8.3 第一次参加小分队，求砖拍~

sarahpx

是哈，用词有点重复，有的内容也重复……一定改
但是说实在的我真没干什么还原细节啊……对照听力原文刚刚看了下，还有好些句没听到，不过也没写进去所以你也没看出罢了。记听力就把lecturer讲的关键意见的动词，搭配还有逻辑连接词记下来，这样应该七七八八差不多的。在这里面比如什么：change the diet， consistent with， depend on， be accessible to等等。

关于GWinner的orcas otters我真的无解，因为我没听错，可能唯一有用的是你在读到orcas的时候顺便在脑子里模拟下这次的读音，到时候听起来没那么别捏。倒是whales 和orcas 弄混了点，后来一看笔记觉得非常矛盾就发现错了。

TPO 10 综合写作
精彩错误修改提议综合The reading passage focuses on the issue that the population decrease of sea otters is attribute to the environmental pollution. To illustrate this view, the passage lists three reasons to make more comprehensive explanation.[感觉这句话可以并到前面哈~(我有合并句子强迫症嘿嘿)--and lists three reasons as a futher explanation to illustrate his opinion] However, by offering some new findings of sea otters’ decline,[decline有点多了这里可以删掉~保证美观反正后面提了不影响逻辑(好吧我又强迫症了)] the lecturer argues that the predation is [+the]more likely cause [+of]the decline after all.

First of all, people seldom find dead sea otters washing off the beaches. According to the lecturer, if the infected pollution were the main reason, there should be large amount of dead sea otters on along the coasts. On the other hand, this fact that dead sea otters are hard to find is consistent with predator hypothesis,[原来听力是这个意思阿...我还以为是什么物质什么什么的T T] because if [if有点多可不可以用once呢?]otters are killed by predators, they will be eaten immediately. That is definitely contradicted to what the reading passage explained.

Moreover, because of the excessive hunting of whales by human hunters, orcas have to change the diet to the only available food resource—small sea mammals, like[such as我承认我有GMAT后遗症...] seals, sea lions and sea otters.[原来是这个意思!!!我直接被otters, orca, whale三个主题给弄晕了...跪倒在LZ强大地听力面前!!!!!] This demonstration is running counter to the second view from the passage, which indicts that merely environmental pollution can [这里少个动词~?]the decline of entire ecosystem, because the other possible factor orcas hunts large prey, like whales, for food.[这里稍微有点没读懂...]

Finally, whether the sea otters’ population decline or not depends on whether their locations are accessible to orcas. The reading passage states that only the pollution hypothesis can explain that[the reason why] only otters from some Alaskan locations decline while ones from other places don’t. However, the lecturer points out the fact that, because of their large sizes, orcas cannot access shallow and rocky locations. And it is the shallow and rocky locations where sea otter populations do not declined. This fact indicates the passage’s third reason is unconvincing.

首先我必须赞叹一下!!!LZ你的听力实在是太强大了!!!!!!! 考否传授一下经验哈....像orca这种词是怎么听出来的呢? 还有LZ你是怎么记笔记才能做到把细节还原的那么清楚呢??? 赐教啊赐教!!!!!~~~

LZ咱俩写作的结构差不多~感觉LZ你的听力那么好其实可以再重笔墨的多写写听力内容哈肯定会加分的!

稍稍有个小问题就是有时候用词重复性有点多这个注意一下下就好~毕竟是综合写作不那么看重语言的^^

还望LZ赐教听力笔记技巧~~不甚感激!!~~~努力!!!

-- by 会员 GWinner (2012/8/13 18:29:07)

wxc1125

天哪 我觉得你的作文写的太好了真的！！我根本写不出来这种 你教教我怎么写的吧 用的词儿都好好 我虽然见过 可是根本想不起来也不会用 句子也特别单调。然后思路根本就不开阔 只会举例子凑字数 道理的那种话几乎写不出 因为连中文都想不出- -就算写出来了 也是特简单的句子 我快急死了。。。提高不了 我也每天练习呢。。。。19号考试

sarahpx

TPO11 综合写作
According to the lecturer, she definitely opposes the arguments that reading passage provides to support the opinion that the less literature reading trend of people now has bad influence on the reading public,  culture in general, and literature itself. Although the reading passage lists three explanations why the trend harm these three dimensions respectively, the lecturer points out that none of the explanations is adequate.

