[求助]请大虾帮忙改改作文，完整写的第一篇，3月就考了

sharkph

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents are the best teachers. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

In the recent years, more and more people believe that the parents have the most important influence on the children even much more than the teachers. I strongly support this attitude. As for me, I believe that parents play the most important role in teaching the children, and some of the things the parents teach the children will influent the children’s life-long time. The parents’ great importance in teaching the children can be influenced in many ways.

First and foremost, in most situations, the first education stage of children is always accomplished by the parents, and as everyone known, the first education stage plays the most crucial role in a child’s whole-life educate. As an old Chinese saying says, and I paraphrase, we can see a child’s final achievement just when he is 3 years old, that is to say the first stage of education is the crucial factor of a child’s whole-life. So the parents, who teach the children just after their birth, play the definitive role as a teacher.

After the children go to school when they are getting old enough, although the children may spend more time with their teachers and classmates at school, the parents can still be the good teachers. They let the children a great deal of knowledge which the students can’t study at school, and with their help, the children can make good habits not only of the study, but also of the everyday life. I still remember that when I was a young boy, my father told me that the most important thing is to be a honest man, and after experiencing so much, I finally realized the deep meaning under these simple words.

When the children grow up to adults, the parents still have a lot of things to share with their children. Their life experience is a great amount of wealth. You can’t image how wise an old man is with over 50 years’ life experience. Maybe the parents are too old to accept the newly develop things, but when comes to some problems between person, parents usually show their power of dealing with these things. If someone can learn the experience of the olds, he will surely deal with a lot of problems more easily.

The parents can’t tell us much the professional knowledge, however, as for me, they still the best teacher in a person’s whole life. They can be the most import teacher when a child is young; they can help the child to make up good habits and tell the life philosophy when the child is studying at school; the can still be good advisers and share their experience when their child is living in the society independently. In conclusion, the parents are the best teacher forever and ever.

[此贴子已经被作者于2008-2-17 20:57:38编辑过]

sharkph

谁给帮帮忙啊！谢谢了啊

baizuofu

as everyone known 这样的句子会引起老外的反感。我们学校教英语的美国外教说的

forever and ever.这个最好用 always,因为没人能活到forever,美语中forever只有在一些表达爱意的时候用作夸张手法。。。还是我们外教说的

they still the best teacher in a person’s whole life.系动词呢？

After the children go to school when they are getting old enough,貌似有语病，不过我也不确定，就是读起来不顺。。

先这些吧,另外发现你全是用的理证，没有例证啊。理证确实可以更好反映写作功底，可是比较难想，至少我想道理是要花很长时间的，30分钟肯定理证不出300字。我习惯用for example, for instance,例子可以瞎编嘛。我也是菜鸟。我的意见仅供参考

era41

感觉例子有点少 另外全文好像只是在说parents possess a large amount of experiences and consequently can influent their children on different stages.但是这点其他老师也可以吧。。。小孩也还是要上幼儿园的。。。没有说明家长相对于其他人像老师，同学的优势，也就是说没有说明best这个词。

PS:觉得这种论点绝对化的文章还是驳它要好写一点

mk_monster

1.ETS不歧视观点

2.每个老外有不同的习惯，所以外教说的一些可以借鉴，但应保留性借鉴

3.they are still the best teacher in a person’s whole life.(语法错误：缺少动词)

After the children are old enough to go to school（语法无错误，但双时间状语成分显得过于冗余，应将其结合）

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评价：1.尽管没有用到高阶的语法和词汇，但词汇的使用较为准确，语法结构较为清晰；能够准确的传达作者的观点

2.存在少量的语法错误，但不影响阅读

3.文章框架完整，结构清晰，是文章的可读性增强

4.文章说理过于苍白，如果适当增加举例，会增加更强的说服力

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分数 4（0-5）   GOOD

鉴定完毕~~