我的tw012,第3篇.NN帮忙看看.谢.

zhuzhu1973

One of the hot themes that are common to everyone in modern ages is about travel. When people travel to new places, many people prefer to visit museums. Why people favor to visit museums? Different people hold different views due to their distinct backgrounds. On balance, I tend to agree that extending the score of knowledge, gaining entertainment, and purchasing souvenirs are three basic factors leading people to visit museums while they tour to new places. My view could be greatly substantiated by the following discussions.

The main reason for my view is that visiting Museums is one of the most convenient ways to acquire the general information about the local place' culture, history, economy and technology. With the limited time in a trip, travelers can not spend years to research all aspects of the society. Nevertheless, Museums provide them the opportunities to attain the general information. By visiting Museums, people can know the past history of the place, its economic development, its customs, etc. For example, through visiting Forbidden City in Beijing China, people can acquaint themselves with how Chinese kings lived and what kinds of clothes were worn by traditional Chinese people.

Another reason for my view is that Museum is a fabulous place to gain entertainment. Recently, many museums provide people with all sorts of hand-on activities. People are invited to take park in various activities, such as making plane models by themselves, watching the vivid videos about how dinosaur were extinct, and imitating the astronauts to fly into imitated universal space. Such activities are often unique and interesting, so they entice tourists to participate in.

Apart from obtaining knowledge and enjoying entertainment, also, the museums are perfect place to purchase travel souvenirs. Most tourists like to buy some souvenirs and take them back homes, in order to memorize their special tours, to show off their experience, to bestow as presents to their friends, even to attain exotic items to decorate their homes.

In sum, although some people may visit museums for purely personal reasons, in the light of the above discussions, it can be safely said that people enjoy visiting museums during their tours in order to enlarge knowledge, gain entertainment, and purchase souvenirs. So when there are chances to travel around, people should not miss the occasions to visit the museums.

guandream

以下是引用zhuzhu1973在2004-9-27 21:37:00的发言：
One of the hot themes that are common to everyone in modern ages is about travel. When people travel to new places, many people prefer to visit museums. Why people favor to visit museums? Different people hold different views due to their distinct backgrounds. On balance, I tend to agree that extending the score of knowledge, gaining entertainment, and purchasing souvenirs are three basic factors leading people to visit museums while they tour to new places. My view could be greatly substantiated by the following discussions.

The main reason for my view is that visiting Museums is one of the most convenient ways to acquire the general information about the local place' culture, history, economy and technology. With the limited time in a trip, travelers can not spend years to research all aspects of the society. Nevertheless, Museums provide them the opportunities to attain the general information. By visiting Museums, people can know the past history of the place, its economic development, (and) its customs, etc. For example, through visiting Forbidden City in Beijing China, people can acquaint themselves with how Chinese kings lived and what kinds of clothes were worn by traditional Chinese people.

Another reason for my view is that Museum is a fabulous place to gain entertainment. Recently, many museums provide people with all sorts of hand-on activities. People are invited to take park in various activities, such as making plane models by themselves, watching the vivid videos about how dinosaur were extinct, and imitating the astronauts to fly into imitated universal space. Such activities are often unique and interesting, so they entice tourists to participate in.

Apart from obtaining knowledge and enjoying entertainment, also, the museums are perfect place to purchase travel souvenirs. Most tourists like to buy some souvenirs and take them back homes, in order to memorize their special tours, to show off their experience, to bestow as presents to their friends, (and) even to attain exotic items to decorate their homes.

In sum, although some people may visit museums for purely personal reasons, in the light of the above discussions, it can be safely said that people enjoy visiting museums during their tours in order to enlarge knowledge, gain entertainment, and purchase souvenirs. So when there are chances to travel around, people should not miss the occasions to visit the museums.

it is a really excellent essay. if I read it not in TWE, I believe that the author's first language will be English. the word choice, sentence structure make the theme clear and united.

but the introduction is not so attractive as other phragraphs are.

zhuzhu1973

很久没听到这样鼓励的话了.多谢多谢.

实际上这文章才被评了5分,还是挤牙膏挤出来后再修改而成的.

