独立写作练习贴···求提高 求指导 求28

最后一次杀T

感谢Iszy同学的意见··同学一定刚考完GMAT，各种语法看的很细，膜拜。。这篇的确是各种名词都在裸奔啊。。下回会好好注意的。。。BTW，sprung out【spring out】可以理解为【雨后春笋般的出现了。。】

Iszy

谢谢你的夸奖~\(≧▽≦)/~啦啦啦~~~~事实上，我还没考过GMAT~~~会这么注重细节，很可能跟我的性格有关~~~~
还有，很高兴可以改你的作文啦~~~

最后一次杀T

谢谢你的夸奖~\(≧▽≦)/~啦啦啦~~~~事实上，我还没考过GMAT~~~会这么注重细节，很可能跟我的性格有关~~~~
还有，很高兴可以改你的作文啦~~~

-- by 会员 Iszy (2012/9/27 22:11:51)

还没考已经这么注重语法了。。加油加油 Gmat一定妥妥的拿下。。

最后一次杀T

9.27 独立写作
总字数413

If someone is an outstanding student graduated from a well-know university which has a high reputation all over the world, such as Harvard University, if someone is super intelligent in a specific field, and if someone has a special life experience which makes him or her far more mature than the counterparts, surely they can achieve success easily without the help from their family. However, most of the ordinary people succeed under the assists from their family more or less. It is no doubt that it is much easier to achieve success with help from one’s family than what is like before.

First and foremost, with the improvement of the living standards, the number of families that could offer their children a better learning environment, such as sponsoring their children to study abroad, has been sky rocketing. Receiving a high education is always the first step to get success. A recent report suggests that an increasing number of young generation go abroad to have their further studies, and the age of those overseas students trends to be lower. They are, indeed, supported by their parents. It seems easier for us to get strong financial support from parents. While, it was hard for the older generations to imagine the life outside the country when they were young.

Furthermore, nowadays, social network plays an significant role in the modern life. The strong relationship built by our parents becomes a valuable resources for us. By using the network, we can easily find the first internship, get a reference, and even deal with some troubles. For example, Bill Gates can be considered a successful man. But when Microsoft was just founded, he did a business with IBM, which company his mother worked in. This order from IBM has a great influence to the early Microsoft. It is no denying that the network of his mother helps him a lot.

Admittedly, some people may argue that no matter how times change, we can successful by the struggle of ourselves. But this opinion could still not hold water because those who can success always must have overcome more hardship than we can imagine. On the contrary, many other people can reach the same level easily by both their hard work and the strong support from their family.

To sum up, for the reasons I have given above, I insist my perspective that it is much easier to achieve success with help from one's family than what is like before.

chunte20

If someone is an outstanding studentgraduated from a well-know (well-known)university which has a high reputation(reputation不可數) all over the world, suchas Harvard University, if someone is super intelligent in a specific field, andif someone has a special life experience which makes him or her far more maturethan the counterparts, surely they can achieve success easily without the helpfrom their family. However, most of the ordinary people succeed under theassists from their family more or less. It is no doubt that it is much easierto achieve success with help from one’s family than what is like before.

First and foremost, with the improvement of the living standards, the number offamilies that could offer their children a better learning environment, such assponsoring their children to study abroad, has been sky rocketing. Receiving ahigh education is always the first step to get success. A recent reportsuggests that an increasing number of young generation go abroad to have theirfurther studies, and the age of those overseas students trends to be lower.They are, indeed, supported by their parents. It seems easier for us to getstrong financial support from parents. While, it was hard for the oldergenerations to imagine the life outside the country when they were young.

Furthermore, nowadays, social network plays an significant role in the modernlife. The strong relationship built by our parents becomes a valuable resourcesfor us. By using the network, we can easily find the first internship, get areference, and even deal with some troubles. For example, Bill Gates can beconsidered a successful man. But when Microsoft was just founded, he did abusiness with IBM, which company his mother worked in. This order from IBM hasa great influence to(on) the early Microsoft. It is no denying that thenetwork of his mother helps him a lot.

