给自己点动力,写作文！求各路大神犀利指导~\(≧▽≦)/~

winnie98

8.15综合TPO13


The lecture mainly points out that the benefits of the commercial fossil market far outweigh its disadvantages, even though there may be some negative consequences which private collection brings about. However, the viewpoint of the reading passage is somewhat questionable and debatable when compared with the lecture as follows.

Firstly, the passage claims that the circumstance that individual collects fossils will render the public are hardly able to appreciate the fossils and then decrease public interest in fossils. In contrast, the professor rebuts that the public are likely to exhibit ancient fossils as a result of commercial fossil trade, rather than not fossil commerce. Commercial fossils collection makes it possible that even some low-level institute, such as schools, also can purchase fossils.

Secondly, the professor asserts that before private purchase, collectors would identify the fossils to ensure whether they are worth by scientific approaches. Moreover, only scientists have the professional ability to identify the fossils and thus have access to fossils, even though they are collected by private individuals. This point is contradictory to the idea in the passage that scientists lose access to vital fossils.

Thirdly, the professor argues aganist the viewpoint in the passage that commercial fossil collector can destroy valuable scientific evidence associated with the fossils they unearth, on the grounds that many fossils which were undiscovered are dug out to satisfy the demand of collectors. Provided that there is no commercial fossil trade, a host of precious fossils would continue to go undiscovered.

klllun

The lecture mainly points out that the benefits of thecommercial fossil market far outweigh its disadvantages, even though there maybe some negative consequences which private collection brings about. However,the viewpoint of the reading passage is somewhat questionable and debatablewhen compared with the lecture as follows.

Firstly, the passage claims that the circumstance thatindividual collects fossils will render the public are hardly able toappreciate the fossils and then decrease public interest in fossils. Incontrast, the professor rebuts that the public are likely to exhibit ancientfossils as a result of commercial fossil trade, rather than not fossil commerce（这句省略的是不是太多了，是希望与commercial fossil trade平行吗？介词补出平行更好的）. Commercial fossils collection makes itpossible that even some low-level institute, such as schools, also can purchasefossils.（听的很全，表述很好，赞一个）

Secondly, the professor asserts that before privatepurchase, collectors would identify the fossils to ensure whether they areworth by scientific approaches. Moreover, only scientists have the professionalability to identify the fossils and thus have access to fossils, even thoughthey are collected by private individuals. This point is contradictory to theidea in the passage that scientists lose access to vital fossils.

Thirdly, the professor argues against the viewpoint in thepassage that commercial fossil collector can destroy valuable scientificevidence associated with the fossils they unearth, on the grounds that manyfossils which were undiscovered are dug out to satisfy the demand ofcollectors. Provided that there is no commercial fossil trade, a host ofprecious fossils would continue to go undiscovered.（只有鸡蛋里面找骨头啃啦，再来点细节吧~）



Winnie的语言驾驭能力很好啊，继续保持，多听点细节，加入其中，完美啦~

klllun

第一次修改独立作文啊，虫子的作文水平有限的，多多包涵了
8.14独立：Doyou agree or disagree with the following statement. Although science andtechnology will continue to improve, the most significant improvement for thequality of people's lives have already taken place


As modern high technology israpidly developing, there is a controversial issue that the most vitalimprovement for the quality of our lives has occurred, even though science andtechnology will increasingly continue to improve. However, I personally believethat we still have a host of problems regarding the life quality and need tocontinuously enhance our technology, rather than just feel satisfied withcurrent improvement as the following aspects.

Apparently, we have a largeproportion of serious problems which still have no effective measures to figureout and pose a threat to our daily life. Take the air pollution for example.The air pollution has become an indispensable part of problems we need toaddress and it has been exerting profound influence on the way we live. Arecent research conducted by the Chinese Ministry of Environment reveals thatthere are a growing number of people who get sickness owing to the negativeinfluence of air pollution on their health. Thus, it is imperative thatscientists are supposed to focus on how to decrease the air pollution, purifythe air and enhance the air quality. （平行看上去很舒服，不错的）Obviously, modern scientists have not found out the mostsatisfactory approaches to tackle the serious air problems. Consequently, itcannot be considered that we have already studied the most crucial hi-techinvention, on grounds that there are still a host of troubles concerning ourlives.

