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处女作文,各位开批吧,谢谢!

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楼主
发表于 2009-6-10 13:49:00 | 只看该作者

处女作文,各位开批吧,谢谢!

电脑带给人们的好处多还是坏处多。

   From several years ago, my life based on internet. Every day when I got up the first thing for me to do is turn on my computer then got on the website of CNN. It is quite normal for you and your friends? But whether internet brought us more benefits or harmful are still a issue were debate by people. Some voice said our information security is threatened greatly when our information exposed under internet. Though it is true, I just received more benefits according the life i lead.

    As a young man or new generation, I am interesting on newest innovations and have a keen desire to learn about it, which are agreed by my peers. In my growth information you got was the things that you could told your friends made them sited around you, we thought it is a good way to show our competence and felt successful in this process. Result by this feeling it was the most valuable treasure for us. And in today`s society information was the most competitively elements for the company.

    Beyond the information as a significant components of a company`s assets, internet also linked the departments of a company togetherthat all the departments can share their information their ideas or their arguments in a short time. So the group can work more efficiently, the company can save cost from keeping some unnecessary parts. Not only save the cost it also improve our company`s managerial work, result by work more efficiently the managers can save more energy to make more valuable decision to enlarge the company.

    Back to our life, it is easily for us to interact with each other. Because we are no longer need to come over the problem on the way to visit. It is obviously that even lover can talk with each other with a vivid image through a screen. And it also for us to know the world better or more immediately when we got on the internet, but not waited the next day`s morning to read the news paper.

沙发
发表于 2009-6-17 19:51:00 | 只看该作者

试着帮你改了两段,楼主加油

  From several
years ago, my life 
[need a verb]based on internet. Every day when I got[present tense, repetitive mistakes] up the first thing for me to do is [to]turn on my computer then got on the website of CNN. It is quite normal for you and your friends? But whether internet
brought us more benefits or harmful
are[is] still a[n] issue were debate by people. Some voice said our information security is threatened greatly when our
information exposed under internet. Though it is true, I just received more
benefits according
[to] the life i lead.


    

    As
a young man or new generation
[not
parallel]
, I am interesting on
newest innovations and have a keen desire to learn about it, which
are [here which refers to it, so should be is] agreed by my peers. In my growth information
you got
was the things that you could told[tell] your friends made[to
make]
them sited around you,
we thought it is a good way to show our competence and
felt
        
[feel]successful in this process. Result by this
feeling it was the most valuable treasure for us. And in today`s society
information was the most competitively
elements[should be singular] for the company.

板凳
 楼主| 发表于 2009-6-18 23:57:00 | 只看该作者
超级感谢!!!!本人作文功底薄弱,以后会多加努力的~
地板
发表于 2009-7-20 15:22:00 | 只看该作者

the first thing for me to do is [to]turn on

主语部分有do表语不用加to

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