【写作小分队】杜绝拖延症 bechasing要拿下iBT

bechasing

对不起！我刚起来!中午下午还要出去..我一回来就给你改＞＜对不住＞＜

-- by 会员 miss绿光 (2012/4/12 11:02:43)

never mind

miss绿光

Which kind of universities do you prefer, universities whose graduates can find good jobs or universities where there are famous professors？110402 NA

Education is the most significant factor promoting the sustainable development of a country and the universities play a critical role in the education system as the higher education prepares people [开始觉得这里面的prepare的用法有些奇怪，查了以后，有如下意思：准备/使合适/装备/起草，那么看来作为“使合适”的话，可以用prepare sb] for their careers in the future. Many people hold the opinion that we should choose the universities whose graduates can find good jobs. But others, in contrast, assert that the universities with famous professors are more desirable. From my angle, I would like to slide with the latter opinion.

First of all, students can acquire a great deal of knowledge from the famous professors. No one can deny that well-known professors are skilled in some certain domains. By learning from them, we can not only abtain [拼写错误，obtain] useful specialized knowledge but also expand our eyesight. Famous professors bring home to us the essencial [essential] knowledge we are absorbing so that we could have a strong special expertise towards getting a good job. Furthermore, they can teach us precious lessons about how to prepare our future careers and offer some proper advice on understanding our life and even the world, which are considerably important in our study and work.

In addition, famous professors have a positive effect in shaping our personalities and a proper outlook towards the world. We cannot emphasize the significance of the influence of eminent persons too much. It is the nice characters which deserve us young people to learn. A pretty good case about this is that when I conducted my graduate design under the guidance of a famous professor two years ago. She checked evey corner of my experiment in the whole process and if there was even a tiny mistake she would disscuss it with me and did her ultmost to make me progress. It was her strict and serious attitude that impressed me most, and it will be beneficial for my lifetime.

What is more, the influence of famous professors can provide us a great many opportunities in finding satisfied jobs. About this point, we just need to take a look at the evident fact that famous professors are usualy [usually] invited to attend various summits of accademic orgnizations [academic organizations] or meetings with managers of note [???] companies. If we can company with them, then we will have precious opportunities to contact directly the person or companies we are interested in. Such a chance is extrodinarily [extraordinarily] valuable that we could benefit from the celebrity of famous professors [我觉得这里用的celebrity不妥，celebrity是名人、名声的意思，而你要表达的是从professor是的社交圈里获取好的资源，可以这样说：the social and academic circles of famous professors].

Admittedly, choosing employment-oriented universities temporarily enables us to find a good job relative easier. However, the positive advantages we benefit from famous professors are more significant and useful, which prepare us the qualities to gain better and greater job opportubities [opportunities]. Therefore, here I reforce [reinforce] my standpoint that choosing unviersities [universities] where there are famous professors are more desirable.
===========================================================
bechasing是要考GRE的人，写的作文就是不一样啊~长难句，高级词汇，同义单词之间的转换运用，非常好！美中不足的就是拼写错误有点多~
下面从观点的角度说说：
采用的是三段式论点，都是加强的那种，使的观点更具说服力。让步在结论段首小题一句，更显结论的严谨性。只是我平时不这么写（主要是想不出来三个加强点……），我主要是担心在结论点说admittedly的部分会不会使reader觉得你对你的结论持保留意见？结论段最好是全加强，不留余地。（北美的作文不像中国这么强调中庸）当然，这只是我自己的看法，你可以再问问考过的高手们。
三个论点分别是：有助于理解所学；有助于塑造人格；有助于就业。都很好的说明了观点！第二段中也说了一个自身的例子，也算是具体生动了。这里有我的一点小看法，如果我第三段用你这个观点，我会说的更彻底：好的professor就ensure了good job，那我支持后者其实是支持一个双赢的选择，而前者只有一个benefit，相差太多了！
=======
总结一下，我觉得咱俩的风格很像，而且我很admire你对同义不同词之间的转换，观点也很supportive~注意一下拼写就更接近完美啦~

gre呀gre

真不好意思，我刚才到家，而且今天不舒服，头超级疼，所以没精神写了，我明天早上再补上，真不好意思耽误你了

bechasing

没有关系的祝你早日康复
注意休息~~~

bechasing

Which kind of universities do you prefer, universities whose graduates can find good jobs or universities where there are famous professors？110402 NA

