对于菜鸟，闭门造车绝不可取....A70求狠批。。

千鸟Ongoing

9.15的G，这几天开始忙着准备AW，不知道时间够不够，很着急。昨天问了版主大大，得知依赖模版分数不容易高，今天的A没有参照模版，但写不出的时候自然就想到了范文中的模版。蛋疼.........花了一个小时完成　　
"Ten years ago our company had two new office buildings constructed as regional headquarters for two regions. The buildings were erected by different construction companies—Alpha and Zeta. Although the two buildings had identical floor plans, the building constructed by Zeta cost 30 percent more to build. However, that building's expenses for maintenance last year were only half those of Alpha's. Furthermore, the energy consumption of the Zeta building has been lower than that of the Alpha building every year since its construction. Such data indicate that we should use Zeta rather than Alpha for our contemplated new building project, even though Alpha's bid promises lower construction costs."

提纲：1、从过去推将来 2、building造价不清楚 3、错误类比

The argument is well presented but unconvincing.The arguer claims that the company should use Zeta rather than Alpha,both of them are construction companies, for  their contemplated new building project. To make the proposal more accessible to reader,the arguer also points out that the building's expense for maintenance , which constructed by Zeta,were only half those of Alpha's,and the energy consumption also has been lower than that of the Alpha building.Flaws in severial critical respects,however,as a result,make the argument unpersuasive.

First of all,the two office buildings were constructed ten years ago.Maybe Zeta was rather better that Alpha at that time,however,common sense informs me that a lot of things will change during the ten years,including Zeta and Alpha.It is very likely that Alpha could do  better than Zeta now, for example,Alpha has hired many famous engineers to design the custom's building.In light of this possibility,the arguer cannot draw any conclusion based on the study.

Moreover, the argument provides no information about how much it costs of the building.In the argument it claims that the two newbuildings were constructed as regional headquaters for two regions.For that matter, the price of the building must be very high,and 30% of the cost also needs a large numbers of money,it is a far more cost than the expense for maintainance and energy consumption.If so ,the company would face a deficit,or at least in a financial difficulties.

Futhermore,the argument relies on what may be a false analogy between two regions.The arguer simply assumes that the building's expense of Zeta for maintenance and energy consumption are lower than that of Alpha's,but there is no evidence that two region are indeed comparable. It is entirely possible that the loction of Alpha's building is more propersity, and the population is larger.So the building has to spend more money fore maintenance and energy consumption.Without ruling out such possibilities,the arguer's  assumes is untenable.

结尾还没来得及写，被老爸老妈叫去吃饭了。这是我第二篇A，第一篇照着模版写的，感觉有时写的很费力，但终于是写下来了，文章会存在一些不足，希望能版主大大能狠批，让我能在以后的文章中及时改进，好花更多时间灭了ISSUE.
ps:我这种文章能打几分啊。。。

竹林中人

每个点写的内容还是略显不充实的，基本在100字，如果能在充实些就好，

千鸟Ongoing

谢谢斑竹大大，我就照这个思路对文章做些充实.......