ISSUE147 第一篇 求狠拍！well-being of citizens=effectiveness of leaders

ddzmb2013

写的第一篇issue，感觉展开的论点好像有些问题，但是在不知道该怎么写，就硬着头皮写下去了，求狠拍！！谢谢各位看官了！！
147 effectiveness of leaders = thewell-being of citizens
Does the well-being of the citizens is thebest measurement of a country’s leaders, like the author claims? I cannot agreewith this statement because I feel it is problematic in two aspects. First, theauthor fails to assume the well-being of citizens is completely influenced bythe leaders of their country. Second, the claim does not give an accurate definitionof the well-being of the citizens. The well-being is a macro conception whichincludes a lot of things that needs to be considered.
Firstly, we can come to a conclusion that aprerequisite must exist that is nothing but the effectiveness of the leaderscan determine the well-being of citizens if what the author says is true thatthe well-being of the citizens is the best measurement of the effectiveness ofa country’s leaders. However, everyone knows it is impossible. For example, theinventions of scientists can bring about even a storm in everyone’s life. The appearanceof phone revolutionary changed the ways of communication, shorten the distance offamily members dramatically. However, this is not the termination. Theemergence of smart phone results in more convenience. It allows people to surfon the internet whenever and wherever. We can even have a face to faceconnection though the smart phones even when we are on the different continents.All these advantages result from the scientific development which have nothingto do with the effectiveness of the country’s leaders. In this sense, thewell-being of the citizens has been greatly elevated by the scientificimprovements not the effectives of the leaders.
In the second place, the well-being of thecitizens includes almost every aspects of people’s lives. When we consider the issue ”enhance the well-being of the people”, wecould think of these problems such as a happy mood, medical care, housingcondition, the accessibility of securement in the event of old age,unemployment, disability and etc. Admittedly, the securement of these peoplewho are in the condition that out of their control relies on the effectives ofthe leaders of a country. However, the most effective leaders cannot endow ahappy mood to the entire people.
A happy mood of the entire people based onthe ethic spirits. Even in the darkest time, people with positive ethic spiritscan keep a happy mood to hope for a brilliant future.
Indeed, the speaker’s statement appeared tobe plausible because it is a axiom that the duty of leaders of one country isto enhance the well-being of the citizens at first glance. We could not reversethe cause and effect. An effective leader would have a beneficial effects onthe well-being of the citizens, but we could not hastily assumes the well-beingof the citizens is the best measurement of the effectiveness of the leaders.

ddzmb2013

发的有点问题啊，a happy mood .....那句话不是另起一段，是接在上面那一段后面的。。。

竹林中人

这个题目我觉得对公民福祉定义的质疑说明是不合适的，你可以自己限定的，也许更要说明的是领导者的影响力是否完全由公民福祉代表，或许还有别的，战争时期领导军队取得胜利等也算是的

竹林中人

最好以后能附上提纲，那样比较好，自己思维清晰，我们看着也清晰

ddzmb2013

首先谢谢你帮我看作文！！提纲的问题我下次会注意的，第一次发，没经验~~我还想问个问题，我的第一个论点是说如果作者的观点是对的话，那就代表着well-being only determined by effectiveness，因为可能还有其他的因素导致well-being improved， 那这种情况well-being高的话就跟effectiveness无关了。我自己感觉有些绕不够直接，你觉得有木有问题呢？？
你觉得这篇作文大概能的多少分呢？
谢谢！

竹林中人

现在刚开始练习，就别关注分数了吧，然后我没看到你这题目的完整说法，我印象中是这个well-being improved在这里如果是原因的话，那么你的第一个观点就没必要，如果它是结果的话，第一个观点就可以说。像这种因果关系，一般是理由是否必然导致给定的结论，结论是否必然只能由给定的理由导出

ddzmb2013

这篇的题目是：  The effectiveness of a country's leaders is best measured by examining the well-being of that country's citizens.   我感觉并没有明确的因果关系，如果勉强说的话，well-being 算因吧，不知道我的看法对不对，请指教！

竹林中人

嗯，well-being可以算是因