有志者，事竟成。 小女子的IBT作文，欢迎大家拍砖！虚心求教！共同进步！

chasedreamabc

Everyone in thefiercecompetitive（固定搭配fierce competition，可以把 in thefiercecompetitive 放在句末做后置定语，everyone is pursuing success in the fiercecompetition）society is pursuing success. And there are many ways（methods）to achieve success（前面有一个success了，这里直接用win，表达也比较地道）. Among（后面就说了2个点，用between）various viewpoints，a common belief is that one should be more like others than be different from everyone, in order to succeed. After weighing up both the superficial benefits and potential risks, however, I side on the opposite.

In the first place,  most successful people share one commoncharacteristics（one和characteristics矛盾了，单复不一致去掉s）——distinctive, which makes them stand out of the crowd. Some of them have extraordinary abilities in a certain field, such as athletes who won the Olympic champion; some of them own unusual perseverance, such as Edison who experienced hundreds of times of failure before the invention of bulb; and some of them usually come up with fresh ideas，such as Steve Jobs who led the Apple to the world's largest maker of mobile phone. Therefore, it is being（可以不要）different that contributes to people's success.（换一个词，prosperity，词汇太单一啦）
PS:没什么太多的改动是都是简单句，没可能有错滴


So, why being different makes people more likely to success, while keeping（keep有名词词性，那么用keeping在严格语法就显得不是很正确了） accordance with everyone causes people ordinary？ In my perspective, it is because that the development of mankind demands difference in the aspect of both science and art. On the one hand, the scientific inventions and discoveries that bring huge convenience and benefits to our lives ask for bold new attempts. Only by keeping trying new can we create something new. On the other hand, the famous works of art（the artist，讲求简练一下啦） in the world all comes from the artists' creativity and extraordinary talents. No one likes to see the same or similar works. Thus, sticking to convention or imitating others will never push our society forward, so do people's success.

Finally, I have to concede that people should study others' good personalities and comply with the social standard of behavior. Of course, things like diligent and studious are the keys to success, and one cannot challenge the law in order to be different from others. However, except of those basic elements which everyone knows, it is more essential to be different from the public.

In conclusion, it is the difference rather than similarity that bring success to people because of our society's intrinsical needs.
PS:字数一般，语言显得过于的简单了，没有什么出彩的地方。在句式上面尝试一下多元化，增加复杂句和长句子，显得不是很单一；词汇也是有点少，success可以替换没替换的地方至少有4处，比昨天一句话出现5遍有进步了

235852140

Agree or disagree：it is important to be completely honest with your friends.

There is no doubt that honesty is a good virtue. And most of time, people should remain honest with their partners around, especially with their friends, since friends are our precious fortune in the world and we cannot live without friends. But does it mean one must be completely honest with them at any time? After taking many considerations into account, I disagree with this idea.

In the first place, a white lie proves to be more beneficial than a cruel truth under many circumstances. For example, if one of your friends are preparing for a job interview and his or her mother is in grave condition at the same time, which one would you choose: to tell he or she the truth, or to give a white lie? Obviously, being honest at this time will interrupt your friend's job hunting and thus may influence his/her future career. Also, he cannot do anything with his/her mother. But telling a white lie may help the person get the job successfully at least. Therefore, a white lie is more useful sometimes.

Moreover, people need to be tactful in the complex interpersonal relationships, including friendships. When getting along with various people, being smooth is one of the good interpersonal skills, which might help you make more friends. Taking my classmate Ruth for example, she is a frank and outspoken girl. She always point out others' shortages or embarrassing things, and as a result almost all my classmates are unwilling to talk or contact with her. On the contrary, my roommate Lydia usually praise others' advantages and avoids saying some real but wounding words. She won many friends.

Finally, I have to concede that being honest with friends can establish a mature trust which is an important element in the friendship. But being absolutely honest is impractical. It is necessary to be flexible in some cases, such as to protect our friends' feeling and to better get along with them. Therefore, white lies exist more or less among people's relationships. In fact, there is a survey from the China Social Psychology saying that ninety-four percent people tell at least one lie in a day and telling lies serves as a natural instinct that no one can never tell a lie.

In conclusion, being completely honest is not a wise behavior which may hunt others feelings and influence the relationship itself, while telling a white lie and being a tactful person are sometimes necessary.

235852140

11.17  独立  在家工作好还是去公司工作好？

Working serves as an important part of people's whole lives since we almost spent one-thirty time of life on working. Consequently, the working environment is so much concerned that it has always been a widely discussed issue among people.  A large amount of people seem to have a peasant association with the idea that working at home can increase their work efficiency. However, is this really the case? After taking various considerations into account, I believe that it is more beneficial to work at the company than to work at home.

