[求助]TWE153 大家有空吗,可以帮我改一下吗

zhoushao

Topic 153. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A zoo has no useful purpose. Use specific reasons and examples to explain your answer.

It is fairly clear that there are some similarities between animals and human beings. Knowing about the adaptation of animals has given to us a lot of benefits. Accordingly a great number of counties began to pay more attention the zoos. In the light of this phenomenon, some people fear that it will cost too much money and land to build up a zoo, furthermore, argue that the zoo has no value to them. Personally, however, I disagree with this point of view. It is my firm belief that a zoo is invaluable to human beings in many aspects.

Nowadays, the modern zoo has acted as a research center to study animals. There is a great technological explosion around us, generated by mimicking the animals. For instance, echo-sounding apparatus, more in general use in ships, was based in the principle----measuring the intervals can calculate the length of objects----which is similar to some certain bats. Apparently, the importance of this point view is inevitable. The investments will make the people live better.

Another reason that cannot be ignored is that the zoo is one of the most fascinating places for people to relax and enjoy themselves. It can be seen that many groups of families and friends are walking in the zoo, especially after a whole day’s working and studying, breathing the fresh air and seeing the lovely animals. On the other hand, the zoo has provided a leisurely place for people, such as a couple of lovers, a bunch of good friends, to talk with each other. Needless to say, the zoo has played an essential role in strengthen the emotion belt between people.

Moreover, visiting zoos frequently will increase the awareness of protecting animals and nature, which are all crucial to the human being. We should live compatible with animals. Only by this way can we live better in future.

Not, after all, that there is any such absolutely perfect thing in the world. It is true that building up a zoo need a great deal of land and money. However, with a suitable planning and the supports of volunteers, I believe the things will turn around.

To sum up, the advantages of the zoo are more obvious. With no doubt, the zoo has provided a good place to study animals, relax the muscles, and communicate with others. Therefore, obviously, the value of building up a zoo is undeniable.

这篇作文是卡时做的，第三个例子没时间在详述，挺着急的，怕考试时写不完。

谢谢大家帮忙修改!!!

[此贴子已经被作者于2004-8-18 15:15:08编辑过]

marshial

MM 写得好好啊！！语言流畅，观点鲜明。

如果在考场上，能否有时间写么多？我建议开头简明扼要就可以了。

It is fairly clear that there are some similarities between animals and human beings. Knowing about the adaptation of animals has given to us a lot of benefits. Accordingly a great number of counties began to pay more attention ( to)the zoos. In the light of this phenomenon, some people fear that it will cost too much money and land (可不要）to build up a zoo, furthermore, arguing that the zoo has no value to them( considering the zoo no valuable). Personally, however, I disagree with this point of view. It is my firm belief that a zoo is invaluable to human beings in many aspects.

Nowadays, the modern zoo has acted as a research center to study animals. There is a great technological explosion around us, generated by mimicking the animals(many advances have taken place around us by mimicking animals). For instance, echo-sounding apparatus, more in general use in ships, was based in(on) the principle----measuring the intervals can calculate the length of objects----which is similar to some certain bats. Apparently, the importance of this point view is inevitable. The investments will make the people live better.

Another reason that cannot be ignored is that the zoo is one of the most fascinating places for people to relax and enjoy themselves. It can be seen that many groups of families and friends are walking in the zoo, especially after a whole day’s working and studying, breathing the fresh air and seeing the lovely animals. On the other hand, the zoo has provided a leisurely(leisure) place for people, (如果后面用such as,这里是不能出现逗号的）such as a couple of lovers, a bunch of good friends, to talk with each other. Needless to say, the zoo has played an essential role in strengthen （strenghening) the emotion belt between ( 能否考虑among)people.

Moreover, visiting zoos frequently will increase the awareness of protecting animals and nature, which are all crucial to the human being(s). We should live compatible with animals. Only by this way can we live better in future.

Not, after all, that there is any such absolutely perfect thing in the world. It is true that building up a zoo need a great deal of land and money(如果land可数的话，能否用a great deal of). However, with a suitable planning and the supports of volunteers, I believe the things will turn around.

To sum up, the advantages of the zoo are more obvious. With no doubt, the zoo has provided a good place to study animals, relax the muscles, and communicate with others. Therefore, obviously, the value of building up a zoo is undeniable.

个人意见，仅供参考！！！

[此贴子已经被作者于2004-8-18 17:04:37编辑过]

zhoushao

谢谢GG！！

那些错误都是我要好好注意的，让我担心的是怕上场没时间这篇还延时了

marshial

300字左右差不多，太长了没时间，还要留下时间检查。

[此贴子已经被作者于2004-8-18 19:55:43编辑过]

Jacqueline_xx

第三段的on the other hand前后存在转折关系吗？我怎么没看出来呢？

zhoushao

GG说的是,可是我要写的就是这么多,感觉删了之后就不踏实,例子不能少啊,要少只能少论据了

楼上的MM说的对,我写错了,应该in the meantime,谢谢你！

pengstone

祝楼主MM成功杀T

zhoushao

谢谢斑竹ＧＧ，尽力尽力！！