请NN 过来帮忙看看~issue每日练习更新~

secretnaonao

The issue of whether financial gain should be the most important factor in choosing careers is a complex and controversial one. On the one hand, many people may feel that the aim they do a job is to earn as much money as possible; on the other hand, others may think that the self-esteem should be the most important factor to choose a career. However , in the final analysis, i conclude that financial gain should be one of the factor in choosing a career but not the most important one. I would like to present evidences favoring my points of view.
In the first place, according to Maslow`s hierarchy of needs, a psychology theory represented in the shape of a pyramid, with the largest and lowest levels of needs at the bottom, and the need for self-actualization at the top, all human beings have five major needs. They include physiological needs, safety and security needs, social needs, esteem and self-actualization ,which are observed from human`s innate curiosity. To my points of view, the money we gain from our job has to meet our daily demand to maintain our life. It means that we should take money into account into account when we choose a job.
In the second place, Maslow`s theory shows us that human being need to achieve our self-esteem. In most situation, it is not a payment by money. For example, social workers who help their clients to fight against the bad fate and recover from the depression are always paid not at a high level of incomes. Their dedications are not balanced to their payment of materials, however, they have a self-actualization and feel happy when they do the work. Those who only look for financial gain may not feel such kind of feeling like social workers and will be difficult to feel satisfaction of their own business.
Given the reasons discussed above, which sometimes intertwine to form an organic whole and thus become more persuasive, we may safely arrive at the conclusion that financial gain is important, however, other factors such as self-actualization, hobby are also should be taken into accountant when we choose a job.
能帮忙打个分或者指出文章中的表达错误么~~？作文水平实在不高。。。

chuRiver

不是NN，不过给个建议，发练习文时，最好写点注释，比如标明，你自己在写哪一部分的时候感觉最拿不准或者最难，原因是什么。这样大家看的时候，可以比较便捷、有针对性。一般复习到了AWA时离考试都没有几天了，大家时间应该都比较紧，所以AWA区的回答都比较少。
然后，每一段之间要有一个空行，我记得是CD还是太傻的GMAT置顶贴里提到的，因为考试软件里没有TAB功能，首行不空两格的话每段间空一行更清晰。