In the first place, working at the company can provide every employee with an opportunity to communicate, especially in our modern society, because team work has a wide range of application in many fields, including in the company culture. By getting together in the office of the company, staffs are able to share their knowledges, ideas, and innovation. Also, when they are facing some problems or dilemmas, this method will save them lots of time solving problems. It is impossible to achieve if everyone stay at home to work. Even though those who would like to work at home use email or telephone to contact with their leaders and colleagues，is it more efficient or more convenient than just talking directly to his/her colleagues sitting at the next table? Taking Google as an example, it not only ask for the attendance of every employee on weekdays，but also dismantled the barriers of all office tables to form an open working environment which is conducive to staffs' communication.

In addition to the convenience of communication, it is commonly acknowledged that people can put more concentration on the job if they are in the office where has little attraction. It is because that they have nothing else to do instead of working due to the dull and monotonous environment. On the contrary, at home, there are various entertainments and matters will draw one's attention, such as the popular new television program, the scent of the meal cooking by your mother, or your crying baby. All of these might interrupt your train of thought and thus decrease your working efficiency. For example, my sisters' unit does not require employees to work at the company. Thus she had did her works at home before she realized that she often did not finish her tasks on time. Now, she insisted to go to her office to avoid being attracted by the television programs.

Finally, working at the company avails the leader to manage the company and employees. On the one hand, leaders can convey their instructions and objectives with staffs face to face at the meeting without calling or mailing them one by one. On the other hand, in case of some emergencies or modifications about the work, leaders can conduct employees right the first time. It is hard to imagine what is the leader's position if no one is in the company. Even if the job like internet customer services of Amazon company, which just require employees sitting in front of the computers and speaking through keyboards, asks for employees to work in Amazon's office block.  

In conclusion, working at the company is more beneficial to the employees themselves, to the leaders, and to the companies, than working at home.

浅吟天

黄色 好的，绿色，建议加评价，红色 有问题的
Working serves as an important part of people's whole lives since we almost spent one-thirty time of life on working. Consequently, the working environment is so much concerned that it has always been a widely discussed issue among people. A large amount of people seem to have a peasant association with the idea that working at home can increase their work efficiency. However, is this really the case? After taking various considerations into account, I believe that it is more beneficial to work at the company than to work at home. （看了你后面的文笔，我觉得第一段不用套那么多句式，还可以更好）

In the first place, working at the company can provide every employee with an opportunity to communicate, especially in our modern society, because team work has a wide range of application in many fields, including in the company culture(in many field, 包括公司文化，我觉得这两者不是很包呢). By getting together in the office of the company, staffs are able to share their knowledges, ideas, and innovation(为什么前两个复数，这个不加了呢). Also, when they are facing some problems or dilemmas, this method will save them lots of time solving problems. It is impossible to achieve if everyone stay at home to work. Even though those who would like to work at home use email or telephone to contact with their leaders and colleagues，is it more efficient or more convenient than just talking directly to his/her colleagues sitting at the next table? Taking（我不知道是不是take,因为我一直这么背的，望告之。。） Google as an example, it not only ask for the attendance of every employee on weekdays，but also dismantled the barriers of all office tables to form an open working environment which is conducive to staffs' communication. （例子好！）

In addition to the convenience of communication, it is commonly acknowledged that people can put more concentration on the job if they are in the office where has little attraction. It is because that they have nothing else to do instead of working due to the dull and monotonous environment. On the contrary, at home, there are various entertainments and matters will draw one's attention, such as the popular new television program, the scent of the meal cooking by your mother, or your crying baby.(好想象力！) All of these might interrupt your train of thought（这是个短语吗？） and thus decrease your working efficiency. For example, my sisters' unit does not require employees to work at the company. Thus she had did her works at home before she realized that she often did not finish her tasks on time.（这句话有点拧巴，Thus she had done her works at home, however she realized that she often did not finish her tasks on time.） Now, she insisted(前面有个Now了，现在时) to go to her office to avoid being attracted by the(去掉吧) television programs.

Finally, working at the company avails the leader to manage the company and employees. On the one hand, leaders can convey their instructions and objectives with staffs face to face at the meeting without calling or mailing them one by one. On the other hand, in case of some emergencies or modifications about the work, leaders can conduct employees right(普及下我把，短语？) the first time. It is hard to imagine what is the leader's position if no one is in the company. Even if the job like internet customer services of Amazon company, which just require（单数） employees sitting in front of the computers and speaking through keyboards, asks(这句话的主语是job，应该是amazon，换一换就好了) for employees to work in Amazon's office block.

