第一次argue100求拍

yuandefeiyi

The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
“Jazz music is extremely popular in the city of Monroe: over 100000 people attended Monroe’s annual jazz festival last summer, and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is ‘Jazz Nightly,’ which airs every weeknight. Also, a number of well-known jazz musicians own homes in Monroe. Nevertheless, the nearest jazz club is over an hour away. Given the popularity of jazz in Monroe and a recent nationwide study indicating that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1000 per year on jazz entertainment, a jazz music club in Monroe would be tremendously profitable.”

Write a response in which you examine the stated and /or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

In this application, the argument concludes that opening a jazz music club in M would be profitable. To support this conclusion, the author claim that Jazz music is popular in M by relying on the facts that (1) over 100000 people during last summer went to M's annual Jazz festival and (2) that some Jazz musicians own homes in M, and (3) the nearest Jazz club is over an hour away .However, close scrutiny of each of these evidence, reveals that each of them lends little credible support to the conclusions.
First of all, the author assumes that the number of people attended M's Jazz festival last summer would strongly indicate the popularity of Jazz music in the city of M. Yet, this assumption is unwarranted. It is entirely possible that the lower ticket's price of Jazz festival last summer attract people to attend. For that matter, perhaps many people who attended the Jazz festival are actually no interested in Jazz music. In short, without considering and ruling out other possible circumstances, I remain unconvincing that Jazz music is popular in M, let alone that opening a Jazz music club in M would be profitable.
Secondly, several Jazz musicians own homes in M do not necessarily indicate that Jazz music is popular in this region where their houses located. Perhaps these musicians only have houses here rather than live here. Even if they live in M, they might not play Jazz music because of considering that it would cause noisy of fans after playing Jazz music, while their preference of quiet living environment in M. In either event, the author could not justifiably rely on the mere fact that the homes musicians own in M to support the claim that Jazz music in M is popular.
In the third place, the author assumes that over an hour away to the nearest Jazz club results in the increasing profits of Jazz music club in M. However, absent evidence is offered to substantiate this assumption.
Perhaps the people who came to the nearest club love its service and atmosphere, despite it takes long time to there. It is equally possible that the new Jazz club in M could not attract people who live in M. Given these possible scenarios, the recommendation would no be taken seriously.
Finally, the argument assumes that consuming trend of Jazz music in M reflects the national trend. Yet no clear evidences are provided to approve this assumption. Lacking such evidence it is entirely possible that jazz fan in M spends little money per year on jazz entertainment. Thus, without more information about people's spending on jazz entertainment of M, it is unreasonable to draw any conclusions about jazz music club in M would be profitable.
In summary, the argument is unpersuasive as it stands. To solidify it, the author must provide more convincing evidence that jazz music is popular in M and that as a result opening a jazz music club would be profitable.

lukebrehm

1. in M would (will) be profitable.
2. the author claim(s) that Jazz
3. on the facts (fact) that    -for some reason if you number the facts then your not supposed to write it plural
4. over 100000 people during last summer went to M's annual Jazz festival and ----rephrase because it sounds like that many people went over the whole summer. Maybe something like this; over 100,000 people  went to M's annual Jazz festival last summer and... I know that sounds very similar to the application but its one of the few ways that it actually sounds right.
5. support to the conclusions (conclusion---singular).
6. of people >who< attended M's
7. It is entirely possible that the tickets for last summer's Jazz festival were very low and attracted a lot of people to attend.  -NOT- It is entirely possible that the lower ticket's price of Jazz festival last summer attract people to attend.        ---- Why? Because the application does NOT state that the ticket price was low, thus you have to include it as a possibility and not a fact.
8. actually no (not) interested in Jazz music.
9. I remain unconvincing (unconvinced) that
10. homes in M(,) >this< do (does) not necessarily indicate
11. their houses >are< located.
12. they might not play Jazz music considering that it would attract noisy fans after playing,  -NOT-  they might not play Jazz music because of considering that it would cause noisy of fans after playing Jazz music,
13. that musicians own home in M to support  -NOT-  that the homes musicians own in M to support
14. Thirdly,  -NOT-  In the third place,
15. despite the fact that it might take a long time to get there.  -NOT-  despite it takes long time to there.
16. would no (not) be taken seriously.
17. Finally, the argument assumes that market for Jazz music in M reflects the national market.  -NOT-  Finally, the argument assumes that consuming trend of Jazz music in M reflects the national trend.
18. Yet no clear evidences (evidence) are (is) provided
19. evidence makes it entirely possible that jazz fans in M spends little  -NOT-  evidence it is entirely possible that jazz fan in M spends little
20. entertainment in M, it is unreasonable to draw any conclusions about whether a jazz music club would be profitable in M.  -NOT-  entertainment of M, it is unreasonable to draw any conclusions about jazz music club in M would be profitable.

ONE last thing, try not to use abbreviations for instance in this case you used M for Monroe... not a good idea.

Well there is a lot to work on but I think you can do it and it really isn't all that bad for a first. Good luck

ppguo

wow! Good Job! Luke!

yuandefeiyi

Luke , thank you very much!

lukebrehm

Your welcome