给自己点动力,写作文！求各路大神犀利指导~\(≧▽≦)/~

winnie98

8.17综合：TPO15

The lecture mainly points out that themeasures which the reading passage offers to prevent the spread of the canetoad in Australia are questionable and debatable, and maybe cause damages.

Firstly, the professor asserts that theyoung and eggs of toads are often found in rivers and streams, that means the flowingof rivers would make the young and eggs of toads from on the  side to another side. Thus, building anational fence cannot stop the spread of cane toads. This viewpoint iscontradictory to the view in the reading passage that a national fence thatblocks the advance of the toads will prevent them from moving places that theyhave not colonized.

Secondly, the professors argue against thepoint in the passage that the toads could be captured and destroyed byvolunteers. The professor asserts that Australian citizens who are willing tobe volunteers to join the forces to destroy the toads do not accept any training.That may make them fall into dangers, on the grounds that some of the toads aredangerous.

Thirdly, the passage demonstrates thatutilizing a disease-causing virus can control the cane toad populations andwill not harm most of the infected species. In contrast, the professor rebutsthat the virus will do harm to the original habitats and make the wholeeco-system suffer the bad influence.

jiaosisisisi

8.17独立: the most important characteristic of a good political or business leader is the ability to take responsibility for mistakes?


Have you respected a good political or business leader? What charisma makes you fond of him or her? (what makes you love this dog ，make somebody do something，同理what makes you be fond of this dog )Some people claim that an excellent leader should have ability to take responsibility for mistakes. However, I personally believe that the charisma of outstanding leadership is （感觉特指加个the 比较顺口，你可以考虑下）strong spirit and unremitting efforts, rather than responsibility of mistakes as the following aspects.

To begin with, it is apparent that strong spirit is indispensible part of leadership and it has been exerting profound influence on the way we work. Take a survey as an example. A recent survey conducted by the Chinese Ministry of Education reveals that for the youngsters, majority of them think （think 不是好东西，可以考虑believe 或者hold the viewpoint）that the most attractive characteristic of leadership is the strong will which is one of most vital keys for leaders to achieve success. This survey is one of the great demonstration that strong will is also significant. Strong will cannot only （你用not only 就不能用cannot 让人感觉像是can't only ，或者直接就用大家最爱的倒装句型吧，Not only can strong will encourage……）encourage leaders themselves to conquer difficulties, but also their employees to have confidence to follow the leaders, on the grounds that leaders need to build up trust and confidence to illustrate their ability.

Furthermore, unremitting efforts also play a vital role in leadership, which is the most important factor for leaders to attain success. As the modern society develops strikingly, it is impossible for enterprises or even nations to easily achieve success. If they would like to be successful, they should make some excellent projects through great efforts. Otherwise, they may have no competition with other companies or countries（我理解你的意思，是----否则没有竞争力的意思，competition是竞争，建议，otherwise，they might not be so competitive as other companies or countries ）. For instance, Apple Computer Inc is a worldwide famous group that people from more than two hundreds of countries are utilizing its products. One of the most vital keys to its success is that they make unremitting efforts to innovate its electronic products which aim to make individuals conveniently and comfortably enjoy their lives. Consequently, to the leaders, efforts are not less important point than responsibility for mistakes.

However, undeniably, leaders can also make mistakes, because there is no person who never makes errors and always keeps correct. Thus, when they make mistakes, what attitude they hold and how to address the problems are more important. That means that they need courage to take responsibility for mistakes and prevent more mistakes happened费解，我没有理解额。。。. In spite of this, it is still not the most important characteristic for leaders, on the grounds that （你on了好几次grounds....我建议你可以重复多样的找几个短语用）spirit and efforts are also important factors on the way to succeed.




Taking all the above points into consideration, I am convinced that not only are the responsibility for mistakes significant（is ,因为还原了正常语序就是the responsibility for sth is significant~主语是不可数名词，所以用is ）, but also both the strong spirit and unremitting efforts are two of the most important and indispensible factors.

连接词用的很舒畅
首段的开头提问方式很好，主题明确
整体文章结构清晰，语句也很通顺流畅
基本没有出现错误

结尾紧扣中心，首尾呼应。总之很赞啦~加油O(∩_∩)O~



首段的开头提问方式很好，主题明确
整体文章结构清晰，语句也很通顺流畅
基本没有出现错误

结尾紧扣中心，首尾呼应。总之很赞啦~加油O(∩_∩)O~

winnie98

8.18独立：The best way to improve the quality of education is to increase teachers' salaries


As the contemporary society develops strikingly, the youngsters need accept high-quality education to enhance their competition, which can help them hunting great jobs. Thus, we would consider that what approach can improve the quality of education to make students excellent. Some people hold the viewpoint that schools should increase teachers’ salaries to strengthen the education. However, I personally believe that although increasing teachers’ salaries may have a certain extent of effects, it is not the best way to improve the quality of education as the following aspects.