Admittedly, some people may argue that no matter how times change, we can be successful by the struggle of ourselves. But thisopinion could still not hold waterbecause those who can success(succeed) always must have overcome more hardship thanwe can imagine. On the contrary, many other people can reach the same leveleasily by both their hard work and the strong support from their family.

To sum up, for the reasons I have given above, I insist my perspective that itis much easier to achieve success with help from one's family than what is likebefore.

最后一次杀T

928独立写作
总字数390

Currently, education plays an significant role in our daily life and the whole society. Almost all the parents instinctively devote themselves to cultivating their offspring, therefore, young generation seems receive more resources and access to be educated. Whether people are now easier to become educated than in the past is a controversial issue. It is nature that people from different background might have diverse viewpoint on the same argument.

As to me, however, I hold the opinion that people now are absolutely easier to become educated than in the past. First and foremost, with the development of technology, such as internet, television and radio, people nowadays have more means to obtain the knowledge than did their counterparts. For instance, when I prepared for my Certified Public Accountant test last year, I took online courses so that I could download the teaching videos of the most famous teacher in the field and watched them whenever I wanted. It is very convenient for the students who have no stable time to go to the real training class due to the overtime work, and whose home is far away from the training center. For the people in the past, perhaps they must choose to study by themselves if they have the same difficulties. Thus, high technology makes education become easier.
Furthermore, not only the number of universities has been skyrocketing, but also an increasing number of students enrolled in universities. It enables students choose a school they would like to join and select their favorite major. A recently research shows that more than seventy percent of the students graduated from high school, in the city I live in, could attend into university. Obviously, the education system is more completed than before.

Admittedly, some people may argue that the old generation could be educated easier because they focused more on their study instead of playing computer games like the youths now. However, this opinion could not hold water because only a minority of student addicted in the computer games. It is no doubt that the benefits brought from the new technology overweighs its flaws.  

To sum up, to the reasons I have given above, I strongly contend the perspective that people are easier to be educated than in the past. No matter whether we are students, we can get various accesses to be educated.

最后一次杀T

谢谢chunte20

bonnenuit

Currently, education plays an significant role in our daily life and the whole society. Almost all the parents instinctively devote themselves to cultivating their offspring, therefore, young generation seems to receive more resources and access to be educated. Whether people are now easier to become educated than in the past is a controversial issue. It is nature that people from different background might have diverse viewpoints on the same argument.

As to me, however, I hold the opinion that people now are absolutely easier to become educated than in the past. First and foremost, with the development of technology, such as internet, television and radio, people nowadays have more means to obtain the knowledge than did their counterparts. For instance, when I prepared for my Certified Public Accountant test last year, I took online courses so that I could download the teaching videos of the most famous teacher in the field and watched(我觉得这个watched是和前面的download平行，应该改watch吧） them whenever I wanted. It is very convenient for the students who have no stable time to go to the real training class due to the overtime work, and whose home is（前面是have,这里应该are) far away from the training center. For the people in the past, perhaps they must choose to study by themselves if they have the same difficulties（句首提到了in the past, 我觉得这句后半段应该用过去式比较合适吧，个人意见，也不怎么确定）. Thus, high technology makes education become easier.
Furthermore, not only the number of universities has been skyrocketing, but also an increasing number of students enrolled in universities. It enables students choose a school they would like to join and select their favorite major. A recently research shows that more than seventy percent of the students graduated from high school, in the city I live in, could attend into university. Obviously, the education system is more completed than before.

Admittedly, some people may argue that the old generation could be educated easier because they focused more on their study instead of playing computer games like the youths（do,playing games跟youths不能类比） now. However, this opinion could not hold water because only a minority of student addicted in the computer games. It is no doubt that the benefits brought from the new technology overweighs its（benefits，换them) flaws.  

