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Your school has received a gift of money. What do you think is the best way for your school to spend this money? Use specific reasons and details to support your choice.

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A gift money is generous and welcomed at our school. There are many things that my school could use. To decide, one must consider the amount of the gift and understand that it is a one-time thing. Keeping this in mind, I think that my school could most benefit from new classroom fixtures.

If you looked at our school, you would agree that nearly all of the classrooms could use new desks, chairs, chalkboards, bookshelves and cabinets. Our school is old and the people who live here are not very wealthy. New equipment would provide students with the tools that they need to learn. It is hard to write papers if there are not enough desks and chairs. It is hard to learn when the blackboards are so old that they can not be erased properly. It is also difficult to organize school supplies without proper bookshelves and cabinets.

Another plus that new equipment would provide is that it would make the school more attractive to the community. It is hard for a community to be proud of a school that is falling apart. If the community felt that our school was important, perhaps others would give more money in the future. That would allow us to further improve our school. In addition, maybe community members would feel encouraged to come and help out in the school. That would make it even better.

Students would be happier with new equipment. It would make them want to come to school and learn. There would be fewer dropouts. By continuing in their education, these students will be able to better contribute to our community in the future—perhaps even becoming future schoolteachers.

While there are many things that can be purchased with a gift of money at our school, I believe that new equipment is the best choice. New equipment would improve the learning environment, the community’s attitude and the students’ feelings about their school.

guandream

以下是引用pumpkin在2004-10-26 3:22:00的发言：

Your school has received a gift of money. What do you think is the best way for your school to spend this money? Use specific reasons and details to support your choice.

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A gift money is generous and welcomed at our school. There are many things that my school could use. To decide, one must consider the amount of the gift and understand that it is a one-time thing. (this sentence is not written in English way, it is just translated from Chinese to English words by words) Keeping this in mind, I think that my school could most benefit from new classroom fixtures.

If you looked at our school, you would agree that nearly all of the classrooms need could use new desks, chairs, chalkboards, bookshelves and cabinets. Our school is old (,)and the people who live here are not very wealthy. New equipment would provide students with the tools that they need to learn. It is hard to write papers if there are not enough desks and chairs. It is hard to learn when the blackboards are so old that they can not be erased properly. It is also difficult to organize school supplies without proper bookshelves and cabinets.(the last several sentences are excellent)

Another plus that new equipment would provide is that it would make the school more attractive to the community. It is hard for a community to be proud of a school that is falling apart(in this situation, can the author uses this phrase?). If the community felt that our school was important, perhaps others would give more money in the future. That would allow us to further improve our school. In addition, maybe community members would feel encouraged to come and help out in the school. That would make it even better.

Students would be happier with new equipment. It would make them want to come to school and learn. There would be fewer dropouts. By continuing in their education, these students will be able to better contribute to our community in the future—perhaps even becoming future schoolteachers.

While there are many things that can be purchased with a gift of money at our school, I believe that new equipment is the best choice. New equipment would improve the learning environment, the community’s attitude and the students’ feelings about their school.(the conclusion is excellent)

the whole essay is ok, but I donot think that it is effective one. the ideas are not connected, they are very messy to me. on the other hand, the conclusion is excellent.