In conclusion, working at the company is more beneficial to the employees themselves, to the leaders, and to the companies, than working at home.





很好的组织，很清楚的观点！建议把第三段的意见放到第一个后，都是讲得交流，沟通传达的问题。相当于在公司的两个好处，然后列一个在家的坏处，这样更清晰。

浅吟天

讨论几个问题：
1.  innovation,我心思是创新的意思，不可数呢。查了查是作为革新、创新的意思，是不可数的。作为新方法、新制度、新事物的意思来讲是可数的。  那并列的话，是不是都加S都复数 保持一致比较好？ 是的，既然新事物也是可数的，复数还是说的通的。当时看到三个并列，觉得最后一个不写像笔误。
2. Taking Google as an example, it not only...but also...  。 这句用taking不用take 是因为如果take了，这句话就多了一个谓语。就病句了。 按你这么说也不是很对，taking的主语是it 发出的主动，这样。。可以吗？我印象中是take G for example. 句号，一个类似祈使句吧。（额 我蹩脚的解释，你有什么意见告诉我啊）
4. conduct employees right the first time.   right the first time  我想说第一时间的意思。不知道有木有这个用法。我没查到。 我当时是觉得conduct有点奇怪，查了下朗文，有两个解释比较像：1，to carry out a particular activity or process, especially in order to get information or prove facts。但这个不对员工。2，to take or lead someone somewhere。这个的例句都是具体的conduct somebody to something。没有你那个意思，引领，带领。你觉得呢？

喜欢认真的孩子~~~

235852140

11.27.   an efficient leader will always try to make everyone feel that he's in part of a decision making

Management is one of the most important factors that contribute to the success of companies, and leader, as the manager of company, plays an essential role in the process of management. Consequently, how to be an efficient leader has always been a widely discussed issue among people. Recently, some entrepreneurs claim that an efficient leader will always try to make everyone feel that he's in part of a decision making. After taking various considerations into account, I strongly agree with this idea.

In the first place, the leader can attain more extensive suggestions, ideas, and innovations by making every staffs involved in the process of decision making. There is no doubt that one person's ability is limited to some degree, and as an old saying in China:" the fire burns high when everybody adds wood to it". This point of view is especially effective in the company because leaders always have too many matters to solve every day. They could not deal with everything by themselves and ensure to make the best decision at the same time. In most cases, they have to discuss the questions with subordinates, ask for some novel and creative suggestions, and then make the final decision. Take Google as an example. Google's leaders have rarely made decisions only by themselves, but instead of it, they always let staffs discuss and make the decisions together. Thus, this is an efficient method for leaders.    

In addition to the benefit to leader's efficient work, it can arouse every staff's sense of responsibility to the company. If employees just work and follow the leader's decisions and instructions, is there any difference between them and machines? And also they might feel boring and become unconcerned toward the company's development. But if the leader always communicate with them about some decisions and seek for their ideas, they might realize that they are one of the important parts of the company and treat the company's grow as part of their own careers. For example, my sister is running her own business now. She used to be a dictatorial leader who rarely discussed issues with employees. As a result, almost all the employees lost the passion of work and the company's efficiency is very low. Afterwards, she changed her habits and tried to listen to her staffs' voice. By doing so, her company is now in a good condition and everyone in her company make every effort to work.  

Finally, I have to concede that making everyone feel that he's part of the decision making is difficult since everyone may have different opinion toward a certain issue. And there might be some hard time to make everyone be in agreement, which will lead a waste of time and energy. However, I did not mean that to make staffs take participate in the process of decision making is equal to completely follow their ideas or to make decisions in accordance with the opinions of the majority. I believe it is the process of communication and listening that intensify employee's sense of being. Therefore, whatever the final decision, the employees will be encouraged.

In conclusion, it is beneficial for leader to try to make everyone feel that he or she is part of a decision making.  

未知未来2

There is no doubt that honesty is a good virtue. And most of time, people should remain honest with their partners around, especially with their friends; （两句话）since friends are our precious fortune in the world and we cannot live without friends（them,前面用过friends了，用them会不会好一些）. But does it mean one must be completely honest with them at any time? After taking many considerations into account, I disagree with this idea.

In the first place, a white lie proves to be more beneficial than a cruel truth under many circumstances. For example, if one of your friends are preparing for a job interview and his or her mother is in grave condition at the same time, which one would you choose: to tell he or she the truth, or to give a white lie? Obviously, being honest at this time will interrupt your friend's job hunting and thus may influence his/her future career. Also, he cannot do anything with his/her mother. But telling a white lie may help the person get the job successfully at least. Therefore, a white lie is more useful sometimes.

