我的头一篇.TWE-155,NN们帮忙改一下.

zhuzhu1973

看看能打几分?呵呵,写作一直不灵,献丑了.

One of the themes that are common to the Chinese people is about the value of the plants to china. On the question of whether it is better to consider the wheat the most important plants or to regard other kinds of plants, such as corn, bean, lettuce, etc., as the most valuable plants, some people assert that the wheat is most important to our country, while other people believe that the other kind of plants is. As a matter of fact, the issue of what is the most valuable plant to china is a complex issue. On balance, however, I tend to agree that the wheat, which is cultivated all over our country, is the most valuable to our country. My view can be greatly substantiated by the following discussions.

The main reason for my view is that the wheat is beneficial to Chinese people. It provides us the necessary food for our normal lives. We eat it from breakfast to dinner, from desert to cookie. There are a lot of food made of the wheat, for example, the noodle, the dumpling, and the bun, which are all common food in china, are all made of the wheat. Besides, the wheat can be cultivated in most lands in our country. Unlike the rice, which only can be planted in southeast and south of china, the wheat can survive all kinds of the environment, so that even the most severe areas, such as the Sinkiang province can cultivate the wheat and supply the food to its people. Last but not least, the wheat plays a pivotal role in Chinese export trade, because the wheat is one of the most important items to be exported to other countries.

Apart from its benefit to Chinese people, another reason for my view is that the wheat is good for the animal too, especially for domestic animals in our country. For instance, Cow eats the leaves and stems of the wheat as its food. Even more, people will use the stems and leaves of the wheat to fill domestic animal’s barns. It means the wheat is not only useful to Chinese people, but also it is beneficial to Chinese cattle.

Admittedly, it is true that other plants, such as corn, bean, lettuce, etc., are important to our country too, after all they also can provide our food, vegetables, or flowers to us. However, considered that China is still a developing country and to provide enough food to our people is the overwhelmingly important issue to our country, even more, considered that wheat is the most widely cultivated plant to provide our food, wheat is most important plants to our country.

In sum, although other plants may have some kinds of importance to our country, in the light of the above discussion, it can be safely said that the wheat plays the most pivotal role to our country, comparing with other kinds of plants. Moreover, our country should plant more wheat all over the country, in order to ultimately solve our food problem for either people or domestic animals.

likui

One of the themes that are common to the Chinese people is about the value of the plants to china.

(The issue of the value of the plants to china is common to the Chinese.)

On the question of whether it is better to consider wheat the most important plants or to regard other kinds of plants, such as corn, bean, lettuce, etc., as the most valuable plants,some people assert that wheat is most important to our country, while other people believe that the other kind of plants is. 【这个句子太长不清晰】

（As to whether it is better to consider wheat the most important plant comparing with other plants, such as corn, bean and lettuce, different people have different answers. Some assert that wheat is most important to our country, while others do not believe so.）

As a matter of fact, the issue of what is the most valuable plant to china is a complex issue. On balance, however, I tend to agree that the wheat（同下皆改）, which is cultivated all over our country, is the most valuable to our country. My view can be greatly substantiated by the following discussions.

The main reason for my view is that wheat is beneficial to Chinese people. It provides us (with) the necessary food for our normal lives. We eat it from breakfast to dinner(supper【supper 和 breakfast 对应】), from desert to cookie（dinner 【正餐 dinner 和 甜点 desert 对应】）. There are a lot of food made of wheat, for example, the noodle, the dumpling, （这个逗号不需要）and the bun, which are all common food in china, are all made of wheat. Besides, wheat can be cultivated in most lands（land 【一般不可数，表示国家可以是复数；这句话说得太假了吧，中国的地理没有这么优越的条件吧】） in our country.