To sum up, to the reasons I have given above, I strongly contend the perspective that people are easier to be educated than in the past. No matter whether we are students, we can get various accesses to be educated.
除了一些语法小问题 在平常写作稍稍注意一下就行了
目测LZ写作水平很高
词汇基础扎实，拼写也很棒；有效地采用了多种衔接方法，层次清晰；若增加一些从句的使用，会更好

也感谢LZ对我的作文批改意见 很受用！

最后一次杀T

929独立写作交作业啊交作业。。

总字数 463
Obviously, everyone has different friends in their each life stage. When we are in the preschool age, we have friends who play with us. When we are in school, we have friends who study with us together. When we start our job career, we have friends who can help each other. They are all indispensable to us. But if I must choose one to be the most important, I will definitely choose the friend who I can get help from.

To begin with, the friends who offer me assists will help me improve myself. It is no doubt that this kind of friend always have a broader version, a richer life experience, and more abundant resources. They can always given us many advices in both life and work. For example, when I just graduated from university and started my job career, I received lots of stresses that beyond my imagination. Finally in one day, I could not bear the pressure and could not stop crying in the company bathroom.  Fortunately, my supervisor, an elegance, competent, and ambitious woman, just passed by. Then she sent an E-mail to encourage me and said that I was just like her when she first began her work. Even though she is my supervisor, I treat her as my most important friend. Due to her E-mail, I have overcome all my difficulties and been considered one of the most promising new staff in our company.

Furthermore, the friends that I can get help from are the real friends. To be more precise, if someone always helps me no matter what position I am in, whether I am rich or not, and even when I am in troubles, he or she can be considered as a real friend. For example, once I lost almost all my money in stock market, and even could afford my house rent. My best friend lent me money to pay for my rent, and woke me up from the unrealistic dream that I can earn money from gambling in stock market. Since then, I focused on my work, and got promoted. I returned the money to my best friend and decided to spare no effect to help her when she needs.

Admittedly, some people argue that the friends who will bring us fun are more essential because they define fun as the most important part of life. However, this opinion could not hold water. What if when we feel sad？Those kind of friends may stay far away from us because we cannot have fun together.

To sum up, for the reasons I have given above, I strongly contend that the friends who I can get help from are more significant to my life. I will try my best to remain our friendship.

Iszy

929独立写作交作业啊交作业。。

总字数 463
Obviously, everyone has different friends in their each life stage. When we are in the preschool age, we have friends who play with us. When we are in school, we have friends who study with us together. When we start our job career, we have friends who can help each other. They are all indispensable to us. But if I must choose one to be the most important, I will definitely choose the friend who I can get help from.

To begin with, the friends who offer me assists will help me improve myself. It is no doubt that this kind of friend always have a broader version, a richer life experience, and more abundant resources. They can always given us many advices（advice不可数，lots of advice ) in both life and work. For example, when I just graduated from university and started my job career, I received lots of stresses that beyond my imagination. Finally in one day, I could not bear the pressure and could not stop crying in the company bathroom.  Fortunately, my supervisor, an elegance (elegant), competent, and ambitious woman, just passed by. Then she sent an E-mail to encourage me and said that I was just like her when she first began her work. Even though she is my supervisor, I treat her as my most important friend. Due to her E-mail, I have overcome all my difficulties and been considered one of the most promising new staff(staffs/staves) in our company.

Furthermore, the friends that I can get help from are the real friends. To be more precise, if someone always helps me no matter what position I am in, whether I am rich or not, and even when I am in troubles, (第三个小分局好像与前面两个不平行，但这个只是小问题，整体很漂亮）he or she can be considered as a real friend. For example, once I lost almost all my money in stock market, and even could（couldn't）afford my house rent. My best friend lent me money to pay for my rent, and woke me up from the unrealistic dream that I can earn money from gambling in stock market. Since then, I focused on my work, and got promoted. I returned the money to my best friend and decided to spare no effect to (spare no effort to )help her when she needs.

Admittedly, some people argue that the friends who will bring us fun are more essential because they define fun as the most important part of life. However, this opinion could not hold water. What if when we feel sad？Those kind of friends may stay far away from us because we cannot have fun together.

To sum up, for the reasons I have given above, I strongly contend that the friends who I can get help from are more significant to my life. I will try my best to remain our friendship （friendships）.


写的很好，例子很具体，短句与短语的排比修辞很漂亮，嘿嘿，我要学学楼主了~~~