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Editor’s Comments
I have to mention that you were able to relay how important is it to an individual who is financially able to acquire studies abroad.
However, I suggest that you always include the subject of argument. This will facilitate the editor in rating your work and prevent guessing what you’re working on. Readers will likewise be benefiting from it. Likewise, the editor will be able to justify if you are off-topic or not. Failing to write the topic question will give you deductions.
Avoid loading too many ideas in a sentence. Keep one to two ideas per sentence or else you will commit run-on sentences.
For this work, I am giving you a rating of 3.
Editing Marks
Some hold the viewpoint that young children could be emotionally deprived studying abroad compared to home. Some assert that it is unwise to make the decision of attending school overseas. However, although studying domestically in some way outweighs abroad, I am convinced that studying abroad allows a broader range of possibilities for children to enhance their experiences and to be more prepared for job hunting in the future.
For one thing, moving to a new country would bring about new experiences for students. Evidently, nothing can be compared with dealing with a different culture, meeting foreign people, and even tasting delicious food there, all of which fascinate almost every young person. For example, my best friend, Amy, went to France last year. She repeatedly told me on the phone about her interesting experience there. According to her depiction, the fashionable French girls always dress themselves in black-and-white clothes rather than colorful ones. Also, most of the architectures in her city are hundreds of years old! More importantly, her French has improved a lot as well. Absolutely, the experience in a different country benefits students to be more well-informed.
In addition, it is the advanced education in foreign countries that makes students studying abroad more competitive in job hunting. Different with domestic students, students studying abroad not only keep in touch with the best fruits of scholarship all over the world, but also fully master a foreign language. In fact, over one hundred studies carried out in ten major cities in my country over the past decades have revealed that these students can achieve a high employment rate (75.2%). In contrast, those who are equipped with domestic university degrees have few job opportunities, and according to the studies above, the number has turned out to be 32.6%.
Finally, there are some problems that cannot be ignored for students to consider. For example, it is as tough as imagine for young children to manage their life without parents. Moreover, these students may spend a difficult time before they are able to communicate fluently with the native speakers. However, I believe that these problems can be solved by those talented young men.
In conclusion, attending college abroad has the advantages of enhancing the experiences and improving the ability to find a satisfying job later on in life.
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发表于 2009-3-15 13:37:00
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