To begin with, modern teaching facilities are indispensible part of education and they have been exerting profound influence on the way we learn. Take Japanese department as an example. The students majoring in Japanese have the courses regarding simultaneous interpretation, when they are seniors. With this situation, professors need simultaneous interpretation equipments to conveniently and effectively teach students. If universities have no such equipments, it is in the approach high-quality education that the professors cannot teach students. Thus, advanced teaching facilities are increasingly significant to improve the education quality in the modern schools, on the grounds that good facilities can effectively offer students excellent learning environment and professionally help students enhance their own abilities.

Furthermore, the teaching skills of professors also play a vital role in the quality of education. Even though the different professors teach the same knowledge, there will be different effects on the comprehension of students. That means the experienced professors may explain the knowledge in a simple way to understand, while the new professors may have less experience to explain the knowledge and teach it in a relatively complicated way. At this time, students may understand more concerning the same knowledge in the simple way than its counterpart in the complex way. Consequently, the teaching skills are also vital for schools to improve the quality of education.

However, it is undeniable that increasing teachers’ salaries may encourage teachers to more focus on their teaching than ever before, because teachers also need money to support their family. In contrast, this way may have a certain degree of effects on education quality, whereas it is not the best way to influence on education, due to the same vital role of teaching facilities and skills.

Taking all the above points into consideration, I am convinced that there are many other approaches also have essential position in the way to improve the education quality, such as teaching equipments and skills. Thus, increasing the teachers’ salaries is not the best way to attain high-quality education.

winnie98

8.18综合：TPO16

The lecture mainly points out that the science of archaeology was improved by a new British government guideline in the twentieth century. However, this viewpoint is contradictory to the idea in the reading passage with the following reasons, according to the professor.

Firstly, the professor asserts that owing to the new guide, construction could start to be built, after the archaeologists saw whether the construction sites had archaeological value and interest. If the sites had the value, the government and archaeologists would make a plan to preserve the sites. In contrast, this viewpoint is opposite to the point in the passage that valuable artifacts were lost to construction projects.

Secondly, the professor argues against that it was inadequate that the financial support for archaeological research from the government in the twentieth century. The professor demonstrates that the payment for the archaeological research was paid by the construction companies, rather than the government. It was new financial support.

Thirdly, the passage claims that it was difficult to have a career in archaeology. However, the professor rebuts that the present career in archaeology was one of the jobs which could attain the highest payment and has increasing job opportunities, on the grounds that the new guideline offered a lot of new paid work for archaeologists and also the expert archaeologists were hired all stages of the process to construction.

JennyW9261

As the contemporary society develops strikingly,the youngsters need accept (
我觉得need+名词就行了，不然也应该用need+to do)high-qualityeducation to enhance their competitivenesscompetition, which canhelp them getting/findinghunting（我觉得hunting是找工作的过程，但我想你的意思是找到更好的工作） great jobs.Thus, we would consider it is a question that whatapproach can improve the quality of education to make students excellent. Somepeople hold the viewpoint that schools should increase teachers’ salaries tostrengthen the education. However, I personally believe that althoughincreasing teachers’ salaries may have a certain extent of effects, it is notthe best most effective wayto improve the quality of education as the following aspects.

To begin with, modern teaching facilities are indispensableindispensible part ofeducation and they have been exerting profound influence on the way we learn.Take Japanese(是不是应该是Japanesestudying department？) department asan example. The seniors studentsmajoring in Japanese have the courses regarding simultaneous interpretation., when they areseniors.With this situation, professorsneed simultaneous interpretation equipments to conveniently and effectivelyteach students. If universities have no such equipments, it is in the approachhigh-quality education that the professors cannot teach students.(这句话我没有懂诶，是用的强调语气？) Thus,advanced teaching facilities are increasingly(个人觉得前面的举例没有体现越来越significant，所以我觉得去掉increasingly比较好) significantto improve the education quality in the modernschools, on the grounds that good facilities can effectively offer studentsexcellent learning environment and professionally help students enhance theirown abilities. （我觉得这里点名一下“所以提升facilities是improve thequality of education 的重要一点”会比较紧扣主题一点）

Furthermore, the teaching skills of professorsalso play a vital role in the quality of education. Even thoughthe different professors teach the same knowledge, there will be differenteffects on the comprehension of students.Different professors will have distincteffects on the comprehension of students in terms of teaching same knowledge. That means This isbecause that the experienced professors may explain theknowledge in a simple way to understand, while the new professors may have lessexperience to explain the knowledge and teach it in a relatively complicated uneffective way.At this time, students may understand more concerning the same knowledge in thesimple way than its counterpart in the complex way. ConsequentlyIn conclusion, theteaching skills are also vital for schools to improve the quality of education.

