求拍！issue5 文化在大城市中被保存与产生

mikezidane

5) Claim: Governments must ensure thattheir major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive.
Reason: It is primarily in cities that anation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated.
Write a response in which you discuss theextent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on whichthat claim is based.
提纲
1大城市中确实有多元化的文化 需要投入资金保护
2但一些偏远地区 农村地区有独特的文化 也是国家文化的一部分 也要被保护
3文化作为一种非物质的社会现象 无法用地理严格界定 需要在全国范围内保护

The arguer claims that the cities in acountry must receive necessary financial support for the reason that it is inthese places that the cultural of that country are protected and developed. Ipersonally agree insofar that cities, as common carriers, can preserve much ofthe culture aspects while unduly emphasize on the position of metropolis canlead to a narrowed perspective that neglects other precious culture traditionsmental and physically.

The cities, especially internationalwell-known metropolis where millions of people live in, are in some degree thepresentation of culture diversity in that country. During the process ofmodernization, people from all over the country flux to these cities for moreand better opportunities of jobs and living. With their immigration is theliving habits and customers which is regarded as culture traditions by means ofdialects, festivals, taboos, etc. Taking New  York City
as an example, in the big map of its blockslays some communities fund by Asians, black people, Italians and so on. Thesediversities of races perfectly reflect the variation of American culture.Surely this feature of city is supposed to be protected with the financialbudget.
However, in spite of the chromatic cultureimpression in the cities, rural areas in undeveloped regions need the financialaids more urgently for saving their unique culture traditions. In these lesscivilized places local residents still pass their traditions form generation togeneration. However, under the pressure of life come young local residents haveno choice but to abandon their culture traditions and hunt for jobs in thecities where can feed them at least, In west China, Xinjiang province, where Uygurpeople live with their religion and life style, the country should definitelydevote money to protect their unique culture of music and dance as an inalienablepart of Chinese culture.

De facto, the culture traditions in a certaincountry are not geographically limited in a given area either in cities or villages.These intangible treasures can only be measures from a perspective of integrity.A more acceptable way of solving this thickly problem is to set culture protectiveconservations all over the nation, libraries, museums and archives as means ofpreserve the totally different kinds of traditions vary from regions to regionsin that country. This approach can be easily found in most nations with cultureand race diversity. Americafor example, built metropolitan museum
of Art in New York while kept Indiamuseum in the Indian culture residence.    
From my point of view, it seems precipitousfor anyone to confine the support of money in protection of the culturetraditions of a whole country simply within the range of big cities. Actually, preservationof culture can be focused in ways of education to all the younger generation ina nation. Culture, different from economy or political power, rooted firmly inthe value of people, can only be cultivated from childhood.  

多谢指导！！

普渡哥

preserved and generated, 意思是在一个民族的文化是在大城市里得到产生和维持。

大城市的对立面是小城市，小地方，未必是农村。

作者however以后的论证不够有力和突出，没有看到重点论述。

竹林中人

关于reason和claim的题目，可以找到的出发点有，理由是否一定成立，理由是否必然导致结论，再就是结论是否可靠可行。
这个题目中reason里面有个词primarily，你没有抓住。
另外，你认为将资金支持上升到保护了，这样你就忽视掉了一些东西，城市或者文化要繁荣，是不是一定需要政府投入资金，能不能有其他途径，或者说政府是不是有足够的资金来支持。
从你的提纲可以看出你的思路还不是很严谨细致，略显粗糙。

mikezidane

多谢指导 废话不说 修改的提纲如下
5) Claim: Governments must ensure thattheir major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive.
Reason: It is primarily in cities that anation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated.
Write a response in which you discuss theextent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on whichthat claim is based.
提纲
TS 大城市中确实产生与维持了许多文化传统 需要政府予以支持 但是一个国家的文化并不是仅仅局限于城市生活 还有许多文化现象在城市外才能找到 并且资金支持仅仅是政府可以采取的一种方式

1大城市中确实有多元化的文化 人们由于诸多原因 迁徙至此 将他们的文化习惯也带到了城市 城市作为文化的melting pot 产生了新的文化  这种特质使得政府需要用资金等手段予以支持
2但一些非大城市的地区 如偏远地区农村地区由于其封闭性产生与保存了独特的文化 这些文化也是国家文化的一部分，但仅仅在那些地区特有（因此与reason里的primarily相悖），这些文化也同样值得我们重视  
3文化作为一种非物质的社会现象 无法狭义地用地理严格界定 因此需要政府在全国范围内保护 而政府的支持方式可以很多样 资金支持是一种 还可以从教育方面入手 如在基础教育中增加一些关于此的内容 或者在硬件设施上无论在大城市还是另外地区  都要建立博物馆 图书馆 档案馆 用于记录当地风土人情
CS 对于文化这个概念 我们的必须要用一种更加整体、宏观的眼光看待 而不是纠结于它在某些特定地区有局限性的表象 一个国家文化的保存 直接影响到其综合国力 应该予以足够重视 并且用多样化的手段实现
（我现在经常觉得自己的结尾段与正文第三段内容有些类似 请问有什么办法！多谢 ）

mikezidane

竹林哥我在楼上改了一下 麻烦你看一下 辛苦了！

竹林中人

关于结尾段落，我建议你看看OG上范文的结尾，那个结尾是比较好的。结尾不必重复上面的内容，一两句话概括下就好，其他的内容可以在一个大的高的层次上写一两句。比如这个题，你可以说说，现在随着现代化全球化不断加强，许多城市忽略自身文化的保存，而变得千篇一律，这需要引起政府的重视、

mikezidane

嗯 好的 谢谢！