作文又是4.0。怎么办。天呀！发一篇自己模板的作文。

perryyu

作文又是4。0，怎么办。天呀。复习了20天。作文写完觉得还不错。为什么只有4。0。。。。。我把我的模板帖出来，妞妞们帮忙看看是不是模板有什么问题？我自己现在好像已经没有什么办法了。再过10天就又考试了。压力。紧张。郁闷。谢谢各位大侠。有什么不好的地方尽管狠，and严厉的批，现在出丑总比考试的时候出丑好。

TWE 26 It has recently been announced that a new movie theater might be built in you neighborhood. Do you agree or disagre

Recently, the topic, whether buid a new movie theater in my neighborhood or not has been brought into focus in my community because our community want buid a new theater and all the people in the community shold vote for the decision.Depending on my personal experience, personality type, life style and emotional concern, I would have to say that build a new theater provide many benifits to all of the neigborhoods.In the following discusion , I would like to reason and provide evdence to support my viewpoint.

No issue is more important than this one that the new theater provids us a new entertainmental way for all people.Thus the new theater gives peole a new choice for their leisure time. Undeniable facts witness and present envidence as follow. Fisrt,The people in the conmmunity can choose a movie which they like and watch them after supper.Second,all the students in the community have a chance to met together and wacth some educational film. Third, retired people can spend their leisure time in the theaterjust for relaxing.Don't you think the examples I presented above are very persuasive?

That  building a new theater would furnish some job for the community is another key and chief reason that I choose to put here.There is no better illustration can demonstrate the standpoint.On the one hand, building a theater needs many workers. On the other hand, waiters , tikets sellers and other kinds of place are also provided after finish the building.Futhermore ,these jobs would give opportunies for the some people who do not have permanent job to make some extra money.The more clearly you can see that , the more deeply you can understand it.

Adimittedly, to some extend, building a theater may cause some demerits , such as making some noises , pollutions or inconveniences during the construction peirod.However, if all the factors are carefully contemplated, nevertheless, the advantages of building a new theater carry more weight than that of disadvantages.So the most striking conclusion is very obvious.

All in all, given the reasons above,which sometimes intertwine to form an organic whole and hence become more persuasive.We can safely arrive the conlusion that building a new theater is a mature ,sagacious and adviable decision for a community.As the matter of fact, not noly no I perfer to build a new theater in my neighborhood, but also prefer to advise other communities to build a new theater in their neighborhood as possible as I can.

guandream

hi, my writing is not good either, but my friends told me that I have improved a lot. so perhaps I can share some idea about how to improve a little bit. writing is a process of organizing ideas that should be make sense. after reading your essay, I first react that your ideas are disappearing because of a lot of nonsence structure that comes from your model. and other thing, if you want to use pronoun "you", the usage is really restricted, because "you" only refer to readers.

my writing will be single model: introduction includes some tricks that can attract readers, theme statement and the organization of the main supports. other body parts depend on the introduction about the organization.

TWE is a language test, making sence is more important than anything else; thus, the model in GMAT maynot help you to prove your writing skills. the individual and personal writing will contribute a lot to your desired score. If you take advantage of these ten days to write the introduction of the essay, including theme statements and main supports, I believe that you deserve your score.

good luck to you and me ( I will take the test  fifteen days late)

perryyu

thanks, but I can not understant your meaning very much.   what is individual and personal writing ? And this model is not from GMAT.Could you please share some good models that fix in TOEFL test.Thanks so much.

guandream

以下是引用perryyu在2004-9-20 23:53:00的发言：

TWE 26 It has recently been announced that a new movie theater might be built in you neighborhood. Do you agree or disagre

Recently, the topic, whether buid a new movie theater in my neighborhood or not has been brought into focus in my community because our community want (to) buid a new theater and all the people in the community shold vote for the decision.(cause-effect relationship seems not to exist; and the decision is not made by community's decision to build that movie theater) Depending on my personal experience, personality type, life style and emotional concern,( it looks like nothing related to the topic, or misrepresent to surpport your decision) I would have to say that build a new theater provide many benifits to all of the neigborhoods.In the following discusion , I would like to reason and provide evdence to support my viewpoint.( the beginning sound awkward. the introduction is the most important to writing.)

(Recently, the anouncement that a new movie theater may be built in my eighbourhood has been resulting in an intriguing discussion. some people believe that it can bring a large numbers of people to this neighbourhood, thereby leading to the concern about safety in this area. However,  in respect to the leisure time and employment opportunity, the new theater will benefit the whole neighbourhood more than damage; therefore, I surpport such suggestion.)