However, it is undeniable that increasingteachers’ salaries may encourage teachers to more focusmore ontheir teaching than ever before, because teachers also need money to supporttheir family. In contrast, this way may have a certain degree of effects oneducation quality, whereas it is not the best way to influence on education,due to the same vital role of teaching facilities and skills. （这段让步要不要和conclusion合为一体？）

Taking all the above points into consideration, Iam convinced that there are many other approaches which also haveessential position in the way to improve the education quality, such asteaching equipments and skills. Thus, increasing the teachers’ salaries is notthe best way to attain high-quality education.
我觉得观点表达的不错，词汇量也蛮大的（比我大！！膜拜词汇量大的人
@_@）连接词有的用的不太合适，有的用逻辑连接词的地方可能需要思考一下逻辑是不是合理。
有的语言微微有点罗嗦，可以简化。另外建议多用被动句。
不过有的地方是我的常规用法，并不是你错了。所以修改仅供参考哈。




8.18综合：TPO16

The lecture mainly points out that the science ofarchaeology was improved by a new British government guideline in the twentiethcentury. However, this viewpoint is contradictory to the idea in the readingpassage with the following reasons, according to the professor.

Firstly, the professor asserts that owing to thenew guide, construction could start to be built, after the archaeologists saw examed
whetherthe construction sites had archaeological value and interest. If the sites hadthe value, the government and archaeologists would make a plan to preserve thesites. In contrast, this viewpoint is opposite （In contrast和the viewpointis opposite有点语义重复吧）to the pointin the passage that valuable artifacts were lost to construction projects.

Secondly, the professor argues against that it wasinadequate that the financial support for archaeological research from thegovernment in the twentieth century. The professor demonstrates that thepayment for the archaeological research was paid by the construction companies,rather than the government. It was new financial support.

Thirdly, the passage claims that it was difficultto have a career in archaeology. However, the professor rebuts that the presentcareer in archaeology was one of the jobs which could attain the highestpayment and has increasing job opportunities,on the grounds that the new guideline offered a lot of new paid work forarchaeologists and also the expert archaeologists were hired all stages of theprocess to construction.
综合写作我还不太熟。语法上逻辑上都挑不出啥错。就是问一下
professorargue什么的要不要用过去时？
第一次帮人改，不好的地方见谅哦！欢迎就意见不一致的地方进行探讨！谢谢啦！

JennyW9261

啊。。我第一次帮人改额。。在word里面改的。。然后那些划的线都没有了！附件给你发一个你看看好不好？

江湖笑

The lecture mainly points out that the science of archaeology was improved by a new British government guideline in the twentieth century. However, (according to the professor, ) this viewpoint is contradictory to the idea (shown) in the reading passage with the following reasons, according to the professor.

Firstly, the professor asserts that owing to the new guide(guideline可能比较适合吧), a construction could start to be built, after the archaeologists saw(examine) whether the construction sites had(has) archaeological value and interest(这后面感觉有些多余). If the sites had(has) the value, the government and archaeologists would make a plan to preserve the sites. In contrast, this viewpoint is opposite to the point in the passage that valuable artifacts were lost to construction projects.

Secondly(这些链接词可以换得丰富多彩一些，比如Moreover等等), the professor argues against that it was inadequate that the financial support for archaeological research from the government in the twentieth century.(原句不知道是什么句型好像读不通，改为the financial support for archaeological research from the goverment in the twentieth century was inadequate) The professor demonstrates that the payment for the archaeological research was paid by the construction companies, rather than the government. It was new financial support.

Thirdly, the passage claims that it was difficult to have a career in archaeology. However, the professor rebuts that the present career in archaeology was one of the jobs which could attain the highest payment and has increasing job opportunities, on the grounds that the new guideline offered a lot of new paid work for archaeologists and also the expert archaeologists were hired (in) all stages of the process to(of) construction.(这里应该举一些例子，详细一点，比如那些具体的工作形式)

总体来说，我觉得，1.每段开头的连接词可以变化一下；2.有些句式好像有点毛病，你再看看，反正我觉得能理解意思，但感觉不怎么自然；3.听力的细节方面再加强一些。

winnie98

8.19综合TPO17

The lecture mainly points out that the birds population has no trend to decrease in the future in the United States. However, this viewpoint is contradictory to the point in the reading passage which is unconvincing and questionable as the following aspects according to the lecturer.

Firstly, the passage claims that birds’ natural habitats will continue to disappear, due to the expansion of human populations and settlements. In contrast, the professor in the lecture rebuts that the birds’ populations will not be negatively influenced by such expansion, whereas they have a increasing trend on the grounds that they can be easily found in the cities and citizens often complain about the growing birds’ populations.

