【写作小分队】Lillian安的作文，欢迎拍砖

Lillian安

作文贴，先开贴= =|||坚持&加油~~~~~~

Lillian安

In this day and age, it is hardto overstate significance of movies and television to people's daily life. Somepeople even enjoy themselves in watching movies and television for hourswithout stop. Granted, movies and television have various positive impacts onpeople. Movies and television is, however, not so suitable for young people forthe reason that young people are not sophisticated enough to distinguish rightfrom wrong.


First, it is wide accepted thatmaking people feel relaxed is main driving force behind maker of movies and oftelevision. To achieve the key goal, the makers of these two kinds of programexert themselves on the way of promoting proportion of interesting elementsinstead of meaningful materials. Consequently, when people watch films ortelevision shows, they mainly tend to have fun. Meanwhile, films and televisionhave the ability to influence us through the value of their story. Only peopleare sophisticated enough do they know what should be admitted and what shouldbe ignored.

Second, young people are definedas people who are not mature. From this aspect, young people are susceptible tobehavior and words from others including actors of movies and of television.Though content of movies and of television are limited by organization, theystill contain some uncommon value and dangerous behavior in order to match needof atmosphere of story.  

Lacking of social experience,young people was supposed not to watch movies and television alone. Because nomatter how many validate information the movies and television have, they werecreated to gain money from people. In result, what to show primarily hinge onmajority people's desire. For instance, so many movies and television aresaturated with excessive violate and pornographic content. If young people viewthem too much, they obviously will change young people behave into bad side.Maybe someday in the future, young people would violate others only for thesake of a sense of fulfillment.

On the basis of the abovediscussion, I think movies and television have more negative influences thanpositive influences. As a result, parents should well-advised to constrain thetime and style of movies and television which young people see. Typically, iftime is sufficient, parents could watch with young people together so that ableto give aid for them to judge.

光年

红色是笔误，黄色是有问题的地方 ， 阴影是亮点。
In this day and age, it is hard to overstate significanceof movies and television to people's daily life. Some people even enjoythemselves in watching movies and television for hours without stop. Granted,movies and television have various positive impacts on people. Movies andtelevision is, however, not so suitable for young people for the reason thatyoung people are not sophisticated enough todistinguish right from wrong.


First, it is wide accepted that making people feelrelaxed is main driving force behind maker(makers) of moviesand of television. To achieve the key goal, the makers of these two kinds ofprogram exert themselves on the way of promotingproportion(increasing as a proportion 貌似proportion的用法比较奇怪) ofinteresting elements instead of meaningful materials. Consequently, when peoplewatch films or television shows, they mainly tend to have fun. Meanwhile, filmsand television have the ability to influence us through the value of theirstory. Only people are sophisticated enough do they know what should beadmitted and what should be ignored.

Second, young people are defined as people who arenot mature. From this aspect, young people are susceptible to behaviorand words from others including actors of movies and of television. Thoughcontent of movies and of television are limited by organization, they stillcontain some uncommon value and dangerous behavior in order to match（meet or satisfy） need of atmosphere of story.  

Lacking of social experience, young people wassupposed not to watch movies and television alone. Because no matter how many validate（这是动词） informationthe movies and television have, they were created to gain money from people. In result（有这种用法咩）, what to showprimarily hinge on majority people's desire（没谓语）. Forinstance, so many movies and television are saturated with excessive violateand pornographic content. If young people view them too much, they obviouslywill change young people behave（behavior） into bad side. Maybe someday in thefuture, young people would violate others only for the sake of a sense of fulfillment.

On the basis of the above discussion, I thinkmovies and television have more negative influences than positive influences.As a result, parents should（be） well-advised to constrainthe time and style of movies and television which young people see. Typically,if time is sufficient, parents could watch with young people together so that able to giveaid for them to judge（句子不完整）.
作者属于行文流畅卦啦~ 这是我的巨大短板。尽力表达出想表达的意思，但是自我赶脚巨不流畅，可能我想说的太复杂了。囧。。。
语句方面再高级些会更好，观点再深入些。

Lillian安

match（meet or satisfy） 嗯嗯  
In result（有这种用法咩） 没有= = As a result   大脑短路时就会……  某次综合写作还将 far from写成far more……
validate（这是动词） 嗯= = 看这个比较多 所以就……valid
what to show primarily hinge on majority people's desire（没谓语） 我想这样表达来着  what to show 主语  hinge on 谓语（这个不能做谓语么？）
parents could watch with young people together so that able to giveaid for them to judge（句子不完整）. 嗯 我也觉得有问题，估计整句都得改