Furthermore, there is noevaluation criteria to judge which improvement is the most significant for ourlives. For instance, one invention of vehicles enables people to travel toanywhere and directly meet friends. In addition, vehicles also make it possiblethat commercial goods would be transported to every country, while that wouldnot be realized in the past. （while后面补出主语更好）Another one is the cell phonewhich brings us great(exceedingly) convenience.A phone call can help people communicate with each other conveniently andquickly, even though they are in different cities, provinces or even nations.Compared with vehicles, we cannot just say the cell phone plays a more important role in our lives than thevehicles, because both of them impact us and enhance our life qualitytremendously.

Taking all above points intoconsideration, I am convinced that the striking promotion of science andtechnology will generate useful and advanced inventions that give us far morepositive improvement on the life quality in the future than its counterpart atpresent.
用词什么的都觉得不错呀，整篇文章看上去很流畅很舒服。对于最后一段，我觉得找不到什么可写的时候，就写一点让步吧。因为对于一边倒的已经写完了。那就来反着时候，这样哗啦啦，内容就出来了。加油哦，把字数轰上去，就更棒了~

hysx1988

There is a common atmosphere that, the young, who are not psychologically mature, have not built so complete values and outlook on life. During this period, they sometimes tend to hold biased viewpoints and then may make mistakes. Thus, recently, that brings about a controversial issue that whether parents should allow their children to make mistakes. Some people assert that parents should help children avoid doing things in error as far as possible, so that children can be kept away from both physical and psychological harm. However, I personally believe that forgiveness should be allowed as the following aspects.


It is universally agreed that practice makes perfect. Deciding how to address problems personally can enhance children’s ability of analyzing and dealing with problems（ability to do sth, 固定搭配）, even though they may make mistakes. However, some parents believe that they can conduct their children with their abundant life experience which can give children correct selections and avoid children make（making） similar mistakes as parents. Besides that, parents prefer to arrange the whole things that the young can get a shortcut to grow excellent, rather than give children chances to decide by themselves, In contrast, excessively paying attention（to） and doting on children will render children are（一个句子出现两个主谓结构有误） hardly able to make decisions by themselves and difficult to becoming successful after they grow up, because they fail to know how to confront troubles. Even though there may be some errors children make, the benefits of decision by themselves outweigh its drawbacks.


Furthermore, even if parents make arrangement for children, it is still impossible that children can never do things in error. When children make mistakes, parents should actually take consideration（一般用take sth into consideration吧） regarding the approaches that how to rectify children’s mistakes. For instance, a child made an error that the time that he should have learnt at home was utilized for playing computer games. When his parents found this circumstance, not only did parents mention his error immediately, but also played the computer games with him. Afterwards, his parents told him that he should focus on knowledge at the time of learning, while he should enjoy the leisure activities at leisure time. If he played games at learning time instead of learning, he should give negative influence on both sides. After that, the child listened to his parents and utilized the suitable time on suitable things. Consequently, making mistakes is not serious, as long as there are correct approaches to help children recognize the errors and learn a lesson from errors.


However, mistakes also have drawbacks when it（they） brings children benefits. If children begin to get accustomed to make errors, that will impel children （to）live in the negative way and form incorrect values. In this situation, parents should give the young correct psychological direction, prevent children from often making errors, and arrange some part of children’s things. By contrast, parents still should give children space to make decision by themselves, correct their mistakes in patience, and let them learn from their own mistakes.


Taking all the above points into consideration, I am convinced that allowing children’s mistakes and making them learn a lesson from mistakes are relatively rational.


整体文章结构清晰，内容详实。有几个小建议：
1、    长句过多，ETS更倾向于长短句结合，句式多变哦，而不一定全是长难句。
2、    文中的例子有点少，建议加点例子，文章会更生动有趣点。

winnie98

8.16综合TPO14


The lecture mainly points out that salvage logging is not so beneficial to a damaged forest and to the economy as the reading passage says. The viewpoints in the reading passage are also questionable and debatable as the following three aspects.

Firstly, the passage claims that removing dead trees can offer space for new generation to grow immediately and help forest area recover from the disasters. However, the professor in the lecture rebuts that it is not necessary for forests to clean up the remains of dead trees. Additionally, the soil with the remains of dead trees also can promote the new tree generation to grow.

Secondly, the professors argues against the point in the passage that rotting wood is a highly suitable habitat for insects, which can damage healthy trees, on the grounds that there are not only harmful insects, but also good animals. For instance, some birds, which do good to the forests, also live there.

