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练了篇Delta作文,大家帮忙看看~

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楼主
发表于 2008-5-14 13:05:00 | 只看该作者

练了篇Delta作文,大家帮忙看看~

Delta Test 1

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Subjects such as art, music and drama should be a part of every child’s basic education.

 

 

It is a fact that a child’s basic education is an important part of his/her whole educational process. In order to be better persons and make more contribution to the society in the future, subjects such as art, music, and drama should be a part of every child’s basic education because they can build character, offer children a more enjoyable way of learning, and provide them with a much better way of entertainment and relaxation.

 

A successful person needs to have lots and lots of good qualities such as patience, perseverence and determination, and learning the subjects such as art, music, and drama builds such characters. Leonardo Da Vinci was known to have practiced drawing eggs for a long time when he tried to learn art. By doing so, he acquires the characters of patience and perseverence. Beethovon did a fantastic job in combining his strong will into his music. By learning this kind of music, children also learns to be strong-willed when they encounter difficulties. And a lot of dramas contains the rules of nature and how to be a moral person. In the process of studying them, children start to build up the characters from an early age, and this kind of education lays a solid foundation for later development.

 

Many art pieces contains the artists’ view on beauty and love. If children learn art, they will be able to understand the ideas conveyed in the pieces. This is a better education than any other ways tried by other people. For example, a mother may try to lecture her son/daughter about what is true beauty. The child might get bored and thus ignore what the mother told him/her. But if the mother has the child learn things such as art, music, and drama, the lesson will be far more vivid as such desciplines are expressed in a far more simple way, and the child will become more interested in it. In this way, the child will of course learn more quickly and happily.

 

Learning subjects such as art, music, and drama also provides children a more noble way of relaxation and entertainment. Many children nowadays are stuck to their computers, playing online games all day long, damaging their physical and mental health. If they learn art, music, or drama, maybe they will be able to draw a picture or play a tune, or simply act out a short play in their free time. This kind of activities are more healthy and helpful. Albert Einstein is a great violinist as well as a genius in sciece. He once said that playing the violin helped him to focus on science. Art, music and drama are certainly superior to online games and TV comedies and if a child learns them, he/she will benefit greatly from them in the future.

沙发
发表于 2008-5-14 16:18:00 | 只看该作者

It is a fact that a child’s basic education is an important part of his/her whole educational process. In order to be better persons and make more contribution to the society in the future, subjects such as art, music, and drama should be a part of every child’s basic education because they can build character, offer children a more enjoyable way of learning, and provide them with a much better way of entertainment and relaxation.
1. 建议人称统一,不要一会儿child/She/He,一会儿children/they

2. In order to be better persons ..., subjects should ...似乎不合理,建议注意主谓关系,改为In order to be better persons ..., children should...

A successful person needs to have lots and lots of good qualities such as patience, perseverence and determination, and learning the subjects such as art, music, and drama builds such characters(建议要么统一使用名词短语,要么统一使用动名词短语,一般格式1, 2 and 3). Leonardo Da Vinci was known to have practiced drawing eggs for a long time when he tried to learn art. By doing so, he acquireed the characters of patience and perseverence. Beethovon did a fantastic job in combining his strong will into
                with his music. By learning this kind of music, children also learns to be strong-willed when they encounter difficulties. And a lot of dramas contains the rules of nature and how to be a moral person. In the process of studying them, children start to build up the characters from an early age, and this kind of education lays a solid foundation(实在没有看到过这样的表达,是否可以考虑prepares them well) for later development.

Many art pieces contains the artists’ view on beauty and love. If children learn art, they will be able to understand the ideas conveyed in the pieces. This is a better education(似乎应该注意比较的对象This education method is better) than any other ways tried by other people. For example, a mother may try to lecture her son/daughter about what is true beauty. The child might get bored and thus ignore what the mother told him/her. But if the mother has the child learn things such as art, music, and drama, the lesson will be far more vivid as such desciplines are expressed in a far more simple way, and the child will become more interested in it. In this way, the child will of course learn it more quickly and happily.

Learning subjects such as art, music, and drama also provides children a more noble(高贵?) way of relaxation and entertainment. Many children nowadays are stuck to(有这么用法吗?)  their computers, playing online games all day long, damaging their physical and mental health(建议改成独立的句子). If they learn art, music, or drama, maybe they will be able to draw a picture or play a tune, or simply act out a short play in their free time. This kind of activities are more healthy and helpful. Albert Einstein is a great violinist as well as a genius in sciece. He once said that playing the violin helped him to focus on science. Art, music and drama are certainly superior to online games and TV comedies and if a child learns them, he/she will benefit greatly from them in the future.

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