独立写作练习贴···求提高 求指导 求28

wsywsy1

感谢WSY童鞋批改

With the development of the high technology, the electronic media, such as television and movies, has an increasing effects on society.
这句话with是伴随状语，the electronic media作为主语是单数，such as...是插入语，谓语时has，所以谓语应该与主语电子媒体保持一致，所以是单数

Many public courses from famous universities all over the world will be made available free to the public
这句里面的free我想做动词来着，是be made do sth. 好像表达上是有点别扭，但是我也没想通是什么问题。。。

-- by 会员 最后一次杀T (2012/10/3 20:58:21)

真心漏看了前面的media,我错了~嗷。。

我翻了一下字典。be made to do是有“强迫”的意思，但是也有写，出产，制定的意思。。加个to吧。。在牛津高阶的1221页。。你看看哦~

最后一次杀T

10.3独立写作 交作业啦

总字数416

If someone has already become an expert in a certain field, if someone has just found a perfect but time-sensitive idea, if someone is wealthy enough that can afford the failure, surely they should take action immediately. However, in my view, most of the ordinary people should have patience before they make enough preparations.

To begin with, patience is a kind of attitude which allows us to evaluate ourselves accurately. For example, With the development of the internet, there are so many examples about that someone earns his first amount of money by electronic businesses. Nowadays, an increasing number of college students are attracted by those legends and focus on how to make money instead of their study. When they graduate from the university, they distain to take the entry level job because the salary may lower their expectation. After many year later, based on the knowledge leant from university, those who start their career in a big company may become an professional in a particular field, but most of those who run their own small business still run a small business. Thus, whether we have patience is always an essential factor to succeed, especially when the time we must spend time to accumulate the knowledge.

Furthermore, patience, to some extent, can be considered as the period to think twice about the goal. To be more precise, we may simply concentrate on the bright result after we success and ignore the amount risky we must take. For example, one of my friends dropped his job to travel around the world because they thought he could become an professional traveler just as those who can been seen in magazines or television programs. Now, he feels regretful because so many people have the same dream and he is not unique enough to stand out. If he could stay patience and think twice, he may have been a supervisor in his prior company this year. Thus, we must have patience to insist what we do now, especially when we feel tired or face the dilemma.

Admittedly, some people argues that they have to make a decision immediately without thinking in some cases. Nonetheless, this opinion could not hold water because the minority could not represent the whole world.

To sum up, for the reasons I have given above, I strongly assert that patience is a good strategy. No matter what we are facing, keep calm and stay patience are always the best ways to get out of the trouble.

超级无敌小鹤鹤

o(*≧▽≦)ツ

最后一次杀T

10.4交作业
总字数453

If a student can learn spontaneously, if a student knows exactly how important the knowledge he obtains from school, if a student has already had strong interest in what he studies, surely they do not need to be taught the significance of the subject outside of school. On the contrary, most of the students are not that outstanding. Therefore, I strongly assert that one of the best way to increase students’ interest in a subject is to teach them how significant the subjects are outside of schools.

To begin with, interest always derived from the curiosity. When the professor teach students the importance of the subject by describing how it will be practiced in a job, the curiosity of the students will appear. With the curiosity, interest will be generated. For example, I had no interest in the database course because I thought this course could be used only by programmers, but I wanted to be an auditor. I spent few time studying it until my professor told me that the database knowledge are also used prevalent in internal auditing field. After I realized that it is really essential for an internal auditor to know some database knowledge, I got down to learn it and found that it is interesting and worth to learn well.

Furthermore, one of the best way to teach students about the significance of a subject outside the school is to give them a chance to have a internship in certain area. Internship will not only tell them the importance, but also offer them an opportunity to practice what they have learnt. Many students’ interest will be stirred up through using the knowledge. Then they will dig it deeper themselves. For instance, my brother, a sophomore in university, noticed how important the coding skill is after he finished his internship in GOOGLE. He feels regretful about the time he wasted in the first year in college. So, when he came back after the summer vacation, he could always be seen in the professor’s office hour and in the library.

