首先问一下DB这貌似不是今天的题目吧......好吧，其实这一点无所谓 红色认为有问题，绿色是我也不确定的 It is often argued that technology has made children less creative than they were in the past, since technology has made things simple that children do not need to think too much as those did in the past.（这句话．．．这句话．．．好不顺的感觉, people argue that…in the past because of the fast-developing technology. The technology has made…我认为一句话太长了也不是很好吧…不过这就是个人观点，DB可以告诉我一下你的想法） However, after careful thought, I have come to disagree（直接disagree好了） with it. I believe it is always beneficial for children to live a more convenient life. Actually, technology even made children more creative in some level（觉得Degree更好吧）.
The development of technology has direct effect on children to come out thoughts that they never had in the past（其实新想法本来就是原来没有的吧，应该表述成没有科技就不会产生的想法，这个比较好）. Children are always the most curious group of people. Curiosity stimulates them to figure out the theory of these technologies. By doing this kind of stuff, they learn and think, thus become more creative
At the same time, technology brings us into information era,（.） it is easier for children to get information they need. Children nowadays no longer enjoy stuff they used to do in the past. They spend plenty of time on watching TV and surfing the internet. TV show, advertisement or webpage include (contain怎么样) lots of information,(.) children absorb it and get learned without notice. When information they absorbed piles up to a level, it is natural for them to use it and create something or come out a thought. For instance, a 6-year-old boy live near my home is fond of reading news in (on) the internet. Once he find (found that) a design in(on?) a webpage is (was) inconvenient and can(could) be improved. Then he use an idea（首先应该用过去时，其次你确定这个用法正确？） that came out when he was watching TV improved （这是第二个动词了吧，前一个是use，中间没有连词，这句话不正确吧）that design successfully by himself. What ‘s more amazing is that he connect (connected) that website and tell(told) the net engineer his idea and is (这个主语貌似是he，而且连用2个and也不是很正确。可以在idea后面结束一句话，人后说the idea is adopted什么的)adopted! See, technology won’t be obstacle for creativity of children.（这个观点我觉得并没有在上文中表述清楚呀~前面说technology提供信息，没有说科技成为创造的阻碍呀~这个跳跃有些大哈，熊熊没有跟上…）
In fact, if you look back, the last one hundred years has(have) been the most creative period(说100年是creative period 不觉得有问题吗，With the largest number of creative people如何) during the whole human history, （.） it is also the period that technology has developed faster than ever. History never lied, (that) it tells us that technology has not only not (可以这样说~好吧)made children less creative but also（用instead吧）made them better.
Based on the reasons I listed above, I disagree the statement that technology has made children less creative than they were in the past.
DB的基础需要加强呀（虽然熊熊也是半斤八两 ） 具体的问题在文中指出了，比较严重的就是时态，还有一个句子中总会跑出很多动词，却缺少连词什么的 加油 -- by 会员 xeyyxzty (2012/9/5 9:38:38)
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发表于 2012-9-4 23:24:15
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