有志者，事竟成。 小女子的IBT作文，欢迎大家拍砖！虚心求教！共同进步！

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谢谢sherry 这两天给我改作业~~
有几个争议哦： 1. as is often the case 是固定搭配   2. whose是individual的   那个句子我可以保证没有问题 是我学的模版
3. 第三段的这个   Though family's help enjoys relation with one's success,  我认为是刚好和上文衔接的

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8.21 独立
It is often not a good thing to move to a new city or a new country because of the lose of oldfriends

With the development of science and technology, people all around the world are very convenient to travel form place to place. And because of some uncertain reasons, citizens might be forced to move to a new city. A common belief is that moving to a new city is nor often a good thing because of the loss of friends. However, after weighing both the potential risks and benefits, I stand at the opposite.

To begin with, modern technology facilities us to keep close with our friends, no matter how far it is.  With a simple click on our laptops or mobile phones, we are able to chat with our friends about what happened recently, and even enjoy a "face-time". Also, we can browse each others' blogs and share the newest photos together. Therefore, it is much easier for modern people to have a stable social circle with the help of advanced technology.

To carry the idea further, it might be a good thing to move to a new city because one can make new friends who come from the new place. For example, nowadays, most of under-graduated students would like to go aboard in favor of making more foreigner friends. By getting acquainted with them, they can open up their eyes and learn various culture.

Finally, I have to concede that moving to a new city will reduce the possibility of meeting old friends face to face or having a party with them together. However, we would never be unfamiliar as long as we keep close touch with them. Taking Minhong Yu as an example, many of his friends have moved to other countries, but when he established the school named New Oriental, his friends came back to give him a hand. The reason is that they are bosom friends who will never forget each other.

In conclusion, moving to a new city does not contribute to a loss of friends, but give rise to enlarge the social circle.  

总结： 用时30分钟。果然计时的情况下写的就比较弱。

Serena0710

With the development of science and technology (这句话都被说烂了呀亲~~~我觉得可以换成 thanksto the advanced technology, people all around theworld are very convenient to travel form place to place (convenient 的用法有误哦~~不能形容人。正确的是：it isconvenient for people all over the world to travel from place to place ). Andbecause of some uncertain reasons, citizens might be forced to move to a new city
. A common beliefis that moving to a new cityis nor(maybe you want to use not?) often a good thing because of (because of 用的过多，可用 for theloss of ….) the loss of friends. However, after weighing both thepotential risks and benefits, I stand at the opposite.

Tobegin with, modern technology facilities us to keep close (keep close意为躲起来。我觉得用keep in touch能表达你的意思) with ourfriends, no matter how far it is.  With a simple click on our laptops ormobile phones, we are able to chat with our friends about what happened（过去时？）recently,and even enjoy a "face-time（确定有这个用法？）". Also, we canbrowse each others' blogs and share the newest （最新的，用latest）photostogether. Therefore, it is much easier for modern people to have a stablesocial circle with the help of advanced technology.

Tocarry the idea further （What idea? Our reader do not understand!）, it mightbe a good thing to move to a new city because one can make new friends who comefrom the new place(表达的不够好哦~直接用个there就好). For example,nowadays, most of under-graduated students would like to go aboard in favorof（这个也有点怪怪的，需要再斟酌！） makingmore foreigner friends. By getting acquainted with them, they （这两个代词分别指代foreign friend和students，犯了指代不清的毛病，要把them改成foreign friends） can open up theireyes(开阔眼界可不是睁开眼睛哦，要改成widen their horizon)andlearn various culture.

Finally,I have to concede that moving to a new city will reduce the possibility ofmeeting old friends face to face or having a party with them together （此词可以去掉，与with语义重复）. However,we would never be unfamiliar（ 此词改为distant更好，意为有距离感的）as long as we keepclose touch with them. Taking Minhong Yu as an example, many of his friendshave moved to other countries, but when he established the school named NewOriental, his friends came back to give him a hand. The reason is that they arebosom friends who will never forget each other.

Inconclusion, moving to a new city does not contribute （contribute是个积极意义的动词，意为贡献什么的，这里表达的是负面意思，要换一个~~最一般的是lead，很中性，LZ注意一下，还有更好的表达） to a lossof friends, but give rise to enlarge the social circle.  
总评：
优点是文章的逻辑结构，观点把握的不错

缺点是表达方面比较欠缺。LZ会想当然的用一些很chinglish的表达法。注意积累更地道的语言。加油！

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8.27 独立   know a person from type of friends that he has,agree or disagree

昨天想占座的时候，发现已经10点半多了。只好写了自己贴出来先放着。

As an old saying: Birds of a feather flock together.  And it is easy for us to see a group of people with the same hobbies, preference, or customs hanging out together.  So can we know a person from type of friends that he or she has? After taking various consideration,To large degree, I strongly agree with this idea.

