TWE009 revised version

guandream

Some people prefer to live in a small town. Others prefer to live in a big city. Which place would you prefer to live in? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

welcome any suggestion.

Whereas more and more people move into city to begin their new life, resulting in the urban expansion such as Shanghai where population increased from about six millions in 1990 to about ten millions 2002, some individuals are emigrating to small towns. They believe that such movement can improve the quality of life. When I am confronted with the choice, I am not an exception, so I don’t hesitate to make my decision: city is my first choice. In city the infrastructures, employment opportunity and access to the health system are promising the higher quality of life than in a small town.

The infrastructures such as transportation system, cable service and water and power system determine how the area functions, and hence reflect the quality of life. The sounder infrastructures the area has, the more service people can enjoy. Cities, apparently, have more complicated and advanced infrastructures, thereby providing higher service than small towns do. In a city, the public transportation bring residents from one area to other areas as they wish; however, in a small town, you can drive your or walk, but such transportation service is not available or limited. Cable service is popular in a city, providing high speed to surf Internet, or more choice of TV programs, while in a city, dial-up is a main way, or even no way to Internet. Furthermore, the construction of the infrastructures needs a big budget. Cities can update their system more frequently, by attracting investors who prefer investing in cities for economic reasons, than small towns do. Thus such difference of updating widens the gaps of the quality of life between cities and small towns.

The infrastructures also influence the economic condition of an area, thereby affecting the employment in that area. The sound infrastructures allure more companies to this area, and then such investments create employment opportunities. For most people, working is the only way to make their living; the employment offers happy, secure and satisfied life. There are more job opportunities in a city than in a small town. When residents in a city lose their jobs, they can get a new job quicker than those in a small town. Moreover, the high employment rate is easy to attract new investments. Investors intend to start or expand their business in a city.

The access to the health system is an important indicator of the quality of life. In a city, there are more medical institutes such as hospitals and clinics, but in a small town, a clinic may be the only place people can go when they are silk. Furthermore, in a city, hospitals provide more doctors and nurses, wider services, including preventing disease program, and more advanced ways that cure patients with expensive facilities, to them. Such advantages in a city bring healthy life to its residents.

For the sake of high quality of life, I choose a city as my palace. The infrastructures and employment opportunity in a city keep residents secure and satisfied, and the easy access to the health system make them healthier, thus improving the quality of life.

[此贴子已经被作者于2004-9-24 11:19:27编辑过]

guoliwei

[此贴子已经被作者于2004-9-23 20:04:17编辑过]

soaring

我喜欢楼主的开头，呵呵

guandream

thanks to guoliwei, Soaring_2004, especailly stoneren. according your suggestion, I write my second version.

Whereas more and more people move into cities to begin their new life, resulting in the urban expansion in some places such as Shanghai where population increased from about six millions in 1990 to about ten millions 2002, some individuals are emigrating to small towns. Most immigrants are motivated by the high quality of life. I am not an exception. If I lived in a small town, I would not hesitate to move to a city. In city the infrastructures, employment opportunity and access to the health system are promising the higher quality of life than in a small town.

The infrastructures such as transportation system, cable service and water and power system determine how the area functions, and hence reflect the quality of life. The sounder infrastructures the area has, the more service people can enjoy. Cities, apparently, have more complicated and advanced infrastructures, thereby providing better service than small towns do. In a city, the public transportation brings residents from one area to other areas as they wish; however, in a small town, you have to drive yourselves or walk, because such transportation service is not available or limited. Cable service is popular in a city, providing high speed to surf the Internet, or more choice of TV programs, while in a small town, dial-up is a main way, or even no way to Internet. Furthermore, the construction of the infrastructures needs a big budget. A city can update its system more frequently, by attracting investors who prefer investing in a city for economic reasons, than a small town does. Thus such difference of updating widens the gaps of the quality of life between a city and a small town.

The infrastructures also influence the economic condition of an area, thereby affecting the employment in that area. The sound infrastructures allure more companies to this area, and then their investments create employment opportunities. For most people, working is the only way to make their living; the employment offers happy, secure and satisfied life. There are more job opportunities in a city than in a small town. When residents in a city lose their jobs, they can get a new job more quickly than those in a small town. Moreover, the high employment rate is easy to attract new investments because the residents have high consumption ability.

The access to the health system is another important indicator of the quality of life. In a city, there are more medical institutes such as hospitals and clinics, but in a small town, a clinic may be the only place people can go when they are silk. Furthermore, in a city, hospitals provide more doctors and nurses, broader services, including programs about preventing disease from spreading, and more advanced ways that cure patients with sophisticated facilities. Such advantages in a city bring healthy life to its residents.

For the sake of high quality of life, I choose a city as my palace. The infrastructures and employment opportunity in a city keep residents secure and satisfied, and the easy access to the health system make them healthier, thus improving the quality of life.

guoliwei

以下是引用guandream在2004-9-24 11:18:00的发言：

Whereas more and more people move into cities to begin their new life, resulting in the urban expansion in some places such as Shanghai where population increased from about six millions in 1990 to about ten millions (in) 2002, some individuals are emigrating to small towns. Most immigrants are motivated by the high quality of life. I am not an exception. If I lived in a small town, I would not hesitate to move to a city. In (a) city the infrastructures, employment opportunity and access to the health system are promising the higher quality of life than in a small town.