First of all, it is incorrect to assume that someone who is not reading literature is not reading a good book. The lecturer states that a book does not have to be literature to be intellectually stimulating. And books about science, history and political analysis are also of high quality. What is more, the lecturer mentions that these books are as creative as literature; therefore they can stimulate the imagination as well. Obviously, this completely contradicts to the counterpart in the passage.

Moreover, even if people are doing less reading not only literature but also the other kinds of books, the level of culture does not decline. To challenge the second argument from the passage, the lecturer states that there is plenty of valuable cultural material which is not written, such as music, movies. These cultural activities are not lowering cultural standards. Besides, the lecturer states the fact that culture has changed, which means there are many forms of culture are available other than literature.

Finally, it is sometimes the authors’ fault making less support for modern literature.  By providing the fact that modern literature sometimes intend to be difficult to understand, the lecturer does not subscribe to the passage’s third argument that authors gain less support because they lack audience. In fact, the lecturer contends that the early generation would not read lots of nowadays literature either.

In conclusion, the lecturer clearly weaken what presents in the passage and illustrates these three bad influence of the trend is unconvincing.

wxc1125

TPO11 综合写作
According to the lecturer, she definitely opposes the arguments that reading passage provides to support the opinion that the less literature reading trend of people now has bad influence on the reading public,  culture in general, and literature itself. Although the reading passage lists three explanations why the trend harm these three dimensions respectively, the lecturer points out that none of the explanations is adequate.

First of all, it is incorrect to assume that someone who is not reading literature is not reading a good book. The lecturer states that a book does not have to be literature to be intellectually stimulating. And books about science, history and political analysis are also of high quality. What is more, the lecturer mentions that these books are as creative as literature; therefore they can stimulate the imagination as well. Obviously, this completely contradicts to the counterpart in the passage.

Moreover, even if people are doing less reading not only literature but also the other kinds of books, the level of culture does not decline. To challenge the second argument from the passage, the lecturer states that there is plenty of valuable cultural material which is not written, such as music, movies. These cultural activities are not lowering cultural standards. Besides, the lecturer states the fact that culture has changed, which means there are many forms of culture are available other than literature.

Finally, it is sometimes the authors’ fault making less support for modern literature.  By providing the fact that modern literature sometimes intend to be difficult to understand, the lecturer does not subscribe to the passage’s third argument that authors gain less support because they lack audience. In fact, the lecturer contends that the early generation would not read lots of nowadays literature either.

In conclusion, the lecturer clearly weaken what presents in the passage and illustrates these three bad influence of the trend is unconvincing.

-- by 会员 sarahpx (2012/8/13 22:43:42)

刚看了一个帖子说 第一句最好先说lecture的。。是这样么？我觉得你作文写的很好 想来问问你。发现你这篇和之前那几篇不一样了哈模板

lxc1989614

To improve the quality of education university should spend more money on salary for professor.



“If we were interested in making money, we wouldn't have become teachers.” Teacher is the last career for a person who is interested in making money.这个是我的建议哈，我觉得你这个开头的句子不是很漂亮，我引用了“你是我这个世界上最不想嫁的那个人”这句话改编了一下~~嘿嘿，变成“喜欢赚钱的人最不想当老师”这个意思~~ By this sentence, Dr. Phillip Bernard in Flubber shows his willingness for being engaged in the marvelous educational career, however, leaving a stereotype that the majority of teachers are never related to wealth. Conscientious and meticulous as they are, teachers are always compensated by average, or even lower salaries. University professors, the elite members of the educational industry, are not supposed to be treated like that. 开头很好~~我喜欢~~~



First and foremost, persistently devoted themselves这个还是写professors吧，不然指代不清，因为你已经是新的一段了。。。to their students, professors deserve the considerably high salary in among the whole society. It could be never effortless for the professors加一下比较好~不然又不知道是谁了~~ to open an appropriate course for students. Professors in the universities always have to be aware about the most significant principle of teaching: they must deliver knowledge and skills comprehensively, reliably and acceptably. Under this principle, preparations for every single class, which include elaborately designed courses’ teaching plans, detailed handouts, appealing lectures in class, and even carefully answers to various questions from students, should need their greatest endeavor. Besides, they also take on responsibilities other than喜欢这个用法啊！ passing on knowledge. For instance, from an advisor for beneficial extracurricular to a consultant to help my (meto) get a satisfying job, from a good listener for my worries about interpersonal relationship to a couch of my personal academic speech, my professor of Operational research played different roles during the my college lifetime. Will the warm-hearted gentleman get paid by taking care of me? Actually, he scarcely paid back.



