这样的作文能有多少分？牛牛帮忙改改吧

perryyu

小弟写作基础较差，要不是最近被逼无奈下要练习写作，也不会在这里献丑了。牛牛们帮忙看看，给点意见。

TWE173 agree or disagree borrowing money from friends.

Whether borrowing money from friends recently the topic has been brought into focus in my circle of my friends because two of my friend become chilly due to some money .Depending my personality , personal experience , life style ,and emotional concern, I would probably disagree the statement. In my following discussion, I would like to reason and provide evidence to support my viewpoint.

No issue is more important than this one that borrowing money from close friends may make people lose trust to each other. The reason is quite simple: after you lend money to your friend ,it is very impolite to ask your friend to give the money back to you. So it is very common to you to suspect your friend that whether he would give the money back to you on time. It frequently occurs in reality. Tom, one of my good friends, borrowed 500 dollars from me last summer and he promised to me he would give me the money back two weeks later. However, after two weeks he did not return the money and pretended nothing happened.Although he gave the money to me in the end, probably after 4 weeks, I do not trust him any more.

That asking your friend for some money would make your friend embarrassed is another chief and key reason that I choose to put here. It is no better illustration that can demonstrate the view. Do you know if your friend can afford the money? Do your know if you friend like to lend the money to you?Do your know if your friend really trust you?In my point of view,people would never think about these before they ask their friend for some money . As the sesult,  your friend is embarrassed to get a solution when you ask for some monry.The more clear you see that , the more deeply you can understand it.

Addittedly, to some extent, there is no denying (doubted) that borrowing money from friends has its own merits.Such as providing convenience and no interest compared to getting some loan from bank. However, if all the factors are contemplated, nevertheless, the disadvantages of borrowing money from friends carry more weight than that some the relative advantages.So the most outstanding (striking) conclusion is very obvious (apparent).

All in all, given the reasons mentioned above, which sometimes intertwine (interweave) to form an organic whole and hence become more persuasive, we may safely arrive at the conclusion that borrowing money from friends is not a mature and advisable decision.

[此贴子已经被作者于2004-8-22 4:39:54编辑过]

dutmcse

以下是引用perryyu在2004-8-22 4:25:00的发言：

小弟写作基础较差，要不是最近被逼无奈下要练习写作，也不会在这里献丑了。牛牛们帮忙看看，给点意见。

TWE173 agree or disagree borrowing money from friends.

Whether borrowing money from friends recently the topic(Recently,The topic, whether borrowing money from friends does harm to the relationship between the friends or not,) has been brought into focus in my circle of (-my) friends because two of my friends become chilly due to some money .Depending (+on) my personality , personal experience , life style ,and emotional concern, I would probably disagree the statement. In my following discussion, I would like to reason and provide evidence to support my viewpoint.

No issue is more important than this one that borrowing money from close friends may make people lose trust (-to) each other. The reason is quite simple: after you lend money to your friend ,it is very impolite to ask your friend to give the money back to you(it does not make sense to occidentals). So it is very common to you to suspect your friend that whether he would give the money back to you on time. It frequently occurs in reality. Tom, one of my good friends, borrowed 500 dollars from me last summer and he promised to me he would give me the money back two weeks later. However, after two weeks he did not return the money and pretended nothing happened.Although he gave the money to me in the end, probably after 4 weeks, I do not trust him any more.

That asking your friend for some money would make your friend embarrassed is another chief and key reason that I choose to put here. It is no better illustration that can demonstrate the view. Do you know if your friend can afford the money? Do your know if your friend like to lend the money to you?Do your know if your friend really trust you?In my point of view,people would never think about these before they ask their friend for some money . As (-the+a) result,  your friend is embarrassed to get a solution when you ask for some money.The more clear you see that , the more deeply you can understand it.( :0)

Admittedly, to some extent, there is no denying (doubt) that borrowing money from friends has its own merits(,s).Such as providing convenience and no interest compared to getting some loan from bank. However, if all the factors are contemplated, nevertheless, the disadvantages of borrowing money from friends carry more weight than that some the relative advantages(:?).So the most outstanding (striking) conclusion is very obvious (apparent).

All in all, given the reasons mentioned above, which sometimes intertwine (interweave) to form an organic whole and hence become more persuasive, we may safely arrive at the conclusion that borrowing money from friends is not a mature and advisable decision.

写得不错的说，不过怎么看着这么眼熟啊？哈哈，这个模板还没经过实践检验呢，呵呵。

[此贴子已经被作者于2004-8-22 5:37:48编辑过]

perryyu

这位大哥是哪里人？有机会一定好好感谢感谢。

perryyu

However, if all the factors are contemplated, nevertheless, the disadvantages of borrowing money from friends carry more weight than the some relative advantages.(我想说相比较于一些相对的好处）可以这样表达吗？

dutmcse

呵呵 中国人。 感谢啥啊，我也从中学到新的东西

legendend

Depending  on my personality , personal experience , life style ,and emotional concern,....

All in all, given the reasons mentioned above, which sometimes intertwine (interweave) to form an organic whole and hence become more persuasive,

haha~~dutmcse, 泥的魔版从此就发扬光大了啊~~~~偶也准备套这两句的说~~~(=.=b 水平有限,为了凑字数嘛~~)

dutmcse

这些句子也不是我的，呵呵。