[求助]ＴＷＥ１４８，修改稿，ＮＮ再给指导一下

rt316

以下是引用guoliwei在2004-9-22 14:07:00的发言：

综合各位ＮＮ的建议，自己也修改了一下，大家再给看看。

The issue of whether games can teach people is a controversial one. When facing this question, different people will present different answers depending on personal experience, personality type and emotional concern. Some people hold the opinion that games could teach men a lot about life. Others, on the contrary, believe that a game is no more than a form of amusement and could teach people nothing about life. As far as I am concerned, however, I would rather agree with the former than the latter. My arguments are presented as follows.

To begin with, games may teach a person to obey rules. The rules that form the basic order in a society always play an important part in our lives. Without rules, everything would decline to a state of chaos. In real life, people are required to follow diverse regulations under various circumstances, such as the laws of a country, the rules of a company and the disciplines of a school. Only those people who have the awareness to obey rules could enjoy the happiness which life afford (that life affords) them. (这里想用一个连接词，使上下句衔接紧密，可是想不出来一个合适的词，这也是为什么原来把often放到games前面的原因，权当个连接词来用) Games often provide people with a recreational program to foster the awareness easily and impressively. For example, in a chess game, each player would be asked to play according to certain regulations. If he does not obey the rules, he will be deprived of the right to continue. Thus people’s awareness of obeying rules would be greatly improved and strengthened.

Next, games teach people to sense and handle the failure and success while having fun. As the partial reflection of real life, a game is full of competition in which players always experience the joy of win and the pain of loss. Such experience would help people to become more mature and develop a placid nature. For instance, a person would not turn arrogant and conceited when he wins a game, and he also would not feel depressed and sad if defeated. This will be very helpful for people to face with fiercely competitive activities in their future study and work, keeping them full of confidence till final success.

Furthermore, playing games is of enormous value for people to cultivate the team spirit. Many games are group activities, which involve communications (communication在作此解时是不可数的) and cooperative ways of thinking. For example, when people are engaged in a basketball game, usually they (they usually可能好些) advance and cope with difficulties together. During the process of cooperation, mutual understanding and consideration are promoted.

To sum up, games not only develop people’s awareness to obey rules, but also cultivate them to own team spirit and handle the success and failure in a right way. From what have been discussed above, I safely draw the conclusion that games could teach people about life. And I believe when the time comes to ‘play the game’ in the real world, people would be ready and prepared. (觉得原来的结尾有些单薄，显得头重脚轻，又加了几句话)

8错

guoliwei

多谢stoneren GG

gladys_gl

mm这么练，肯定拿6分了，加油啊

guoliwei

感觉还差的很远呢

guandream

you can make more progress if you continue to revise your essay following some suggestion.  you can give suggestion to others and it is also helpful to improve your writing skills. waiting for you second essay.

肯定拿6分了

guoliwei

guandream给了这么大的鼓励，好高兴，偶继续努力。

其实也想给别的朋友的作文一些建议，只是俺水平还不够，故不敢妄加评论。以后会尝试，大家一起提高吧

hncsxj

-From what have been discussed above, I safely ( "It is safe to" would be better, for you can avoid "I", and it seems that you are a little arrogant. )draw the conclusion that games could teach people about life.

-To begin with, games may teach a person to obey rules. The rules that form the basic order in a society always play an important part in our lives. Without rules, everything would decline to a state of chaos. In real life, people are required to follow diverse regulations under various circumstances, such as the laws of a country, the rules of a company and the disciplines of a school. Only those people who have the awareness to obey rules could enjoy the happiness Games often provide people with a recreational program to foster the awareness easily and impressively. For example, in a chess game, each player would be asked to play according to certain regulations. If he does not obey the rules, he will be deprived of the right to continue. Thus people’s awareness of obeying rules would be greatly improved and strengthened.

As to this paragraph, I think you should focused more on how games teach people to obey the rules. You wrote too much about the importance of rules.

guoliwei

以下是引用hncsxj在2004-9-25 5:41:00的发言：

-To begin with, games may teach a person to obey rules. The rules that form the basic order in a society always play an important part in our lives. Without rules, everything would decline to a state of chaos. In real life, people are required to follow diverse regulations under various circumstances, such as the laws of a country, the rules of a company and the disciplines of a school. Only those people who have the awareness to obey rules could enjoy the happiness Games often provide people with a recreational program to foster the awareness easily and impressively. For example, in a chess game, each player would be asked to play according to certain regulations. If he does not obey the rules, he will be deprived of the right to continue. Thus people’s awareness of obeying rules would be greatly improved and strengthened.

As to this paragraph, I think you should focused more on how games teach people to obey the rules. You wrote too much about the importance of rules.

谢谢hncsxj的建议，这一段我也认为存在这样的问题，偶再想想。多谢！