Thirdly, the professor asserts that salvage logging gives small effects on both the economy and job opportunities. Besides, economic influence cannot also last very long, because it is just utilized by some industries, such as helicopter makers. Moreover, the job that salvage logging requires more workers than traditional one is only temporary and thus cannot really help the people who need jobs.

winnie98

8.16独立：Nowadays, it is much easier to achieve success with help from one’s family than what is like before.


Have you meet inequitable competition on campus or off campus? In contemporary society, there is a trend that an increasing number of the young make success through their family’s support. Whether achieving success with family’s help at present is much easier than that in the past becomes a controversial issue. Some people believe that it is a dispiteous truth that success is not equal with efforts. However, I personally think that even though there is something unfair, we still can make effort for success by ourselves as the following aspects.

To begin with, personal capacity and effort is indispensible part of success and they have been exerting profound influence on the way we work. Take two employees for example. One had an outstanding education background and made great efforts, while another one had a excellent family background and often worked out of mind. Although both of them worked at the same enterprise through different approaches and achieved identical aim, their promotion was completely different due to their diversified performance. The former was promoted as a project manager, whereas the latter was still a basis employee. Do you know why？That is because the former had ability to make the project and he could be competent for this position. However, the latter had no ability to do such tasks, just depended on his relationship of family, and could not be believed to complete the tasks with the expectation of the company. Thus, personal capacity and effort still play a vital role in success.

Furthermore, as the global economy develops strikingly, enterprises, especially multinational companies, need excellent employees to help them achieve maximum profits. That means if the employees just reply on their personal relationship without which they cannot enter in the companies, the companies maybe cannot employ them on grounds that companies should consider their own profits. For instance, if P&G group employed people depended on relationship, P&G would not achieve such great success around the world. Consequently, for the development of companies, they would need the excellent employees rather than incapable employees.

However, it is undeniable that effective family support can help individuals make success more easily and quickly than others, on the grounds that they are likely to conveniently work at the companies they like. Thus, that means they have more opportunities to be successful .In contrast, even though they meet these chances, they still cannot hold chances because of lack of capacity.

Taking all the above points into consideration, I am convinced that people, who do not have family support but have personal capacity, also have chances to be successful, as long as they are willing to insist making efforts.

klllun

The lecture mainly points out that salvagelogging is not so beneficial to a damaged forest and to the economy as thereading passage says. The viewpoints in the reading passage are alsoquestionable and debatable as the following three aspects.

Firstly, the passage claims that removingdead trees can offer space for new generation to grow immediately and helpforest area recover from the disasters. However, the professor in the lecture rebutsthat it is not necessary for forests to clean up the remains of dead trees.Additionally, the soil with the remains of dead trees also can promote the newtree generation to grow.

Secondly, the professors argues against thepoint in the passage that rotting wood is a highly suitable habitat forinsects, which can damage healthy trees, on the grounds that there are not onlyharmful insects, but also good animals. For instance, some birds, which do goodto the forests, also live there.

Thirdly, the professor asserts that salvagelogging gives small effects（give effect to=carry out 实行，时生效，这里使用有点奇怪，用have effect on） on both the economy and job opportunities. Besides, economic influencecannot also(因为没有前文表述是一样的情况，所以没有必要) last very long, because it（指代有问题，economic influence?） is justutilized by some industries, such as helicopter makers. Moreover, the job thatsalvage logging requires more workers than traditional one is only temporaryand thus cannot really help the people who need jobs.（还有技能方面的问题，当然是小点的咯，不写也没啥）

考试的时候咱们都用熟悉的词组吧，练习的时候就随便发挥。加油啊~

kchszy061ban

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

The lecture mainly points out that salvage logging is not so beneficial to a damaged forest and to the economy as the reading passage says. The viewpoints in the reading passage are also questionable and debatable as the following three aspects. (这里加个according to the speaker)

Firstly, the passage claims that removing dead trees can offer space for new generation to grow immediately and help forest area recover from the disasters. However, the professor in the lecture rebuts that it is not necessary for forests to clean up the remains of dead trees. Additionally, the soil with the remains of dead trees also can promote the new tree generation to grow.(这里的一个remians还不是很准确额)

Secondly, the professors argues against the point in the passage that rotting wood is a highly suitable habitat for insects, which can damage healthy trees, on the grounds that there are not only harmful insects, but also good animals （and insects）. For instance, some birds, which do good to the forests, also live there.