In the first place, people who share the same hobbies and interests would be more likely to become friends since they have the same things to talk about and to do. Music lovers might get together to strike up a band; basketball fans might play basketball together; and learning amateurs would like to spent whole days in the library along with their study buddy, etc. By doing so, people can learn from friends and make common progress at a certain field. Hardly can one live with another person who has the totally different preference with him or her.

Moreover, friends can more or less influence each other in their daily life no matter it is intentionally or unconscious because of the imitation of human nature. From the psychological  point, one would like to follow others' behaviors around he or she, especially friends. Taking the dorm mates as an example, if one sleeps late every night while others go to bed very early, he might sleep early too because he might feel boring or does not want to bother others after his roommates falling asleep. And thus this person changed his late night routine gradually. It is the so called-one takes the behavior of one’s company.

Last but not the least, people make friends on the basis of his/her value system, including ethics, view of live, and view of the world. People with a correct value would not like to get along with people who has some bad habits, who is addicted to drugs or even who are crimes. But when we meet some people with a lot of good qualities or being an expert in some fields, most of us will admire them and want to make friends with them.

Now that people, on the basis of their own value system, are likely to make friends with others who share the common points or characters and they influence each other in daily life, there is no denying that we can know a person from types of friends one has. In short, what kinds of friends one has can reflect what kinds of this people is.

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8.28 独立

Students' academic records are the major concern of most of parents. Besides investing in the facilities for education and providing them with a good learning environment, most of parents would like to limit their children's access to TV programs or movies which include violent and adult elements. To large degree, I agree with this proposal.


In the first place, watching TV programs or movies is a waste of time for children. As we all know, every TV programs or movies has at least forty-five minutes to play, and it is very difficult to move away one's eyes from the fascinating programs when being attracted by the ups and downs plot. Not to mention children who have a lower level of self control. If they are addicted to some serial cartoons or soap operas, there is no doubt that they would yearn day and night to the plays, be distracted during lessons, and neglect their homeworks.


Moreover, watching TV programs or movies do harm to the health of children because of radiation. Since children are still in the process of growing, their physical condition are not strong enough to resist most of damages. When they enjoy the stories in the movies, they might sit in front of the TV and stare at the screen all the time. As a result, they not only are lack of time to do exercise but also have to wear glasses. Nowadays, the rate of children who wear glasses are increasing dramatically not due to study hard but because of watching programs.


Finally, I have to mention that recently, most of the movies have the plot about violence or adult in order to make a larger profits. Those types of movies are eroding the mental development of modern children since they have not form correct value systems and they might imitate the behaviors of the actors in the movies. Considering the increasing rate of teenage crime in China, the television programmers can hardly absolve themselves from the blame.


Taking the above consideration into account, I strongly suggest that parents limit their children's hours of watching televisions or movies for a well development of children both physically and mentally.

kchszy061ban

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误
As an old saying: Birds of a feather flock together. And it is easy for us to see a group of people with the same hobbies, preference, or customs hanging out together. So can we know a person from type of friends that he or she has? After taking various consideration s（感觉这里要加复数）,To large degree, I strongly agree with this idea.

In the first place, people who share the same hobbies and interests would be more likely to become friends since they have the same things to talk about and to do. Music lovers might get together to strike up a band; basketball fans might play basketball together; and learning amateurs would like to spent whole days in the library along with their study buddy, etc. By doing so, people can learn from friends and make common progress at a certain field. Hardly can one live with another person who has the totally different preference with him or her.

Moreover, friends can more or less influence each other in their daily life no matter it is intentionally or unconscious（ly是adv） because of the imitation of（用is是不是好点？） human nature. From the psychological point, one would like to follow others' behaviors around he or she, especially friends. Taking the dorm mates as an example, if one sleeps late every night while others go to bed very early, he might sleep early too because he might feel boring or does not want to bother others after his roommates falling asleep. And thus this person changed his late night routine gradually. It is the so called-one takes the behavior of one’s company.