Admittedly, some people may argue that the young generations are rebellious so that they may even less interested in the subjects that were considered to be significant. However, this opinion could not hold water because everyone will be mature enough someday to judge what other people say. When the time they grow up, the memory of what the teachers or the parents said will be aroused. Thus, he will learn something themselves due to their interest.

To sum up, my viewpoint is that, for the reasons given above, making the students realize the significance of a subject outside the school is a useful and practical method to stimulate their interest.

Iszy

If a student can learn spontaneously, if a student knows exactly how important the knowledge he obtains from school, if a student has already had strong interest in what he studies, surely they do not need to be taught the significance of the subject outside of school. On the contrary, most of the students are not that outstanding. Therefore, I strongly assert that one of the best way to increase students’ interest in a subject is to teach them how significant the subjects are outside of schools.

To begin with, interest always derived（derives) from the curiosity. When the professor teaches students the importance of the subject by describing how it will be practiced in a job, the curiosity of the students will appear. With the curiosity, interest will be generated. For example, I had no interest in the database course because I thought this course could be used only by programmers, but I wanted to  be an auditor. I spent few time studying it until my professor told me that the database knowledge are (were?) also used prevalent(prevalently) in internal auditing field. After I realized that it is really essential for an internal auditor to know some database knowledge, I got down to learn it and found that it is interesting and worth to learn well. (例子说明了：知道知识有用所以去学习；需要证明的论点是“好奇心产生兴趣”，有点不搭呀~~第二句的说明好像也有点偏差~）
Furthermore, one of the best way to teach students about the significance of a subject outside the school is to give them a chance to have a （an) internship in certain  area. Internship will not only tell them the importance, but also offer them an opportunity to practice what they have learnt. Many students’ interest will be stirred up through using the knowledge. Then they will dig it deeper bythemselves. For instance, my brother, a sophomore in university, noticed how important the coding skill is after he finished his internship in GOOGLE. He feelsregretful about the time he wasted in the first year in college. So, when he came back after the summer vacation, he could always be seen in the professor’s office hour and in the library. (例子切题，但时态有些混乱~~可改善）

Admittedly, some people may argue that the young generations are rebellious so that they may even less interested in the subjects that were considered to be significant. However, this opinion could not hold water because everyone will be mature enough someday to judge what other people say. When the time they grow up,（When they grow up)the memory of what the teachers or the parents said will be aroused. Thus, he(they) will learn something (by) themselves due to their interest.

To sum up, my viewpoint is that, for the reasons given above, making the students realize the significance of a subject outside the school is a useful and practical method to stimulate their interest.

因为是在别人家上网，所以改得比较粗糙，回去在仔细斟酌~~~见谅！！！^^
g

最后一次杀T

10.5独立交作业
总字数 413

If someone is an outstanding student graduated from a well-known university which has high reputation all over the world, such as Harvard University, if someone is super intelligent in a specific field, and if someone has a special life experience which makes him or her far more mature than the counterparts, surely they can achieve success easily without the help from their family. However, most of the ordinary people succeed under the assists from their family more or less. Therefore, whenever we live, it is difficult for us to achieve success without families’ help.

To begin with, with the improvement of the living standards, the number of families that could offer their children a better learning environment, such as sponsoring their children to study abroad, has been sky rocketing. Receiving a high education is always the first step to get success. A recent report suggests that an increasing number of young generation go abroad to have their further studies, and the age of those overseas students trends to be lower. They are, indeed, supported by their parents. However, those whose family cannot afford the elite education have to struggle many extra years. And seldom could they achieve success nowadays.

Furthermore, social network, the strong relationship built by our parents, plays an significant role in the modern life and becomes a valuable resources for us. Benefited from network, we can easily find the first internship, get a reference, and even deal with some troubles. For example, Bill Gates, a recognized successful man, did a his first business with IBM, which company his mother worked in. It is no doubt that this order from IBM has a great influence to the early Microsoft. It is no denying that the network of his mother helped him a lot. Thus, it may even easier for people to get success when the time they did not realize the importance of network.