Thirdly, the professor asserts that salvage logging gives small effects on both the economy and job opportunities. Besides, economic influence cannot also last very long, because it is just utilized by some industries, such as helicopter makers（貌似这里是移动树需要直升机和运输工具，租用这些东西都很贵）. Moreover, the job that salvage logging requires more workers than traditional one is only temporary and thus cannot really help the people who need jobs.

听力的要点加入就好了额

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

Have you meet inequitable competition on campus or off campus? In contemporary society, there is a trend that an increasing number of the young make success through their family’s support. Whether achieving success with family’s help at present is much easier than that in the past becomes a controversial issue. Some people believe that it is a dispiteous truth that success is not equal with efforts. However, I personally think that even though there is something unfair, we still can make effort for success by ourselves as the following aspects. 其实这里说的是than in the past，着一点也要说出来额

To begin with, personal capacity and effort is （are）indispensible parts of success and they have been exerting profound influence on the way we work. Take two employees for example. One had an outstanding education background and made great efforts, while another one had a excellent family background and often worked out of mind. Although both of them worked at the same enterprise through different approaches and achieved identical aim, their promotion was completely different due to their diversified performance. The former was promoted as a project manager, whereas the latter was still a basis employee. Do you know why？That is because the former had ability to make the project and he could be competent for this position. However, the latter had no ability to do such tasks, just depended on his relationship of family, and could not be believed to complete the tasks with the expectation of the company. Thus, personal capacity and effort still play a vital role in success.

Furthermore, as the global economy develops strikingly, enterprises, especially multinational companies, need excellent employees to help them achieve maximum profits. That means if the employees just reply on their personal relationship without which they cannot enter in the companies, the companies maybe cannot employ them on grounds that companies should consider their own profits. For instance, if P&G group employed people depended on relationship, P&G would not achieve such great success around the world. Consequently, for the development of companies, they would need the excellent employees rather than incapable employees.

However, it is undeniable that effective family support can help individuals make success more easily and quickly than others, on the grounds that they are likely to conveniently work at the companies they like. Thus, that means they have more opportunities to be successful . In contrast, even though they meet these chances, they still cannot hold chances because of lack （lacking）of capacity.

Taking all the above points into consideration, I am convinced（这里可不可以写成firmly believe） that people, who do not have（这里写为strong family background） family support but have personal capacity, also have chances to be successful, as long as they are willing to insist making efforts.

楼主的整体结构都很好，有一点就是木有与过去的比较一下。

klllun

木有作文改也~

winnie98

8.17独立:  the most important characteristic of a good political or business leader is the ability to take responsibility for mistakes?


Have you respected a good political or business leader? What charisma makes you fond of him or her? Some people claim that an excellent leader should have ability to take responsibility for mistakes. However, I personally believe that the charisma of outstanding leadership is strong spirit and unremitting efforts, rather than responsibility of mistakes as the following aspects.

To begin with, it is apparent that strong spirit is indispensible part of leadership and it has been exerting profound influence on the way we work. Take a survey as an example. A recent survey conducted by the Chinese Ministry of Education reveals that for the youngsters, majority of them think that the most attractive characteristic of leadership is the strong will which is one of most vital keys for leaders to achieve success. This survey is one of the great demonstration that strong will is also significant. Strong will cannot only encourage leaders themselves to conquer difficulties, but also their employees to have confidence to follow the leaders, on the grounds that leaders need to build up trust and confidence to illustrate their ability.

Furthermore, unremitting efforts also play a vital role in leadership, which is the most important factor for leaders to attain success. As the modern society develops strikingly, it is impossible for enterprises or even nations to easily achieve success. If they would like to be successful, they should make some excellent projects through great efforts. Otherwise, they may have no competition with other companies or countries. For instance, Apple Computer Inc is a worldwide famous group that people from more than two hundreds of countries are utilizing its products. One of the most vital keys to its success is that they make unremitting efforts to innovate its electronic products which aim to make individuals conveniently and comfortably enjoy their lives. Consequently, to the leaders, efforts are not less important point than responsibility for mistakes.

However, undeniably, leaders can also make mistakes, because there is no person who never makes errors and always keeps correct. Thus, when they make mistakes, what attitude they hold and how to address the problems are more important. That means that they need courage to take responsibility for mistakes and prevent more mistakes happened. In spite of this, it is still not the most important characteristic for leaders, on the grounds that spirit and efforts are also important factors on the way to succeed.

Taking all the above points into consideration, I am convinced that not only are the responsibility for mistakes significant, but also both the strong spirit and unremitting efforts are two of the most important and indispensible factors.