s society, everything carries a price tag, so high prices are that people have to earn more money without considering the social places. For example, some advertisers exaggerate their products for getting higher profits, they often use the claims such as “the best”, ”the most” to attract children who cannot verify the fact and falsity. The public has already criticized such advertisers, but the problem of exaggerated ads still remains rampant. Obviously, these advertisers don’t care about social status. For another example, it is no denying that some people work as dustmen. Dustmen maintain sustenance by dealing with rubbish, however, this kind of job doesn’t have a high social status.
 Consistence with this idea, the common perception often evaluate money and social status similarly, in a degree, money can stand for social status. Hardly can we know a person’s social status easily, but we can know whether this man is rich via some reports such as Forbes Billionaire ranking, furthermore, people often prioritize property, that’s the reason why money can substitute social place. For instance, Lily inherits legacy of her parents, which makes her become one of the richest girls in the city, consequently, some people who don’t understand the real situation treat Lily as a sort of prestigious person.
 Finally, wealthy people still have jobs for money which can bring them a sense of achievement. By way of illustration, John is a businessman. Rich as he is, he still takes a job. Last year, he was interviewed by a reporter, saying that he acquired the sense of success by getting more money.
 In a nutshell, most people take a job for money. Also, I admire the person who works only for social status.

深水猫

The main purpose for people who have jobs(to have a job, 是短语吧大概)is for money rather than social status. （the purpose is money rather than social status 似乎顺溜一些）

（In the first place）It seems that social status is the motivation of(for，短语大概) people who（to） have occupations, however, I recently read an article associated with the reasons of（for,短语大概） taking jobs, and the study showed(which shows 从句似乎更好) that more than 50（percents,指的是百分比吧，或者说出多少个subjects 里 50） people ranked money as their top priority, compared to 30 just a few years ago. Why did people become aware of importance of money? （我觉得有点怪，begin to become 是不是会好一点？） The reasons are as follows.

In today’s society, everything carries a price tag, so high prices are that（and high prices means） people have to earn more money without considering the social places. For example(据说这个词比土，最好别用，我也不知道), some advertisers exaggerate their products for getting（to get?） higher profits, they often use the claims such as “the best”, ”the most” to attract children who cannot verify the fact and falsity. (Although,放前面比较符合习惯)The public has already criticized such advertisers, but the problem of exaggerated ads still remains rampant. Obviously, these advertisers don’t care about social status. For another example, it is no denying that some people work as dustmen. Dustmen(，who) maintain sustenance by dealing with rubbish, however, this kind of job doesn’t have a high social status.

Consistence with this idea, the common(shared 似乎更好) perception often evaluate money and social status similarly（equate money and social status就行了，可能比较顺溜）, in a（to some） degree, money can stand for social status. Hardly(hardly是几乎不的意思，不能表示很难，可以用 so difficutl) can we know(estimate好一点) a person’s social status easily, but we can know(evaluate) whether this man is rich via some reports such as Forbes Billionaire ranking, furthermore, people often prioritize property, that’s the reason why money can substitute social place. For instance, Lily inherits legacy of(from) her parents, which makes her become one of the richest girls in the city, consequently, some people who don’t understand(fail to take into account) the real situation treat Lily as a sort of prestigious person.

Finally, wealthy people still have jobs for money(,)which can bring them a sense of achievement. By way of illustration, John is a businessman. Rich as he is, he still takes a job.(我觉得有点怪，我语法不好，不敢乱改) Last year, he was interviewed by a reporter, saying that he acquired the sense of success by getting more money.
In a nutshell, most people take a job for money. Also（nevertheless）, I admire the person who works only for social status

优点:行文逻辑还是不错的，结构也很明确，不过你怎么有六段，第一句话是标题么？
缺点：语法上还要加强，比如说固定词组啦，常用替换词啦，从句的使用啦。再有就是语言不太地道吧，我这个毛病也挺严重，多读读大神的文章，背点句子就好了。
PS.:我也是渣人，改的不对或者没改到的地方请见谅啊，并且欢迎指正啊。

wsywsy1

第一句是标题。
           标题：
            开头
           论点一
           论点二
           论点3
          结尾
所以出现了6段~

谢谢猫同学改正，那个rich as ...是这个结构的变性“adj+as+n+is, n+v..”"虽然。。"
                         例子“rich as our country is, the quality of our living are by no means satisfactory”
                                 虽然国家富有，生活品质令人不满意。
我这样用其实我也不懂对不对啊。。。我再看看先

谢谢~其他我注意一下