argument 8 求虐待

小小游儿

初稿,我自己都没有检查过, 掐时间了,但是还是没有在规定时间内完成. 还得麻烦斑竹和G友来指点,我表示很受写作的打击
Argument 8

The following appeared in a memo from the director of student housing at Buckingham College.

"To serve the housing needs of our students, Buckingham College should build a number of new dormitories. Buckingham's enrollment is growing and, based on current trends, will double over the next 50 years, thus making existing dormitory space inadequate. Moreover, the average rent for an apartment in our town has risen in recent years. Consequently, students will find it increasingly difficult to afford off-campus housing. Finally, attractive new dormitories would make prospective students more likely to enroll at Buckingham."

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.





写作



In this argument, the author concludes that Buckingham College should build a number of new dormitories. To justify this conclusion, the author states that Buckingham’s enrollment is growing and, based on current trends, will double over the next 50 years, thus making existing dormitory space inadequate. Moreover, the author cites the average rent for an apartment in our town has risen in recent. Thus, students will find it increasingly difficult to afford off-campus housing. This argument is fraught with vague, oversimplified, and unwarranted assumptions.



The major problem with this argument is that the author fails to describe the existing number of dormitories and the in-campus housing number of students. If dormitories’ number is redundant to in-campus housing number of student, the act building a lot of new dormitories is unnecessary. Even if the existing number of dormitories is far more enough to enrollment, this argument is short of further trend of enrollment in 50 years. Absent evidence that enrollment double in 50 years is a sharply increasing, it is much possible that the increase is smooth and steady. According to the compound growth rate, amount can be doubled in five years if it can maintain fifteen percent increasing. To better evaluate the increasing speed of enrollment, the author can provide Buckingham’s enrollment previously or the predicted students’ number of college. Unless the author can demonstrate these specific data, the author’s concern about this assumption is unfounded.



Another flaw that weakens this argument is that the statement of the average rent for an apartment in our town has risen in recent years is vague. Perhaps the rent of the high grade residence is roaring high, but the low-end housing which suits for college students that is stable. This scenario is quite possible, especially considering that average price is combination of the two type apartment. Even if the rent of the low-end housing which suiting for college students has risen, but the author fails to indicate amount of increase of apartment. The statistical evidence the result of the survey upon which the argument relies is too vague to be convincing.



In addition, the author fails to consider and rule out other possibility such as the increasing income of their families and sharply increasing of living expense, the assertion that students will find it increasingly difficult to afford off-campus housing is not cogent to me. Moreover, contingencies such as government subsidy and college allowance call all attribute to students can afford off-campus housing.



Finally, the author simply considers that new dormitories would attract more students to enroll at Buckingham, this is ridiculous. There is no information available to justify any causal relationship between new dormitories and enrollment. In order to draw a better conclusion, the author should reason more convincingly, cite some evidence that is more persuasive, and take every possible consideration into account.



In sum, the author fails to validate the conclusion that Buckingham College should build a number of new dormitories.



字数:491

小小游儿

结尾没贴上,重贴
In sum, the author fails to validate the conclusion that Buckingham College should build a number of new dormitories. In order to draw a better conclusion, the author should reason more convincingly, cite some evidence that is more persuasive, and take every possible consideration into account.

竹林中人

is redundant to ，什么对什么来说是足够的，这个表达貌似不准确吧
你的第三点有点写意，我没感觉出来跟题目太大的关系。
关于五十年这个依据，你还可以说的是50年是一个太长的时间，我们无法预测，地区人口等等很多都会变化，所以录取啊什么的完全不可能确认。
关于你的第四点，收的有点块，你还可以说的是新的宿舍和择校没有必然关系，常识告诉我们，我们择校的时候会参考很多的因素，宿舍是一方面，大不是全部，而且更不是首要条件

小小游儿

谢谢竹林的意见, 我去修改
还有个问题就是,要在规定时间内完全写出自己的想法和论据,我感觉很困难,文章越写给自己逼的越烦,致使了越写越草,论据就展不开,在所有论据都写完全的情况下,一篇文章又要550字左右甚至更多. 而这在考试中似乎又很难完成

竹林中人

谢谢竹林的意见, 我去修改
还有个问题就是,要在规定时间内完全写出自己的想法和论据,我感觉很困难,文章越写给自己逼的越烦,致使了越写越草,论据就展不开,在所有论据都写完全的情况下,一篇文章又要550字左右甚至更多. 而这在考试中似乎又很难完成

-- by 会员 小小游儿 (2012/4/20 11:51:24)

一般你就抓住主要的三点就行了，没必要写出所有的