Education is the most significant factor promoting the sustainable development of a country and the universities play a critical role in the education system as the higher education prepares people [开始觉得这里面的prepare的用法有些奇怪，查了以后，有如下意思：准备/使合适/装备/起草，那么看来作为“使合适”的话，可以用prepare sb] for their careers in the future. Many people hold the opinion that we should choose the universities whose graduates can find good jobs. But others, in contrast, assert that the universities with famous professors are more desirable. From my angle, I would like to slide with the latter opinion.

First of all, students can acquire a great deal of knowledge from the famous professors. No one can deny that well-known professors are skilled in some certain domains. By learning from them, we can not only abtain [拼写错误，obtain] useful specialized knowledge but also expand our eyesight. Famous professors bring home to us the essencial [essential] knowledge we are absorbing so that we could have a strong special expertise towards getting a good job. Furthermore, they can teach us precious lessons about how to prepare our future careers and offer some proper advice on understanding our life and even the world, which are considerably important in our study and work.

In addition, famous professors have a positive effect in shaping our personalities and a proper outlook towards the world. We cannot emphasize the significance of the influence of eminent persons too much. It is the nice characters which deserve us young people to learn. A pretty good case about this is that when I conducted my graduate design under the guidance of a famous professor two years ago. She checked evey corner of my experiment in the whole process and if there was even a tiny mistake she would disscuss it with me and did her ultmost to make me progress. It was her strict and serious attitude that impressed me most, and it will be beneficial for my lifetime.

What is more, the influence of famous professors can provide us a great many opportunities in finding satisfied jobs. About this point, we just need to take a look at the evident fact that famous professors are usualy [usually] invited to attend various summits of accademic orgnizations [academic organizations] or meetings with managers of note [???] companies. If we can company with them, then we will have precious opportunities to contact directly the person or companies we are interested in. Such a chance is extrodinarily [extraordinarily] valuable that we could benefit from the celebrity of famous professors [我觉得这里用的celebrity不妥，celebrity是名人、名声的意思，而你要表达的是从professor是的社交圈里获取好的资源，可以这样说：the social and academic circles of famous professors].

Admittedly, choosing employment-oriented universities temporarily enables us to find a good job relative easier. However, the positive advantages we benefit from famous professors are more significant and useful, which prepare us the qualities to gain better and greater job opportubities [opportunities]. Therefore, here I reforce [reinforce] my standpoint that choosing unviersities [universities] where there are famous professors are more desirable.
===========================================================
bechasing是要考GRE的人，写的作文就是不一样啊~长难句，高级词汇，同义单词之间的转换运用，非常好！美中不足的就是拼写错误有点多~
下面从观点的角度说说：
采用的是三段式论点，都是加强的那种，使的观点更具说服力。让步在结论段首小题一句，更显结论的严谨性。只是我平时不这么写（主要是想不出来三个加强点……），我主要是担心在结论点说admittedly的部分会不会使reader觉得你对你的结论持保留意见？结论段最好是全加强，不留余地。（北美的作文不像中国这么强调中庸）当然，这只是我自己的看法，你可以再问问考过的高手们。
三个论点分别是：有助于理解所学；有助于塑造人格；有助于就业。都很好的说明了观点！第二段中也说了一个自身的例子，也算是具体生动了。这里有我的一点小看法，如果我第三段用你这个观点，我会说的更彻底：好的professor就ensure了good job，那我支持后者其实是支持一个双赢的选择，而前者只有一个benefit，相差太多了！
=======
总结一下，我觉得咱俩的风格很像，而且我很admire你对同义不同词之间的转换，观点也很supportive~注意一下拼写就更接近完美啦~

-- by 会员 miss绿光 (2012/4/12 20:30:48)

