[求助]作文求拍[在21楼又有新的作文~~，马上就考了，大家帮帮忙吧，谢啦~~]

ali2006

求高手帮忙~

mk_monster

独立写作建议

1.逻辑性不强，把话总结成点，分段娓娓道来要必大段的罗列要好

2.举例！！！说理太苍白了。一段说理比不上一个例子

口语

personally,my goal of my life is TRAVELLING the world. It must be a romantic experience in my life.  I wanna travelling the world for two reasons. First, i think i can get many information of other culture. That can improve my life. Second, i would be very exciting during the trip. i'll see the animals running on the grass, and the birds flying beautiful. so, travelling the world is my goal.

粗体：加强语气

下划线： 原因发音夸张的饱满

口语的这个memo没有经过任何修饰，随想随写。考试的时候不要过于关注语法、词汇，就好像你说话一样。多花点心思在流利、语速上。

另外提醒下：速度不要过快，太快了卡了还不如慢一些。发音骚一点，有语气，好像唱歌，热尔曼语系比较将就这个，来点节奏感~

good luck

[此贴子已经被作者于2008-2-19 0:15:20编辑过]

hustar

楼上的简直是godlike

ali2006

谢谢12楼~~~第二次帮忙了吧~~谢谢~

ali2006

我少改了点8楼作文，不知行不行。这种作文不写大例子不行吗？请再帮忙看看~无尽感激啊~~

Water, as one of the most important natural resources, is facing a pressing situation. Undoubtedly, it needs to be protected and saved for its essential position and the endangered status.

In many aspects, water is crucial.
                In agriculture, water plays a vital role for irrigation. Grain, vegetable, livestock, almost all kinds of agricultural products can not survive without water. Similar situations can be found in industry. Water is indispensable in mineral refining, paper producing and so on. In the daily lives, water is also everywhere. We drink water in case of thirsty. We bathe in water and also swim in water. Water covers our working, studying and entertaining.  

  In a deeper sight, water, along with sunlight, is the basis of life. Never will the animated creatures on the earth survive without water. We breathe it sustain lives. That is the critical value of water. 

  Besides its importance, water needs to be saved also because its endangered status quo. The scarcity of freshwater resources is suffering by people in considerable countries, especially in African continent. According to the United Nations, two-thirds of the countries in the world are facing fresh water scarcity in some extent. And a good number of people have gotten diseases for drinking unclear water and for the poor sanitation. Some of them even have dead.

In addition to the scarcity, water pollution is another big problem. The industrialization and modernization processes have increased the issue, which warn people the necessity of saving clean water. 

Saving clean water for our offspring is a wise option for people. Only in this way can we let them enjoy the gift from the nature as we do.

ali2006

再有篇integrated writing

是红颜祸水9篇里的第5篇，大家帮帮忙~~（题目太大了，传不上来...这是链接，麻烦了）

http://forum.chasedream.com/dispbbs.asp?BoardID=19&ID=305286&replyID=&skin=1

 The lecture demonstrates three reasons that the charitable giving will increase in the near future, including the raising need from the old, the reforms to reduce over-paid salaries in the charity organization and the careful response to the fraud from people. All these points are contradicted to what are stated in the reading that the charitable giving will continue to decrease in the future.

  First, charitable giving may increase due to the raising number of elders and retired people whose health care can not be covered by government. This is totally different from what is said in the reading that government subsidy decreases the need, and thus diminishes the charitable giving.

 Second, reforms in charities may regain people's confidence to donate more money since these changes can reduce the over-paid salaries of people working there. This point is opposite to that these excesses can turn people off mentioned in the reading.

  Third, people's response to fraud is careful rather than stingy. Aware of fraud, donors tend to be more careful by asking for proof and document instead of just believing a telephone call, but not stop donating more money. This is also contradicted to the point in the reading that donors may be skeptical due to the frauds.

  In conclusion, the lecture undermines the points made in the reading.

[此贴子已经被作者于2008-2-19 22:13:48编辑过]

ali2006

再来篇，辛苦~~我还是很没底啊！

51. Some people believe that success in life comes from taking risks or chances. Others believe that success results from careful planning. In your opinion, what does success come from?

 In my opinion, success is related to more than one factors. For it can generally be divided into two major types. One results from following a certain routine, which asks for careful planning as well as diligent conducting. The other is due to unexpected chances, which asks for well preparation as well as the courage to make decisions.

  The first sort, required planning and conducting, is more common. Let's say that a person is normally expected to follow a certain way after birth. In other words, he/she is planned to do that by parents. First is the education part, which includes elementary school, middle school, high school and college, even more. Then the person works in certain fields maybe for all his/her life and also build a family. By conducting the plan well, such as attending a top college or getting constant promotion in works, the person may finally reach the height of success in some extent, for example retired as a chief engineer. Difference in both the planning and the conducting process can entirely change the routine. Like a person without college diploma may end as a common worker in a factory without success in conventional view.

  On the other hand, success can also achieve by taking unexpected chances or risks, which must be companied by careful preparation. A typical example can be the story of Bill Gates who follow the "routine" of success first and then turn to taking risks. Let's focus on the latter part. Bill Gates took a big risk by giving up his study in Harvard
                    College to build his own company. As we know, he succeeded in bringing the company, Microsoft, to be among the biggest worldwide. All these could not be done without his strong interests and extensive knowledge in computer, which refers to the preparation part. That is to say, the courage for taking risks, along with well preparation, is the key to success in these situations.

  In conclusion, what makes people success is varied in planed routines and unexpected situations. Generally, the combination of both can be the best choice to achieve success.

ali2006

大家帮帮忙啊~~~

mk_monster

in my opinion, your independent writing is pretty good. you state your point logically, which lets readers easier to get information from your essay. although the vocabulary and grammar in your essay is not high-level, it could clearly express the meaning.

in the writing about water, you state your examples in a poetic way, which made your essay much more rhythmic. in the writing about the way to success, you state your special point that 'both'. it's more objective, and it could bring more spaces to you to make your essay.

you also made a good job on integrate writing. but pay attention please, the information is the most important especially those in lecture. you state the information in a logical way just for easier to explain. consider to the informtion, the structure of the writing is not an importance.

finally, i would like give you 5 point to your independent writing, and the same to your integrate writing.

good luck.

ali2006

 Dear mk_monster:

谢谢谢谢~~~your suggetions help me a lot!I really appreciate them. Thanks~ and good luck to you~~~