长ESSAY写成流水帐了，请大侠指点逻辑

wzl36

学校需要提交1000字的ESSAY，回答background,career goal以及why this program。
写的时候想体现自己始终在为一个职业目标努力，但写完发现整篇ESSAY成了学习/工作经历的流水帐，只是比简历多了个人体会和一两个CASE介绍。不知道行文逻辑是否正确，请大侠指点！

bohrning

take it easy，大家都是从繁到简这么写过来的，不然你怎么知道哪些经历对你最重要？
不是大侠，就说说我的看法：

1. 要有醒目的顺序和段落，陈列你的bkgd, CG, why school，方便adcom们找答案。
2. 先别要求文采，多用简单句，先要求通顺、易懂。多看点别人的essay，用别人好的句子，文采自然出来了。
3. 去掉background里面与CG无关的事情。不要记流水账，最好列出最醒目的3-4个经验。essay是简历的升华，这些经历对你有什么作用？提升了你什么能力？为你CG做了什么贡献？
4. 这篇文章是你整个人的总纲，所以不需要tell story in detail，好好用这1000字的space显示who you are? 你的case如果字数太多，完全可以写在其他essay里面作为总纲的拓展。

小猫爱吃鱼

顶

JonFrank

Hey there, no…it does not sound like you are on the right track here.  I am sorry my friend!  L  You do not want to simply talk about what you’ve done—that of course is already included in the resume portion of your application.  Instead, you want to talk about what is NOT in your resume.  Not what you accomplished it, but HOW you did so.  Not what you did in each job, but why you LEFT each position.  What is the glue that binds everything together?  You need to talk about the stuff that is NOT in your resume, in your essays my friend.  I hope this makes sense—don’t just repeat what the adcom already sees in your resume!

Jon Frank
Founder PrecisionEssay

lpbird

it helps, thanks, Jon