Moreover, people need to be tactful in the complex interpersonal relationships, including friendships. When getting along with various people, being smooth is one of the good interpersonal skills, which might help you make more friends. Taking my classmate Ruth for example, she is a frank and outspoken girl. She always point(-s) out others' shortages or embarrassing things, and as a result almost all my classmates are unwilling to talk or contact with her. On the contrary, my roommate Lydia usually praise (-s) others' advantages and avoids saying some real but wounding words. She won many friends.

Finally, I have to concede that being honest with friends can establish a mature trust which is an important element in the friendship. But being absolutely honest is impractical. It is necessary to be flexible in some cases, such as to protect our friends' feeling and to better get along with them. Therefore, white lies exist more or less among people's relationships. In fact, there is a survey from the China Social Psychology saying that ninety-four percent people tell at least one lie in a day and telling lies serves as a natural instinct that no one can never tell a lie.

In conclusion, being completely honest is not a wise behavior which may hunt others feelings and influence the relationship itself, while telling a white lie and being a tactful person are sometimes necessary.


文章读着非常舒服，娓娓道来一样~~例子也很充实，句式也有很多变化，就提一个小建议哈 第二点和第三点内容感觉都在说做人要flexible~~可以写如果都说实话了，怎么给friends惊喜啊；都说实话了自己还有木有个人空间啦，万一这个friend 跟别人乱说肿么办。。。个人意见哈~~学习了！！~~~还有实在抱歉啊，刚开始时不知道小分队是怎么操作的，不知道咱们是一组要你改我，我改你，后面明白了又忘了去改了。。。真是抱歉！！

Saturn光环

11.27.   an efficient leader will always try to make everyone feel that he's in part of a decision making

Management is one of the most important factors that contribute to the success of companies, and leader, as the manager of company, plays an essential role in the process of management. Consequently,how to be an efficient leader has always been a widely discussed issue among people how to be an efficient leader is an issue that has been widely discussed among people (读起来不怎么顺,改成这样试试？). Recently, some entrepreneurs claim that an efficient leader will always try to make everyone feel that he's in part of a decision making. After taking various considerations into account, I strongly agree with this idea.

In the first place, the leader can attain(怎么觉得应该是obtain) more extensive suggestions, ideas, and innovations by making every staffs involved in the process of decision making. There is no doubt that one person's ability is limited to some degreein contrast to the wisdom of the crowd, and as an old saying in China:" the fire burns high when everybody adds wood to it". This point of view is especially effective in the company because leaders always have too many matters to solve every day. They could not deal with everything by themselves and ensure to make the best decision at the same time.（A effective leader should utilize everyone’s talent to solve a variety of problems encountered everyday instead of working alone精简一下句子） In most cases, they have to（用should 会不会好点）discuss the questions with subordinates, or organize the brainstorm where your teammates can bring up novel and creative suggestions your teammates ask for some novel and creative suggestions, and then make the final decision. Take Google as an example. Google's leaders have rarely made decisions only by themselves, but instead of it, they always let staffs discuss and make the decisions together. （Instead of making decisions only by themselves, they always let their staffs participate in decision making.精简句子）Thus, this is an efficient method for leaders.

Second, in addition to the benefit to leader's efficient work, it can arouse every staff's a sense of responsibility to the company among every staffs. If employees just work and followunder the leader's decisions and instructions made by leaders, is there any difference between them and machines? And also they might feel boring and become unconcerned toward the company's development. But if the leader always communicate with them about some decisions and seek for their ideas, they might realize that they are one of the important parts of the company and treat the company's grow as part of their own careers.（So an effective leader should motivate the employee by constantly communicating with them about decisions and opinions, which can maintain cohesion in a company that everyone feel like they are a part of it. 精简句子）For example, my sister is running her own business now. She used to be a dictatorial leaderdictator who rarely discussed issues with employees. As a result, almost all the employees lost the passion of work and the company's efficiency is very low. Afterwards, she changed her habits and tried to listen to her staffs' voice. By doing so, her company is now in a good condition and everyone in her company make every effort to work.   (My sister used to be a dictatorial leader that rarely discussed any issue with her staff in a company she started. After suffering low efficiency, she changed her management style to a modest leader who pay attention to the voice from her employee. Now her employee is working with her cohesively and her company is stronger than it ever was.精简句子)

FinallyMoreover, I have to concede that making everyone feel that he's part of the decision making is difficult since everyone may have different opinion toward a certain issue. And there might be some hard time to make everyone be in agreement, which will lead a waste of time and energy. However, I did not mean that to make staffs take participate in the process of decision making is equal to completely follow their ideas or to make decisions in accordance with the opinions of the majority. I believe it is the process of communication and listening that intensify employee's sense of being. Therefore, whatever the final decision, the employees will be encouraged.







