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8月16日
Nowadays, it is much easier to achieve success with help from one’s family than what is like before.

原文：
As we know, family background plays an important role in children's development and further success. With the development of economic, parents can provide better resources to their children. So, it was commonly accepted that children with the help of family would be much easier to achieve success than what it like before. However, I aim to dispute the idea in this lecture.



First of all, it's no doubt that family is an essential part in children's development, which can provide children good condition for them to grow up. Parents are likely to spend lots of money on their children's early study, such as playing instruments, painting and even foreign language. Most of us have the same idea that it's helpful to children understand the social and cultivate the interests in advance so that they can be more outstanding than others. However, no everyone notices the probability that earlier learning may not determine the final performance. Furthermore, with the help of parent, today's children have less housework to do than the one before. As a result there is no more chance for them to experience what is real life. At the same time, parents will try every possible way to help children to find a good school once they grow up. In these cases, it's possible that children would be a little more outstanding than others. However, it’s hard to say that these children can be much easier to get success in their further career.



It's good the built up a strong background with the help of parents, but what’s more important to success would be the personal abilities and ambitions. Under the assist and protection of parents, children will never know what is difficult and they have already been accustomed to get help from others so that they could not solve problem easily than others. Actually, children alone will work harder than children companied by others.To be an successful man, we should improve our abilities of solving problems, improve our creative of mind and also learn from others success experience.



Let's look back to the idea. It’s really not easier to achieve success for the one with help. Lots of ingredients should be combined together to affect the final result.

sailingqiong

红色为语病和模板痕迹很明显之处
黄色为写的好的 绿色为建议
谢谢~
As we know, family background plays an important role in children's development and further success. With the development of economic, parents can provide better resources to their children. So, it was commonly accepted that children with the help of family would be much easier to achieve success than what it like before. However, I aim to dispute the idea in this lecture.（模板模板啊 亲）



First of all, it's no doubt that family is an essential part in children's development, which can provide children good condition for them to grow up. Parents are likely to spend lots of money on their children's early study, such as playing instruments, painting and even foreign language. Most of us have the same idea that it's helpful to children understand the social and cultivate the interests in advance so that they can be more outstanding than others. However, no everyone notices the probability that earlier learning may not determine the final performance.这段太多在讲反面观点了 而去论证作者观点只有一句话 可以多写点例子 很多人也是小时候没钱有太好的教育 可是后来通过自己的努力成功
Furthermore, with the help of parent, today's children have less housework to do than the one before. As a result there is no more chance for them to experience what is real life. At the same time, parents will try every possible way to help children to find a good school once they grow up. In these cases, it's possible that children would be a little more outstanding than others. However, it’s hard to say that these children can be much easier to get success in their further career.这个论点真的没看懂。。。觉得满牵强的 你再想想有没有更好的论点 比如跟这个方向差不多的 就是家长 过分帮助孩子 什么都为他们规划好 反而孩子不容易成功



It's good the built up a strong background with the help of parents, but what’s more important to success would be the personal abilities and ambitions. Under the assist and protection of parents, children will never know what is difficult and they have already been accustomed to get help from others so that they could not solve problem easily than others. Actually, children alone will work harder than children companied by others.To be an successful man, we should improve our abilities of solving problems, improve our creative of mind and also learn from others success experience.（这段像是第三个观点不像是结尾 建议这个可以作为第三个观点 从而凑字数）



Let's look back to the idea. It’s really not easier to achieve success for the one with help. Lots of ingredients should be combined together to affect the final result.