Unlike the rice, which only can be planted in southeast and south of china, wheat can survive all（【all 夸张了点 many 就够说明问题了】） kinds of the environment, so that even the most severe areas, such as the Sinkiang province can cultivate wheat and supply the food to its people.（这句话冗长，且不明晰）

（Unlike rice, which can only be planted in the southeast and south of china, wheat can survive many kinds of environment, though it is planted in the most severe areas. For instance, people cultivate and harvest wheat in Xinjiang province where the environment is not comfortable for other plants to grow.）

Last but not least, wheat plays a pivotal role in Chinese export trade, because wheat is one of the most important items to be exported to other countries.（【据说中国是世界小麦进口大国；不过这些都不要紧，批作文的，不像我这样是学外贸的】）

Apart from its benefit to Chinese people, another reason for my view is that wheat is good for the animal too, especially for domestic animals in our country. For instance, Cow (Cows 【Cow是可数名词，泛指用a cow 或者cows】)eats（eat） the leaves and stems of wheat as its food. Even more, people will use the stems and leaves of wheat to fill domestic animal’s barns. It means wheat is not only useful to Chinese people, but also it is（这里你想it 指代 wheat，但是由于 it means 中it 做逻辑主语，造成指代错误；not only 和 but also 要结构相当，后接形容词短语就行了）beneficial to Chinese cattle.

Admittedly, it is true that other plants, such as corn, bean, lettuce, etc., are important to our country too, after all （because）they also can provide our food, vegetables, or flowers to us.

However, considered that China is still a developing country and to provide enough food to our people is the overwhelmingly important issue to our country, even more, considered that wheat is the most widely cultivated plant to provide our food, wheat is most important plants to our country.

（However，considering the food supplies and the ample production of wheat， we can easily come to the conclusion that wheat in most important plants to china, the developing country.）

In sum, although other plants may have some kinds of importance to our country,

(In sum, although we cannot ignore the importance of other plants from some certain aspects,) in the light of the above discussion, it can be safely said that wheat plays the most pivotal role to our country, comparing with other kinds of plants. Moreover, our country should plant more wheat all over the country, in order to ultimately solve our food problem for either people or domestic animals.

第一篇能写到这水平很厉害了，逵逵第一篇被诸位老大批得死去活来，痛不欲生；

结构不错，句子还要再斟酌，不要一味的求长；论点还要好好想想，磨刀不误砍柴功～

加油！

pengstone

KUIKUI的功力大涨 可喜可贺

pengstone

以下是引用zhuzhu1973在2004-9-6 1:04:00的发言：

看看能打几分?呵呵,写作一直不灵,献丑了.

One of the themes that are common to the Chinese people is about the value of the plants to china. On the question of whether it is better to consider the wheat the most important plants or to regard other kinds of plants, such as corn, bean, lettuce, etc., as the most valuable plants(感觉有点繁复 不如直接写 On the question of what plant is the most important to people), some people assert that the wheat is most important (vital, or significant, 等同义词的换用)to our country, while other people believe that the other kind of plants is(感觉不顺). As a matter of fact, the issue of what is the most valuable plant to china is a complex issue. On balance, however, I tend to agree that the wheat, which is cultivated all over our country, is the most valuable to our country. My view can be greatly substantiated by the following discussions.

The main reason for my view is that the wheat is beneficial to Chinese people. It provides us (provide somebody with something)the necessary food for our normal lives. We eat it from breakfast to dinner, from desert to cookie. There are a lot of food made of the wheat, for example, the noodle, the dumpling, and the bun, which are all common food in china, are all made of the wheat. Besides, the wheat can be cultivated in most lands in our country. Unlike the rice, which only can be planted in southeast and south of china, the wheat can survive all kinds of the environment, so that even the most severe areas, such as the Sinkiang province can cultivate the wheat and supply the food to its people. Last but not least, the wheat plays a pivotal role in Chinese export trade, because the wheat (it)is one of the most important items to be exported to other countries.

Apart from its benefit to Chinese people, another reason for my view is that the wheat is good for the animal too, especially for domestic animals in our country. For instance, Cow eats the leaves and stems of the wheat as its food(sth feed on sth). Even more, people will use the stems and leaves of the wheat to fill domestic animal’s barns. It means the wheat is not only useful to Chinese people, but also it is beneficial to Chinese cattle.

...

    楼主的水平很好呀  

    个人意见  学习写作的一个明显的过程 从写简单句到学会写长句复杂句 接下来就要学习句子的简洁 还要加强短语和指代词的应用

soaring

楼主不错

likui很N啊！

zhuzhu1973

谢谢谢谢...谢谢大家指正.

太N了,你们.pfpf,五体伏地我.

我错别字连篇,这篇是专门用word一字一字改过来了的,有什么好办法减少错别字么?

zhuzhu1973

谢谢帅帮帮主,俺一定多练习.