The infrastructures such as transportation system, cable service and water and power system determine how the area functions, and hence reflect the quality of life. The sounder infrastructures the area has, the more service people can enjoy. Cities, apparently, have more complicated and advanced infrastructures, thereby providing better service than small towns do. (For example ,) In a city, the public transportation(could easily) brings residents from one area (place) to other areas (another place) as they wish; however, in a small town, you (people) have to drive yourselves (themselves) or walk, because such (觉得此处用such有些指示不清，the public) transportation service is not available or limited. (Nowadays,) Cable service is popular in a city, providing ( people with ) high speed to surf the Internet, or more choice of TV programs, while in a small town, dial-up is a (the)main way, or even no way to Internet (which has a relatively slow speed 不确定这句话是否正确，但偶认为应该说明dial-up是比较慢的速度，和上文做比较). Furthermore, (because, 觉得这里用because使上下句联系更紧密）the construction of the infrastructures needs a big budget. (, a ) A city can update its system more frequently, by attracting investors who prefer investing in a city for economic reasons, than a small town does. Thus such difference of updating widens the gaps of the quality of life between a city and a small town.

(In addition, ) The infrastructures ( of an area ) also influence the (its) economic condition of an area, thereby affecting the employment in that  area. The (with) sound infrastructures (, one area could) allure more companies to ( invest  here) this area, and then their investments create (a  lot of) employment opportunities. For most people, working is the only way to make their living; the employment (a good job usually)offers happy, secure and satisfied life. (in a city,) There are more job opportunities in a city than in a small town. When residents(a person,因为下面也有一个residents) in a city lose their jobs(his job), they can(he could) get a new job more quickly than those in a small town. Moreover, the high employment rate is easy to attract new investments because the residents have high consumption ability.

The access to the health system is another important indicator of the quality of life. In a city, there are more medical institutes such as hospitals and clinics, （觉得此处应该跟furthermore 后面的理由连在一起，强有力的说明大城市医疗服务的优势）but in a small town, a clinic may be the only place people can go when they are silk (sick).Furthermore, in a city, hospitals provide more doctors and nurses, broader services, including programs about preventing disease from spreading, and more advanced ways that cure patients with sophisticated facilities. Such advantages in a city bring healthy life to its residents.

For the sake of high quality of life, I choose a city as my palace. The infrastructures and employment opportunity in a city keep residents secure and satisfied, and the easy access to the health system make them healthier, thus improving the quality of life.

呵呵，在楼主面前班门弄斧了。第一次尝试修改别人的作文，很多格式还不太会用，改的有些乱，见谅。

一定要说明的是：我提的很多建议不一定对，希望和大家一起探讨。

还有，看了很多ＮＮ写的文章，他们一般都会在中间每段的开头用类似first, second,.....等这样的词，使得文章读起来层次很分明。我看楼主这篇作文里面没有用，是为了避免用模板之嫌吗？

pengstone

guoliwei MM好样的 其实通过改别人的作文能提高地更快

guandream

guoliwei,

thanks again, you do a good job.

I don't use "first, second" because it isnot fluent for readers, and it is outdated. but you are right, I should use more conjunction adv to emphasize my ideas.

hardonheart

Whereas more and more people move into city to begin their new life, resulting in the urban expansion such as Shanghai where population increased from about six millions in 1990 to about ten millions 2002, some individuals are emigrating to small towns. (第一句有些啰嗦，个人喜欢开门见山的开头)They believe that such movement can improve the quality of life. When I am confronted with the choice, I am not an exception, （这里逻辑上来讲后面应该是PREFER小城市吧。。）so I don’t hesitate to make my decision: city is my first choice. In city the infrastructures, employment opportunity and access to the health system are promising the higher quality of life than in a small town.

The infrastructures such as transportation system, cable service and water and power system determine how the area functions, and hence reflect the quality of life. The sounder infrastructures the area has, the more service people can enjoy. （the more the more~~good!）Cities, apparently, have more complicated and advanced infrastructures, thereby providing higher service than small towns do. （注意，前面几句话有些重复的地方，鉴于ETS喜欢有内容，高效的句子，建议楼主简洁化）In a city, the public transportation bring residents from one area to other areas as they wish; however, in a small town, you can drive your or walk, but such transportation service is not available or limited. Cable service is popular in a city, providing high speed to surf Internet, or more choice of TV programs, while in a city, dial-up is a main way, or even no way to Internet. （大长句AGAIN）Furthermore, the construction of the infrastructures needs a big budget. Cities can update their system more frequently, by attracting investors who prefer investing in cities for economic reasons, than small towns do. Thus such difference of updating widens the gaps of the quality of life between cities and small towns.

The infrastructures also influence the economic condition of an area, thereby affecting the employment in that area. （建议，直接入论点：infrastructure also indirectly affects employment.）The sound(避免重复：superior) infrastructures allure more companies to this area, and then such investments create employment opportunities. For most people, working is the only way to make their living; the employment offers （建议用brings or promises）happy, secure and satisfied life. There are more job opportunities in a city than in a small town. When residents in a city lose their jobs, they can get a new job quicker than those in a small town.(not strong because this is not the case actually) Moreover, the high employment rate is easy to attract new investments. Investors intend to start or expand their business in a city.

The access to the health system is an important indicator of the quality of life. In a city, there are more medical institutes such as hospitals and clinics, but in a small town, a clinic may be the only place people can go when they are silk(冗长，建议：there are few clinics people can resort to). Furthermore, in a city, hospitals provide more doctors and nurses, wider services, including preventing disease program, and more advanced ways that cure patients with expensive facilities, to them. (建议用医生per capita illustrated)Such advantages in a city bring healthy life to its residents.

For the sake of high quality of life, I choose a city as my palace. The infrastructures and employment opportunity in a city keep residents secure and satisfied, (建议用ensure)and the easy access to the health system make them healthier, thus improving the quality of life.