第一次写AA，求指导，5月11号考试紧张死了

gaoyitian

AA052

52. The following editorial appeared in the Elm City paper.
“The construction last year of a shopping mall in downtown Oak City was a mistake. Since the mall has opened, a number of local businesses have closed, and the downtown area suffers from an acute parking shortage, and arrests for crime and vagrancy have increased in the nearby Oak City Park. Elm City should pay attention to the example of the Oak City mall and deny the application to build a shopping mall in Elm City.”




In this argument, the arguer claims that Elm City should pay attention to some serious problem the construction of big shopping mall may cause. In order to evade the social hazard brought by the construction, Elm City should deny the application to build the mall. To support the point of view, the author provided the example of Oak City, which built a shopping mall in its center last year and suffered a number of social problems. But the author failed to notice that there are some differences between the two cities, and several alternative plans can be adopted.

First, the author of this argument did not realize that there may be some differences between the two cities. Two different cities may have different orientations on their city`s development. For example, tourist industry may be the core economy of a small city, and in this case the city should do the effort to avoid heavy industries such as crude oil and metal industry. The mall is not suitable to the development of Oak City but may be succeed in Elm City.

Second, the claimer failed to notice that there can be some different features adopted by Elm City in the application to build the mall. The Oak City built the mall in the downtown, where traffic, as we all know, is too heavy to receive more traffic pressure, but the construction of the mall must leads to a more serious traffic jam and a worse condition in parking lot. But the problem will be solved when the construction site is moved from the center of the city to the rural area, and besides the traffic problem, the local business will also be saved by the distance between the big mall and the city`s downtown.

Even though the author failed to consider some crucial aspects of the problem, there are still something Elm City should pay more attention to when talking about the construction. In that big shopping mall needs more new workers, most of whom may come from other cities and are difficult to control, special action is needed to cater the needs of social security.

To sum up, the missing of some critical logic chains makes the argument weaker than the claimer wants it to be. When we talk about two different objects, we should not just notice the common things that they have, but pay the same attention to the different features of them. And also, a plan that failed to fascinate one place may be success in another place when the plan has been appended some new details more suitable to the later place.
第一次写，没有计时，大概谢了40分钟。。。汗，要考试了，没好好复习好紧张
想请教一下大N，第三自然段能不能不要了，但是我又怕不要了字数不够，应该怎么抉择；这篇文章大概能得多少分，我估计练习几天后，考试的时候基本就是这个水平了，心里没底啊。
拜谢！