Admittedly, some people may argue that no matter how times change, we can successful by the struggle of ourselves. But this opinion could still not hold water because those who can success always must have overcome more hardship than we can imagine. On the contrary, many other people can reach the same level easily by both their hard work and the strong support from their family.

To sum up, for the reasons I have given above, I insist my perspective that it is much harder to achieve success without help from family than what is like before.

最后一次杀T

10.06交作业

总字数380

How to define happiness is prolonged a controversial issue. It is nature that people with different background might have diverse viewpoints in the same argument. In my view, true happiness is a sense of both self-worth and contributing to the society. Therefore, I strongly assert that job will have more influence on my happiness than the social life does.

To begin with, job, an essential part of our life, offers us not only the salary, but also an access to deeply recognize the world. Working with unique colleagues, we step forward to be a better ourselves so that we can feel a sense of self-worth. When I bought gifts for my parents with my first amount of salary, for instance, I felt happy to see how proud of me my parents were. And what is more, every time I use English, the skill learnt from university, as a tool to communicate with my colleagues from all over the world, I felt that all my struggling in my school time is worthwhile. It is no doubt that without the job, most of the people’ happiness will reduce or even lost.

Furthermore, given to the job, we can obtain a sense of contributing to our society. Apart from the tax, our works, to some extent, make the world difference. For example, as I am an auditor in a well-known CPA firm, my responsibility is to release the most impartial financial statement to all the report consumers. All the financial statements reported will be significant references for the investors. Thus, my sense of happiness derives intensely from my job.

Admittedly, some people may argue that they acquire more happiness when they have social activities with their friends. Because they feel tired working in the company, but feel relax when they meet their friends. However, this opinion could not hold water. Without the job, would they feel happiness when they have no money to pay the bills? Would they feel embarrassed when they have no topic to chat with each other? Would they feel happiness when they have no life target? Absolutely, all the answers are not.

To sum up, for the reasons given above, my perspective is always that our job will have more effect on our happiness than the social life does.

vanessa923

黄亮精彩，蓝色建议。红色错误。

How to define happiness is prolonged a（a的位置） controversial issue. It is nature that people with different backgrounds might have diverse viewpoints in the same argument. In my view, true happiness is a sense of both self-worth and contributing to the society.（有点chinglish） Therefore, I strongly assert that job will have more influence on my happiness than the social life does.

To begin with, job, an essential part of our life, offers us not only the salary, but also an access to deeply recognize the world. Working with unique colleagues, we step forward to be a（单复数冲突） better ourselves so that we can feel a sense of self-worth. When I bought gifts for my parents with my first amount of salary, for instance, I felt happy to see how proud of me my parents were（歧义). And what is more, every time I use English, the skill learnt from university, as a tool to communicate with my colleagues from all over the world, I felt that all my struggling in my school time is worthwhile.(这个例子感觉和point联系不大） It is no doubt that without the job, most of the people’ happiness will reduce or even lost.

Furthermore, given to the job, we can obtain a sense of contributing to our society. Apart from the tax, our works, to some extent, make the world difference. For example, as I am an auditor in a well-known CPA firm, my responsibility is to release the most impartial financial statement to all the report consumers. All the financial statements reported will be significant references for the investors. Thus, my sense of happiness derives intensely from my job.

Admittedly, some people may argue that they acquire more happiness when they have social activities with their friends. Because they feel tired（of） working in the company, but feel relax when they meet their friends. However, this opinion could not hold water. Without the job, would they feel happiness when they have no money to pay the bills? Would（not） they feel embarrassed when they have no topic to chat with each other? Would they feel happiness when they have no life target? Absolutely, all the answers are not.

To sum up, for the reasons given above, my perspective is always that our job will have more effect on our happiness than the social life does.

文章结构很不错。可是有些句子表意不明，很让人困惑。建议多变换句型，表达清楚。加油。