谢谢miss绿光的非常棒的修改，我的写作实力并不好，写这篇作文花了近1小时，崩溃，打字速度好慢= =
关于你说的最后一点的建议非常的好，我当时写的时候就没有想这么透，谢谢啦。确实存在很多拼写的错误，把word的自动检查关了，一大堆啊，谢谢指正。


是不是要admittedly我也很犹豫，如果不写这个的话会被看成是观点片面，没有考虑两面？
还有就是关于prefer a or b这种题型的时候，很多的作文笔记都建议说先分别elucidate the advantages of both a and b，然后再摆明自己的观点；
或者是先摆明自己的观点，再分别说a的有点和b的缺点。我现在只是一方面地递进加强地说a有多好，不知这种结构写法是否有点偏题？你怎么看的呢？

bechasing

写了近one hour...洋洋洒洒地扯，思路胡乱。诶。继续加强训练。


Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Compared with people who live in cities, people who live in rural areas can take better care of their families. 20101009 NA


Currently, with the rapid development of Chinese economy, the urbanization process is accelerated while more and more people are moving into numerous swelling cities. And thus there exists an increasing debate on whether people who live in cities can take better care of their families than people who live in rural areas do. From my angle, I have to admit that people living in counties take better care of their family members than those living in cities do.

First of all, people living in countries can spend more time on their families. Since the city people must go out for work in the daytime, they hardly have time to chat and company with their family members. The continuously speeded pace of modern metropolitan life poses sever stress to individual person within families and makes them feel nervous. A lack of time to stay together results to the gradually alienated family bonds between home members. However, people who live in rural areas do not need to worry about this question and can often stay together at any time due to their free time schedule. So they can know each other better.

In addition, the rural people are more amiable and loyal than the city people; they do not haggle on every ounce. I actually come from the countryside. Once a time my grandfather got injured while he was walking down the stairs. Every member of my family was very sad about it and immediately sent him to hospital. I still remember that my aunt insisted on taking the nourishment to my grandpa every day, hoping he could recover again. In contrast, I have once heard a tragedy story about a young people who lived and worked in a big city. He went so far as to leave his sick mother at home alone and did not take her to see a doctor. When the newspaper uncovered it, he should say that he have no money and time to do that.

What is more, compared with people who live urban areas, those who live in countryside often live close to their family members and so they can visit and take care of each other more often. This can be understood from my own case. My brother is working in a toy factory and lives very close to my parents. Since I am still in school in the city and have no time to see my parents very frequently. So my brother often go back home after work to help my parents do the housework. If both I and my brother live in urban area, my parents will be very laborious.

In sum, take the spared time staying with families, good qualities of rural people, and living close to each other into consideration, I strongly believe that people who live in rural areas can take better care of their families than people living in cities do.

miss绿光

Which kind of universities do you prefer, universities whose graduates can find good jobs or universities where there are famous professors？110402 NA

Education is the most significant factor promoting the sustainable development of a country and the universities play a critical role in the education system as the higher education prepares people [开始觉得这里面的prepare的用法有些奇怪，查了以后，有如下意思：准备/使合适/装备/起草，那么看来作为“使合适”的话，可以用prepare sb] for their careers in the future. Many people hold the opinion that we should choose the universities whose graduates can find good jobs. But others, in contrast, assert that the universities with famous professors are more desirable. From my angle, I would like to slide with the latter opinion.

First of all, students can acquire a great deal of knowledge from the famous professors. No one can deny that well-known professors are skilled in some certain domains. By learning from them, we can not only abtain [拼写错误，obtain] useful specialized knowledge but also expand our eyesight. Famous professors bring home to us the essencial [essential] knowledge we are absorbing so that we could have a strong special expertise towards getting a good job. Furthermore, they can teach us precious lessons about how to prepare our future careers and offer some proper advice on understanding our life and even the world, which are considerably important in our study and work.

In addition, famous professors have a positive effect in shaping our personalities and a proper outlook towards the world. We cannot emphasize the significance of the influence of eminent persons too much. It is the nice characters which deserve us young people to learn. A pretty good case about this is that when I conducted my graduate design under the guidance of a famous professor two years ago. She checked evey corner of my experiment in the whole process and if there was even a tiny mistake she would disscuss it with me and did her ultmost to make me progress. It was her strict and serious attitude that impressed me most, and it will be beneficial for my lifetime.