Aside from the vital role in the education processes, professors always bear the responsibility of scientific researches. Under no circumstance can we forget that it is the progress of scientific research that gears up the contents of students’ curriculum. Based on their advanced methods and skills, the professors are the perfect person. In other words, they have to offer additional effort and time to deal with those complex issues. Therefore, we never run short of professors who work day and night. Have you ever seen a professor concentrated on the image from an electron microscope midnight in his laboratory? Have you ever seen a professor testing some optical solutions to a tough physical problem? Have you ever seen a professor hiding behind a big tree to capture different feeding gestures of one kind of unusual bird? They work so hard because treat their job sacred and important. But are they treated back by the salary? 个人感觉这段反问稍多啊。。。不适合放在论述段吧？



More importantly, a lower-paid compensation system of professors will frustrate a myriad of potential teachers, who are considering education as their personal career. Take（taking） my economic professor as an example. Due to the humorous style and meaningful contents in the class, he is one of the most welcoming professors of our department. However, after graduation, we found out that he and his family lived in a small apartment off campus. It is also astonishing that his annual salary is one-third of the average level of ours. His daughter told me that she will never be a teacher in the future. There are rigorous standards to select a professor: they must have at least one PhD for this position. It means that these PHDs give up other well-paid jobs then become professors. If the salary is uncompetitive, how will we maintain the talents backups? 这段没什么错误，但是我觉得句子不是很连贯，所以显得有点罗嗦了。



Admittedly, there are endless aspects that universities should invest on, like facility, hardware of scientific researches, staff’s compensation and so on. But it is the professors who are the backbones of higher education. On是only吗？ if we show more respect on economic dimension to them, 木有逗号吧？can we gain real bonanza from universities.



LZ你写的真好，我水平有限，找不出什么错误，给跪了。。。。

不过，高级词汇太多了其实，没必要的，很容易用错的。。。。

kchszy061ban

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

According to the lecturer, she definitely opposes the arguments that reading passage provides to support the opinion that the less literature reading trend of people now has bad influence on the reading public,  culture in general, and literature itself. Although the reading passage lists three explanations why the trend harm（harm是动词么） these three dimensions respectively, the lecturer points out that none of the explanations is adequate.

First of all, it is incorrect to assume that someone who is not reading literature is not reading a good book. The lecturer states that a book does not have to be literature to be intellectually stimulating. And books about science, history and political analysis are also of high quality. What is more, the lecturer mentions that these books are as creative as literature; therefore they can stimulate the imagination as well. Obviously, this completely contradicts to the counterpart in the passage.

Moreover, even if people are doing less reading not only literature but also the other kinds of books, the level of culture does not decline. To challenge the second argument from the passage, the lecturer states that there is plenty of valuable cultural material which is not written, such as music, movies. These cultural activities are not lowering cultural standards. Besides, the lecturer states the fact that culture has changed, which means there are many forms of culture are available other than literature.

Finally, it is sometimes the authors’ fault making less support for modern literature.  By providing the fact that modern literature sometimes intend to be difficult to understand, the lecturer does not subscribe to the passage’s third argument that authors gain less support because they lack audience. In fact, the lecturer contends that the early generation would not read lots of nowadays literature either.

In conclusion, the lecturer clearly weaken what presents in the passage and illustrates these three bad influence of the trend is unconvincing.

很好额

sarahpx

8.15 独立写作

（以前写的一篇，欢迎抨击）
Tender as they are, children are lovely treasures that every parent will make great effort to prevent them from touching any possible harm. Based on this natural instinct, parents are more supposed to keep their kids away from mistakes, which would drive them to unpredictably mental and physical hurt, rather than to let them go. Nonetheless, it is the enlightenment of successes and mistakes that makes who we are. Life will be uncompleted when we deliberately choose not to face the setbacks. I would like to illustrate my perspective as below.