所以我想里面肯定还有好多不足之处,还是垦请NN们再指点指点,到底哪儿还需要提高?里面还有什么错误?再谢.

guoliwei

这个题目我也没有写过，在楼主原文基础上做了一些改动，也当做一次练习，与楼主和ＮＮ们一起探讨。多谢

Nowadays, more and more people choose to travel during their leisure time. After arriving in new places, many of them prefer to visit museums. Why people favor to visit museums? When facing with this question, different people will hold different views depending on respective angles. As far as I am concerned, however, I tend to agree that understanding the local culture, gaining entertainment, and purchasing souvenirs are three basic factors leading people to visit museums. My arguments are presented as follows.

To begin with, visiting museums is one of the most convenient ways for people to understand the local history and culture. With the limited time in a trip, it is very difficult for travelers to research every aspect of the local society in detail. Nevertheless, museums afford valuable opportunities for tourists to acquire the general information. A museum usually has outstanding collections that cover the place’s culture from prehistory to the present day. By visiting Museums, people could know not only the history of the place, but also its other cultural characters such as customs, economic development and so on. For example, through visiting the Forbidden City museum in Beijing, China, where there is an extensive range of collection including bronzes, ceramics, painting, rare books and documents, people could acquire a comprehensive understanding about the culture of Beijing.

Next, museum is a fabulous place for travelers to gain entertainment while learning knowledge. Recently, most museums provide people with many sorts of hand-on activities in which visitors could be involved and enjoy more pleasure. For instance, people could take part in some interesting programs such as making plane models by themselves, watching the vivid videos about how dinosaur were extinct, or casting in the role of an astronaut to fly into imitated universal space. In this way, not only could travelers learn knowledge impressively, but they appreciate more amusement as well.

Furthermore, museums are perfect places to purchase souvenirs. When people travel to a place, they like to buy some special souvenirs that are of local characteristics and take them back home, in order to memorize their tours, to show off their experience, or to bestow as presents to their friends. In a museum, there are lots of commodities that are beautiful and meaningful, such as exquisite silk, copper coffee pots or colorful rugs. No matter what items travelers purchase, one thing is certain: they could get the satisfied stuff they want.

To sum up, even though there may be some other reasons for people to visit museums, the three points proved here are essential ones. By visiting museums, people could understand the local culture, gain entertainment and purchase special souvenirs. When there are chances to travel around, people should not miss the occasions to visit the museums.

[此贴子已经被作者于2004-9-28 18:34:21编辑过]

zhuzhu1973

写得真好.鼓掌

rt316

以下是引用zhuzhu1973在2004-9-27 21:37:00的发言：
One of the hot themes that are common to everyone in modern ages is Why people favor to visit museums(移动2) about travel. When people (they) travel to new places, many people prefer to visit museums. Why people favor to visit museums?(移动1) Different people hold different views due to their distinct backgrounds. On balance, I tend to agree that extending (to extend 建议用不定式的平行强调目的) the score of knowledge, gaining (gain) entertainment, and purchasing (purchase) souvenirs are three basic factors leading people to visit museums while they tour to (tour是及物动词吧) new places. My view could be greatly substantiated by the following discussions.

就改了第一段；纵观全文，觉得楼主的基础不错，尤其表现在小词的用法上比较灵活，但是首段条理不够明晰，可能是个硬伤，中间段落的语句有些重复，比如第二段中两度出现general information，可以将其中之一改为knowledge等近意词；再比如二段始和三段始都用了相同的结构：reason for my view is that，显得比较枯燥；对于内容，可以通过横向扩张达到增加字数的目的，比如三段中举例动手参与模型制作部分可以将飞机模型纳入航空博物馆类中说明，而将恐龙的内容纳入自然博物馆；

zhuzhu1973

谢谢版主,说得有道理,第一段我自己看着也别扭,是生套模板的结果.

字数也象你所说,不到400,如果要五分甚至五分以上,是不是400个字是基本要求?

guandream

ETS says that the typical writing has at least three hundred word. but I assume that the number is not the issue in TWE. the score depends on your way to expree( my teacher told me before, and I am not sure that it is true or not)

guoliwei

NN们能对我修改的部分也给些建议吗?多谢了.

虽然大家都认为考试的时候应该多写, 至少400字, 可如果遇到一个没有练过的题目, 自己感觉30分钟内写到那么多还是有一定困难的

rt316

以下是引用guoliwei在2004-9-28 18:18:00的发言：

To sum up, even though there may be some other reasons for people to visit museums, the three points proved here are essential ones. By visiting museums, people could understand the local culture, gain entertainment and purchase special souvenirs. When there are chances to travel around (When people have chances to travel ...), people should not miss the occasions to visit the museums.

改写得很成功，语言比较流畅，保持！