Secondly, the professor asserts that the growth of agriculture will not be so soon, because of the new crops which can produce more food and take up fewer lands than the traditional ones. Thus, this viewpoint is contradictory to the view in the passage that agriculture activities must increase to keep pace with the growing human population and lead to the decline of bird populations in rural areas.

Thirdly, the professor argues against the point in the passage that the chemical pesticides have significantly contributed to declines in bird population and there will continue to be a need to control agricultural pests in the future. The professor demonstrates that there has been studied advanced pesticides that have two shifts, compared with the traditional ones. One change is that new pesticides with much less toxin have been developed, and another one is that there is a growing trend to develop more pest resistant crops which reduce the need to chemical pesticides and do not harm birds.

winnie98

8.19独立o you agree or disagree, the way a person dressed is a good indication of his/her personality or character

Have you ever evaluated a person via his dressing up? A majority of people would unconsciously hold the viewpoint that dressing up can indicate one’s personality. However, is it correct that we estimate a person through his dress? I personally believe that it is unfair that people consider the way a person dressed is a good demonstration of his personality as the following aspects.

To start with, the behaviors are indispensible part of indication which we judge people’s personalities and the behaviors have been exerting profound influence on the way we work, live and learn. Take one of my classmates in university as an example. She often dressed so exaggeratedly that nearly all of us could not stand her dressing. At first, we asserted that she should not be a girl who focused on learning and made efforts to pursue her dream. In contrast, we all misunderstood her. Roughly a month later, we found that she always discussed problems she did not understand after courses were over and review her lessons in the library at leisure time. At this time, we recognized that she was an actually outstanding student and often assist others in learning. Consequently, owing to this example, it is apparent that we should judge a person with behaviors, rather than the way a person dressed.

Furthermore, how a person’s friends are also plays a vital role in the indication of one’ personality. It is universally acknowledged that birds of a feather flock together. It means that the people who have similar personalities and habits would become friends. Thus, we can evaluate someone through the ways that he makes friends and how his friends are. For instance, the excellent students who are willing to make unremitting efforts for their aims are impossible to make friends who have no dreams, on the grounds that they have no common topics to chat with each other and they are different sorts of people.

However, it is really undeniable that the way a person dressed also can indicate the personalities of people to a certain extent, because diversified kinds of people would love diversified styles of clothes. For example, the bright people may prefer to dress colorful and brightly, while the introverted people may prefer the clothes of dark colors rather than bright ones. Although the indication of one’s character can be through the way to dress, it is still biased and not the good way to evaluate a person, because appearance does not represent all the things.

Taking all the above points into consideration, I am convinced that the way a person dressed is not a good way to indicate personalities, whereas there are other approaches to judge personalities, such as one’s behaviors and friends.

ykhjy

8.19综合TPO17 修改~蓝色good  黄色需修改 红色我改的 绿色批注建议

The lecture mainly points out that the birds population has no trend to decrease in the future in the United States. However, this viewpoint is contradictory to the point in the reading passage which is unconvincing and questionable as the following aspects according to the lecturer.[指出topic以及contradiction的关系，ok ]

Firstly, the passage claims that birds’ natural habitats will continue to disappear, due to[这里需要一个连词，这个due to可以当作because么，我查字典看 due to是adv，because是conj] the expansion of human populations and settlements. In contrast, the professor in the lecture rebuts that the birds’ populations will not be negatively influenced by such expansion, whereas they have a increasing trend on the grounds that they can be easily found in the cities and citizens often complain about the growing birds’ populations.[这里内容有点问题噢~这里的重点是一些鸟的数量会下降，但是还有一些鸟的数量会上升，所以鸟的总体数量不会下降]

Secondly, the professor asserts[这个词是断言，感觉有武断的意思] that the growth of agriculture will not be so soon, because of the new crops which can produce more food and take up fewer lands than the traditional ones[这个不太准确额，是表达的问题，虽然我明白你的意思。你这里意思容易让别人误会人民会少用土地，而文中只是说每个单位土地利用效率提高了]. Thus, this viewpoint is contradictory to the view in the passage that agriculture activities must increase to keep pace with the growing human population and lead to the decline of bird populations in rural areas.[最好再多些细节，如there is no need to expand wild areas]

Thirdly, the professor argues against the point in the passage that the chemical pesticides have significantly contributed to declines in bird population and there will continue to be a need to control agricultural pests in the future. The professor demonstrates that there has been studied advanced pesticides that have two shifts, compared with the traditional ones. One change is that new pesticides with much less toxin have been developed, and another one is that there is a growing trend to develop more pest resistant crops which reduce the need to chemical pesticides and do not harm birds.[这段很好！]