The friends that you can have fun with are more important than the friends that you can get help from?Friends are an important component of everyone’ s life.(friend?component?有点恐怖哦,个人觉得friendship是component). We all need friends to share our happiness, our secrets, and our sorrows. In fact, there are different kinds of friends who play different kinds of roles in our life.(GMAT里你知道的吧,额。。我在某本作文书里看到,T里最好不要用there be句式) For example, people always spend their free time with some good friends watching movies, going shopping and traveling. This(这类,these) kind of fellows make our lives stay away from loneliness and monotone. However, when the people really get into trouble, they get help from other friends. (没懂这句意思)Actually, we do need these two kinds(two kind?逻辑有点乱) of friends in life, but which ones are more important? As far as I’m concerned, it is more important to have someone who can help me than to have someone who can have fun with me.As the old saying goes, a friend in need is a friend indeed. In our daily life, we come into connect(contaction比较好点) with so many people. We study together, we work together, and we have fun together. In contrast, few people stay around you when you need help. If you are accompanied by friends when you are in trouble, you will feel confident and not be afraid. (我觉得加个什么连接词比较好,少了for instance,逻辑有点。。ETS很重逻辑啊)Two month ago, I was sick at school. My best friend Lily took care of me day and night. I recovered soon by her help, and I thank her more than I can say.(也有点直译,但是不知道怎么说)Furthermore, it is important for a person to have a friend to study together, encourage each other, and make progress together. Consideration upon different thoughts and ideas broadens our mind, enlarges our vision,and enhances more effective and efficient brainstorm, which undoubtedly gives rise to better,(多余哦) if not the best solutions. For example, my friend and I prepared GMAT together. I was good at critical reasoning and grammar, and she was good at writing and reading comprehension. We studied together, discussed questions, and finally both got good grades.Of course, that is not to say, the people who have fun together are not true friends. If the people have the same hobby with you, share the interesting things with you, and not lie to you, you can develop a good friendship.Above what I have discussed, friends are essential ingredient in all the humans’ lives. There is no denying that we need different kinds of friends.(这句就不要了,让人不知道你什么观点) among these friends, the people who can help you are more important than the people who have fun with you. (我建议把最后一句提到最前面)
最后建议:其实和我一样的毛病。句式不丰富,建议明天研究这个帖子里的句式。然后我们再重新写下。
http://forum.chasedream.com/TOEFL_Writing/thread-522941-1-1.html
-- by 会员 qiuhua01234567 (2012/8/5 20:55:52)