First of all, learning from mistakes provides children greater chance to find an appropriate solution. Scientific truth helps us to confirm this trend. A recent survey conducted by a group of socialists from CASS, the most authoritative organization in Chinese sociological researches, shows that 64.3% of kids in Asia will have the tendency not to repeat the incorrect ways and create a new feasible method. They are much more likely to add a test figuring out what makes them fail the first time. That process definitely promotes kids to understand the issues more comprehensively.


What’s more, facing to the mistakes help children develop the ability to defeat with adversities. History abounds with examples of this. We all know that we show supreme respect to the heroes in World War II not because the braveness to kill enemy but because the courage to stand up after being knocked down. Therefore, it is advisable for parents to encourage kids to conquer the fear of screwing up again.


Admittedly, the frustrations and the conceivable dangers from children’s unpredictable faults make inevitable influence on their growth, especially when the faults are connected with long-lasting damages, such as body hurt, scars, and disabilities. That is why many parents forbid their kids to light up fireworks, to swim in a clear river, and even to cut the pancakes with sharp knife. However, it is impossible to completely avoid every accident during their childhood. If kids cannot escape from messing up things, why don’t they make good use of them? Supervised under specific conditions, letting kids to attempt whatever they like develops their interests in the future lifetime.


Based on the discussion above, I can safely draw a conclusion that making mistakes is an indispensible part of children’s education. Because, when lacking of great benefits during learning the mistakes they did, your children are probably running a risk to lose the future competitions in life.

陈喵喵holdon

8.15 独立写作

（以前写的一篇，欢迎抨击）
Tender as they are, children are lovely treasures that every parent will make great effort(make an effort/make efforts) to prevent them from touching any possible harm(touch harm搭配吗?). Based on this natural instinct, parents are more supposed to keep their kids away from mistakes, which would drive them to unpredictably mental and physical hurt, rather than to let them go. Nonetheless, it is the enlightenment of successes and mistakes that makes(make) who we are. Life will be uncompleted when we deliberately choose not to face the setbacks. I would like to illustrate my perspective as below.


First of all, learning from mistakes provides children greater chance to find an appropriate solution. Scientific truth helps us to confirm this trend. A recent survey conducted by a group of socialists from CASS, the most authoritative organization in Chinese sociological researches, shows that 64.3% of kids in Asia will have the tendency not to repeat the incorrect ways and create a new feasible method. They are much more likely to add a test figuring out what makes them fail the first time. That process definitely promotes kids to understand the issues more comprehensively.


What’s more这个短语好像有些口语化, facing to(这个to可以去掉吧)the mistakes help children develop the ability to defeat with adversities. History abounds with examples of this. We all know that we show supreme respect to the heroes in World War II not because the braveness to kill enemy but because the courage to stand up after being knocked down. Therefore, it is advisable for parents to encourage kids to conquer the fear of screwing up again.


Admittedly, the frustrations and the conceivable dangers from children’s unpredictable faults make inevitable influence on their growth, especially when the faults are connected with long-lasting damages, such as body hurt, scars, and disabilities. That is why many parents forbid their kids to light up fireworks, to swim in a clear river, and even to cut the pancakes with sharp knife(名词要么单数要么复数要么加the). However, it is impossible to completely avoid every accident during their childhood. If kids cannot escape from messing up things, why don’t they make good use of them? Supervised under specific conditions, letting kids to(let do) attempt whatever they like develops their interests in the future lifetime.


Based on the discussion above, I can safely draw a conclusion that making mistakes is an indispensible(这个单词是?)part of children’s education. Because, when lacking of great benefits during learning the mistakes they did, your children are probably running a risk to lose the future competitions in life.

-- by 会员 sarahpx (2012/8/15 10:31:07)

Sara用词很多样啊,尤其是形容词,值得学习.
给的理由也是层层递进,最后一层是反面解释,给的例子也很有说服性,还有具体数据..这些数据是背的吗?
要是说读下来有点不顺的地方就是觉得有时候可能为了词汇和句式的多变导致把句子写的过长过绕有点妨碍句意的表达..
不过总体来说写的挺好的啊..

sarahpx

TPO13 综合写作
The reading passage and the lecture are both concerned with the private purchases of important fossils. Presenting three specific arguments, the reading passage gives credence to the claim that these purchases have negative impacts on both scientists and general public. However, the lecturer argues that they have been exaggerated and the benefits of fossils trade exceed the disadvantages.

