argument 63 求各位批改。谢谢了。马上考试了

yuandefeiyi

The following apperared in a letter to the editor of the Parkville Daily newspaper.

Throughout the country last year, as more and more children below the age of nine
participated in youth-league sports, over 40000 of these young players suffered
injuries. When interviewed for a recent study, youth-league soccer players in
several major cities also reported psychological pressure exerted by coaches and
parents to win games. Furthermore, education experts say that long practices
sessions for these sports take away time that could be used for academic
activities. Since the disadvantages outweigh any advantages, we in Prakville should
discontinue organized athletic competition for children under nine.








This argument is well presented and appears to be relatively sound at first glance.
The editor recommends that they should stop organized competition for children
under nine. To uphold this recommendation, the author cited that many young players
suffered injuries and a recent study about youth-league soccer players. However,
after scrutiny of this argument , I found that this argument rife with holes and
unreasonable assumptions.

Initially, the author unnecessarily assumes that over 40000 of these young players
through the whole country suffered injuries means athletic activities in Pravkville
are disadvantage. Nevertheless, we do not know the detailed information about the
children in Prakvilles. It is possible that the physical quality of children in
Prakvills are relatively better than any other areas in the nation and then they
are less suffered injuries during athletic competition. Besides, the author did not
present the evidence about the extent of the injuries. We can confidently believe that
the injuries were slight which can help student to experience the difficulties
of life and then improve their resistance. In this case, these injuries were even
advantage for children below nine. So the author's conclusion is unwise.

Furthermore, the editor cited a recent study which revealed that in major cities
coaches and parents exerted pressure to yoth-league soccer players and assumes that
the circumstances in Prakvilles are analogous to that in major cities. But it is
unreasonable. It is entirely possible that there are many players and so keen
competition in major cities which lead to more expectation of coaches and parents.
But on the contrary, there are less players in Prakvilles and coaches and parents
did not pay more attention on competition but happiness during participating in
competition. Therefore, children may have less psychological pressure. Even  
indicates the circumstances in Praivilles, the study did not reveal the accurate
evidence about these soccer players, we can imagine that they are over nine-year-
old other than under nine. Without ruling out this possibility, the editor could
not recommend  children under nine will be not allowed for organized athletic
competition.

Finally, the assumption that the students will spend the sports time on academic
activities is doubt. Even if the students are not playing sports, they are
unnecessary to do academic activities. It is entirely possible that the students
spend more time on computer games or watch TV shows. If this is the matter, the
discontinuing organized athletic competition seems to be disadvantage too. Without
considering this possibilities, I remain unconvinced that the author's assertion is
correct.

In summary, to make the argument more cogent and persuasive, the editor should
provide more detailed information about the children in Prakviiles. And what are
the age of the soccer players in the recent study. How to use the time which was
used to sports for students after cancel the competition? Without considering these
questions, the editor should not hastily recommend that they should stop organized
athletic competition for children under nine.

普渡哥

This argument is well presented and appears to be relatively sound at first glance.
The editor recommends that they should stop organized competition for children
under nine.

第一个句子不完整，第二个句子，stop+organized有语法问题。