Last but not the least, people make friends on the basis of his/her value system, including ethics, view of live, and view of the world. People with a correct value would not like to get along with people who has some bad habits, who is addicted to drugs or even who are crimes. But when we meet some people with a lot of good qualities or being an expert in some fields, most of us will admire them and want to make friends with them. （这里要突出一下反应出know a person）

Now that people, on the basis of their own value system, are likely to make friends with others who share the common points or characters and they influence each other in daily life, there is no denying that we can know a person from types of friends one has. In short, what kinds of friends one has can reflect what kinds of this people is.

不错啊，嘿嘿。例子很生动的说。建议每段后在点下题就好了。


Students' academic records are the major concern of most of parents. Besides investing in the facilities for education and providing them with a good learning environment, most of parents would like to limit their children's access to TV programs or movies which include violent and adult elements（这个是成人元素么，不过不是很明白，大人怎么就不好了）. To large degree, I agree with this proposal.

In the first place, watching TV programs or movies is a waste of time for children. As we all know, every TV programs or movies has at least forty-five minutes to play（用 lasts at least forty-five minutes long 可以不？）, and it is very difficult to move away one's eyes from the fascinating programs when being attracted by the ups and downs plot. Not to mention children who have a lower level of self control. If they are addicted to some serial cartoons or soap operas, there is no doubt that they would yearn day and night to the plays, be distracted during lessons, and neglect their homeworks.

Moreover, watching TV programs or movies do harm to the health of children because of radiation. Since children are still in the process of growing, their physical condition are not strong enough to resist most of damages. When they enjoy the stories in the movies, they might sit in front of the TV and stare at the screen all the time. As a result, they not only are lack of time to do exercise but also have to wear glasses. Nowadays, the rate of children who wear glasses are increasing dramatically not due to study hard but because of watching programs.这段很好

Finally, I have to mention that recently, most of the movies have the plot about violence or adult in order to make a larger profits. Those types of movies are eroding the mental development of modern children since they have not form correct value systems and they might imitate the behaviors of the actors in the movies. Considering the increasing rate of teenage crime in China, the television programmers can hardly absolve themselves from the blame.

Taking the above consideration into account, I strongly suggest that parents limit their children's hours of watching televisions or movies for a well development of children both physically and mentally.

整体都不错啊，例子举得都很自然。   还有额，要计时写就用TPO 来写，然后stu里面有记录，复制过来就行了。 这样感觉还不错哈

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8.29  独立 The best way to improve the quality of education is to increase teachers' salaries'.

The issue of education has always been a wide discussion topic. There is no doubt that teachers, as the executor of education, play a very important role in it. However, does that means the best way to improve the quality of education is to increase teachers' salaries? After weighing both the benefits and potential risks, however, I side on the opposite.

In the first place, there is no correlation between teachers' salaries and their teaching abilities. On the one hand, some of professors, who have a excellent ability of teaching, would like to achieve extraordinary career in the field of education just because they enjoy the process of teaching. They give up the opportunities to obtain lots of money by publishing books or making speeches out of the school, but teach in the university devotedly. Thus, the stimulation on salaries can not help them in teaching at all. On the other hand, increasing salaries can not improve teaching abilities of teachers who are accustomed to perfunctory. This kind of teacher might has less sense of responsibility and an attitude of satisfaction about his or her life. They would not be stired up the passion of education by money too. Therefore, teachers salaries are helpless to improve the quality of education.

However, I do not mean that salary does not make sense. And I admit that teachers play an important role in modern education. They not only deliver knowledge to the next generation but also do many researches for academic advancement. Most of students admire them and treat them as their modals, and thus their good personalities and correct behaviors promote students to form a correct value system. Frankly, teachers deserve a good salary, and universities must provide them with a rational salary to ensure their good quality of life. But that is enough.  After all, increasing their salaries is not the first choice for school since it will increase the education cost. Besides increasing teachers' salaries, there are many other ways to enhance the quality of education, such as arousing competition among staffs and organizing teacher forum which gives convenience for them to communicate and exchange ideas. Those methods do not need to invest too much but produce a desired result.

In conclusion, teachers are the essential part of education, but increasing teachers' salaries is not the priority to enhance the quality of education. There are many other methods for us to choose.