First of all, the lecturer believes that the public is likely to have greater exposure to fossils rather than less exposure. Although the reading passage indicates that the private fossils commercials will make public harder to see them, the lecturer points out the truth that commercial fossils hunting makes it possible for many low-level institutions, such as schools and libraries, routinely buy interesting fossils and show them in public. This is completely contradicts the counterpart of the passage.

Moreover, the lecturer conducts that it is not realistic to state that the private purchases of fossils can lead to missing out discoveries of anything important. To illustrate this point, the lecturer reveals the fact that before every fossil is available for purchase, it needs to be scientifically identified. Therefore, under detailed examinations and tests, fossil has to pass the hands of scientists, even though it will finally go to a private collector.

Finally, to counter the assertion of passage that there can be damage from private collectors, the lecturer contends that the private owners have made more contribution other than damage to science. As a matter of fact, if it were not for them, many fossils would never been discovered.

In conclusion, the lecturer has weakened the opinion of the passage by proving that none of its arguments is convincing.

sarahpx

现在看起来很多不可饶恕的错啊……哎，怎么得了。谢谢喵喵，很仔细[

quote]

8.15 独立写作

（以前写的一篇，欢迎抨击）
Tender as they are, children are lovely treasures that every parent will make great effort(make an effort/make efforts) to prevent them from touching any possible harm(touch harm搭配吗?). Based on this natural instinct, parents are more supposed to keep their kids away from mistakes, which would drive them to unpredictably mental and physical hurt, rather than to let them go. Nonetheless, it is the enlightenment of successes and mistakes that makes(make) who we are. Life will be uncompleted when we deliberately choose not to face the setbacks. I would like to illustrate my perspective as below.


First of all, learning from mistakes provides children greater chance to find an appropriate solution. Scientific truth helps us to confirm this trend. A recent survey conducted by a group of socialists from CASS, the most authoritative organization in Chinese sociological researches, shows that 64.3% of kids in Asia will have the tendency not to repeat the incorrect ways and create a new feasible method. They are much more likely to add a test figuring out what makes them fail the first time. That process definitely promotes kids to understand the issues more comprehensively.


What’s more这个短语好像有些口语化, facing to(这个to可以去掉吧)the mistakes help children develop the ability to defeat with adversities. History abounds with examples of this. We all know that we show supreme respect to the heroes in World War II not because the braveness to kill enemy but because the courage to stand up after being knocked down. Therefore, it is advisable for parents to encourage kids to conquer the fear of screwing up again.


Admittedly, the frustrations and the conceivable dangers from children’s unpredictable faults make inevitable influence on their growth, especially when the faults are connected with long-lasting damages, such as body hurt, scars, and disabilities. That is why many parents forbid their kids to light up fireworks, to swim in a clear river, and even to cut the pancakes with sharp knife(名词要么单数要么复数要么加the). However, it is impossible to completely avoid every accident during their childhood. If kids cannot escape from messing up things, why don’t they make good use of them? Supervised under specific conditions, letting kids to(let do) attempt whatever they like develops their interests in the future lifetime.


Based on the discussion above, I can safely draw a conclusion that making mistakes is an indispensible(这个单词是?)part of children’s education. Because, when lacking of great benefits during learning the mistakes they did, your children are probably running a risk to lose the future competitions in life.

-- by 会员 sarahpx (2012/8/15 10:31:07)

Sara用词很多样啊,尤其是形容词,值得学习.
给的理由也是层层递进,最后一层是反面解释,给的例子也很有说服性,还有具体数据..这些数据是背的吗?
要是说读下来有点不顺的地方就是觉得有时候可能为了词汇和句式的多变导致把句子写的过长过绕有点妨碍句意的表达..
不过总体来说写的挺好的啊..

-- by 会员 陈喵喵holdon (2012/8/16 0:04:34)

[/quote]