我的TWE水平，恳请大家评评能得几分？

cocolly

Schooling and education

Headline:

1.The importance of education

2.The relationship between schooling and education

3.Draw a conclusion, a complete education system

cocolly

Education has acted and is acting an important role in social development. Taking us who attend today’s toefl examination as example, if we haven’t been educated professionally, how can we know English so well, and how can we contact with the outside people. It’s the education that make the society progress into a cultural one.

When education is mentioned, schools and teachers are the images that emerge in our brains instinctively. Yes, schooling is the most important component of education system. Generally, 80 percent of our knowledge is gained from schooling education. I really thank all my teachers and professors in primary school and college school for their kindness of teaching me so well. There are two types of school in the modern society. One is the public school which is held by the government and supported by the national tax revenue, the other is the private school which is hold by private sessions and operated as a commercial program.

Althouge schools play an most important role in the whole educational system, other types of education also take a share, such as occupation trainings, Tv-education programs etc. To form a complete nation education system, not only efforts on the expansion of schooling education are needed but also we need pay attention to other education performances. That’s helpful for the maintenance of  the health of the education system.

[此贴子已经被作者于2004-8-4 11:08:09编辑过]

enjoylife517

感觉表达能力可以。

但是题目要求是对比还是综述，好像从文章里看不出。如果是比较schooling 和 education的关系，文章看上去缺头缺尾。没有结构。这样可能有3.5分左右吧。

建议看看有关作文的资料，置顶帖中有。然后再写几篇，估计有5分的实力

cocolly

谢谢指点！！我就是苦于几乎没有时间练习！目前为止才写了不到5篇。

题目是从新东方155篇论文里面选的，它就是这样一个秃头秃脑的题目。

sibby_tang

题目是什么呢？感觉看了你的作文后，不知道你的观点是什么？

snow_mountain

以下是引用cocolly在2004-8-4 11:06:00的发言：

Education has acted and is acting an important role in social development. Taking us who attend today’s toefl examination as example, if we haven’t been educated professionally, how can we know English so well, and how can we contact with the outside people. It’s the education that make the society progress into a cultural one.

看了半天, 我估计这个题目是这样的, is formal education, just as schooling the most important part in education?  不过比较郁闷的说, 这几天一直在看作文, 好像没看到这个题目.

我的看法, MM的文采尚好, 可是逻辑却很差.  (呵呵, 可能说得重了点.)  举个例子可能比较好理解.

看一段段:  中心句应该是 Education has acted and is acting an important role in social development.  可惜下面的例子, 并没有表现, education 对社会发展有什么作用?

首先, toefl  是一种考试, 不是教育, 更不是schooling, 其目的在于测试你学到多少, 跟你的论述连不上.  

第二段也有这种情况.

不过不要紧, 你的语言功底不错.  稍微掌握一下写作思路, 很快就可以改过来的.  加油.

cocolly

是吗？谢谢指正！

主要是之前我没有看过TWE的原题，

所以以为只要能用英语表达两句就行了，

没想到，还要讲究篇章结构、语言逻辑什么的，

哎，让我再思考一下，过几天再写一篇看看。

cocolly

申辩一下：TOEFL的例子正是为了说明教育的重要性！

我要表达的意思是：

如果我们没有受到好的教育，怎么可以掌握好英语，乃至可以参加托福考试呢？

[此贴子已经被作者于2004-8-4 17:15:13编辑过]

snow_mountain

以下是引用cocolly在2004-8-4 17:14:00的发言：

申辩一下：TOEFL的例子正是为了说明教育的重要性！

我要表达的意思是：

如果我们没有受到好的教育，怎么可以掌握好英语，乃至可以参加托福考试呢？

呵呵, 可是 我们参加T考试跟social development 有什么联系呢?  建议可以加几句,  建立直接的联系. 增加点分量.  中文思路一般比较会含蓄一点, 但是英文表达就非常直接, 特别是论述文. 千万不要让读卷子的老师边看边找你的思路, 这样分数一定不会高.  要用你清晰的思路, 引导读的人.

不用看什么185的范文了, 写的大多写的英文不怎么样.

前几天pengstone 版主的一篇文章可以拿来看看的说,  思路和文采都很好.

[此贴子已经被作者于2004-8-4 22:01:59编辑过]

enjoylife517

对的对的，可以看看牛人关于作文的贴，或者到置顶的资料指南里找作文的材料看看。

加油加油！