What is more, the influence of famous professors can provide us a great many opportunities in finding satisfied jobs. About this point, we just need to take a look at the evident fact that famous professors are usualy [usually] invited to attend various summits of accademic orgnizations [academic organizations] or meetings with managers of note [???] companies. If we can company with them, then we will have precious opportunities to contact directly the person or companies we are interested in. Such a chance is extrodinarily [extraordinarily] valuable that we could benefit from the celebrity of famous professors [我觉得这里用的celebrity不妥，celebrity是名人、名声的意思，而你要表达的是从professor是的社交圈里获取好的资源，可以这样说：the social and academic circles of famous professors].

Admittedly, choosing employment-oriented universities temporarily enables us to find a good job relative easier. However, the positive advantages we benefit from famous professors are more significant and useful, which prepare us the qualities to gain better and greater job opportubities [opportunities]. Therefore, here I reforce [reinforce] my standpoint that choosing unviersities [universities] where there are famous professors are more desirable.
===========================================================
bechasing是要考GRE的人，写的作文就是不一样啊~长难句，高级词汇，同义单词之间的转换运用，非常好！美中不足的就是拼写错误有点多~
下面从观点的角度说说：
采用的是三段式论点，都是加强的那种，使的观点更具说服力。让步在结论段首小题一句，更显结论的严谨性。只是我平时不这么写（主要是想不出来三个加强点……），我主要是担心在结论点说admittedly的部分会不会使reader觉得你对你的结论持保留意见？结论段最好是全加强，不留余地。（北美的作文不像中国这么强调中庸）当然，这只是我自己的看法，你可以再问问考过的高手们。
三个论点分别是：有助于理解所学；有助于塑造人格；有助于就业。都很好的说明了观点！第二段中也说了一个自身的例子，也算是具体生动了。这里有我的一点小看法，如果我第三段用你这个观点，我会说的更彻底：好的professor就ensure了good job，那我支持后者其实是支持一个双赢的选择，而前者只有一个benefit，相差太多了！
=======
总结一下，我觉得咱俩的风格很像，而且我很admire你对同义不同词之间的转换，观点也很supportive~注意一下拼写就更接近完美啦~

-- by 会员 miss绿光 (2012/4/12 20:30:48)

谢谢miss绿光的非常棒的修改，我的写作实力并不好，写这篇作文花了近1小时，崩溃，打字速度好慢= =
关于你说的最后一点的建议非常的好，我当时写的时候就没有想这么透，谢谢啦。确实存在很多拼写的错误，把word的自动检查关了，一大堆啊，谢谢指正。


是不是要admittedly我也很犹豫，如果不写这个的话会被看成是观点片面，没有考虑两面？
还有就是关于prefer a or b这种题型的时候，很多的作文笔记都建议说先分别elucidate the advantages of both a and b，然后再摆明自己的观点；
或者是先摆明自己的观点，再分别说a的有点和b的缺点。我现在只是一方面地递进加强地说a有多好，不知这种结构写法是否有点偏题？你怎么看的呢？

-- by 会员 bechasing (2012/4/12 22:14:35)

不偏题，我看过一个写作30分的人，她就是全部都是支持的/全部反驳这样的写法，旨在supportive；你想不出来3点的时候可以用两个+一个让步~

bechasing

这是我喜欢的思路

bechasing

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Young people nowadays have no influence on decisions that determine the future of the society as a whole. 20110226 NA

As the society is in constant change and progress, the thought that young people nowadays have no influence on decisions that determine the future of the society as a whole is totally prejudicial and wrong. I have three reasons to support my opinion as follow.