Moreover, I have to say that it’s hard to unit everyone in decision making since everyone has one’s own opinion. However, let staffs take participate in the process of decision making is not equal to follow their ideas. The key is to have everyone together and listen carefully about their ideas and feelings. A good leader should use his brain, use his negotiating skills to convince hisemployees instead of using his authority . Therefore, your employee will follow you.







（我自己按自己的理解写了一段，觉得有很多细节加上去让整个段落显的中心不突出。第一个句子既然是让步就要突出后面弱化前面，所以前面很多细节让人觉得重心跑前面去了。which will lead a waste of time and energy；follow their ideas； to make decisions in accordance with the opinions of the majority.这些细节可以再斟酌一下如何加到这个段落里面来.）




In conclusion, it is beneficial for leader to try to make everyone feel that he or she is part of a decision making.







总结：



1.觉得很多语言不够简练，可以把一些很长的句子想办法缩到一起去，

2.有时候可以长短句结合，可以使文章读起来更舒服。

3.可以看出有很多细节能想出来很不错，但是就整篇文章来说读起来不是很通顺。

4.本人非大神，言多必失，有什么地方句子表达还不够标准的请仔细指出，互相学习。。

袋袋

Management is one of the most important factors that contribute to the success of companies, and leader, as the manager of company, plays an essential role in the process of management. Consequently, how to be an efficient leader has always been（is always这里表示一般情况，没有时态的区别，用一般现在时较好） a widely discussed issue among people. Recently, some entrepreneurs claim that an efficient leader will （ought to）always try to make everyone feel that he's in part of a decision making. After taking various considerations into account, I strongly agree with this idea.
第一段介绍背景，引入话题，并且表述了自己的观点，我觉得写的很好~

In the first place, the leader can attain more extensive suggestions, ideas, and innovations by making every staffs involved in the process of decision making. There is no doubt that one person's ability is limited to some degree, and as(这样的话，这个分句就没有main verb) an old saying in China:" the fire burns high when everybody adds wood to it". This point of view is especially effective in the company because leaders always have too many matters to solve every day. They could not deal with everything by themselves and ensure to make the best decision at the same time（个人觉得let alone ensure to make the best decision at the same time）. In most cases, they have to discuss the questions with subordinates, ask for some novel and creative suggestions, and then make the final decision. Take Google as an example. Google's leaders have rarely made decisions only by themselves, but instead of it, they always let staffs discuss and make the decisions together. Thus, this is an efficient method for leaders.    
论据很充实，而且角度很好，但是个人觉得思维还是中文式的。

In addition to the benefit to（of） leader's efficient work, it can arouse every staff's sense of responsibility to the company. If employees just work and follow the leader's decisions and instructions, is there any difference between them and machines? And also (可以直接用also，个人觉得what’s more更好)they might feel boring and become unconcerned toward the company's development. But if the leader always communicate with them about some decisions and seek for their ideas, they might realize that they are one of the important parts of（直接a important part of 比较简洁吧） the company and treat（这个动词从语法上看不清楚是和realize还是和are并列） the company's grow as part of their own careers. For example, my sister is running her （用have比较好）own business now. She used to be a dictatorial leader who rarely discussed issues with employees. As a result, almost all the employees lost the passion of work and the company's efficiency is very low. Afterwards, she changed her habits and tried to listen to her staffs' voice（用the voice of her stuff比较好）. By doing so, her company is now in a good condition and everyone in her company makes every effort to work.  

Finally, I have to concede that making everyone feel that he's part of the decision making is difficult since everyone may have different opinion toward a certain issue. And there might be some hard time to make everyone be in agreement(直接用involved比较好), which will lead a waste of time and energy. However, I did not mean that to make staffs take participate in the process of decision making is equal to completely follow their ideas or to make decisions in accordance with the opinions of the majority. I believe it is the process of communication and listening that intensify employee's sense of being. Therefore, whatever the final decision is, the employees will be encouraged.

In conclusion, it is beneficial forto leaders to try to make everyone feel that he or she is part of a decision making.
总的来说，我觉得各方面都不错，但是连接词的使用上还可以更加多样和自然。

袋袋

亲 我改好了。但是不晓得怎样把word中的内容带格式粘过来。。。