语句方面再高级些会更好，观点再深入些。----嗯，两个多月没碰英语了，之前恶补的又生疏了= =；最大的问题是观点方面，我自己写的时候都不知道自己想说什么，而如果列几点的话，写着写着又发现列出来的点其实存在“相关性”……每次写完了都不敢看自己的作文，看了会发现得重写……= =|||

光年

what to show primarily hinge on majority people's desire.......嗯嗯，我断句出错鸟~ 改成hinges就好吧。hinge on是亮点撒~

Lillian安

= =  嗯 单复 惆怅……

Lillian安

In this day and age, there are some people claim that children need to grasp some knowledge on how to manage their money while only by doing this could they become financially responsible adults. Personally, I can hardly agree with this statement because following reasons.

First, it is not extensively accepted that children learn to manage their own money enable them become financially responsible adults. There is definitely no causal relationship between these two aspects. In reality, so many people have trouble in dealing with financial problem, however, they still one of men who are accountable to finance. By that I mean, people's attitude towards money do not hinge on their capability of money management. In some cases, I do not understand how to maximize efficiency of my pocket money, including purchase commodities at reasonable price.

Regardless of above logic mistake, should children start to learn to manage money at young age? Of course not. Admittedly, starting to learn at young age will render learning work readily to grasp because few people can deny that children really do a good job in grasping what has been taught though nowadays many children are treated as passive receptacles of predigested ideas which constrain their talent. However, the learning process of money management are well-advised not to start so soon as children are not sophisticated enough to deal with this case.

Lacking society experience and judgment ability, children obviously have no adequate capability to resist to various temptations around them. For instance, they could readily be lured by a wide range of entertainment and be addicted to enjoyment such as playing computer games which would waste not only money but also energy. Moreover, things could go to bad from worst and in the end, children exhaust themselves so that they cease to concentrated on learning. Therefore, it is not suitable for young people to have a try on money management.

Based on all the arguments above, children definitely should not to start to manage their money in their childhood. Only they are equipped with ability to judge, can they start to deal with their financial issue. Besides, being guided with positive value, perhaps, they can become financial responsible adults in the future.

Lillian安

刚发现Lacking是形容词，“Lacking society experience and judgment ability, children obviously have no adequate capability to resist to various temptations around them. ” 那这样应该是错误的，可是如果想用这样的句子结构， lack能换成什么呢？求解答= =另外“society experience and judgment ability” ，明白形容词修饰名词，但是确实看到不少名词接名词的，那这样有错么？还是应该换成“social experience and judgment ability”?

补充：有朋友提议换成 Due to the lack of social experience and judgment ability, …

夏雨霏霏

In this day and age, there are some people claim that children need to grasp some knowledge on how to manage their money while only by doing this could they become financially responsible adults. Personally, I can hardly agree with this statement because following reasons.

First, it is not extensively accepted that children learn to manage their own money enable them become financially responsible adults. There is definitely no causal relationship between these two aspects. In reality, so many people have trouble in dealing with financial problem, however, they still one of men who are accountable to finance. By that I mean, people's attitude towards money do not hinge on their capability of money management. In some cases, I do not understand how to maximize efficiency of my pocket money, including purchase commodities at reasonable price（这个例子没有体现出attitude 和capability的关系哈，我觉得可以不要）.

Regardless of above logic mistake, should children start to learn to manage money at young age? Of course not. Admittedly, starting to learn at young age will render learning work readily to grasp because few people can deny that children really do a good job in grasping what has been taught though nowadays many children are treated as passive receptacles of predigested ideas which constrain their talent. However, the learning process of money management are well-advised not to start so soon as children are not sophisticated enough to deal with this case.

Lacking society experience and judgment ability, children obviously have no adequate capability to resist to various temptations around them. For instance, they could readily be lured by a wide range of entertainment and be addicted to enjoyment such as playing computer games which would waste not only money but also energy. Moreover, things could go to bad from worst and in the end, children exhaust themselves so that they cease to concentrated on learning. Therefore, it is not suitable for young people to have a try on money management.

Based on all the arguments above, children definitely should not to start to manage their money in their childhood. Only they are equipped with ability to judge, can they start to deal with their financial issue. Besides, being guided with positive value, perhaps, they can become financial responsible adults in the future

我只能说你写的 太好了！

Lillian安

…………………………霏霏啊，你在说笑吧这篇作文我纠结了很久才想好思路，托福作文就是不好写啊，各种没思绪= =