First of all, the collective appeal of young people is getting more and more attention from the society due to the rapid development of Internet. With the popularization of burgeoning ways of communication, such as mini-blog, Facebook and so on, young people can express their justified opinions and ideas about the society more frequently. As a result of collective behavior, the society, especially the government, has to listen to them and change the current policies to satisfy their appeals. A recent case has happened in the Arab world in 2010, which was called “Arab spring”. At that time young people were not content with the existing policies, they went to street and called for political and economic reformation. Finally, their requests leaded to an important social transformation in Arab world.

Another significant aspect is that the ability of young people is now shaping a new world, which promotes the continuous development of the society. For instance, the innovation ability of young people is far greater than that of older people, and thus they are often called as“ new dawn of the society”. The founder of Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg, leads the new and substantial change of Internet as he establishes a novel communication on the network, bringing the society the interactive age of Internet. Young people are more creative and are energetic to make breakthrough, which is the major factor promoting social progress.

What is more, the society needs fresh ideas and thoughts of young people in order to keep social vitality. An impetuous river, without the addition of “new blood”, will dry up and get decayed. That is the same to the society. If the society overlooks the fresh but precious ideas of young people, it cannot obtain the impetus to reform itself and always keep active.

In sum, based on the above perspectives, I strongly disagree with the statement that young people nowadays have no influence on decisions that determine the future of the society.

Crystaljoy

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Compared with people who live in cities, people who live in rural areas can take better care of their families. 20101009 NA
紫色建议，红色修改，高亮精彩。

Currently, with the rapid development of Chinese economy, the urbanization process is accelerated while more and more people are moving into numerous swelling cities. (乡-城迁移促进了城市化？？) And thus there exists an increasing（这个搭配我理解，但是英文还是罕见啊，还是hot吧）debate on whether people who live in cities can take better care of their families than people who live in rural areas do. From my angle, I have to admit that people living in counties take better care of their family members than those living in cities do. （感觉这两句表述重复的太多。改进一下试试：This flooding migration are willing to travel far because they claim that the affluent cities may provide a more ideal environment to take care of their families, compared with the rural areas. However, I doubt whether this claim can hold water.）

First of all, people living in countries can spend more time on their families. Since the city people(urban dwellers) must go out for work in the daytime, they hardly have time to chat and company with their family members. The continuously speeded pace of modern metropolitan life poses sever stress to individual person within families (看混乱了，直接individuals就可以吧) and makes them feel nervous. A lack of time to stay together results to the gradually alienated family bonds between home members. However, people who live in rural areas do not need to worry about this question and can often stay together at any time due to their free time schedule. So they can know each other better.

In addition, the rural people are more amiable and loyal than the city people; they do not haggle on every ounce. I actually come from the countryside. Once a time my grandfather got injured while he was walking down the stairs. Every member of my family was very sad about it and immediately sent him to hospital. I still remember that my aunt insisted on taking the nourishment to my grandpa （grandpa’s taking nourishment） every day, hoping he could recover again. In contrast, I have once heard a tragedy story (删除，多余啦) about a young people who lived and worked in a big city. He went so far as to leave his sick mother at home alone and did not take her to see a doctor. When the newspaper uncovered it, he should say that he have no money and time to do that.（he only took his busy schedule as excuses.）

What is more, compared with people who live urban areas, those who live in countryside often live close to their family members and so they can visit and take care of each other more often. This can be understood from my own case. My brother is working in a toy factory and lives very close to my parents.(and并列前后最好时态对称)Since I am still in school in the city and have no time to see（visit） my parents very frequently. So my brother often go back home after work to help my parents do (with) the housework. If both I and my brother (老外喜欢把I 放在最后) live in urban area, my parents will be very laborious.

In sum, take the spared time （？） staying with families, good qualities of rural people, and living close to each other（不并列，最好也用N性质的） into consideration, I strongly believe that people who live in rural areas can take better care of their families than people living in cities do.





Conclusion：

1.观点清晰，结构完整，内容丰富~~~有好些好词，学习啦~~~

2.前两个观点所举两个例子都是自己的。最好举一个名人的或者引用之类，说理更可信。

3.举例有点点流水账呢，建议看点叙事的文章？最好例子举完再加一个总结。

4.用词个别地方不太简洁呢，多多积累地道表达~



加油~~~共同进步~~~~