蝴蝶渡海

The issue of education has always been a wide discussion topic. There is no doubt that teachers, as the executor of education, play a very important role in it. However, does that means the best way to improve the quality of education is to increase teachers' salaries? After weighing both the benefits and potential risks, however, I side on（side on无表明什么什么的立场的意思，个人理解用stand on更合适一些） the opposite view.(这里的however用的有些牵强，不明显的转折)

In the first place, there is no correlation between teachers' salaries and their teaching abilities. On the one hand, some of professors, who have a（an） excellent ability of teaching, would like to achieve extraordinary career in the field of education just because they enjoy the process of teaching. They give up the opportunities to obtain lots of money by publishing books or making speeches out of the school, but teach in the university devotedly. Thus, the stimulation on salaries can not help them in teaching at all. On the other hand, increasing salaries can not improve teaching abilities of teachers who are accustomed to perfunctory. This kind of teacher might has（have） less sense of responsibility and an attitude of satisfaction about his or her life. They would not be stired（stirred） up the passion of education by money too. Therefore, teachers（teachers’） salaries are helpless to improve the quality of education.

However, I do not mean that salary does not make sense. And I admit that teachers play an important role in modern education. They not only deliver knowledge to the next generation but also do many researches for academic advancement. Most of students admire them and treat them as their modals, and thus their good personalities and correct behaviors promote students to form a correct value system. Frankly speaking, teachers deserve a good salary, and universities must provide them with a rational salary to ensure their good quality of life. But that is enough. After all, increasing their salaries is not the first choice for school since it will increase the education cost. Besides increasing teachers' salaries, there are many other ways to enhance the quality of education, such as arousing competition among staffs and organizing teacher forum which gives convenience for them to communicate and exchange ideas. Those methods do not need to invest too much but produce a desired result.

In conclusion, teachers are the essential part of education, but increasing teachers' salaries is not the priority to enhance the quality of education. There are many other methods for us to choose.

总结：感觉235852140同学的语言基础还是很好的，语法错误点较少，逻辑什么也比较明晰。但是感觉这么安排结构有些问题。让步段有些过长，最好能用两观点再加让步，比如把二段分成两段再加长些，让步段在消弱下

今天家里有些急事，我的作文还没写，先把需要给你改的任务完成吧。实在不好意思

蝴蝶渡海

最后说下，三段，四段我确实是没看出错误。整体文章前前后后也看了有4,5遍。感觉主要是段落的布置有些问题，再就是缺少吸引人眼球的句子。但是整体错误极少

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8.30  独立

It's more important for government to spend money to build art museums and music performance center than to build recreational facilities(such as swimming pool,playground)

Government in every country always face the same problems in financial, and thus how to spend money properly and effectively becomes a widely discussed issue. Among many problems, whether government should spend more money to build art museums and music performance center than recreational facilities is one of the most concerned topics. Taking various considerations into account, to large degree, I agree with this proposal.

It's more important for government to spend money to build art museums and music performance center than to build recreational facilities(such as swimming pool,playground)

Government in every country always face the same problems in financial, and thus how to spend money properly and effectively becomes a widely discussed issue. Among many problems, whether government should spend more money to build art museums and music performance center than recreational facilities is one of the most concerned topics. Taking various considerations into account, to large degree, I agree with this proposal.

In the first place, art museums and music performance center can represent and reflect the culture and history of one country, whereas the recreational facilities, such as swimming pool and playground, are too ordinary to show any culture. For example, Louvre Museum in Paris is one of the biggest, oldest, and most famous museum，which stored an incredible amount of famous antiques, paintings, and sculptures. It represents French art, culture, and history about ancient Greece, Egypt, and Roman. Moreover, it attracts people from all over the world to visit and appreciate its beauty. However, the recreational facilities are so often to see that no one will go to a foreign country just because of them.

Moreover, recreational facilities can be built commercially by private enterprises for the pursuit of profits, because it needs less money to build compared with art museums and music performance center which require huge investments. And the maintenance fee of art museums are also very expensive since these are such a number of precious articles needed special care. Obviously, it is difficult for any citizen or common organization to undertake. Therefore, government has to take the responsibility to invest in those expensive but significant programs without worrying about the lack of recreational facilities.

Finally, I have to concede that recreational facilities are one important part of a city because they provide places for citizens to have entertainment. Without those necessary facilities, people in the country would feel boring. But considering the reasons above, the government still should pay more attention on art museums and music performance center. By doing so, the country will not only attracts more foreigners to visit but also earns a larger profits which can be invested in other field.

In conclusion, it is wiser to for government to spend more money on art museums and music performance center that recreational facilities.