No issue is more important than this one that the new theater provids us a new entertainmental way for all people.(it is too strong, and it sound illogical)Thus the new theater gives peole a new choice for their leisure time.( the first sentence means that no other things are better than watching movies to entertain, but in the second sentence you provide "choice". they are contridicted) Undeniable facts witness and present envidence as follow. (unnecessary)Fisrt,The people in the conmmunity can choose a movie which they like and watch them after supper( convenience).Second,all the students in the community have a chance to met together and wacth some educational film. Third, retired people can spend their leisure time in the theater just for relaxing.Don't you think the examples I presented above are very persuasive?(unnecessary)

That  building a new theater would(will) furnish some job(s) for the community is another key and chief reason that(why) I choose to put here.( the simple sentence structure may be better)There is no better illustration can demonstrate the standpoint.(I donnot understand this point)On the one hand, building a theater needs many workers. On the other hand, waiters , tikets sellers and other kinds of place (other related job positions) are also provided after finish the building.(on the one hand...on the other hand in this sentence sound awkward)Futhermore ,these jobs would give opportunies for the some people who do not have permanent job to make some extra money.(repeated and unnecessary)The more clearly you(people) can see that(what) , the more deeply you(people) can understand it(what).

Adimittedly, to some extend, building a theater may cause some demerits , such as making some noises , pollutions or inconveniences during the construction peirod.However, if all the factors are carefully contemplated, nevertheless, the advantages of building a new theater carry more weigh (more) than that of disadvantages.So the most striking conclusion is very obvious.( the comparison seems surpprised to me)

All in all, given the reasons above,which sometimes intertwine to form an organic whole and hence become more persuasive.(no sense)We can safely arrive the conlusion that building a new theater is a mature ,sagacious and adviable decision for a community.As the matter of fact, not noly no I perfer to build a new theater in my neighborhood, but also prefer to advise other communities to build a new theater in their neighborhood as possible as I can.(new idea, it is very dangerous!!!!)

I don't have model, but I have standard writing format that I said in above post. but you can find our NN pumkin's sample writing and other NN's discussion. I believe that this post will be helpful for you to organize your ideas. you have very good ideas to support your conclusion.

http://forum.chasedream.com/dispbbs.asp?BoardID=68&ID=59576

snow_mountain

以下是引用perryyu在2004-9-20 23:53:00的发言：

作文又是4。0，怎么办。天呀。复习了20天。作文写完觉得还不错。为什么只有4。0。。。。。我把我的模板帖出来，妞妞们帮忙看看是不是模板有什么问题？我自己现在好像已经没有什么办法了。再过10天就又考试了。压力。紧张。郁闷。谢谢各位大侠。有什么不好的地方尽管狠，and严厉的批，现在出丑总比考试的时候出丑好。

TWE 26 It has recently been announced that a new movie theater might be built in you neighborhood. Do you agree or disagre

Recently, the topic, whether buid a new movie theater in my neighborhood or not has been brought into focus in my community because our community want buid a new theater and all the people in the community shold vote for the decision.Depending on my personal experience, personality type, life style and emotional concern, I would have to say that build a new theater provide many benifits to all of the neigborhoods.In the following discusion , I would like to reason and provide evdence to support my viewpoint.

No issue is more important than this one that the new theater provids us a new entertainmental way for all people.Thus the new theater gives peole a new choice for their leisure time. Undeniable facts witness and present envidence as follow. Fisrt,The people in the conmmunity can choose a movie which they like and watch them after supper.Second,all the students in the community have a chance to met together and wacth some educational film. Third, retired people can spend their leisure time in the theaterjust for relaxing.Don't you think the examples I presented above are very persuasive?

That  building a new theater would furnish some job for the community is another key and chief reason that I choose to put here.There is no better illustration can demonstrate the standpoint.On the one hand, building a theater needs many workers. On the other hand, waiters , tikets sellers and other kinds of place are also provided after finish the building.Futhermore ,these jobs would give opportunies for the some people who do not have permanent job to make some extra money.The more clearly you can see that , the more deeply you can understand it.

Adimittedly, to some extend, building a theater may cause some demerits , such as making some noises , pollutions or inconveniences during the construction peirod.However, if all the factors are carefully contemplated, nevertheless, the advantages of building a new theater carry more weight than that of disadvantages.So the most striking conclusion is very obvious.

All in all, given the reasons above,which sometimes intertwine to form an organic whole and hence become more persuasive.We can safely arrive the conlusion that building a new theater is a mature ,sagacious and adviable decision for a community.As the matter of fact, not noly no I perfer to build a new theater in my neighborhood, but also prefer to advise other communities to build a new theater in their neighborhood as possible as I can.

模板痕迹很重。而且个人认为也不是很好的模板。比如这句: That  building a new theater would furnish some job for the community is another key and chief reason that I choose to put here.

头重脚轻，读着非常不爽。 模板要慎用。 看看置顶的范围link 吧。 里面收录了很多topic的习作。

soaring

模板开始用用就好了，考试的时候还是应该锻炼得信手拈来，

做到出TOEFL，入TOEFL才是真哦